Disney's Annual Meet & Greet Luncheon
"Good morning, Elena. Good to see you made it," a rabbit at the entrance greeted.
"Hi, Oswald, nice to have you back," Elena replied.
"Nice to be back. Ready to join the others?"
"Lead the way."
Elena, Crown Princess of Avalor, was received at the door by Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. The crown princess was attending an annual luncheon for all the Disney characters throughout the years. The meeting served mostly as a way to introduce new attendees while allowing regulars to catch up. The Disney management also used the opportunity to review the previous year and provide a preview of the upcoming year.
"Food service will begin shortly, but the bar is open," Oswald told the princess.
"But I'm only sixteen. I can't drink."
"Don't worry, princess, the bar only serves virgin drinks. Unless you happen to be near Captain Hook or Blackbeard's ghost. They both like to bring their own, if you know what I mean."
"That's okay, I'll stick with my Avaloran aguas frescas."
"Great! Let me show you where you'll be sitting."
Oswald directed Elena across the floor taking her by the lengthy buffet table where food was already being laid out. Among the delicacies included were foods from her native land such as tamales and burritos. Fresh salads alongside hot soups, deviled eggs and wedges of cheese were next. Seconds later the sound of crashing pots and pans erupted from the kitchen followed by the distinctive guffawing of Goofy and then the unmistakable squawking of Donald.
"Wait, is Donald the chef?"
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
"Oh, nothing," Elena said uncomfortably as a platter of Duck a l'Orange was set on the buffet. "Nothing at all."
"Oh that?" Oswald spoke up. "Don't worry, Donald just pretends its Daffy and it's all good."
"WHAT?!"
"I'm joking, Princess. That's not really duck. It's tofu."
"Oh, good. That could have been awkward."
WHOOOSH! Suddenly both were nearly bowled over by a powerful gust of wind. "What was that?" Elena exclaimed.
Oswald sighed. "I told those two to take it outside." WHOOOOSH! "Pay them no mind, princess. Vidia and Quicksilver are…" WHOOOSH! "…having a race to see who is…" WHOOOSH! "…the fastest. Come on, let's go before they…" WHOOOOSH! "…come back."
"Quicksilver? Why is he here?" Elena asked as the pair escaped the whirlwind the two contestants were starting to generate.
"Disney acquired Marvel Comics a few years ago, remember?" the rabbit informed her.
"Oh, right. Well, I can see how mixing those two was an unforeseen problem."
"Think that's bad, you should see Tinker Bell, Phineas & Ferb and Tony Stark go at it in an invention face off."
"Really? You know my sister Isabel loves to invent. Maybe I should mention it to her."
"No you shouldn't."
"Oh? How bad could it be?"
"In a word: Ultron!"
"Oooh, that was bad. Umm hmm. Very bad. Maybe I won't mention it to Isa after all."
"Good choice."
Elena continued to follow Oswald through the enormous hall, winding around large, round banquet tables covered with silk cloths, lovely flower arrangements at their center and in some cases populated with previously arrived guests. Along the way she spotted numerous familiar and less familiar Disney characters. Ariel and Eric waved at her as she walked by. She waved back, imploring them to call her when they got the chance. Elsewhere, twins Susan and Sharon were playing games with their parents… again.
Gurgi was making a beeline for the incomplete buffet as he excitedly told anyone who would listen that he liked "munchies and crunchies." At one table, the Cat from Outer Space was having a lengthy conversation with The Aristocats, while at another Basil, The Great Mouse Detective, was holding court explaining his methodology for deductive reasoning to a group held in rapt attention by his spellbinding oratory.
Elsewhere, Snow White was having a rather animated and apparently unpleasant conversation with Mary Margaret Blanchard, her counterpart from Once Upon A Time. Meanwhile, Dodger and Oliver were having a great old time chatting with Lady and the Tramp. At one table, the many familiar villainesses of Disney had gathered and were enjoying themselves swapping stories and sharing evil spells.
Across the room, Lambert the Sheepish Lion was doing sheep imitations for an amused Mustafa and his son Simba. In a rather strange sight, Indiana Jones and Marion were discussing married life with Han Solo and Princess Leia. "Those two men look so much alike, they could be twins," she observed.
"Think you're seeing double now? Wait till Tim "The Toolman" Taylor, Santa Clause and Mike Baxter get together. That's a real humdinger."
"Here is your seat, Princess," Oswald the Lucky Rabbit motioned graciously.
Elena looked over the seating arrangement. To her right was Condorman, whom Oswald mentioned didn't like being reminded that he had been almost totally forgotten since the Marvel Comics acquisition. "He's a perfectly good superhero lost in the shuffle. Or so he claims," Oswald clarified. "Awesome theme song, though. You should listen to it sometime."
"Thanks for the advice. Now who is on my left?"
"Oh, look at the time. Gotta go. Lots of work to do. Have a great…"
"WAIT!"
"Rats!"
"You can't be serious?!" Elena protested. "You're sitting me next to him? Why?"
"He's a popular guy," Oswald replied. "How can you go wrong?"
"But he wears that creepy black suit and that sound of heavy breathing he always makes, it gives me the shivers."
"It's supposed to."
"Well, can't I sit somewhere else? Maybe with Sofia or the other princesses?"
"Look, your high and mightiness. I'll lay it on the line for you. You're the new girl. That means you get to sit between these two guys. Now remember, whatever you do don't make your little friend angry. He doesn't like it when you make him angry."
"Oh, thanks for that advice!"
"Besides, it's not like you're going to sit next to him all night long," Oswald told her trying to allay her fears. "Just through lunch and the morning speeches. Then you can mingle with all the cutie pie princesses you want. Enjoy!"
"Uugh! Well, I suppose he's right. How many longwinded speeches can these guys make, anyway? I think I just answered my own question." Then Elena tried to perk herself up. "Maybe he won't show up this year. I'm sure he's a busy guy."
Sadly, her prediction was inaccurate. First Woodrow Wilkins, aka Condorman, arrived in full costume. He politely introduced himself and his wife, Natalia Rambova Wilkins. Then he fell into inconsolable sobbing at the mere sight of Spider-Man web swinging his way across the building to his assigned seating.
"There, there," she said to him. "Maybe you could join those Avenger people."
"He tried," Natalia explained. "Apparently, they already have a bird themed hero. And his suit contains a jetpack."
"Oooh. Well, you're always welcome in Avalor. We could always use someone of your caliber."
"Really?"
"Sure."
The slight smile on Woody's face turned to wide eyed fear and horror. He slid his chair away from her and closer to the next table.
"Was it something I said," Elena asked. When she turned around, she understood Woody's reaction. The other guest had arrived.
Darth Vader.
"Oh, hello, Señor Vader," she said, trying not to sound frightened out of her mind.
Darth Vader said nothing. He merely sat down and looked straight ahead, not even acknowledging the presence of anyone else in the room. His imposing dark suit and heavy breathing unsettled Elena more than she could have imagined.
Elena, though, tried gamely to win him over with her personality. "Greetings. I am Crown Princess Elena Castillo Flores of the Kingdom of Avalor." She even put out her hand to receive his.
Nothing.
"I was trapped in a magical amulet for forty one years before overthrowing an oppressive... oh, maybe I shouldn't bring that up. Um… so do you prefer Señor Vader or Señor Darth Vader or Señor Lord Vader?"
Still nothing. Just that creepy, heavy breathing of his.
"Um…, I lost my parents, but I still have my Abue… I mean grandparents, my younger sister and cousin assisting me as I rule Avalor. So…, uh…, how is your famil… ooh boy."
Vader slowly turned his head towards her. Then, in his deep, forbidding voice, spoke. "My mother lived as a slave until she died at the hands of the Sand People on my home planet of Tatooine. I murdered my wife in anger and my two children were taken from me at birth. Now they work tirelessly to overthrow the carefully managed Empire my master has created that brings order and civility to the galaxy and I am tasked with trying to stop them by any means necessary before they succeed."
Elena gulped. "…oh…" She searched hard for something, anything to say. Sadly, it was the absolute worst thing she could have blurted out. "…uh…well… have you considered therapy?" The instant those words slipped through her lips Elena face palmed with embarrassment. For a second she felt a tightness in her throat and was certain it came from Lord Vader himself.
Instead, he stood from his chair and excused himself. "Pardon me, there is someone here I recognize. Goodbye!" The Dark Lord of the Sith then turned and walked away, his black cape flowing regally behind him. Vader quickly joined Mustafa the Lion King for a brief exchange of pleasantries before he moved on to another table.
"Hey! How come he can move to another table?!" she rightfully complained. "What am I saying, I just annoyed Darth Vader enough he had to switch seats." Somehow Elena was both elated and mortified. "I annoyed someone enough to make them switch seats!" That was not an accomplishment a head of state should be proud of, even if that someone was Darth Vader, the Dark Lord of the Sith.
Elena sighed. Maybe she should just try and enjoy the remainder of the luncheon. A good meal might soothe her nerves and ego. Just then someone else sat down beside her. He was dressed from head to toe in a red and black suit. He announced himself in a very informal fashion.
"Hi, Pool's the name, Dead's my game. Get it? Deadpool? Named after a Clint Eastwood movie. How're you doing?"
Elena was taken aback by his forwardness, but tried to remain composed. "Greetings, I am Crown Princess Elena Castillo Flores of the Kingdom of Avalor."
"By the way, you do know I'm not Ryan Reynolds under this mask, right," Deadpool joked. "He just really wanted to be me so badly he did that movie. And you do know that isn't really Anakin Skywalker in that black suit. It's just some tall guy with the voice of James Earl Jones dubbed over."
Confused, Elena tilted her head and arched her eyebrows.
"Oh I love that CGI, so expressive. Glad you were done by Disney and not Filmation," Deadpool added. "You would be totally expressionless throughout each episode. Just a completely blank stare."
"Who are you and why are you bothering me?" she asked of him.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but are seeing anyone? You know, got a boyfriend? Cause I could really get into you. Like several times a week into you."
"How dare you? I'm the Crown Princess of Avalor. And I'm sixteen years old."
"You know legally you are fifty seven!"
"If you will excuse me, Señor Deadpool, I need to talk to someone. Anyone. Señor Vader, wait for me!"
Deadpool sat up, annoyed. "You do know I'm not actually a pervert, I'm just written that way?!" he yelled. "What gives? I didn't get the girl. I have got to find a better class of fan fiction writer. Or is that a lower class of fan fiction writer? I can never keep those straight."
Note: For those who may not be aware...
Oswald the Lucky Rabbit was a creation of Walt Disney and Ub Iwerks for Universal Pictures in the 1920's and 1930's. When Walt Disney separated from Universal to produce his own animation, Oswald remained as a property of Universal until 2006 when Bob Iger reclaimed the intellectual property rights in exchange for on screen personality Al Michaels to do play by play on Sunday Night Football, which is an NBC / Universal production. Since his return, Oswald has been featured in several Disney video games and had a cameo in the Mickey Mouse short Get a Horse!
Enjoy!
