A/N: I actually got the inspiration for some of this chapter from the Tequila Story. Go youtube Drunk Travis story. It's too funny!

And now, without further distraction, Thunderous Alchemist!


"You're saying that you dragged me here just so your subordinates could place bets on who would be drunk first?"

Graves snickered. "Well, having no new leads on Scar or paperwork to do, my office tends to get fairly ... boring. So to pass the time, they make those stupid little bets while I pursue ... other things."

"You mean sleep." Hughes came up between the two.

"Exactly. It's good for your mental well-being, you know. Enough sleep at night and you'll be ready to go in the morning. Or so Melton says." Graves nodded and crossed her arms.

"And why are you wearing a shawl like that?" Melton raised an eyebrow with a knowing smirk.

"Because all my dresses with sleeves mysteriously vanished, Colonel. And I know who's behind the whole thing, Colonel." Graves shot a glare at Melton.

Melton shrugged innocently. "I have no idea where they went, Graves. I've told you that six times now. But I have to say, it's nice to see you finally wear something less ... warm-looking. You'd probably be sweating up a storm by now!" She made a face. "But why the shawl? You look like a grandma!"

Graves scowled and threw the thin cloth to the side of the street. "Better, Vi?"

Melton scowled at the name. "I told you not to call me that, Clars."

"Eye Freak."

"Lazy Ass."

"Illusionist."

"Thunder Snore"

"Busybody."

"Napper."

"Slave driver."

Hughes cleared his throat. "You two do realize we're here, right?"

Graves straightened up, ignoring the death glare from Melton. "Great! I can't wait to kick Mustang's ass."

Mustang chuckled a few times. "Puh-lease. You've got this shapely figure, that woman-esque charm. There's no way you can handle your liquor."

"Excuse me?" Graves raised an eyebrow. "I beg to differ, horse."

Hughes grinned as Melton groaned, "Here we go again ..."

"If you're so confidant, then why don't we settle this the normal way? By actually having this battle instead of trying to one-up the other?" Graves smirked evilly. The tattoo on her right shoulder flashed in the dim light as the soldiers walked into the bar.

"Then I'll have two for every one of yours!" Mustang countered.

Graves snickered, which soon turned into laughter. "You're on! Don't blame me for your hangover tomorrow, Mustang!"

The night went on. As did the drinks.

After the fifth one for Graves, she started taunting the poor Colonel. "Regretting this, yet, horse?"

The reply was a glare and a grunt. "No."

"Another round!" Graves declared.

Hughes and Melton shared a worried look. Not for the General, but for the drunk Colonel.

"I thought I warned you, Graves isn't what you'd call a 'normal woman'." Melton sighed as the next round arrived.

Hughes nodded. "You've told me too many times. Should we call this off yet? I'm more worried about Roy and the massive hangover he's going to have."

Melton nodded in agreement. "All right, Graves. That's enough. Mustang's clearly learned not to underestimate you."

Graves glanced at Melton before heaving a heavy sigh. "You're right ... But he's still conscious!"

"General ..." Melton warned.

"Fine, fiiiiiine ... I'll let him off the hook. But next time he's dead!" Graves stood up.


"Oh, the Colonel called in?"

"Yes, and he said he had a hangover."

Melton glanced at the empty chair where Graves always sat. "A hangover, huh? That's funny, that's what Graves said, too."

"Really? I thought you were just taking him out for a drink, nothing too serious. At least, that's what Major Norton and Lieutenant Colonel Reyes explained to me."

"And you believed them? Who told you that, Reyes?"

"Yes."

Melton laughed, glancing at the two men who were frantically going through paperwork. "Figures. He's always got his head somewhere else. I'm sure he probably commented on something as he left, right? Always the short attention span." She shook her head with a sigh. "Unless it comes to explosives. You do know that Graves calls him Kimblee, right?"

"I'M NOT KIMBLEE!" Reyes protested.

There was laughter on the other line before Hawkeye continued, "I didn't. Well, I need to do before these three start slacking off again. Good luck with the hungover alchemists." There was a click and the line went dead.

"Well, should we go pay them a visit?" Melton asked. "More like Graves, but-"

"Yes!"

Approximately an hour later ...

"Ah, yes. The supposedly empty Graves estate." Norton nodded slowly. "Ever since the house allegedly caught fire, it's been abandoned by our fearless leader."

Melton shook her head with a roll of her eyes. "You know that's not true, Drew."

"But Violaaaa!" Drew whined.

"No buts. You know that it's still standing to this day. I've just cleverly disguised it with my alchemy."

"Enough of the talk! Let's go bug the General!" Reyes pointed to the empty lot. "Can we? Pleeease?"

Viola groaned. "Fine! If it'll get you two to just shut up!" She took a step forward and the mansion came into view, looking as if nothing had happened to it.

There was a faint movement from one of the curtains on the third floor, but nothing happened afterwards. Then the front doors creaked open.

"Cooolllooonnneeeelllllluuuuhhh!"

Viola was knocked over by a streak of lilac, brown, and black.

"Finally! I was about to die from boredom from the lack of anything to do around here!" Graves was gesturing to the large estate. "I mean, I've already dusted most of the things that I've touched in the past week, and-"

"And you've still got most of the estate to clean, General."

Graves chuckled and rolled her eyes with a mock pout. "You know I can't hire anyone to help. Or ask. Too much to do. Besides, we still have Scar to go out and catch, so most of it will go to waste, anyway." She shrugged indifferently. "Maybe when this is all over, I really will set it ablaze and move somewhere else."

"And what about your exclusive collection, Clara?"

Clara smacked Drew upside the head. "I know that most of the books in the library are rare and one-of-a-kind. That's why I'm planning on selling them for more money. Or maybe I could sell my estate and the books. Then I'd never have to worry about money for the rest of my life. Hell, even my kids could have a good living because of that!" Her face fell. "Oh, right. There's always the big problem: Finding some guy who can put up with my crazy antics and stay mostly sane."

"You could become the rich cat lady." Reyes suggested.

"Hell no!" Clara snorted. "You know I'm allergic to cats, Aiden. Don't you remember what happened when Alphonse let me hold one of the cats he had? My neck had scratch marks on it for a week and they itched for two days straight!"

"That's because you held it up and threatened to flay it alive, Clara." Drew sighed.

Clara turned and headed back towards the estate. "That was after the fact. If you'll excuse me, I do have something I need to do. If you want to follow, go ahead. Just be quiet, unless you want to die bursting into flames."

Viola grinned. "I knew it. You know you can't keep anything from me."

Clara chuckled as she opened the door. "Yeah. I know." She walked into the foyer. "Eh, kitchen's up ahead, first door on the right. If you're hungry, that is." She glanced ad Aiden and Drew.

They ran into the kitchen.

"Well, any luck yet, Colonel?"

Viola shook her head. "Nothing yet. I don't have a good eye on East City's sewer system yet. And unless my information is correct, there's been an explosion on the Mauro River."

"What?!"

Clara glanced up the stairs to her left. "Oh, finally got over the worst of that hangover, Colonel? About time. Oh, I forgot to ask earlier, did you ever find your wallet?"