AN: So, I really am enjoying writing this fic. Hope you're enjoying reading it.


Villain's Handbook


Naruto arrived at class late, as per the norm. His teacher and classmates, save for Shino, assumed it was because he was a fool who didn't have much interest in the academy. That was only half true. Naruto was far from a fool, his reasons for being late were often related to his many projects and experiments.

He took his seat next to Sakura, the object of his apparent affections. Again, his classmates were wrong, though again, this is what Naruto wishes. Truly, he despises the pink haired girl, who is loud and obnoxious and abrasive and largely without talent.

The blonde had opted to wear his headband as an armband, which when combined with his black tee-shirt and burnt orange shinobi pants, made him look somewhat striking, his blonde locks falling into his eyes on occasion.

Naruto lamented his advanced henge's lack of a ponytail.

He also lamented not being in his laboratory at this moment, happily toiling away at some unspeakable experiment.

He also lamented the fact that he had made a very important, very difficult decision.

No more acting like a fool.

Hiding his abilities, of course would continue, it wouldn't do to show the full extent of his talents to individuals that he might come into conflict with. That would be foolishness. Of course, discarding his mask as a hyperactive fool was some measure of foolishness, he still felt that it was for the best.

This is why, when it was announced that his teammates were Sasuke Uchiha and Shikamaru Nara, instead of shouting about how he had wanted to be on a team with Sakura, and how he hated Sasuke, as his class expected of him, he simply steepled his hands, leaned forward, and spoke a single simple word.

"Fascinating."

Needless to say, quite a few people were unnerved by this.


Naruto had heard of Kakashi Hatake, the infamous Copy Nin who supposedly copied one thousand techniques, ex-ANBU, elite jonin. Apparently his post-genin exam genin exam was incredibly difficult.

Naruto and Shikamaru had opted to hide in the bushes and formulate a strategy while Sasuke rampaged against the more skilled shinobi.

When a suitable plan had been made, they collected Sasuke and informed him of it. Reluctantly, he agreed.

Within five minutes they had not only taken the bells from Kakashi, but also his prized Icha Icha novel, and had the jonin remove his pants and run half naked through Konoha.

There are few things that cannot be accomplished with the Kagemane no jutsu, a couple scalpels, and a bit of blackmail.

Oh, and teamwork. Teamwork is important as well.

Naruto understood this, very much so.

He had already analyzed his teammates for recruitment potential.

He resolved to acquire Shikamaru at some point, the boy would make a brilliant strategist, and would be good to keep around for intelligent conversation.

He had no need for a stuck up boy who was obsessed with vengeance, but he would remain in observation of Sasuke nonetheless, just in case his motivations took a turn for the better.

As for Kakashi...the man was talented, there was no doubt of that. They only defeated him as easily as they did because he was taking it easy, and underestimating them. Such a thing would never happen again. Naruto wished to acquire him as well, if only for the knowledge he possessed, and to see the changes an implanted Sharingan made to the body it was placed into.

Ah, but the lab called him, so he would think of this another time.

After all, he had guests.


Naruto stood in the small cell, looking at the woman with dirty blonde hair that was shackled to the wall.

"Your name?"

The woman panted, she was exhausted, "Hana Chouwata."

"Ne, I know you're lying oneechan. Hana Chouwata is in the cell next to yours. She is from Iwagakure and possesses both the Bakuton Kekkei Genkai and a Kekkei Genkai that allows her to crystallize and manipulate her blood. A useful subject, she might help me discover how to combine Kekkei Genkai in a stable manner. But I digress. Tell me your name oneechan, tell me your name and I'll take your shackles off and bring you something to eat. Would you like that?"

His voice was soft, soothing. The woman instantly recognized the subtle currents of genjutsu hidden in his words. Clever, a lesser shinobi wouldn't have noticed it. That aside, he was completely correct. Her wrists were bleeding, her chakra was sealed, and she was starving. Her eyes shut as she steeled herself against his next assault against her mind.

A gentle, soft hand caressed her cheek, wiping blood from under her nose, and off her lips. She shuddered. He was just showing a kindness so that he could break her that much easier. She was loyal to her village. She would remain loyal.

Then he kissed her.

It was a gentle kiss, simply the blonde pressing his lips against hers, firmly, but gently. He broke the kiss, a small flush adorned his cheeks. "It's a shame oneechan. I would like to make you more comfortable, there's no reason for your stay to be unpleasant. Such a beautiful woman deserves to be treated well, but alas, you are not cooperating, and thus you force my hand. Ja ne oneechan."

As the thick metal door slammed shut behind him, Yugito Nii flushed.

That brat, who held her prisoner...

He just stole her first kiss.


She was worthless.

Her father despised her for her weakness.

Her beloved sister despised her, because that was all she knew.

So Hinata Hyuuga found herself atop the Hokage Monument, perched atop the Yondaime Hokage's head, contemplating suicide.

And then she smelled the cigarette smoke.

She turned and saw one Naruto Uzumaki, sitting crosslegged atop the Yondaime's head, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

His eyes were half lidded, the blonde seemed lethargic. He blinked slowly as he looked at her. It occurred to him that she was the first of his classmates, aside from Shino, that had seen him without his henge. His hair was pale blonde, spiky and messy, and pulled back into a pony tail that fell to his lower back, resting on the ground as he sat there.

She looked at him with wide eyes.

He rose slowly, stubbing out his cigarette against the stone. "Come here to think, or to die?"

Hinata looked towards the ground, ashamed that his ice blue eyes had turned to inspect her in such a manner.

"I see." His voice was cold. She heard his foot crunch some chunks of stone beneath it as he stepped forward. She looked up in time to see his fist impact her face.

She staggered back, clutching at her streaming nose. Naruto's expression was cold, a sliver of silver in each hand. Scalpels. Hinata panicked, and tripped on her own feet.

In an instant, Naruto was atop her, one scalpel pressed against her neck as the other went to work removing her clothing, and making a large Y-shaped incision on her torso.

She felt like she was being autopsied.

She wasn't far off.

She screamed.

Naruto froze, his eyes softened, his smile gentle, his bloodied hands caressed her cheeks, wiping away her tears and replacing them with bloody streaks."There it is. You aren't ready to die yet, are you Hime?" Despite the pain wracking her body, and the terror she felt, she couldn't help but feel a flutter in her heart when he called her that.

"N-n-n-n," The word wouldn't come. She was ashamed. The blonde placed a bloodied finger on her lips.

"Shh, it's fine Hime." Naruto stood up and pulled a needle and spool of thread out of his coat, and promptly set to stitching up the wound he caused. He worked in silence.

"Why." The Hyuuga finally found her voice.

"Hm?" Naruto looked towards her face, a calm expression on his face, his eye half-lidded, his mouth curled into a soft smile.

"T-this...w-why?" She yelped when Naruto jabbed a long needle into her chest, injecting a translucent blue fluid into her. He crouched over her, running his fingers along the lines of the cuts he made.

"Why not?" He placed a small jar next to her, "Give it about twenty minutes, then you should be able to move without tearing your wounds open." He gestured towards the jar, "Put that on it daily, it'll help reduce the scarring." The blonde turned away, lighting himself another cigarette as he did so. "Ne, Hime, next time we meet, show me something beautiful, ok?"

Hinata stiffened, and felt her cheeks begin to heat up, "Y-yes."

And then he was gone.