"What the fuck"

He'd really rather not be in this situation. Facing down his child self while in his rockiest place mentally. He vaguely wonders if his contract with the owls is void now (he knows it is not.)

"Hn." The glare he gets for that one should not be as satisfying as it is.

A raised eyebrow and a few Kai's later, they're seated across one another in a silent glaring contest.

He almost groans. But that would be like giving up, so he doesn't.

He's glad that the jutsu didn't pop him up in front of Madara or Touka, or heaven's forbid - Butsuma. It makes sense that it dropped him in front of himself, if only because they're in the clearing next to the lab.

He tries to ignore the fact that he's hallucinating blood and gore from the future onto it. Where he killed someone for the chance at getting someone back - where he abandoned his village and got next to nothing for it.

He knows he should probably run and hide and try to figure out how to be as unobtrusive as possible.

Has a head start really, because even through the pain and disorientation at first, he'd held in most of his own chakra and combined with the silencing wards around the clearing, no one had felt him appear, except for well- the one who saw him appear.

He can't find it in his heart to ignore himself looking so young. Wants to punch himself for his protesting heart.

He can minimize the damage, make it so the future doesn't actually change. Maybe avoid creating a time loop or getting himself stuck in an alternate dimension.

But really, the only one who could successfully do that would have to be at least part god, or at least really, really inane about every little move they make. Too bad he's the latter.

He should not be here. He should leave and become a hermit and never interact with his family or his enemies or the civilians. He could manage it.

He thinks about the Madara who betrayed the village and was killed by his best friend, thinks about Izuna who died so young, thinks about a Touka who was almost never smiling after Hashirama left, thinks about his father who hated and hated until it rot him inside out.

"Where do I begin." he starts, ignores how little him perks up at being addressed, finally, "so we become a hermit and accidentally time travel."

"Accident?"

"Trying to raise the dead has the unexpected consequence of almost killing the user, as well as flinging them in time, probably not in most cases, but we've always had rotten luck."

"You- you finished Tensei? Even after Hashirama- Is Hashirama?"

He almost snorts, "the idiot is somewhere in rain pretending to be a tree. Or will be."

"You let him? He has duties as clan head."

"And as leader of the village. It's never stopped him before." The gasp he gets from that is almost cute.

"I turn into a useless brother. A hermit, playing with time and probably given up the shinobi life for women and alcohol. Next thing you'll be telling me your in love with a Uchiha and getting along with the sloths."

"Really? You're 11, I figured out the woman thing by now, didn't I?" He does not address the sloths, and pretends he doesn't hear the love part - can't bring himself to think about it - too many emotions and never enough mental power to process them.

"Twelve. Pshht, just making sure you're not a fake. So I get lenient in my old age huh?"

His calculations were a little off, but really who could blame him.

"Less lenient, and more no longer willing to deal with melodramatic idiocracy. That, and, god forbid, we have goals outside Anija now."

"Hey! We've always had those!" a very pointed look and, "ok, ok, FINE. But what's more important."

And he really thinks about answering. About talking about the village and peace, his students and his niece, about Madara and - he can't. Not really, not now. When he knows Madara is at the other side of a river and ready to pick his family over peace - something Hashirama would never do.

When he knows that he and Izuna will fight and fight - and giving younger him any details about the war will lead to an early grave. Another child dead to a worthless war and stubborn elders and violent clan heads.

When he knows Hashirama is around the corner and still hopeful and alive. Butsuma closer. Mito in Whirlpool without a fox in her gut and the village's hatred for it - with the fox's hatred trying to eat her and control her and spread catastrophe to all it can reach.

He can't. Not like this. Not without talking to people and changing things and making sure this damn war ends early, even if he has to force Butsuma and Tajima in a get along shirt, by himself.

"You'll find out once you manage to break 5'4."

He thinks he would've managed to get an eye twitch out of that one, but instead they both turn in the same direction, and he knows that it's Hashirama, heading in to get him out of his training binge, wonders how long its been this time.

He almost feels stuck in the past, like he's his younger self trying to train hard to protect his family, even if it means being cruel and killing whoever crosses his path. Like he's his younger self trying to get Hashirama to go away and think about something more realistic than a village of multiple clans. War is all he knows at this point.

He wonders if changing things will make that all he knows ever. He almost can't find it in himself to care.

And yet, when Tobirama looks back at him, probably to tell him to hide or to henge, he finds the older him already gone.

Tobirama knows in his heart, meeting Anija now, he would not have it in him to do what he's about to do, would get sucked into his brother's pace, and would be stuck at the Senju house doing menial tasks.

It starts like this- Tobirama has no plan and multiple ideas. Knows what not to do, but can't decide on what he will do.

It starts like this- Tobirama looks at his older brother and can't find any words to give to his brother. He is dragged back to the main house to eat and to shower and to make sure he isn't getting sick. It's not rare for him to get stuck on his words and not be able to speak his mind.

Less so for his chakra to be so erratic and his face so open.

It starts like this- Tobirama leaves the Senju clan behind. And heads towards a river.

The water is cool on his frayed nerves, a balm he hadn't realized he needed. Remembers with clarity seeing a meeting by the riverside, and seeing a side to his brother he'd never seen before, would rarely see again. Madara and Hashirama - they were connected in a way he can barely comprehend.

The smiles on their faces so true and so unhidden that it didn't fit the time they were in at all. A part of him whispers to him they were born in the wrong time, in the wrong place, to the wrong families.

He pushes those thoughts away, but can't help remember his hand being forced. Because Izuna had looked at him, had seen him on the other side, and maybe if they didn't know the other was there, they could've stayed faithful to their brothers - even if they didn't exactly agree with the ill-thought out secret meetings, both of them held their brothers' happiness close to their hearts, a defining characteristic that had bridged the gap between them once before.

They don't trust each other enough for this, never this. The risk to their brothers' to great if one told and not the other, if neither told, yet one was caught in a lie. Too many possibilities, too many cruel endings.

They don't trust each other enough for this, not because of their personality or their character - although, that too was rocky- but in their skills and their control over their paranoia. Izuna has never been a good liar, and Tobirama had never been good at staying in the moment, always looking to far ahead, or too soon back, seeing a bad situation that may play out again, and never willing to risk it.

He remembers a before, a simpler time. They weren't stupid enough to outright plan secret meetings like naive Hashirama and foolish Madara, but instead their knowledge of the other comes in meetings on a mission, of acknowledgements, but no fights.

Of sitting in the same market on a break and surveying the other instead of running or attacking. Of finding the other injured and looking away, instead of taking advantage. Of whispered names, and whispered grievances. Of understanding of the other's hatred of death and love of their brothers, of a knowledge the other is the Same in all the ways that truly mattered (their status as second brothers, as backup heirs of their clans - the need to protect and fight and be better).

Of whispered fights and cutting remarks and laughter, and in between a worry and exhaustion so steep that neither could find it in them to cut the other down. Not when no one had demanded it of them, yet.

Not like anyone knew they did this either.

It ended like this - a sword in the side and betrayed eyes that hated and worried and feared everything all the same.

It happened like this - two boys too tired to fight and too wary to change. The White Demon soon to be born, as a man(his father) made to make a weapon from a human and quite nearly succeeded. With no more simple indulgent missions that had breaks and minimized conflict, Tobirama was introduced to the truth of his world(blood, death, blood, little bodies, blood - on his hands).

It happened like this - two boys fighting for the honor of their clan on a river bank with fathers that were not fathers who used and attacked children as a strategy, would rather they both die than try to protect them, all for a chance at Victory. With two older brothers deciding who they would choose - family or the bond formed by their friendship. It was the first time they weren't on the same page. No matter how hard Hashirama tried, you could not choose both without power, power he had yet to grasp.

It started like this - Red eyes met across a city, and walking towards instead of away, knowing that they were too similar and too different, tired of a war they hadn't fought in and knowing while the other understood, no one else really would. And that understanding fell away to almost nothing when they let it rot and tried to hide themselves so deep that it almost -

About brothers and foolishness and naivety, about fathers and missing mothers, about wary clans and warier hearts, about love and want, about hate and need, about killing and avenging and living and surviving.

They drifted apart and away and did not look back. Understood the duty to their clan and their self imposed duty to their brothers, so when Izuna and Tobirama met eyes after drifting apart so thoroughly, maybe they shouldn't be able to read each other so well. It didn't surprise either of them when they could.

Tobirama saw the mistrust and the fragility of not knowing whether one can lie well enough to cover this up in Izuna's eyes, and in turn Izuna saw the fear and the paranoia build in Tobirama's.

They had locked like this for a few minutes, and understanding coming between them, one neither liked - but it wasn't like their was any other way this could turn out- not without their fathers coming to investigate themselves(and wouldn't that be a just disaster, without Izuna and Tobirama to temper their brothers' idealism, the clans may lose two clan heirs).

Tobirama remembers, and drifts in the river, calmer than he's been in months surrounded by his element, the familiar location a worthy risk for this rare clear headedness. He's landed too late to change any of that, but maybe what comes after-.

He feels a chakra and almost groans. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Really why Madara is wandering so close is a mystery, especially here. It's not like each of them didn't periodically visit the river, but they usually avoid the others using their skills as much as possible.

It was considered neutral territory for too long a time, and the shinobi that gathered usually used it as a dumping place while avoiding other Shinobi they may come across. As long as they never spoke to one another, their would never be a problem.

Madara wouldn't approach him like this if he thought he were Tobirama. He probably thinks he's found a dead body or something equally as disturbing. Foolish - Tobirama was barely bleeding through his bandages, not quite enough to be anywhere near dead.

Madara approaches, and Tobirama can't find it in himself to move, to leave.

Madara stops approaching, and He's not that bad of a ninja, must have realized that something was off. Tobirama has had so many bad ideas lately, and not enough rash decisions. Things always turn out worse when Tobirama tries to think things through and then continues with what seems like logic, so he doesn't bother.

Logic never matters in a world like this, when staying calm should give you the advantage in the fight, but the opponent somehow gets stronger with their anger and love. When trying to follow the rules of an alliance or peace treaty will only turn up dead bodies in the middle of the night, instead of on the battlefield, and when relationships that should be meaningful turn out to be only physical, or when two people who could be friends, can't be because of a family name. Arbitrary, this world is so arbitrary.

So, he doesn't bother hiding the markings on his face, or his defining coloring - red and white. Doesn't think about the face he's making or what words he'll say.

Looks at Madara - and that is too much deja vu for one day.

Madara with not quite short hair, but not the long mess that had become his staple, as opposed to Hashirama's flowing river of hair. It was weird, and he looked every inch of awkward teen he was- and he was looking at Tobirama like he thinks he's just gone crazy.

Well, that was one reaction, he guesses.

And then, he opens his mouth.

"I know you're fond of the impossible, but really Tobirama, really? Couldn't think of anything better than turning yourself into an older shitbag, you don't even look that nice, 7/10. Guess you'll always stay scrawny."

He'd forgotten how much of an utter brat Madara was. Izuna had to get it from somewhere, right?

Doesn't know whether he wants to kiss that face or fold and ask for forgiveness. The annoyance is definitely still there, but this Madara is young and while not exactly striving for peace, still hopeful, still burning bright. (Knows he'd snuffed that light out again and again and again).

At his silence, Madara somehow manages to continue the unusually childish insults. He hadn't always been like this, had he? Throws away that thought, he had not known Madara at this stage, other than passing glances. Would it be worth it to reveal Izuna's eventual death?

"Hashirama must be throwing a fit, for his younger brother to survive til he's older than him, or to invent a jutsu to look like it, at least. Will you please stop inventing things, it's getting old." and Madara doesn't stop, keeps rambling on like he has all the time in the world, a fact he knows is false by approaching Uchiha signatures, "Do I fix that in the future? That stick up your ass, I'm sure I could add something much better while carving out your organs and burning you up inside out! It would be fu-"

And he really needed none of that picture, not with a teenage Madara trying to dirty talk him while also threatening to kill him - god, if only he knew.

He wishes he didn't remember Madara doing exactly that, but without the organ part, remembers Hashirama's sighs as he healed the worst of their injuries. Madara's eyes burning and burning with hatred and nostalgia for a dead brother and an emotion he couldn't make out.

Knows that in his teasings and insults and energy has picked up from Izuna, that Madara gets confused in his presence, usually tries to stay away- but gets pulled in. Knows its not healthy, with both of them missing Izuna, the glue holding them together and pulling them apart and tearing the skin and muscle from their bones, with the hatred and the guilt and the silence.

And all at once, it's too much, not with Izuna and Hikaku so close to retrieving Madara, with them not hesitating as sealed as his presence was. With the man he killed and the man who died for him so close. Can't bear to face them, and knows Madara will not let him go easily, not when they are already talking, when he is already listening, something he knows younger him avoided doing when it came to Uchiha.

It hits a string, and he can't stop himself when Madara takes a step closer, and knows he's too fast for the Madara now, even if he can read him with the Sharingan it's not fast enough to stop him when his reflexes aren't built up to what they will be.

Knows he's giving Madara valuable information on his level of capabilities in the future, on what kind of speed is possible. (can't care).

His hand meets Madara's smug-turning-surprised face, and it really should not be satisfying on a boy who had yet to do anything but kill like all Shinobi did, and steal his brother's happiness, and get him stuck on a dream the other gave him, but decided to be contrary and never fulfill. Who's future self had not let Hashirama heal Izuna (he'd thought pride wouldn't have stopped him from doing anything to save his little brother, even with Izuna telling him not to trust them(it hadn't sounded like Izuna- who had put those words there).

Who told his clan to be suspicious of a village that only wanted peace and working together for a will of fire, for the happiness of children. Who enslaved a fox and tried to kill, who broke his brother in a way that could not be fixed, who broke him and left him, and why had he ever thought something good would come of it, why had he laid out his heart and trusted - knows that he had already been broken at that point anyways, that their relationship had been a form of self-harm for both of them - that no worried family could stop them from indulging in.

It brought the end of Madara, then end of the First Hokage, and eventually the Second. Brought the end of peace - knows no nation would have dared to even risk a skirmish with them had Hashirama been present and Madara there as someone to pull out the needed power his brother avoided otherwise.

"Listen now and listen well, I am not Tobirama, and I care not for your petty games. I'm just here to let you know, the more you fight this more, the more you will lose. Izuna will die for this war and you will enable it, and peace will come and go without him. And you will be the one to go mad and destroy it. This is not a warning, it is a promise, if you don't get your act together as clan head and lead, instead of following your father's example and using."

It was more than he's said in a while, leaves him feeling raw and tired. Sees Izuna and Hikaku stopping and staring from the treeline, unwilling his eyes are drawn to Izuna's who's sharingan is activated, can't find it in himself to look away - it doesn't matter. Is surprised to realize he has no idea what's going through Izuna's head, even as Izuna cocks his head at him in understanding.

Even with Madara lying at their feet, unmoving with the sheer amount of chakra and killing intent Tobirama is using to keep him down, to make sure it is clear to him that he means every word he speaks.

He meets Izuna's eyes and his head hurts and he feels something akin to the shinigama pulling at him. So he's changed something. He expected it to do something, some indication, but nothing this painful. He clutches his head and sinks into the river, and even as he registers someone - Izuna, always Izuna- yelling his name and diving in after him.

He knows he'll never reach him, not Izuna, not Madara, not Hashirama. Wonders if peace was an unachievable dream after all. Doesn't matter that he's changed things. People will keep dying and human sin will always get in the way - pain and understanding and pride and wrong decisions, always wrong.

Feels Izuna's hands grasp him and then while trying to pull up, go through him. He's pale and the ghost joke had been made many, many times by both enemy and foe, but why, why is it actually happening, he isn't dead, hasn't gotten injured, but the pain is too great and he's falling and falling and disappearing, Izuna's grasping fingers and crying Sharingan eyes disappearing as he feels himself phase out.

So, time travel and changing things too much makes it kick him out, if it kills him in the process, well that's the fault of the time traveler. He's had his fun changing time, and now the universe is punishing him for it. At least he got to see him again.

Tobirama is going to disappear and never appear back to his brother - he thinks that is the worst. Will he go to the pure land? Closes his eyes and even through the pain and the fear of death, feels a calm settle over him, the spirit of the Nakano has always calmed him, and he pulls it around him for protection even as he shifts out of space and time and disappears.

He wakes up with two unfamiliar faces hovering over his soaking form, wonders why they feel so much like Madara and Hashirama.

He wakes up drenched like a cat and cursing the river and himself for deciding to play with time, and in the next moment realizes he doesn't regret for a second, even if time is an asshole. Wonders if what he said will be enough for an early peace, for less death and less madness. (Somehow, he knows things aren't that easy).

Looks up at two eager faces looking around his age, one's hate and anger and madness reminding him too much of Madara with his chakra only confusing him more. And the other, the other feels like a wretched version of his brother, but one who understands people more than his brother did. A Madara doppelganger- he could handle, but he'd avoided young Hashirama for a reason, a happy Hashirama with his will still burning bright, it hurts, hurts too much, when he could and would never be able to be the reason for that light and could never be the one to rekindle it when it burned too, too low.

He flinches away from that bright smile tries to get away, but he's underestimated the effect of time on his body, even the small backing away movement has him crying out, curling in on himself.

What- what has he gotten himself into?