Cashier Woes
A/N: Surprise, surprise! I'm actually alive! With the final chapter, no less! I apologize for the long delay, but life has been so busy. I've been done with it for a while, actually, but I've been putting off posting it. I rewrote it a couple of times, too. But now, it's time, and so without further ado, let's get this show on the road!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is copyright © 2017 Turnabout Writer. All rights reserved.
"Justice-Dono," a familiar voice calls out from an aisle, "you keep birdseed around here, yes?" Apollo looks up from the register to see Simon Blackquill strolling towards him. He is dressed in a black t-shirt, track pants, and sneakers, much to Apollo's surprise – it's been nearly a year since Blackquill's acquittal, but Apollo has never seen him outside of his formal attire before.
Blackquill's head is angled slightly towards Taka, so he can stroke his head fondly. "I must keep my companion here well-nourished."
"Um" – Apollo is thrown off by the hawk's presence, since he is pretty sure they have a 'No Pets Allowed' rule, but is a little scared to tell Prosecutor Blackquill, since he will have Taka attack Apollo in response – "check towards the back of the aisle on the right side. You should find some bird seed."
He nods. "Thank you," he replies simply, as he turns back the way he came.
Apollo goes back to flipping through his magazine, humming to himself quietly.
"Hey, Apollo!"
His head tilts up and sees the orange-haired girl in athletic wear. "Athena!" he greets happily, feeling his lips stretch across his face into a smile.
.
Ugh, does every cashier have to scan at least one box of these a day or is it just me?
He raises an eyebrow. "Is there something wrong with my purchases, Justice-dono?"
Apollo smirks, and crosses his arms over his chest. "Oh, no, no. It's just . . . I see you are working to master your sword after being imprisoned for so long, Prosecutor Blackquill," he jokes, resisting the urge to cackle. He does manage to let out a chuckle for a moment before choking on it in realization and terror of his words.
Fuck! Why did I say that!? He's going to unleash Taka on me for sure, now!
But Apollo's fears are unfounded, as Blackquill barks a laugh of his own. "I mastered the art of wielding my sword long ago, Justice-dono. It simply became a matter of regularly polishing the blade after my release from the clink. So, what you see now is part of my regular maintenance." He grins wickedly. "And, I do assure you, my choice of polish is quite nice."
Apollo – who at first wants to snicker – ends up grimacing at Blackquill's crude words. It is only because he sees Athena appear behind Blackquill, who has been chugging down her orange juice, widening her eyes and beginning to choke on her orange juice, the acidic beverage bouncing up and down her throat with her coughs.
"Athena!" Apollo calls out in concern, leaning over the counter to reach out to her.
Blackquill, too, immediately whips around to attend to his master's greatest treasure. "Fuck," he curses lowly. "Athena! Are you alright?" As Blackquill pats at her back, Apollo realizes this one of the rare times that he has addressed her by her name – at least, in front of him.
"Simon!" she splutters out, a harsh blush rising to her cheeks and the rest of her face – Apollo can't tell at if she's embarrassed, upset, angry, shocked, jealous, or just scandalized by his crude innuendo. She stares at him in disbelief. "Y-You can't just come out and say things like that in public! I don't know how things worked in prison, but, please, don't go telling everyone about this stuff!" Her face twists into a grimace. "You're . . . guys, I get it. You talk about this stuff with each other, but at least, for my sake, don't spew this stuff out while I'm here!"
Blackquill, though eyes alight with humor, has the decency to smile sheepishly. "My sincerest apologies, Athena." He has always called her Athena since his release, right? Apollo struggles to remember as Simon continues. "I was merely jesting. I didn't mean to upset you," he explains softy, his eyes apologetic.
She sighs. "It's okay."
"You crude, arrogant, sweet, smooth jerk!" a mechanical, but animated voice shouts loudly.
Apollo can almost swear that Athena's face grows incredibly redder. "Ah! W-Widget, shut up! Ugh, I am sorry about him," she apologizes, as she looks down at her nervously twirling thumbs.
But Blackquill's eyes twinkle with amusement. "Sweet? Thank you, but your little gadget gives a mouthful more of credit than due. The lot of what you think of me is all balderdash . . . except for the 'smooth,' I'd say." He smirks.
"Don't forget arrogant!" an angrily red-colored Widget adds, making Athena slap a palm to her forehead.
"Widget, no," she whines, clasping onto the mechanical pendant. "Please, stop. I don't want to have to turn you off." She warns him, as if he can actually understand her.
Blackquill barks a laugh, while Apollo chuckles, feeling slightly embarrassed for poor Athena. "Widget only speaks what you can't bring to your lips." He reaches into his pocket to fish out his wallet, and then, with a grumble, scours his wallet for exact change. He smacks the money onto the counter, which elicits a tsk out of Athena.
Apollo stuffs the receipt in the plastic bag and hands the bag to him. "Have a nice day, Prosecutor Blackquill."
Blackquill greets them both a farewell as well, promising Athena he'll see her tomorrow morning for their run, and cockily warning her to prepared to be outrun by him, a smug glint in his eye.
When he leaves, Apollo can't help but ask, "I know it isn't any of my business, Athena, but what was all that just about?"
She chuckles. "I've taken on the onus of reintegrating him back into society."
"Onus? Geez, Athena, you've been hanging around him too much – you're even starting to sound like him."
Athena is silent in thought for a moment before her lips twitch upward. "What a load of balderdash, Justice-dono!" Her tone imitates Blackquill's deep, growling voice – the impression is so precise that it slightly unnerves Apollo – before her face scrunches in laughter as a sweet giggle escapes her lips. "But, really, I guess I am. But anyway, I had been trying for days to get him to come for a morning run with me, but he kept refusing until I provoked him."
"Provoked him, how?"
"I asked him if he was just scared that he wouldn't be able to keep up with me," she answers cheekily. "It did the trick!" Her grin is infectious, and Apollo can't help but smile as well.
"Wow." He then laughs. "That explains his casual clothing."
There aren't any more customers in the store, so Athena hangs out by the counter and talks to Apollo for a half an hour more or so. Their discussion jumps from Blackquill to cases to what's been happening in Athena's life.
Right as Athena talks about how she argued with her landlord this morning about the rent, a young woman walks into the store slowly, with hesitance. She bites the nail of her thumb nervously as her eyes scan the store.
Apollo recognizes the familiar acolyte garb and her loopy hairstyle immediately. "Pearls!" he exclaims happily.
"O-Oh, hello, Mr. Apollo!" Pearl's eyes widen in surprise. "I didn't know you worked here!"
"Yeah!" He smiles brightly at her. "I've been working here for a while now," he cheerfully informs her.
"Oh . . . I wasn't aware," she answers back in a sheepish voice, which confuses Apollo slightly. "Trucy didn't tell me anything."
"Hey, Pearly!"
"Hi, Athena!" Pearl smiles back at her, suddenly relaxed. It makes Apollo wonder if her behavior towards him is more hesitant because of the lack of men in her village, as Mr. Wright, or if it's something else.
"Getting some stuff?"
"Um, yes." Pearl's blush is faint but visible. "I'll be right back with my purchases." She walks away, and it makes Apollo even more suspicious.
"Oh, she's such a cutie, isn't she?!" Athena squeals.
"Yeah, she is," He replies back distantly, watching Pearls headed towards the . . . the condom aisle?!
His eyes widen and he turns his head quickly towards Athena, whose equally shocked face meets his.
"Is she – "
"Did she just . . . ?"
"What the hell is Pearls doing in the condom aisle?" Apollo nearly shrieks. Is that why she was behaving so strangely? Who is she buying that condom box for anyway?! Apollo hasn't heard anything about Pearl having a boyfriend, though. Does she have a secret boyfriend or something? One thing is for certain, though, Mr. Wright (and maybe Ms. Fey) is going to go ballistic if he ever finds out about this. He is extremely overprotective of his two girls, Pearl and Trucy – hell, Apollo is overprotective of them both as well, hence, his current freak-out.
"I don't know, but this is certainly interesting to see." Athena's face is pensive, lost deep in thought.
"Interesting?!" he screeches. "Athena, I don't know how this is going to end, but if Mr. Wright finds out we're bearing witness to this, and if I scan that box of condoms and let her walk out of here with them, he's going to have my head on platter!"
"And yours, too!" a yellow Widget cries to Athena.
She rolls her eyes, even though her timid facial expressions slightly betray her cool demeanor. "Oh, Apollo, Widget, shut it. Nothing like that is going to happen. Pearly is 18. Naturally, she's going to have sex at this age. I started having sex when I was her age, too."
"W-W-W-What?!" Apollo is shocked by this information.
Athena ignores his outburst. "As long as she's informed, she'll be fine . . . though I can't imagine Miss Maya was able to inform her since she's been training in Khura'in." Her lips then twitch into a devious smile. "Hey, I'll be right back, Apollo." She scrambles away from him.
That's enough to wear him out of his shock to Athena's previous words. "H-Hey! W-Where are you going?" His voice is wary. Oh, no. What is she planning?
"You'll see."
Athena walks over to where Pearl stands, which is not very far from the register, so Apollo has a perfect view of them. When she reaches the tiny medium, she taps on her shoulder. "Pearly!" She smirks.
"Oh, Athena." A wide-eyed Pearl blushes deeply at being caught red-handed by Athena. "Have you ever . . .?" She gestures towards the condoms.
"Have I ever had sex?" Athena enquires, slowly, teasingly, a sly grin spreading across her face. "Is that what you're asking me, Pearly?" Her hands are behind her back as she leans towards Pearl.
She reddens more and nods timidly.
"Yes, I have . . . hey, it's okay, Pearly." Athena smiles encouragingly. "I don't mind talking about it, really. I've had sex before. There have been a few men, here and there." Her face then turns grave as a thought occurs to her. "Remember, Pearl, if a man ever tells you that he is clean – "
"Clean?"
"Um." Athena wracks her brain for an explanation. "Clean, as in he has no STDs, or sexually transmitted diseases. Anyway, if a man ever tells you if he's clean, Pearly, never take it for granted. Make him use a condom anyway. And when you get into a committed relationship with a man, get him tested before you decide to have sex with him without the rubber, whether it's for a baby or to have an enhanced experience without condoms."
"O-Okay," Pearl responds meekly, but then, her eyes widen in panic. "Wait, rubber!?" she whispers in shock. "Sex requires rubber!? "
Apollo resists the urge to smack a palm to his forehead. Athena needs to stop terrorizing the poor, innocent Pearl – Ms. Fey should be the one to explain all of this stuff to her when she returns from Khura'in.
"Oh, no, no! I didn't mean to scare you! Condoms are made of a rubbery latex material!" Athena informs her. "Hmm, have you ever considered going on birth control instead, Pearl? Condoms are not a hundred-percent effective as a contraception."
"Athena!" Apollo screeches in protest, scrunching his eyes shut and slapping his palms to his ears.
"Apollo, she needs to know this!" Her voice is muffled to his covered ears.
He lets his hands fall back down to rest on the counter. "C'mon! No one wants to go through with this right now, and I am sure, especially not poor Pearls!"
"But, Apollo!" she complains. "Pearly didn't know what it meant to be clean or what condoms looked like! It seems that she doesn't know much about sex, either, so isn't it sort of my duty to explain it to her?!"
"Actually, Athena – "
"Please, Pearly!" she implores.
A thought hits Apollo. "Hey, Athena," he calls out hesitantly, "have you ever considered if Pearl likes girls, instead? That would just defeat the purpose of your speech about condoms, Athena, right?" Though he feels already uncomfortable with the conversation as it is, he can't help but add in his two cents.
Athena gasps, a hand flying to hover over her mouth in surprise. "Oh, no! I didn't even think about that! I'm sorry for being so insensitive, Pearly!"
"No, no, Mr. Apollo!" Pearl squeaks out in protest, moving her hands to cover her reddened face, but peeking at him through her fingers.
Upon seeing Pearl's embarrassed face, Athena tries to reassure her. "You may only be a few months younger than me, Pearly, but you don't have to do anything until you're ready."
Pearl's shoulders slump in relief. "I don't know much about sex, besides its basic mechanics and its purposes," she whispers almost ashamedly. "So, I'm not ready for it, yet."
Athena frowns. "Pearly," she begins hesitantly, "if you're being pressurized to have sex with someone you are in a relationship with – "
An impossibly red-faced Pearl suddenly widens her eyes. "What!? Oh, no, no!" she exclaims, but then begins to drop her voice lower, almost low enough that Apollo can't hear her. "I was only here to buy a pack of pads – I-I just got my period this afternoon. I was just curious after seeing the condoms . . . "
Athena's eyes widen in shock. "What!? Ack . . . ! Pearly!" she cries, her cheeks suddenly flaming in embarrassment. "Why didn't you just tell me that before I opened my mouth!?"
Widget turns a dark indigo in shame. "She just tainted your sweet, pure soul!" his mechanical voice wails.
Pearly gasps in surprise at Widget's outburst, while Apollo bursts out into laughter. Oh, if Mr. Wright and Ms. Fey ever find out about this . . .
Athena gives Pearl a sheepish smile. "I'm so, so sorry, Pearly."
She shakes her head and then giggles. "It's quite alright, Athena!" She then comes over to the register with her basket.
"Oh, um, here are my purchases, Mr. Apollo." A pack of pads, some pain killers, a deck of cards – probably so she can learn tricks from Trucy – and a packet of purple hair ties. That explains her reaction to seeing Apollo, then. Kurain Village's lack of men must cause her to feel uncomfortable having a man scan her packet of pads.
Ah, poor Pearls, Apollo thinks pitifully. He shudders at the mere thought of thinking about menstruation, so he can't even imagine what she is going through right now. Not to mention, Athena trying to talk to Pearl about sex and condoms . . . oh, the poor thing.
He quickly adds a chocolate bar in her bag when she's scrambling to find cash. Athena seems to notice, because she grins widely and gives him a thumbs up from behind Pearl.
.
Eventually, it all becomes too much for poor Apollo. His customers become the cause of his failure in retail world. ("No matter how many times you deny it, Athena, I'm technically working in retail.")
The screeching cries of the Byrde-Gumshoe kids – the son and daughter of that perpetually unlucky mother, as he discovers later on – haunt him in his dreams, causing him to act warily around any child that enters the store. Mr. Wright comes in a few more times, too, buying more condoms – making Apollo question if he's "fucking a damn machine or a fucking damn machine" – and trying to get free, or, at the very least, discounted "grape juice" with Apollo's work "commission"; Apollo has to deny his other boss many times of having such a commission. And, most of the other customers that he is at least acquainted with have embarrassed him in some way.
Yes, a handful of Apollo's friends and acquaintances bothered him only for the first couple of times, but some of the customers – like the old bag with the toy gun who started developing a crush on Apollo, surprising him and herself, as he is nothing like the men she speaks and dreams of – were straight-up insistent and insane.
Though Apollo isn't exactly sure of the reason why his manager fired him, he thinks Mr. Handel took pity on him because of the customers he had to ring up.
Fired out of pity, Apollo thinks dryly. That will be quite a reason to give I'm asked why I was laid off.
Everyone is going to ask him what happened to his cashiering job. He has to have scanned the purchases of almost everyone he knows. The only people Apollo swears he hasn't seen come into the store are Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth and his adopted sister, the frightening Franziska von Karma and her as equally threatening whip – thank god – and, Ms. Fey (but, hell, she isn't even in the country). Yes, even Winston Payne made an appearance at one point to buy prescription hair loss treatments; it was mortifying for Apollo, but even more embarrassing for the "rookie-killer," once he realized who his cashier was behind the register.
. . . Never again will I go into retail. I'm only cut out for law.
A/N: And with that, we can finally put this little baby to rest! Thanks for reading and for all of the love, reviews, favorites, etc.! I hope you enjoyed this tiny story! I intend to publish and update more stories, so stay tuned! :)
