GOTTA BE: Exploring the moment in the hallway between Daryl gave Carol after the council meeting in S4 E2 'Infected'.

He hated lying to her. She was the one person who had believed in him from the start. No one had even given Daryl a chance before she came along. All anybody ever saw when they looked at him was a no-good redneck with a temper problem but she saw past all that. He didn't know what made her persevere with him but he was glad she did. If it hadn't been for her he would have quit the group and struck out on his own long ago.

As apt at hunting and foraging as he was Daryl knew had he left the group he wouldn't have survived out there all alone. Her faith in his being a good man, a man of honour, helped mould him into the person he was today. Thanks to her belief in him Daryl was respected, he was valued, he was loved. He had a family that was held together by more than just blood.

No matter what he did, he could never repay Carol for giving him a chance to finally be accepted; to belong.

He owed her the truth. In a world with little left to give it was all he could offer her in return for her faith in him. Carol was the first person Daryl had ever felt the need to be completely honest with. It was a foreign feeling for him because even as a child Daryl had held a tenuous relationship with the truth. The constant questioning from teachers of how he got a black eye or busted lip were always answered with lies like he fell out of his treehouse or he got into a fight with an older kid. The truth was something that wasn't even a possibility to share. He'd had that lesson beaten into him night after night by his old man yelling repeatedly, 'You don't tell people our business, you hear me boy!'

Little Daryl Dixon had learnt that in order to survive he had to lie and lie well. The skill served him later in life whenever he was dragged into one of Merle's harebrained schemes designed to make a quick buck or he was needed to provide an alibi for the older Dixon when a cop came sniffing around.

No one wanted to hear the truth come out of a Dixon's mouth. Sure, when he was a kid social workers would ask how things were going at home, but who honestly wanted to get their hands dirty fixing a problem with the no-good Dixon clan? So Daryl never told the truth to people who asked if he was alright. He'd always just duck his eyes from theirs and nod noncommittally at the question. His response had always been enough to placate whoever was asking. No-one genuinely wanted to know if a Dixon was alright anyway.

She did though.

There wasn't much left in this shithole of world they lived in now that meant honesty was a good thing, but there was one person he never lied to: Carol. For her it was always the truth. Lying was a luxury that couldn't be afforded anymore. When he'd searched for Sophia he truly believed he would find the missing child and successfully return her to her momma. After all the pain and suffering Carol had endured in her life she didn't need anyone else hurting her with more falsehoods.

Daryl always told Carol the truth. Always. But finally the day came where he found himself falling back into the familiar routine of lying. It was scary how easily old habits reappeared after laying dormant for so long.

Carol asked him if he was alright. The woman was dealing with enough stress already and here she was asking if he was alright. The strength of the woman amazed him sometimes.

There was a moment when he almost told her the truth. The compulsion to spill his guts to Carol and tell her that after the walker attack in D block earlier and the new threat of a sickness looming over their heads, no, he was most definitely NOT alright. He knew she was genuinely concerned for his well-being. The death of Zack on the Big Spot run and Patrick that previous evening had hit Daryl harder than he cared to admit.

One look at Carol standing in that hallway, a weight too heavy to bear resting on her shoulders, he knew he couldn't tell her the truth this time. It would have been cruel to unload his problems on her. She had just dealt with putting Ryan down. She made the man a promise to watch over his two daughters. Daryl couldn't bear the thought of adding more crap to Carol's already overflowing plate. Between 'story time' for the kids and her tending to the sick, serving on the council and taking care of the food preparations, her time was spread pretty thin, and now she had the worry of looking after two little ones like they were her own on top of that.

Carol had enough shit to deal with already. She didn't need Daryl's problems piled up on top of her own. She was strong, but Daryl didn't want to test the strength of her emotional endurance. He didn't want to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Instead of the usual honesty he graced her with Daryl had made a split-second decision in that hallway when she asked if he was alright.

He lied. Lied right to her face. It was a lie of omission, but still a lie none the less. The compulsion to tell her the truth had been almost overpowering but he fought it.

He'd been so close to telling her the truth. It was second nature to him to tell her exactly what was going on his mind but this time he couldn't. He wouldn't give her more to worry about. He sucked up the truth that was on the tip of his tongue. He'd even gone so far as to bite his lip before answering her, just to make sure the truth he so desperately wanted to share with her didn't slip out by mistake. He needed a physical barrier to stop him blurting out that no, he was not okay. None of them were ok. This world they lived in now just took everything last thing from you and he was not alright with that.

He'd swallowed his pain and lied to her face, grunting an answer before giving a noncommittal 'Gotta be,' and walking away down the corridor. He couldn't run the risk of staying in that hallway a second longer. There was every chance he would break down and tell her the truth that no, he was not alright. Nothing was alright in this world now.

They were all under so much stress right now. Honesty, once the only thing he had left to give the woman who was always his biggest champion, had become the luxury he couldn't afford at that moment.

The truth was he wasn't alright. Nowhere fucking near alright but who the hell was now? The lie was all he could do to try and make her feel better. She had enough to worry about without adding him into the mix.

The lie was the only luxury he could afford for her now.

A/N: Thank you for reading this little piece. The weird facial expression Daryl have Carol when she asked if he was alright always struck me as odd so I decided to explore the meaning behind it. Ideally I started this series to explore Caryl moments, but since our girl got booted out in Ep 4 that plan of mine didn't work out too well. Thanks again for reading and I hoped you enjoyed :)