Antonio's eyes were a really amazing shade of green.
Nathan must have noticed at some point before an evening spent making out with the guy, but the fact gained a new relevance after that. And every time the idea recurred to him, he tried to slap himself mentally. Antonio wasn't in this for a relationship - he'd wanted somebody to celebrate with, and he hadn't felt like trying to pick someone up in a bar and maybe getting shot down. That's all this was. That hug in the kitchen... whatever that was, best not to read too much into it. Maybe there was a bit of something. Traces of a crush. Nothing Antonio wouldn't get over if he tried, and Nathan suspected he was going to try.
Okay, he might be up for a couple of more rounds later on, he hadn't entirely gotten Nathan out of his system, but time would tell, Nathan decided. Maybe Antonio would be calling up within the next few days, or maybe he'd freak out and start trying to avoid Nathan at work, beyond the usual wary circling and watching of Nathan's hands. Though if he stopped doing that, that would be a pretty good indicator in exactly the right direction. I wouldn't mind, he'd said. Waiting to follow Nathan's lead. What to make of that? It hadn't been an enthusiastic "hell yes, just say when" like Nathan would have given if Antonio had asked.
Stop that, he ordered himself. He needed to stop thinking about that, and the sound of Antonio's voice and his breathing and the feel of those big hands against his skin, the rasp of stubble on his neck, the way he'd looked when they'd kissed in the parking lot. For a guy who seemed to live and die by what other people thought, he'd been surprisingly willing to go out of his comfort zone with Nathan, and Nathan needed to stop thinking about that. He had work to attend to, and he was not going to spend his commute falling for a friend when he had a conference call with the Europe office in twenty minutes.
Unfortunately, in the way of meetings, there were a lot of wasted words to sit through, and he found himself staring at his nails and, yes, thinking about Antonio. He'd been perilously close to falling for him for a while now, being honest about it. From "you're not really a girl" and the retaliatory groping campaign, they'd taken to drinking together, talking; Antonio apparently hadn't considered sexual harassment any kind of barrier, and Nathan just considered it a perk. Nathan found Antonio was a lot more relaxed when they had a private room or quiet corner. Nathan would have expected the reverse, that he'd be uncomfortable being alone with the flamboyant gay man who kept fondling him, and that intrigued him. He found out, to his surprise, that Antonio still lived on Bronze. "It's not like it's a hellhole," Antonio had said, defensively. "Trust me, I know bad neighborhoods."
"So do I, sweetie," Nathan had retorted, and they'd spent the evening talking about their childhoods.
Antonio's parents had been solid citizens, he'd said; a teacher and a nurse. "You can imagine how thrilled they were when I turned into a little hellion," Antonio said, and Nathan had laughed. He'd been a good kid, himself. The problems had all come from other people.
A few months later, he found out why Antonio had stayed on Bronze; he was trying to help a neighbor with a feral cat colony near his place. "She's kind of tiny, and they're usually not too happy about being trapped," Antonio explained. "I have a truck and I don't need to worry about scratches, so I help her get 'em to the vet. Get their shots, get them fixed, and then release 'em. They'll live a bit longer and they won't produce a bunch of kittens to run wild and starve."
"Good for you," Nathan had said, running a finger around the rim of his wine glass, wanting to just let Antonio talk.
"I wish someone could adopt 'em," Antonio had said. "Cats can get by on their own, but they're not made for it. They'll live like five years, tops, and my mom's still got the housecat we got when I was in grade school. But all except the kittens are just way too wild. If I could I'd foster some of the kittens, but I'm not home enough to socialize 'em."
Big, tough Antonio with a pile of kittens. It wasn't meant to be, apparently. Antonio didn't want to get a pet until he had plenty of time for it, and eventually he moved up to Silver Stage, bought a nice but modest four-bedroom house - "guest bedrooms for the family," he explained - and apparently ran out of surprising revelations, until he took up sewing. Nathan had been just as enchanted by that, and only too happy to accompany him to fabric stores - Antonio seemed to trust his judgment when it came to colors. Antonio breezed through them with confidence, happy to ask the saleswomen for help or advice, but knowledgable enough they didn't need to teach him the basics. It was always fun to watch them realize that for the first time; they always assumed either that Antonio was shopping for someone else, or that Nathan was the customer. If they turned to him, Nathan just feigned total ignorance, referred them to his "boyfriend" to see if Antonio would get flustered, and then sat back to watch the show.
For all the macho front he liked to put on, Antonio was clearly pretty secure in his masculinity underneath, and that was even more appealing than his derriere. Nathan had kept a close eye on himself, because he did not do unrequited love. At least, he didn't if he could help it. It was starting to look like last night might have been a huge mistake.
The meeting ended. Nathan put it out of his mind for the expected chit-chat with people on his end, but it was back as soon as he parted from the VP who'd coordinated the meeting. Hadn't he told himself he wasn't pining for Antonio? What was wrong with him today? Or possibly, what had been wrong with him yesterday, he amended. Either way.
Maybe it would pass.
Or maybe he'd find himself blushing at the sight of Antonio on the weights when he walked into the training center, and Karina, damn her, would happen to be looking at him right at that moment and make the sort of half-chuckle noise of recognition that he'd made so many times, and he'd have to scramble to regain his footing, which was a challenge since whatever they'd been talking about had fled his mind. Antonio seemed too focused on his workout to notice Nathan was there - or maybe he'd already started avoiding him - and Karina hauled him over to the seating area.
"So when did that happen?" she asked.
"Last night," he said, without thinking, and only then remembered how old she was. Not that he needed to protect her virgin ears, but it felt a bit irresponsible to be that blunt about it. "Or thereabouts. We had dinner yesterday. He was celebrating not getting fired."
"Celebrating?"
"It's a new euphemism. Think it'll catch on?"
She grinned. "It might. So are you two dating?"
"It's complicated." He sighed, a real one, not all theatrical like he'd intended, but he managed to salvage it with, "He just doesn't understand a woman's heart."
"Tell me about it," she said, and he leaped at the opening.
"Any email from Tiger?"
"Latest one was a week ago," she said. "It's like he doesn't understand there's a difference between it and snail-mail."
He nodded sympathetically, happy to sit back and listen to her. It took his mind off things. Or at least it did, until Antonio wandered by and gave him a soft smile like the one Nathan had seen across the table the night before. He continued toward the locker room, and Nathan just stared after him, his mind for once more on the smile than the way he walked.
"Clearly you've got it bad," Karina said, jerking him out of his reverie. "You want to go talk to him? Or 'talk,' I guess."
"No," Nathan said. "I mean, yes, I want to, but I haven't even started my workout."
"Your choice," she said, sound skeptical. He settled his towel around his neck and headed over for the weights. If he was considering taking advice from a seventeen-year-old, he really was in dire straits, he thought. Not that it couldn't be good advice - she'd learned from a master - but it was the principle of the thing.
Antonio's apartment hadn't actually gathered dust while he was gone - at least not so he'd notice - but it felt a bit strange to finally be back there. He'd managed to put away everything that needed to be kept cold except some butter, so it could have been worse, and he cleaned up a bit, thinking of what Nathan would think of it. That seemed kind of stupid, Nathan had been over before, but not when Antonio wanted to impress him.
They'd known each other four years. It was a little late to impress him. And a little impossible, considering what Nathan's apartment was like.
It was a quiet evening. He spent a lot more of it than he would have liked to admit thinking about Nathan. What he would have admitted to was that he was watching a baseball game on TV and hand-sewing a purse. Or a purse-like-thing, because Dragon Kid seemed to think purses were far too girly for her, but she needed something to carry stuff in sometimes. She'd asked for something like a backpack, but when he started thinking out loud about how to make sure it was strong enough, she revised her idea to something more like a messenger bag.
When his phone rang, it took him a little while to unearth it. The screen showed the flamingo he'd picked for Nathan, and he nearly dropped the phone before he managed to answer. "Busy?" Nathan asked.
"Nah, just had to find the phone. What's up?"
"Nothing's up," Nathan said. "I was just thinking about you, that's all."
"Yeah?" he asked, trying not to feel too happy. "Me too. Thinking about you, I mean."
"Anything good?" Nathan said. "On second thought, don't tell me yet if it's too good. I have to go back in soon."
"Back into what?"
"Charity dinner," Nathan sighed. "I wish you were here, but you'd hate it."
"Probably," Antonio said. "Lotta rich people... I'd embarrass you with my table manners."
"Oh, don't be silly," Nathan said. "You make it sound like you eat with your hands. You'd be fine, but you'd be bored."
"So'd you wear a dress or a tux this time?" Antonio asked.
Nathan laughed, then apparently tried to stifle it. "You are so rude. I only wore a dress that one time, to one Hero TV banquet! Never to anything like this."
"It was memorable!" Red velvet halter dress, pretty much backless. It had to have been made to order, not just because Nathan was taller than most women; the dress wasn't cut like it was designed for boobs.
"In a good way?" Nathan asked, sounding genuinely curious rather than doing his usual seductress thing.
"Y'know, it was," Antonio said after a moment's reflection. Nathan's back and shoulders on full display... and if he remembered right, the skirt had been slit up one side too. Long legs, really cut, in black silk stockings. It was Nathan all over; kind of feminine, kind of really not, and hot as hell in an extremely confusing way. He was starting to think confusing wasn't bad. And wonder why he hadn't just pounced on Nathan back then. "Didn't really think of it that way at the time, but I wouldn't mind seeing you in that thing now."
"Mm. Maybe you'll get your wish," Nathan said. "I should head back in, though. Time to schmooze."
"Just a sec," Antonio said, because that dress was on his mind right now. "Just wondering... if we were, you know, serious, would I call you my boyfriend or my girlfriend?"
Silence on the line for a second. "Which would you prefer?"
"...I dunno. It's kind of up to you, right?"
"Sweetie, did Kronos send you to sensitivity training or something? You've been telling me I was a man ever since we met."
"I pick things up slow, that's all." Or, more to the point, he'd tried something different and it had worked way too well for him to ignore the results. He wasn't dumb, just stubborn.
Nathan seemed to be thinking about something. "Was that... was that purely hypothetical?"
"I, uh." Crap. Should have expected this. "Can I get back to you on that?"
"Later," Nathan said. "I need to go back to my event." He sounded very... clipped. Brusque. Shit. He'd given the wrong answer. Very wrong answer.
"Nathan, wait!" he said, but the call was over. He tried calling back, and it went straight to voicemail, so he settled for a text: I meant I think we should talk about it in person. He'd actually panicked, and Nathan would know, but they should talk about it in person.
Halfway through a mopey and restless night, it finally occurred to him that Nathan wouldn't have gotten so upset about the evasion if he hadn't been hoping for an answer more like Of course it wasn't hypothetical, I want to get serious. So maybe it wasn't hopeless yet. Maybe. Unless he'd hurt Nathan's pride too much to make it up to him now.
He checked his phone when he woke up to find a text reading 3! Training center? That had to be good, right? The heart and all? Not that it made him any less nervous, but it was an optimistic kind of nervous.
At least, it was until Nathan didn't show up. After that it was just gloom, no nervousness involved at all. Made it even harder than usual to concentrate during meetings, not that they really needed their failed walking billboard to pay a lot of attention. Then, after about an hour, his phone beeped discreetly - some kind of a message - and he spent the rest of the time fidgeting. The last ten minutes or so were the worst, as the meeting broke up but people hung aound like they just wanted to keep talking. Many of them to him, as it turned out. "Keep working on that ranking!" at least two different men said to him, and he hoped like hell his grin looked like a real grin and not some kind of rictus.
When he finally escaped, he pulled out his phone, barely looking at the message, and called Nathan. "Listen," he began, but Nathan cut him off.
"Can we go to screens, please? Because I don't know when I'll have a chance to see you in person."
On the screen, Nathan looked tired. "You okay?" he asked, figuring any comments on appearance could go badly wrong right now.
"I've been putting out fires here since seven a.m. Sorry I missed you this afternoon."
"No, it's... you were busy. I get it. I, uh... Can I... get you anything?" He winced inwardly. Like Nathan didn't have whole offices to get him coffee and shit like that.
Nathan shook his head. "Unless you're free tonight. Late tonight."
"Yeah, I'm... assuming we don't get a hero call, I mean. What time?"
"I'll call you," Nathan said. He looked away from the screen, like he was going to hang up, then back to Antonio. "I have to ask."
"Okay?"
"If I'd asked you instead - what if I wanted a relationship - how would you have felt?"
Antonio couldn't remember the last time his heart had beat so hard it kind of hurt. "Um. Happy? But scared shitless."
"What's so scary about me?" Before Antonio could answer, Nathan looked away again. "Tell me tonight? I need to go."
He agreed. They said goodbye, the screen winked out, and Antonio leaned against the wall, his phone still in one hand, staring up at the ceiling. So much for trying to hide this and get over it. So much for Nathan letting him do that.
Karina had been right. Here he was, calling Antonio just to hear his voice or see his face, getting all upset at a perfectly natural reaction - it had been a sudden question, Nathan hadn't known how to respond at first either, so why be suprised when Antonio panicked at having it turned back on him? - and planning to duck out of a dinner party early just to see Antonio before the day was over.
Apparently, all it had taken was one dinner - well, dinner-with-intent - and a couple of orgasms between them to open the floodgates. He'd wanted Antonio for years, but he'd convinced himself the whole time it was just physical, just appreciation, no matter how close they were, no matter how well they seemed to understand each other. He should have seen this coming, really, and he was angry at himself that he hadn't. Antonio showed some interest, and suddenly he was all Nathan could think about.
He knew Antonio well enough that he should have known how it would go. Of course Antonio blurted out an evasion when Nathan raised the topic of relationships, even though he'd been the one to bring it up. Of course Antonio babbled awkwardly after that. Of course Antonio wasn't going to sweep him off his feet with smooth talk and a dozen long-stemmed red roses, and just as well, because the last guy to romance him that way had been a liar and a cheater and a terrible kisser. Fantastic in bed, but a terrible kisser. It defied explanation.
And Antonio didn't need the roses or the smooth talk, because Nathan was sitting here thinking about him during every breather he had in the day from hell.
They got a hero call at eight, and he had to call Agnes and check in. He still had his hands full with all the work he'd ignored earlier in the day while he was busy soothing an angry and very important client, so he wouldn't be on the scene, but he turned on Hero TV on his laptop and returned the bulk of his attention to his last few reports.
It was a classic Hero TV crime, an elaborate robbery involving a high-speed chase. The criminals were armed but they were only exchanging fire sporadically with the police. They got a lot of those, because Maverick used to stage them, presumably; they were perfect for TV, enough danger to keep audiences involved but without any deaths to make them feel ghoulish for watching. It was probably easy to find volunteers for them, and criminals seemed happy to cook them up on their own now. It made sense; a high-profile crime on Hero TV could open up later opportunities for them after they got out of prison, provided they hadn't wreaked enough havoc to put them away for too long a term.
On the screen, Antonio shot out of the launcher. Poor baby. It wasn't so much that it was unlikely for a guy like him to be afraid of heights - phobias could happen to anyone - but the fact he admitted it had surprised Nathan. A lot of things had, at first. At first glance, he'd taken in the jacket, the boots, and wondered what had happened to the ten-gallon hat. He'd never have expected this man to accept his invitation to dinner, a week after they met. Or to eventually admit to the big, squishy heart of gold, or the fear of heights, or to break down in tears late the night after Tiger had announced his retirement.
Nathan watched him land in the middle of the freeway, and just stand there, legs braced, while the getaway car plowed into him. They'd all been through a lot that day and night; had their minds tampered with and then put right, been beaten and imprisoned and taken Tiger for dead, and then they'd learned that powers could be lost, that the fixture who'd been a hero longer than any of them was going away, and Antonio was closer than any of them to all of this. Tiger was his best friend, not just a colleague. Blue Rose had cried on his shoulder about it all, but that hadn't been a surprise, not like Antonio sitting on the bumper of the Helios transport had been. He'd just had his jacket and jeans, and he was shivering, huddled in on himself. Nathan hadn't changed yet. He'd said something - asked what was wrong, maybe, or why Antonio hadn't gone home yet - and Antonio's face crumpled. Nathan had just held him for a long time, trying to warm him that way, and Antonio had clutched him like he could keep him from drowning.
Nathan should have realized how he felt right then, he thought.
Antonio punched an armored fist through the windshield of the crumpled car, grabbing one of the crooks by the collar and hauling him out over the airbag, then repeated the process for the driver. A third was on the run, but two arrests! Sky High would pick up the third, or Blue Rose. Nathan turned back to his work. In about half an hour, he could call Antonio; he still had the damn dinner party, but at least there'd be a chance to talk.
When Antonio answered, he looked happy, but exhausted, and Nathan felt a stab of guilt. Antonio had had one self-inflicted late night and another where they'd kept each other up, and it showed. "Don't guess you had time to watch," he said, grinning broadly.
"Sweetie! I made time. Congratulations!"
"You were watching?" Antonio looked down, bashful.
"You thought I wouldn't? You looked good out there." He looked good right now, too. Smiles looked good on him; his face could be homely when he glowered, which he seemed to feel the need to do a lot of the time, but it was transformed when he smiled.
"I, uh, glad you think so," he said. "It's not like I can tell. Though they did get the damn launcher out again."
"Next time I'll give you a ride," Nathan said. "Honey, you should get some rest. I know we talked about plans for tonight, but you look wiped out, and I've been keeping you away from home all this time..."
"What if I want to see you?" Antonio asked.
"Maybe I could come over to your place?"
"No silk sheets."
"Well, obviously I won't spend the night if you can't support me in the style to which I've become accustomed," Nathan said with a sniff. "Honestly. Like that's the only kind I've ever slept on."
"Up to you," Antonio said. "I mean, you know where I live."
"Precisely. I don't know when I'll be able to get away tonight - ten or eleven, probably."
"So, uh... I guess I'm just going home, then? You'll come by later?"
Nathan nodded, but Antonio seemed to be waiting for something more. "I promise," he said, and that seemed to be the right answer, because Antonio smiled at him before he hung up.
