I'm dedicating Vanilla Twilight by Owl City especially to this chapter..

The laughter dies and instead, a look of astonishment crosses his feature. As do mine.

He comes to my side in one smooth glide, kneels and searches my eyes for the truth. He finds none perhaps, but crushes me against his lean and muscled chest..His soft white wings encloses me, cocoon-like.

I squeeze my eyes shut and stammer "I..I don't know..didn't m-mean,". I am too shocked myself to even know that he is handling me in a way I wouldn't have allowed any other man to in any other circumstance.

He leans his head against my shoulder before whispering, " It took you faster this time to realize. So much faster…" He trails off. He smells of peppermint and sea breeze, I realize. " Why did you do it, Clary? Why did you ask Raziel to do so?Why didn't you tell me?"

I pull away and scans his face. My fingers acted on their own as they glide over his sharp features, pausing ever so slightly at his soft, warm lips.

Raziel. . The mere mention oh his name sends a shiver down my spine

"I don't know" I say softly. Even though, I know I do. The answers lay somewhere deep in me, waiting to be digged out. But no one can do it, except me.. And I don't know how to..

My hatred for him is dulled by a strong ache in my chest.

I think a part of my brain shut down on me.. I wouldn't not have hated him otherwise.

He leans towards me again and brushes his lips lightly against mine.

"No. don't…Don't do that," He flinches in surprise and a look of hurt crosses his features. I gulp before blurting, "Not when it taste of…Aline,"

No, no,no I did not just say that.

He grins impishly " You are jealous,"

"No, I am not "I huff

"Yes, you are"

" I said no. You heard me,"

You can't possibly go from hating someone to…to feeling so much for him one second later..This is not right and you know. You know it isn't,Clary.

He sighs, more to himself than to me, I think. " I was doing it because…well, because I want to see how you will react to it,". He actually look a little…embarassed

"And?"

He frowns, "And when you seem so cool about..about me and Aline I mean. I was furious and agitated,"

I know I am supposed to ask why, Why he expects me to be..jealous. But I didn't because a part of me knows he knows I know. It's all so weird.

"You know, Clary, I lost control of myself after that. I hurt you…didn't I?"His face drops a fraction.

I shudder at the thought "Grumpy. You were like an old man,"

"That too," he smiles. " And it really damaged my pride. You.. not falling for my pretty face,"

"Oh, I am sure many have. ," I scowl, "The list of name still grows doesn't it?"

He chuckles bitterly, " Yea, but they are not you. They never were,"

Then why do it. Why continue to pursue all of them. I know better than to voice my thoughts. He will accuse me of being jealous again and obviously, I know I have no right to.

Silence. He awaits my reply with a caution look on his face. But I can't find the right words to say,

" Do I…do I know you from some where?" The question slips out of my mouth and I regret it the moment it did.

The smile from his face disappears. He is all seriousness now.

"I don't want to lose you again,Clary. You do understand, don't you?"He mutters, brushing away my question, avoiding rather.

I nod, although somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I am not supposed to.

I don't want to lose him either. The sudden realization slams down on me, questioning my sanity.

"I'm sorry," He whispers again before he places a cool hand on my forehead. "I'm sorry, Clary, for before and for what I will be doing to you now" I hear him say again as darkness envelopes me. His palm alternates between icy cool and fiery hot , sending waves after waves of nausea down the back of my throat." I want to be by your side, just a little longer. This memory has to go. Remember, I will always…."

His voice trails as my eyelids grow heavier and heavier. Fighting to keep awake is now becoming a losing battle. I thrash under his hold but the darkness he sends to encircle me pulls me beneath its surface with an urgency I cannot fathom..

And then I think I lost consciousness, realizing that I will never know what it is he wants to tell me because I wake up exactly seven hours later, snuggled in my bed. I don't remember anything the killing-spree back at the Pandemonium. I don't know how I end up back at the Academy.

I struggle to remember but a blinding pain shoots through my head.

All I can think of is that I am not whole. Its as if..as if a part of me has been yanked away. I sigh inwardly and quickly brush away the feeling that somehow I have been mind-raped

Don't think about it anymore. Forget about it. A tiny voice at the back of my mind says.

Yes, forget. I think it's a memory I don't want to keep anyway.

I will forget.

I must forget.

About what, who where? I don't know…

I don't want to know.

Is my story any good? Obviously, since its mine. I do like it. But then again that's not fair judgement, isn't it? If you find any parts of my story uninteresting, do tell me so that I can improvise. I need to know what my readers are expecting from me.

Thanks to all my reviewers. You people make my day!It's really nice to know that there are people who enjoy reading my works. :) and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

If you did, please review! :)