Chapter Four:
Extreme Pleasure

------------ Brawl Mansion, 10:03 AM -------------

Zero Suit Samus shedded the light blue skintight jumpsuit that, while protecting her from the extreme artic temperatures of Icicle Mountains, also pinched every square inch of her skin. It didn't make taking it off any easier, but a red bikini was better than enduring the Zero Suit blistering her skin for any longer. Being a clone of the series's main character wasn't so bad, but having to wear the increasingly painful skimpy outfits was not only an insult to her, but to women everywhere.

Tossing her Paralyzer handgun in her closet, Zero Samus unclothed and slipped into the shower, washing out the tormenting memory of her two days of imprisonment inside the jumpsuit with searing hot water that tickled in comparison.

In the adjacent room, Sonic brushed soon melting snow drift out of his quills and flipped on the television to CHAOTV, the newest program to reach the Nation's Top 10 Most Educationally Decadent Shows. He sneered, fell back onto his bed, and began to sleep. The only potentially good thing about moving into the Brawl Mansion for the upcoming Brawl was that he was miles away from Amy, Tails, Robotnik, and all the other insanity that enveloped his household. Perhaps, for once, the mansion would be quite for a day, and he would at last receive the last thing on his 2007 christmas list...a day of un-interrupted R&R.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Lucas and KingDeDeDe were having a thumb wrestling contest. It was soon interrupted as Wario came rolling down the stairs, inflated like a ballon with his belly button serving as the final line of defense for the mansion's residence.

"JUST WHAT IN KIRBY'S DEMISE HAPPENED HERE!?" Dedede shouted, smashing his hammer on the table in shock. Lucas jumped in his chair, as did the chair itself.

Pit soon came down the stairs, holding his sides in agonizing laughter.

"JUST WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE!" Dedede shouted again.

Pit, at last, sustained his laughter. He held up a half-blue, half-red pill labeled FOXHOUND with a warning mark in light print on the side, "I bet that he couldn't survive eating one of these FOXHOUND standard-issue diet food pills, and if he did, I would buy him a sports Mustang for over seven hundred dollars." Pit began to chuckle again, his tone dropping to a depressed spirit, "Guess he won.."

"E,.. g.. q...fas...Z...e..Gano.." Wario's words bounced off the interior of his voice box, none able to find their way up his throat.

"Tell me, where exactly do you intend to FIND seven hundred dollars?" Lucas asked.

"Well, my plan is to-"

SLAM! The door heaved shut. Metaknight, blood sweating off his helmet and cape, walked in and opened the refrigerator. Everyone in the room stared as he grabbbed a carton of Lon Lon Milk, heated it, and headed upstairs with his cape dressed over his hand. Clone Samus drooped downstairs, covered in an ivory bathtowel and steaming with shower water.

"Did Metaknight just come in?" she asked.

Everyone nodded, questioning it themselves, before Ike entered also, a Disney World cap on his head. His sword was fitted with numerous ornaments skewered through their centers.

"Did someone just slam the door? he asked them, receiving the same silent nod.

Diddy stepped in too, a half-finished banana in his hand.

"Did I just-"

SLAM! The door opened and slammed a second time. Mario propped himself against the doorway, his plumber clothes muddy and worn. Gasping for air, Diddy and Ike dropped under and helped him stand, blood seemed to circulate from every available vein.

They dropped him into the nearest chair, Diddy and Snake ran into the kitchen for medical supplies while Lucas checked the plumber to magically support his injuries. Mario tried to sustain his head, but surrendered in defeat as Lucas checked his scalp for bruises.

There was nothing. At least, no visible damage explanation for the plumber's extreme loss of blood.

"I can't seem to detect any..." Lucas pulled his hand back from behind Mario's neck, it looked as if paint had been smeared across his palm, "Serious...injuries..."

The boy pressed his hand to Mario's ear. Again, his hand pulled back to reveal double the amount of blood coating it. Lucas used an unknown chant spell to clean his hand and solidify the wounds, while Snake and Diddy entered with Mushrooms, antibotics, and stimulants. Snake, a master of urban combat and self-supplementation, swabbed Rubbing alcohol, a blue lotion, and dressings across his neck. Lucas depowered, the blood from Mario's ears swelled up against and ceased as the dressings blocked them. Despite what Snake admitted to be "skin-searing oxymoron" (no joking, the medicine was really called this), Mario didn't flinch. A silouhoutte holstered his closed eyelids, and whatever sat in the chair appeared dead and colorless. Even his hat seemed to drain of color.

"Is he...?" Samus bit the top of her pointer knuckle. Tears shook down her cheeks, as did most of them except for Snake.

Lucas shook his head, his eyes drooped with depression. Snake's analysis was no lighter, he lit up a cigarette and leaned away without even speaking. The entire mansion was quiet, the nerve of death tore at them. Mr. Videogame, himself, was dead...


---At The Hospital---

"Well, as it turns out, I now have an unknown form of cancer." Mario explained, the twelve others in the room hid an oversized sweatdrop behind their heads.

"Okay, re-explain this to me: You and all the old Veteran fighters were decommisioned to Hell to serve one hundred and seventeen years of endless torture, which somehow from Japan to America translated to Mario DDR, which is something that scares even the Devil himself. From there, everyone had to get a perfect score on the infinite mod, and you just so happened to escape while Satan was teaching Mewtwo how to sing Crank That Superman?"

Mario lowered his fruitcup, "Well, Yoshi got me to the Portal to Hell-"

---FLASHBACK---

"Yoshi, how could we POSSIBLY get up there?"

The Portal to Hell swished with reddened nexus energy. Flames spurted around it in unorthdox paradoxes of physiology, some even emerged from the thick, humid ar itself, sparked by some hellish magic. Jagged peaks scrambled up an invisible scarlet wall, though the possibly of attempting to climb it wasn't even contemplatable.

"Wa-Ha-wa-ha-wh--Ga-wah-wh--ag-hoo!" the green Yoshi chriped in it's own native tongue. Mario, somehow, nodded in agreement.

"You have some?" Yoshi held up a can of Redbull and chugged it.

Suddenly, a dual set of flower-like daffodils blossomed from the dinosaur's back. He squelched, the desired effect having failed.

"Let-a me try-a that." Mario chugged the red bull.

A set of dovey wings pushing upward and ascending sprung from the recess of Mario's red hat. The plumber hurtled upward, flipping unexpectedly, but regaining control as his N64 training kicked in. Yoshi squeaked for rescue.

"Im sorry Yoshi, but the cutscene flashback isn't letting me move!" Mario shrugged, watching as the flashback pulled him through Hell's Door and into a white abyss.

---FLASHBACK OVER---

"-and I can't remember what happened to him..."

"Yes you do. You left your dinosaur pet, who helped you survive the perilous terrain of Kong Island by eating most of the monsters, to suffer in hell for all eternity until eternity resets." Snake shoved the blame unto the plumber's shoulders.

Samus stepped in, "Look guys, the Smashers are trapped in Some Unknown Religion's Hell. And without a completed character roster, Brawl will be pushed back EVEN further-"

"So what? More downtime!" Wario pushed it off with a theater overtone.

"-Soooooo...If Brawl isn't released and we don't get to work, WE don't get paid!"

"Unlike you," Wario snuffed his nose, "I own a minigame company. I make MILLIONS every second! Why-" a beeping sound whirled inside Wario's pocket. He snatched out his cellphone, flipped it open and held it to his ear, "Hello?"

"Mr. Sakurai baby! Hey! You're at the factory! Great! Just put Mona or Jimmy T. on the phone and I'll get back to ya!" he did so, "Yeah, hotcakes, so what's Sakurai doing there? Wants to buy one of our games right? Hahahahah...what.?"

"..."

Wario dropped his phone.

"What is it?" asked Diddy.

Wario's lips flapped, no sound coming out. Snake analyzed this, "My FOXHOUND training included a lip-reading class."

"Well, go at it then." Lucas said.

"Well...from what I can make out..." a hand went to his chin, "Sakurai and his branch of Nintendo have bought out WarioWare Inc. for use as a Stage in Brawl. Which means in ADDITION to funding repairs for all the pre-game Brawling we'll be doing, if Brawl isn't released on time, on time, WarioWare Inc is property of Nintendo until further notice."

The whole room became silent.

"Dude...you just got kicked in the balls..." Ike taunted.

"Ike, your taunt is so gay." Pit jeered.

"This is coming from the sixteen year old wearing makeup and sporting fairy wings..." Ike retorted, exchainging homosexual insults as he, Pit, and the others left the room...

Samus remained.

"Samus?"

"No, Zero Suit Samus..." she corrected him, sitting in a chair near the bed, "I'm sorry this happened to all of you."

Mario put a hand to her chin, "Samus is all right."

Tears began to swelter from Zero Samus's eyes. Mario understood the bond they shared, like Peach and Daisy, even through genetics, the two were like sisters despite the Japanese-English name discrepancies.

"If there's anything I could do to help..."

"Kokoro no naka ni furur ame wa mada shibaraku yamisou ni nai n' da..." words fled the plumber's mouth.

Samus blinked thrice in surprise, words began to flow from her mouth as well, "Kokyuu wo tototonoete mo..."

The lights began to flicker, the likelihood of a citywide power surge. The generators would pick up the slack soon eough, though seconds became minutes. Minutes became hours. And hours became tender moments of excitement, happiness, and good will...

A blue light sparked in the darkness. A figure snickered to himself, running down the hallway with his IMAX Camera in hand.