Thanks to all who have been reading and reviewing!
Chapter 2– The Silence Between
True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.
~Dave Tyson Gentry
Jade cleared her schedule for the day. Despite Tori's assurance that she was fine and she could go alone, Jade had every plan to accompany her to her semi-annual exam. Five solid years after she was found and rescued from torture and certain death at the hands of a madman, Tori's life was moving closer to normal. Her appointments had gone from three or four a day all the way down to a visit with her general practitioner every six months and three weekly sessions with her psychiatrist. Her medications had also decreased over the years. She was completely through with pain killers and muscle relaxers and antibiotics and pills to stabilize her blood pressure. She was left with only a few pills daily – a multivitamin, an iron supplement, two pills for depression and one for anxiety. Considering the dozens of pills she'd taken daily when she had first been found, she felt five was a solid improvement.
She was surprised, considering Jade's insistence on going, when the other woman handed her keys. Tori accepted them and looked at her questioningly. "What? You have your license back. You can drive." Tori had tried to reclaim her license without Jade's knowledge – or approval. She still remembered the day, almost four years before, when she'd done it.
Tori and Beck were first and foremost sneaking out of the house. Thinking Jade was in her bedroom napping, they were almost to the front door when they both heard a suspicious voice - "Where are you two going?"
"I'm getting my license back," Tori informed her, too startled to lie or evade the question. Jade's eyebrows raised in perfect unison. She was sitting at the piano in the living room, sheets of blank and half-filled music strew across the nearby available surfaces. Violet was in her bassinet, sleeping under the piano. It was an odd spot, but it was also the baby's clear favorite if she couldn't be in her mother's arms.
Beck hid a smile as he dangled the keys to show Jade that it was indeed their plan. "You didn't think this was something worth discussing?" Jade asked, her voice light and airy. In the months since the baby had been born, and even a bit before, she had become a master at emoting anger while still keeping a tone that was somewhat angelic and soothing. It upset Tori on occasion and freaked out Beck – but it kept the baby happy and giggling.
"I knew you'd say no," Tori answered with a smile. "So I didn't ask you. I had my license before."
"And you were a terrible driver," Jade responded evenly.
"That's your opinion," Tori responded. "I'm going."
"Alright," Jade answered, turning back to the piece of music she had been working on. Outside the house, Tori mumbled to Beck,
"Should I be worried?"
"No," he answered honestly. "You're not the one who's going to get kicked to the guestroom tonight." Beck did receive the cold shoulder from Jade, but only for a day or two, and not because he tried to help Tori get her license (which frightened Jade), but only because he had tried to leave her out of a decision. She told him – in no uncertain terms – that it was an unacceptable choice and he'd better never make it again. Complete and immediate agreement was in his best interest.
Now, four years later, Tori still became nervous whenever Jade said anything about her driving. Not that she drove often. Occasionally she'd drive with Andre and Cat, or even with Violet. It wasn't a daily occurrence; only often enough that Jade trusted she could drive Violet safely from point A to point B. After Jade handed her the keys, Tori had little choice but to drive to the appointment, avoiding all attempts at conversation. They walked into the building, Tori signed in, and they sat next to one another in the waiting room. Jade was rearranging things on her PearPad calendar while Tori played a mindless game of grumpy gerbils on her phone.
When the nurse called her name, Jade looked at Tori. "Do you want me to stay here?" Tori looked at her strangely.
"Why would you insist on coming just to wait out here?"
"I was trying to be polite," Jade answered, standing with her. "I'll stay out here if you want me to – it's not my decision."
"Since when?" Tori asked, annoyed by Jade's new sense of limits.
"If you're not going to say no, I'm coming." Tori rolled her eyes as they both followed the nurse to an exam room. Twenty minutes later, the doctor had joined them and Jade sat in a waiting room chair, listening, while the doctor asked Tori her usual list of pertinent questions.
Physically, Tori was doing fine; many of her scars had faded. She could walk without a limp for hours. It was only when she was particularly tired that the limp came back. Her fine motors skills had returned to the levels she'd had before her disappearance. Her voice was better than it had been before; she'd continued vocal lessons and her range and abilities were more impressive than ever. Those questions – questions about how she felt, about her physical body, they were easy.
Then, Dr. Brown started asking about her life. Socially. Tori wanted to lie – she wanted to tell her that everything was dandy. She wanted to tell her that she could go to the grocery store on her own and talk to new people when they met. But that was a lie. And Jade knew she'd be tempted to lie; that was one of the reasons behind her insistence to attend the appointment.
So, Tori was forced into telling the truth. The anxiety was still there. Her panic attacks, which had once been under control, were becoming intense again and hitting almost daily. She couldn't go anywhere on her own. She froze when she tried. She could go places with just Violet – who didn't really count sometimes – because she knew it was kind of tragic to rely on a four year old to be her safety net. The truth spilled from her lips so quickly that she was left wanting for air. She fought tears, but they came anyway. Dr. Brown handed her a tissue and she accepted it, wiping angrily at the salty fluid coming without her permission.
"Tori," Dr. Brown said softly, "you're doing great. After what you've been through, it's going to take more time for everything to back to normal. The fact that you can be here without having a panic attack is proof in itself; that's not something you could do five years ago." She paused and Tori said nothing. "So do me a favor and stop being so hard on yourself – you're doing well. But it sounds like you need to talk to Dr. Greeley about changing your anxiety medications – that might make all the difference."
Jade looked less pleased than Tori figured she would; and she was not radiating the "I told you so," expression that Tori had expected. She simply nodded; it was what she had been telling Tori for weeks. The doctor continued. "So promise me two things – that you will give yourself a break – and that you'll talk to Dr. Greeley about your medication." Tori nodded her compliance.
"Okay, let's get this over with so you can get out of here for another six months." The exam that followed was quick and careful; Dr. Brown always was. Within twenty minutes, Tori was back in her jeans, boots, and ruffled red cardigan over a black camisole.
"Come on," Jade said, holding out her hand, "let's get out of here. How about lunch? Maybe some shopping? Ella still has Violet for a few more hours." Tori accepted her hand and followed her back to the car. Jade once again, surprisingly, got into the passenger seat. "Your pick on the restaurant," Jade told her once she got behind the wheel.
They went to a family-owned Italian restaurant. It was a place the Vega family had frequented back when her parents still wanted to spend time with her and Trina. Before Trina had become unbearable and Tori's life had gotten busy.
"Violet is starting preschool next week," Tori said, spearing a tomato with her fork.
"I don't want to talk about it," Jade told her calmly, shaking her head. "It's too soon. She's supposed to be a baby forever – and she's growing up – way too fast."
"I think you have a few years left before she's all grown up," Tori told her with a smile. "So she's starting at St. Ann's? I'm still surprised you guys didn't put her into HA primary."
"We might later," Jade said between bites of her own salad. "It just depends on what she wants. Right now, we want her to have options." Tori and Jade finished lunch with continued conversations about Violet and even branched into talking about Andre. He was on his first tour in the United States. His music had become incredibly popular in Europe, but it was now starting to catch on in the US. He and Tori Skyped or used FaceTime every other day, sometimes more often. Without always being a part of the conversation, Jade knew what cities he was hitting because he never failed to send a beautiful toy or tchotchke for Violet.
After lunch, they spent some time shopping but neither woman was particularly interested or in need of anything. They still had over two hours before Violet needed to be picked up. They walked silently to the car and Tori handed the keys over to Jade before rounding to the passenger side. "Do you want me to call and find out if Greeley has an appointment open right now?" Jade asked, knowing what was on Tori's mind – the same thoughts that had been preoccupying her for weeks.
"I have an appointment tomorrow."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"Yes," Tori agreed. "She probably won't – but you can try." So Jade did try – and Isabelle Greeley did have an opening. Whether she'd had the opening before Jade called, only she knew. But once she received the call, she had time to take Tori. Jade drove back to the hospital, which housed both Dr. Brown and Dr. Greeley. Jade sat in the waiting room while Tori walked into the familiar office, weeks' worth of frustration and worries at the tip of her tongue. Although she had appointments three times a week, she had been avoiding this particular conversation out of fear, stubbornness, and pure annoyance at her own brain – as far as she was concerned, it was betraying her.
Not in the mood to do anything useful, Jade stretched across one of the sofas in the waiting room, staring at the ceiling. The offices were intended to impress the wealthy clients who frequented them, but the ceilings were the same institutional drop ceilings that every hospital in the world probably used. She was contemplating counting the holes in the tile above her head when someone knocked lightly on the open door. Looking up quickly, she groaned and dropped her head back to the sofa.
"I swear, you stalk me."
"Isabelle said you were coming and I have something for Violet," the familiar voice said. "She is still starting school next week, right?" Jade sat up quickly and grimaced at Emily Nealson.
"If you're here to get a reaction out of me, you're not going to get one," Jade told her in a cold voice that intended to insinuate – strongly – that she had no emotional response to the fact that Violet was starting school.
"I come bearing gifts, not psychoanalysis," Emily promised. She opened her eyes wide and made a face at Jade. "I get the message. You've been cancelling on me for two months. But your daughter is adorable and extremely deserving of gifts." She handed a small multicolored polka-dotted gift bag to Jade.
"You're adding to the spoiling. She's spoiled."
"There's actually no evidence that spoiling is developmentally harmful unless it comes directly from the primary caregivers," Emily told her with a smirk.
Jade shook her head and answered in a dry tone, "well, then, she's screwed because she's got Beck wrapped around her little finger."
"I think she'll be just fine," Emily answered. She turned around and headed for the door. "And if her mother needs me, she has my number." The tiny but maddeningly intuitive woman was out the door before Jade could hurl an appropriate response. It was probably best that way. She wasn't cutting off ties to therapy – her brain just wasn't ready to cross some bridges. And those were the same bridges that Emily, after years of listening and coaxing out shadows, wanted to cross.
An hour and twenty minutes after they arrived, Tori exited her therapist's office. "Any better?" Jade asked. Tori nodded and headed for the door.
"We need to stop at the pharmacy," Tori told her after they'd gotten back into the car.
"Are you trying something new, then?" Tori nodded again. "Did you ask any questions – are there side effects – "
"Jade," Tori said firmly. "I'm going to try. If it doesn't work, I'll try something else."
"Alright then." They stopped at the pharmacy before picking up Violet from her grandmother's house. Ella had helped her bake and decorate a batch of red velvet cupcakes to welcome Cat home. The mother and grandmother and all-around wise woman laughed when Jade made a face at the cupcake box.
"You will be happy to know that I used as little sugar as possible while still making them taste like cupcakes."
"Thank you," Jade responded, taking the box. Violet had already run over to the car to greet Tori.
"Anytime, my dear," Ella answered, embracing Jade and kissing her on the cheek. "Take care of yourself – and my beautiful granddaughter."
"I always do," Jade answered. Well, she always took care of Violet. She placed the cupcakes carefully on the floor behind Tori's seat and buckled Violet into her booster seat. The three ladies then headed home to prepare for Cat's return.
Cat was scheduled to get in by dinner, so Tori helped Violet set the table with Cat's favorite dishes – they were covered in a multitude of colorful flowers. It was the Kate Spade floral fine china. Jade hated the dishes – they were not elegant enough for her table. But Cat had loved them, so Jade had purchased them – and now they used them whenever they were celebrating something related to Cat. That particular day, it was her homecoming.
Violet was placing a yellow linen napkin at each place while Tori followed with the glasses and utensils. "You know," Tori said to Jade, as the other woman walked in from the kitchen with a vase of flowers, "most people, when they get home from a long trip, they just want to order a pizza and go to bed." Jade frowned at her and picked up a piece of silver.
"Most people, when they set the table, they put the fork on the left." She handed the piece of silver to Tori and walked from the room.
"Your daughter did that," Tori called after her. Violet looked her from across the table, her expression confused; she wasn't in charge of the forks. Tori shook her head and put her finger to her lips; Violet giggled. They all forgot their tasks when they heard the door open. Violet made it to her first and leaped into her arms, giggling as Cat spun her around the room.
"Aunt Kitty! You're home!" Cat hugged her close and kissed her nose before putting her back on her feet.
"Hi Violet," she said cheerfully. "You look so pretty. I love that dress." Violet spun around, the three tiers of her purple dress flowing around her black stockings and boots. She had a purple flower in her hair. Once she was allowed to choose her own clothing, Jade was appalled to realize that Cat living in her house had given her daughter an alternate fashion icon. Jade was rarely amused by Violet's clothing choices. Jade wanted her to feel the spark of rebelliousness; Violet just wanted to look girly. The frillier, the better. "I missed you!" Cat told her with another kiss to the cheek.
"I missed you too! I made you lots of pictures!" Violet was bouncing on the balls of her feet, thrilled at the prospect of sharing her two-week project.
"Yay!" Cat said, excitedly.
"Go get them so you can give them to Cat," Jade told her. Violet started off toward the stairs. "Do not run!" Jade yelled after her. She slowed down.
Tori stepped in next and hugged Cat. "Welcome home," she said as they embraced. She pulled away, holding Cat at arm's length so she could look at her; she certainly had a tan. "Did you have fun?"
"We did!" Cat said excitedly. "We swam with dolphins and there was a festival in Germany and I bought new pink shoes –"
"Why don't we sit down and you can tell us everything you did," Jade told her.
"Okay," Cat agreed. "I missed you too, Jade," the redhead said, walking over to embrace her oldest friend. There was something sad, soft, and strange about her words. Jade thought she was imagining it – over-thinking it.
"I missed you," Jade told her, almost inaudibly. "Now, go wash your hands so we can eat."
"You're still so bossy," Cat told her, before disappearing to do as she was told. Tori returned to the dining room to finish setting the table and Jade went back into the kitchen where Violet reappeared with a folder she'd filled with artwork to give to Cat – at least one piece of art per day she'd been gone. Beck came in through the kitchen, carrying several pieces of pink luggage.
"Robbie went straight home – apparently he picked up some kind of food poisoning on the ship," Beck told Jade. He kissed her lightly. "I'm going to take these upstairs and I'll be down for dinner. Smells great."
Once they were all gathered at the table and Violet had given her artwork to Cat and it had gained the praise the tiny brunette felt it deserved, they began to eat. Cat told them about the entire trip, including a bit too much information on Robbie's bout of food poisoning – which had apparently lasted several days. She spoke mostly to Tori and Violet, with several comments directed at Beck. She gave her best friend a wide berth in the conversation; and her best friend noticed.
That night, after checking on Tori and making sure Violet was asleep, Jade walked up to the third floor and knocked on Cat's sitting room door. "Come in!" Entering, Jade found that all of Cat's suitcases were open and things were thrown randomly across the room.
"What happened?" Jade asked her. The petite redhead was sitting on her bed, which was visible through the open door to the sitting room. Her computer was in front of her and she's just logged off of a video chat.
"I couldn't find Mr. Purple," Cat told her, closing the lid to her laptop. Jade failed to give her the lecture that was tumbling around her brain. She stepped around the strewn clothing and opened suitcases to enter the bedroom and sit on the edge of the mattress, facing her best friend.
"Who were you chatting with?"
"Robbie," Cat said quietly.
"Is he feeling any better?"
"Do you care?" Cat asked, causing Jade's eyes to widen, her eyebrow cocked in surprise. She spoke slowly and softly, trying to keep the immediate anger that had sprung to mind at bay.
"Why exactly are you mad at me?"
"I'm not," Cat said, a pout on her lips.
"Then what is the problem?" Cat was silent, her pout growing as she pulled Mr. Purple into her lap and curled slightly around the stuffed toy. Jade waited a solid two minutes. She knew because she was counting. It was unlike her long-time best friend to be quiet about anything – especially something that was bothering her. "Cat," Jade said sternly, her tone a clear warning.
Cat threw herself against the bed, Mr. Purple clutched tightly in one arm. Her face was hidden against the pink flowered comforter. "Cat, sit up and talk to me," Jade said firmly.
"No," Cat answered, her voice muffled against the bedding.
Jade had known Cat for twenty-two years and never before – never – had she seen her so closed off and stubborn. Even when she was angry at Tori for kissing Daniel, she still hadn't been this serious or stonewalled. Jade remained in her spot, thinking through her options. She really didn't have it in her to torture information out of Cat – she'd surpassed that phase of her life and found that the longer she spent as a mother, the less violent her desires tended to be. Besides, Cat would crack in her own time.
Jade crawled onto the bed and knelt next to Cat. "When you want to talk, come find me. Good night – I am glad you're home." Cat didn't respond but Jade heard a sniffle as she left the room and stepped over pink suitcases to get to the hallway.
Beck was waiting for her in their room, clearly in a romantic mood. She was not. But she did accept the glass of wine he handed her, took a deep drink, and thanked him for it with a kiss. "Want to talk about it?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her and whispering the words quietly into her ear. She shook her head, nestling against him.
"Just hold me."
"I can manage that," he said, setting her wine aside and instead scooping her into his arms, carrying her to their bed. She snuggled against his chest and fell asleep that way, clothes, jewelry, and all.
Thanks for reading! Please leave a review! What do you think is wrong with Cat? Favorite parts of the chapter? Least favorite parts?
