ENOUGH SYMPATHIES
I stared up into his eyes, mesmerized as I always was. He moved his thumb across my cheek as if to wipe away an invisible tear.
"How could you not tell me? How long did you know?" I wasn't angry when I asked, but fairly calm.
"Bella…" he said with a sigh.
"Not here!" I said "Not with Charlie watching."
He opened the car door for me and once we were out of Charlie's view, Edward sped quickly towards our fantasy home.
We were silent. He reached for my hand but I was resistant.
We reached the drive in less than 2 minutes. He stopped the car abruptly.
Edward began heading toward our little cottage, but I sped quickly into Carlisle's house; specifically looking for Alice.
She found me first. "Bella!" I'm so sorry. What can I do?"
" YOU CAN TELL ME WHY YOU DIDN"T TELL ME!"
"But Bella?"
"NO! This happened late last night. Why didn't you see it."
"Alice can only see a person's set path…..their choices. Renee didn't choose to die."
I cringed at the word.
"But you must have seen it as soon as it happened." I turned to glare at Edward. "Which means you would have seen it too!"
"My love, I am so sorry. I found out early this afternoon, just after it happened, when Alice saw it. It was….."
Alice jumped in, "I saw Charlie calling you earlier. I thought it would be easier to hear from him."
I stared at my sister, distraught.
"I get it. I know. I'm sorry. I'm just so…"
Edward didn't give me time to finish. He hugged me so fiercely and kissed my lips.
"Let's go home. Nessie is waiting for us."
Edward and I walked hand in hand to our refuge. We didn't run just briskly walked. I could hear a distant howl. Jacob must have been with Nessie. I was too dismayed to care.
"Wait." I said before we walked into the house.
"I want to take Nessie to Charlie's tomorrow to tell her."
"My love, whatever you want."
"Thank you and I'm sorry about earlier."
"You have nothing to be sorry over."
**************
The drive to Charlie's was unbearable. Nessie, of course was unaware of why we were going to Grandpa's and called Jacob and had him meet us.
"Jacob, could you just wait outside with me please." Edward asked politely.
Jacob looked at Nessie, who looked at me. My expression quickly changed her mind.
"Just stay with my dad."
Telling Nessie was much easier than I thought. She of course COULD cry. Dad began his never ending stories again on my mother's life and the wild times they'd had at her age.
Nessie was always eager to listen, which pleased me.
I slipped out for a moment to check on Edward and Jacob. They were both talking casually as I stepped out. Ever since the standoff, Edward and Jacob's relationship had drastically improved. Well, except for the occasional inappropriate thought about my daughter, but nonetheless pleased me.
"Bella, I'm so sorry about your mom."
As tired as I was to continue hearing that from every member of the Cullen family and calls from Embry, Quil, and Emily, I politely thanked him.
We ended up eating dinner at dad's house. Of course, while Nessie could eat human food more willingly than Edward and I, she stilled preferred blood.
Edward and I nibbled at our plates of lasagna and with lightning speed took pinches of food and hid the evidence in our napkin; little trick I learned from Emmett. Only, he would ever so keenly mash the food under the table to create a collage of uneaten foods.
Jacob always managed to lighten the mood and told story after story and Nessie chimed in too. Edward stared at me every chance he could get to check my expression. I saw him outta the corner of my eye, but I didn't look up at him. I kept picturing the last time I'd seen Renee. My wedding day. One of the most uncomfortable and happy days of my life. I'll never forget her expression as she saw me in my wedding dress. So happy and proud. I wished I had seen her more recently, obviously. But seeing her was out of the question, I couldn't go to Jacksonville in my "condition." Aww, but I should have invited her up here. So many regrets ran through my mind. Then I suddenly realized something. What about the funeral? It was being held in Phoenix. She had mentioned once about being buried in the little cemetery down the road from our old home. It was beautiful.
"Edward, what about the funeral?"
I seemed to stop all conversation with that remark. I glanced around to find them all staring at me.
Edward replied, "I've got it all taken care of, Bella."
"Thanks again Eddy for the ticket!" Jacob beamed.
"What?"
"Well Bells, your hubby here bought all of us here a ticket to fly down to Phoenix. Bet your anxious to see the ol' place again?"
Under these circumstances…..both of them…no.
I stared at Edward. He seemed to notice my concern and just winked at me. He had a plan.
That night after Nessie had fallen asleep I asked him.
"So, what's the plan? I can't exactly go to one of the sunniest and hottest places in the country and NOT shine."
"Remember our old friend Benjamin?"
"Yes, he was a great guy, why?"
"What are his powers?
"To manipulate the elements….so?"
"Well just so happens I bought him a ticket too. He'll be here in time for our flight in about 3 hours. He'll stay up at Carlisle's till the morning."
"I'm not following you? Wait, can he make it cloudy or better yet, rainy?"
Edward smiled, "yes."
"Thank you Edward. How did you know to call him?"
"Well we've remained close in email. I asked if he would mind and he would be delighted to do this for us."
"I'm so relieved. I wish mom would have requested to be buried up here."
Of course, her memories of here are not as pleasant as mine. All she had was our home in Phoenix….and good memories.
The next morning we had an 8:00 flight into Phoenix.
Nessie was not at all pleased to get up early, nor Jacob, but as soon as she was packed and ready we made our way to the main house. Edward knocked on the door. We were greeted by none other than Ben all smiles and very chipper this morning.
"Ben! Thank you so much for coming. Where's Tia?"
"No thanks required! She's back with Amun and Kebi, wouldn't want him to flip out and think he's been abandoned."
"Well, you should get going before you miss your flight." Esme said.
As we said our goodbyes, Esme grabbed my hand. "Bella, I'm so sorry you must suffer this, but I love you sweety."
I wanted to cry, Esme was the only other mother I've ever known.
"Thank you," I whispered.
Our flight was interesting to say the least.
You can just imagine the looks we received walking on to the plane.
Charlie and Nessie were really the only two out of our bunch that looked remotely normal…. human.
Edward and I hand in hand along with Ben; the 3 of us all extremely pale and beautiful had nearly all of the passengers in awe. Unfortunately this wasn't a moment of flattery for me.
Nessie always looked beautiful, however not as pale as a true vampire, but that's not what got everyone staring. It was the 6'tall man who walked in hand in hand with her. Yes, it is safe to say we were an odd bunch, but I've never really cared what others have thought and today especially didn't peak my interest.
The plane trip seemed to last forever. If Charlie had not come along, we could have been there and back by running. I suddenly felt very restless. Edward noticed me fidget.
"Bella, we'll be there soon, only an hour and a half left."
"I know, I'm just a little on edge and….."
"My love, you are burying your mother today. I wouldn't perceive you any other way."
Just then, for the what seemed like 10th time, a flight attendant came over to check on us, or more likely Edward. He politely smiled and turned to me. Of course I wanted nothing.
She smiled sweetly to him and ignored me.
"She's very jealous of your beautiful looks. She thinks we must be supermodels."
I laughed lightly to myself at the thought of ME being a supermodel. "That would never have happened in my HUMAN life."
"When will you see yourself as I see you? My beautiful Bella."
Charlie was having a great time chatting with Ben. I was grateful for Ben's cheerful demeanor, especially today and for keeping Charlie occupied. Charlie was telling Ben about how much he hated planes, always had a fear. I used to have fears of planes, fears of a lot of things, but I knew if by some 1 in a million chance that the plane had trouble, Edward would grab Nessie, I would grab Charlie and Ben would grab Jacob and we would jump out of the plane. No more fears.
Nessie and Jacob were fast asleep. Sometimes I think Nessie sleeps as much as Jacob does.
The landing went smoothly, even though Charlie nearly had a panic attack. Ben laughed all the way down. We got off the plane and into the terminal. This brought back memories, bad memories. Most of my memories of my human life are blurry, very blurry. Strange enough though, the strongest memories, most of which of pain, were surprisingly clear. Not as clear in my new eyes as the human, but enough so the details were distressing.
It reminded me of running away from Jasper and Alice. How painful to know how close Edward was, but for my mom's safety, I risked it all, my own life. I wished I could do it again. I wished I could have saved her from that storm. I didn't know the whole story, part of me didn't want to know either.
"Bella? We're here."
I came out of my trance and saw that we were at the hotel.
The funeral was set for tomorrow morning. We settled in to our rooms for the night. I didn't think it was possible for Nessie and Jake to sleep through the night after the flight, but they found a way to.
There were two beds in our room. Nessie slept in one bed, Jacob in the floor beside her, and Edward and I lay across the second bed. Up until this moment, I had not missed sleep at all. In fact I enjoyed being conscious for every moment of my days. But this was different. Even though vampires could not be physically tired, they could be emotionally; which I was. Edward and I stared at each other, just stared. I wanted to close my eyes and for a brief moment I did. Edward stroked my face.
"Bella?" he whispered ever so quietly. So quiet in fact no human could have heard him.
I didn't open eyes, just sighed.
"Tomorrow will be fine. I love you."
The night slipped by quickly. Edward and I were up making plans with Ben before the rooster crowed.
Ben's work was already seen in the skies. Dark clouds had begun to role in. Ben and Edward ran to the sight of the funeral and were able to come back before I turned to go in the door.
We drove together in one car that Edward a rented. The color…..a very fitting black.
The casket was closed. Part of me wished to see her before she was gone forever. Even though I had not seen her since my "change," my memories of her were surprisingly clear, even as far back as my childhood. But I was also glad that my last memory of her would not be like this. I wanted so desperately to cry, even Charlie managed tears. Nessie was upset, but never had the chance to really meet her grandmother. Renee hated being called a "grandma", said she was too young, which she was. She only spoke to Nessie over the phone and saw pictures.
I'd managed to think of every single memory of my mom. So much so, Edward squeezed my hand. I looked up to find everyone leaving.
It was over. The moment I felt sure I had a lifetime to prepare for was over in the blink of an eye. For a split second I wished I could have changed her, changed everyone I loved so no one had to die. But as Rosalie had once told me, she wouldn't have chosen this path. Living forever comes at more of cost than one would think. But in a way she's free of the pain of knowing what I had become.
