His hand on my face and his warmth helped calm me down. After about a minute of sitting next to him I was able to think properly. I sighed.
"Are you ready to tell me what's wrong now?" he smiled sadly.
I couldn't help but sigh again. "I don't know exactly how to put it. I guess I could say that I hate myself. I have for awhile now. I get bullied at school, I hate my reflection. I just wish I was somebody else. I-I've hurt myself." I raised my left arm to show him the scars that ran from my wrist all the way up to my shoulder. He gasped and grabbed my arm in his hand.
"Gerard, what did these kids bully you about?"
I knew it was going to end up like this. I would tell him, which would ruin the chances of us being friends, and then I was going to get bullied even more because it would get out somehow.
I sucked in a deep breath. "I'm gay, Frank."
He smiled. Why was he smiling? I was expecting him to be running from the house.
"I am too." It was just now that I realized that he was cradling me in his arms, comforting me.
"Oh." I was looking absentmindedly at his arms around my waist. He noticed me staring and began to unwrap his arms, but I shook my head. I pleaded with my eyes for him to stay by me, at least close. I guess he understood because he never left, even when I rested my head on his shoulder. At this point, I felt like I was going to disappear without him.
This probably didn't mean anything though. I mean, could it? No. It couldn't. He was only comforting me, he probably thought I was just as pathetic as the next guy and just pitied me. That's usually what happens, from past experiences.
I stopped crying completely after awhile. His shirt was soaked and he noticed when I was eyeing it. He shook his head. "Oh, that's okay." I looked away.
"Hey, Gerard?"
I almost snapped my neck from turning my head so quickly. "Yeah?"
He looked like he was going to say something important, but then thought better of it and looked in the opposite direction.
I looked away too, trying my hardest to avoid looking at him. It was harder than I imagined.
Frank finally broke the silence again. "Are you going to be okay now?"
I just had to look up at him. He looked worried, again, but he also looked like he was full of rage. Like he would hurt anyone who came near me. Huh, must be my imagination, even though that would be intensely amazing to see him fight for me. My mind traveled farther away from me, imagining Frank in armor fighting with dragons that resembled bullies. After he defeated them, he kissed me full on the lips, his cold metal piece of jewelry rubbing against my cheek. Whoa, time to hide the erection much?
Okay, back to reality Gerard. Seriously.
Personally I didn't know or even think I was going to be okay. I might as well assure him that I wasn't going to kill myself because of it, even though I had tried in the past. He didn't need to know about that though, right?
Frank shook his head with disbelief after I said I was going to be fine. His eyes reflected his concern even deeper. They were still beautiful though. Damn those eyes. Damn them to the deepest part of Hell.
My own eyes processed his features for what must've been the millionth time today. His black hair to his perfectly shaped cheekbones. His perfectly shaped cheekbones to his cute little nose. His cute little nose to his round pink lips. Oh, his lips! I pondered over what they must taste like, and with his lip ring too.
I decided it was probably best to get up, considering what was going on between my legs. Once I was up on my feet I reached out a hand to help drag him up. I didn't notice 'till now, he even had tattoos on his knuckles. That gave me more unclean and x-rated thoughts about Frank and his hands. Lovely. I glanced down to make sure my situation wasn't completely noticeable, and it wasn't that bad, thank god. Just a little bulgy.
It took me a second to notice I was still holding his hand, and then it took me another second to notice that he was still holding mine. I think it was more like we both noticed at the same time, because we both looked down at our entwined fingers. Frank looked a little embarrassed but before I could pull my hand away, he began to grin like a small child. And wow, he had dimples.
It made me feel bad, horrible more like it. Here he was this…this gorgeous boy…and I was just me. There's nothing special about me like there is Frank. Why would he date or even like me? I wouldn't even like me. Frank has these beautiful eyes, that seductively shaped mouth. And me? Not even close. Damn, it wasn't fair. He'd probably find some other guy to do the things I wanted to do to him with. When I looked at the facts, it was clear that I wouldn't have a chance.
When we just stood there staring at each other, I decided again that it was probably best to go downstairs, watch movies, eat popcorn, and pretend this had never happened.
His smile and dimples disappeared when I pulled my hand away. And was…was he…pouting?
I just had to laugh a little. "What?"
He shook his head. "Doesn't matter."
"Yes it does. C'mon, spill. I just told you my fucked up shit."
"It's just, I just met you and I don't want you to running off."
Now I was the one that was starting to pout, but I thought better of it.
"Okay. This doesn't mean I'm completely forgetting about it."
Frank smiled and shook his head, but he smiled! The smile wasn't a sad smile like I had always pulled on mom and Mikey just to leave me the hell alone. This was an okay type smile. "Okay, I guess I'll have to tell you sometime."
He glanced down at my hand like he was going to take it again. This time if he did, I was never ever going to let him let go. I guess he thought better of it and just opened my door, leading me through. The stairs seemed to drag on forever, probably because I had lost feeling in my legs when I was practically sitting in Frank's lap. No complaints there though.
I looked over at the couch and gasped at the scene. I could not believe my eyes.
What I saw was Mikey literally sitting on Ray's lap, arms around his waist and everything. Ray was returning the whole arm thing too, with one hand's fingers twisting themselves in Mikey's hair. His head was resting on Ray's shoulder, his eyes closed and breathing uneven.
When Frank and I got to the bottom of the stairs Mikey had heard us. He jumped out of Ray's arms and onto the floor, clearly embarrassed. Ray was now standing on his feet and turned around, looking at us, both their eyes grown wide with shock.
Mikey was the first to open his mouth, "Gerard I-I um…you s-we were… we were just-um, uh." He looked at Ray for help.
Ray looked embarrassed too, if not more. "Uh-Gerard…um-well…"
An awful silence had sudenly filled the room. I was the one to break it, smile wide and eyes filled with joy.
"I knew it. I fucking knew it!"
Mikey seemed at a loss for words again. "How?"
"Oh, Mikey. Do you really underestimate your big brother that much? I see the way you look at him."
He blushed a bright red and glanced towards Ray. "I just told him how I felt."
I looked from Mikey to Ray back to Mikey. "And?"
Ray cut in. "And I told him how I felt."
Frank giggled from beside me. "You guys are too cute!"
"I agree. I still can't believe I fucking knew it!"
Mikey glared, then an evil smirk crossed his face. "Don't underestimate me now, big brother. I can see how you look at-," he cleared his throat, making an awful and completely noticeable AHEM sound.
I could feel myself blushing a bright crimson red. Great, just fucking great.
HEY THAR! Okay, so review PLEASE? It gives me courage to write more. Anyway, what do you think will happen next? Please review/comment/whatever you want to call it! THANKS
