"I'm sorry Hawke, after everything we've been through…I should be going with you," Aveline said, as we sat in the guards' hall after her shift.
"It's alright, Aveline. The guard is important to you; I can't expect you to drop it for me," I said, even though I was disappointed. With Aveline in line to be captain she couldn't leave long enough for the expedition, something I hadn't exactly counted on.
"Still, it doesn't feel right letting you go by yourself."
"It's alright, mother dear. I'm a grown-up girl now," I smirked.
She gave me that exasperated look she saved just for my jokes. "That's not what I meant, Hawke."
"I know, it's just so fun to upset you. But, to be serious I will feel a little better with you here to watch out for Bethany."I hadn't been able to feel alright about leaving Bethany behind—I was always there to watch out for her.
"So you decided she won't be going?" Aveline asked, not quite surprised.
"Yes," I replied and thought for a moment before continuing. "I just…it's too dangerous. Who knows what will be down there. I would feel better if she stayed."
"Have you discussed this with her yet?"
"No, I was waiting until tonight, after I spoke with you."
"Well, you know I'll keep an eye on her, Hawke."
"I do, thank you."
My thoughts were interrupted by a cry in the next room. I sat in the back room of Anders' clinic while he saw to a boy who was injured. I had come straight from speaking with Aveline, a long walk but I needed it. She wouldn't be heading into the Deep Roads with me and I needed to let Anders know the change of plans.
I waited, looking over what I could see of the clinic from my seat. It was small and out of the way—and much cleaner than any other part of Darktown. The door into the next room was open; I could see Anders kneeling over the boy while the father looked on worriedly. The boy had looked like he wouldn't have made it much longer without help. Apparently he had some sort of fall; he had been white as a ghost and blood had been all down his side.
The room I sat in was Anders' own quarters—quite sparse. It had one table, where I sat with three chairs around it; a bed in the far back corner with a chest at its foot; and piles of parchments, what they contained I had no idea. As I studied the room I heard footsteps coming my way. I looked over to see Anders heading my direction, looking exhausted from healing the boy. I looked past him to see the father and son walking away, the boy's hand in his father's.
"He's alright," Anders said, stopping just inside the doorway and leaning on the frame.
"He wouldn't have been without you. You do a lot of good here," I said, thinking of other people I had seen Anders help since I had met him.
"I try," he said. "But there's only so much I can do."
"Still, it's more than anyone else would think to do in this part of Kirkwall."
He smiled a little, but then changed the subject, "I'm sure this isn't what you're here about, is it?"
"Unfortunately not, although that would be nicer," I said. "Everything is just about settled for the expedition."
"I thought that's what I heard Varric say. And to think, I thought I had gotten away from the only person who could talk me into going to the Deep Roads," he said with a slight laugh. He walked to the table and pulled out a chair for himself, "Then, all the way in Kirkwall…" he said dramatically, with a grin.
"Glad I could convince you," I smiled back.
"Well, considering all your help seems to me I owe it to you."
"You don't," I stopped him. "Thank you for agreeing to go; I know you didn't have to. But, I will feel better with you along. Since you're a Grey Warden, and all," I threw in quickly.
"Not many people would say that," he said quietly. "Warden or not."
"Well, I say it. And I mean it. But, I have another favor to ask—maybe not a favor exactly. A request, I suppose."
Anders leaned back in his chair, "I'm not going to like this request very much, am I?"
"Not particularly," I answered. "Turns out Aveline can't get away from the guards after all."
"Ah," he said. "So, that means…"
"Fenris will be going. Only if you agree, I can't have the two of you killing each other down there," I tried so sound light-hearted, but it was an actual concern.
"Us? Fight? I don't know where you get these ideas, Hawke," he chuckled. "I'm already going to the Deep Roads for you, I suppose I can deal with a little unpleasant company," he sighed.
I was relieved, I half-expected an angry speech about prejudice against mages when I brought Fenris up. "Oh good, thanks Anders. That's just about everything settled then, just have to wait on the word from Varric. Now, I have to go tell Bethany," I sighed.
"She wants to go on the expedition?" he asked.
"She's afraid of being in Kirkwall alone," I answered. "Because of the templars."
I left to get home from Anders' clinic, dreading the conversation I was about to have. I opened the door, it was quite quiet. Gamlen had holed himself up in the back, mother sat reading, and Bethany was in our bedroom. Even the mabari was asleep. I walked back to Bethany; she had a torn robe across the bed to patch up.
"Hey, Beth," I said as I walked in.
"Szeren, I didn't hear you come in."
"Sorry, do you have a minute?" I asked, hoping just a bit that she would say no.
"Of course," she said, turning to me and setting aside what she was working on.
I turned for a moment and shut the door, then walked over to sit next to my sister on the bed. I looked at her for a moment as she waited for me to speak. "Look, it's about the expedition."
"Oh," she said. "Is everything about ready?" she asked.
I looked away from her, she seemed too interested. "Pretty much. But, there's something I needed to tell you, about who will be going," I looked back up at her and saw that her expression had changed to one that didn't conceal her worry. I continued, "Varric said there were supplies for myself and two others, I've asked Anders and Fenris to go."
"You mean…you're leaving me here in Kirkwall," her voice sounded hurt.
"It's for the best, Bethany. The Deep Roads are dangerous, I can't risk taking you down there," I looked her in the eye, I wanted her to know I was only doing what I thought was best.
"Risk?" she asked harshly, standing up and looking down at me. "But you don't mind risking me to the templars?" she turned back to me and glared.
"If there's anyone who knows how to stay clear of them, it's you," I tried to calm her.
She was silent. I don't know that I had seen her this made before, but I wouldn't change my mind. "We've gone through everything together, Szeren. Why are you doing this alone?"
"Because I chose this," I said frustrated, standing to my feet as well. "Trying to get on with the expedition was my idea—I can't put you at risk for it as well."
"You're not letting me make a choice, sister," she said icily. "You're telling me."
I knew she was right, but I thought I was protecting her. "I'm just doing what I feel will be best for our family. Who knows what we'll find down there."
"You know what will be here? Templars. Lots of them, Szeren. And me, by myself."
"Aveline said she would watch out for you, I know you'll be fine."
She didn't say anything else, just walked out and slammed the door in my face behind her. A later came later that night from Varric—we would be leaving in four days.
