Chapter 3 – Hold

Jack moaned as he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. A migraine was threatening to take hold and he would have preferred that over the double-whammy he was dealt with at day's end. Discussing medical physics with Patel at the center seemed to make more sense than the nonsense Danielle spewed about during dinner. He wasn't certain if he could make it through dessert.

"I'll never forgive you for this, Danielle," he said still leaning forward. "What you did was lower than low. It was… Heaven's Gate."

"You mean, for heaven's sake."

Jack shook his head slowly. "I meant what I said. "What made you think that I'd allow anyone let alone Liz to try and hypnotize me?"

Danielle threw a pillow at him that he instinctively moved away from. "Then tell me what I need to know! What does the guy look like, Jack? Is he tall or short? Big guy, little guy? Guy who talks a lot? Dark hair? Light hair? What?!"

"How many times do I have to say this? It isn't going to work. Can we put this argument to bed already? If so, I'm only two steps behind it." As much as he wished for company to mix up the quiet nights, he wanted then and there to take that wish back.

Danielle shook him by the shoulders. In stubborn response, Jack went limp like a rag doll. "Why are you making this so hard? Why are you holding back on this one tormentor?"

Jack straightened up and looked up at her incredulously. "Who's doing the tormenting here, may I ask? I don't recall asking that my every single step be watched by my friends! I don't recall getting cornered in not one, not two, but three different houses – house arrest, that's what that is – and told I didn't get to leave until I gave the secret password!"

"Fine, just be the obstinate fool you've always been. Keep in mind that I don't trust you right now." She let go of him, went to the kitchen and returned to hand him a piece of cake on a small plate. "Triple chocolate. Enjoy."

He studied it a moment. "How do I know you didn't put razor blades in it?"

Danielle groaned. "Do you see that whole cake there? Why would I put razor blades in it?"

Jack leaned forward and looked at the small store-bought two-serving cake. "Because you couldn't fit a hacksaw in it, that's why." He made a show of dissecting the layers and examining each bite before he ate it. "Danielle, if there's anyone to worry about it's-."

"Don't start, Jack!"

"Bruner," he finished. "Do you know how many young women have disappeared lately?"

"Do you?" she challenged.

Jack shook his head. "And that's the problem. Somehow, I doubt we're lucky enough that he was gunned down in a drive-by shooting or something."

"So I'm only worrying about imaginary monsters that go bump in the night, is that what you're telling me?"

"Yes." He set down the unfinished dessert. "Danielle, are you going to understand that I've actually made a new life for myself and kind of like it, despite how much you and some others are holding out for me to 'return' to something? Erin's accepted it; why can't you?"

"Erin's out of state; she doesn't count."

"I say otherwise. You keep bullying me like this and I'm likely to go join her, too." He saw the annoyed look in her eyes. "I mean it, Danielle," he said, refusing to step down. "What do you want from me that I could actually give you, huh?"

She stared at him. "You know exactly what."

"Take the couch," he said. Without another word, he went to bed.

-----------------

Jack sat in the chair across from Emil Skoda. All in all, the doctor was impressed with how far his patient had come since their first official visit so long ago. The other man appeared calm, relaxed, and more importantly, focused.

"I wasn't certain if you wanted these meetings to resume," Skoda said. "I'll admit, part of me wondered if you decided to see Dr. Olivet instead."

Jack smiled. "No. If there are any future plans to see Liz, it would be in that capacity – personal, not patient. I'd have come in sooner, but…"

"Tell me about your new life."

"It's nice. It's far removed from law and I've a great family of friends."

"Friends who don't remind you or hover over you about the past?"

"Friends who don't know anything about that part of the past," he said.

Skoda nodded. "That's good. Tell me, how are you sleeping?"

"Do you mean am I having nightmares? Sometimes, I hear the screams. Do I daydream?" Jack paused. "Sometimes, I wonder if someone in the distance is, or could be…" Jack shook it off. "It's residual stress isn't it?"

Skoda reminded him, "You have been through a traumatic experience. It isn't right or fair to say that someone will 'get over it.' That and you've a legitimate concern – three of your captors are still out there. How do you feel about that?"

Jack looked him in the eye and said, "That's the truth, as it stands now. One person I could try to keep at a distance, legally. The other two, I've accepted I've no control over that unless I was able to turn them in to the police."

Skoda's face remained neutral. "Do you feel resentment for how the law has failed you?"

"They didn't" Jack said. "They have all the details they need; it's just going to be a matter of time before…"

"Are you sure about that?" Skoda pressed. Instinct told him that Jack still held back information about one of them.

Jack leaned forward, fingertips touching in front of him as if his hands were positioned for prayer. "That year has changed me, Dr. Skoda. It doesn't have as much of a hold on me, however."

----------------------

Benji tried the problem again with Patel guiding him though it. Jack watched them a moment before turning his attention back to Dennis Zamora, the supervisor. "Patel's ready for the fifth level textbook. Katya wants to know if she could get another copy of the workbook. And Cam wants to help at the refreshment stand at the carnival."

Dennis made some notes. "Sounds good. I have to admit, Jack, it's been great having you here, in case I haven't told you that already."

"It's definitely been an experience, that's for sure."

"So, how many languages are you trying to pick up right now?"

He had to think about it. "I'm at three or four, I believe. Russian's the worst of the collection right now. I've a better appreciation of what some of the folks here have invested to make their lives better."

Dennis closed the binder and leaned back. "Would you say your life's gotten better since the move?"

"I do," he said confidently. "Some friends think otherwise, but… Let me ask you something. There are some acquaintances who wanted to know what they could contribute for the carnival. Any suggestions to take back to them?"

"If I just said money, is that a bit blatant?" They both nodded. "Seriously? Why not give them these checklists and let them decide what they feel comfortable with. If they just came as they were, that would be perfect, too."

"All right." Jack pocketed the slips as he got up. "From one meeting to another." He smiled, 'You guys should call this 'Marathon Meeting Monday' you know."

"We do," Dennis said. "Wait 'til we gear up for Triathlon Thursdays."

"Can't wait," he said then left for the next meeting.

Sylvia Huntington was down the hall still setting up the table. "Need a hand?" Jack asked as he grabbed a collection of notebooks from Sylvia's rolling cart.

"Thanks. I know I'm forgetting something, but I don't know what. It'll drive me nuts all night, I know it."

Having quickly dealt the notebooks, Jack reached under the podium to grab a smaller box. "Are you thinking of the homework reminders here?" he asked holding up a couple of agenda books.

"That's where I put them! You're a lifesaver!"

The table set, Sylvia and Jack sat down at the far end at the corner, her at the head of the table, he to her left.

"How many students do we have?" he asked, previewing the papers.

"Which numbers do you want? Regulars or radicals?"

Jack shook his head. "I haven't mastered abstract or linear algebra yet, Sylvia."'

"Cute. Regular numbers are lower than they could be. The question becomes: how do we rope in the erratic ones without necessarily bribing them?"

"Try a lasso," Spencer Collins said as he took a seat across from Jack. Setting his messenger bag on the table, he said, "Long time no see, Jack."

"Train for track today?" he asked.

Spencer put his baseball cap on the knob on the back of his chair. "Nah. Had plenty of time to spare this morning."

Neither man addressed the track reference but once – when Sylvia had called Spencer the next Carl Lewis. From that point on, it was more of an inside joke. However, in some ways, the man did remind Jack of Ed Green. Given a fifty-yard dash between the two, Jack was certain he'd have no idea who'd win.

"So, attendance is the first item on the agenda we're discussing, eh?" Spencer asked.

"If our absent ones are our usual strugglers, then, yes we are," Sylvia said. It was another five minutes later until all the attendees made it and another ninety before the meeting ended.

--

Spencer and Jack walked together towards their respected buildings discussing meetings in general before detouring to sports. By the time they finished basketball and had moved on to baseball, Spencer slowed the pace a bit.

"When we turn the corner, see if that guy across the street does the same thing," Spencer said.

Jack did so, chilled by more than the cold air as he did so. "How long has he been-?"

"I'd say maybe from Chicago Bulls to Cincinnati Reds." They resumed their casual pace. "What do you say we go a few blocks further. The 3-9 isn't that far and I'd rather be paranoid than paralyzed."

"Agreed," Jack said.

They entered the precinct and approached the officer on duty. "What can I do for you?" she asked

"We're just-," Spencer started then turned expectantly to Jack.

"We wanted to let you know that there's a fellow outside who has never been seen in the neighborhood before. Given what happened over on Washington Avenue a couple of nights ago, we figured one couldn't be too careful, right?" Jack gave a description of the guy. When he finished, Spencer nodded in agreement.

"Anything else, sirs?" the officer asked.

Jack shook his head. "You've been most helpful."

"To be safe, sirs, use the side door over there."

Two alley blocks later, Spencer said something. "What are the odds that we've just set up some poor innocent guy just now?"

"Isn't it better to err on the side of caution?" Jack felt uneasy about the whole thing "If he doesn't have my home address or yours, we should be fine."

"If? Jack, scary looking stalkers come in all sorts of styles these days. How safe is anybody anymore, really?'

Jack shrugged. "I trust the police, don't you?"

-----------------

"I don't trust you, John," Olivia Benson said while holding back a folder. "How do I know you're not going to create some sort of way-off theory out of this or something? Or worse, this becomes your obsession?"

"Liv, give me the file, already!" He took it out of her hand then went to his desk. When he finally got a hold of the trial information via Novak, John couldn't shake the awful feeling he was having. There had been another stalking case eerily similar to what was presented at the Keagan trial. John didn't see it then because the pattern hadn't existed until recently.

The criminal check on the guy only came up with the minor charges. However, no one had thought to look at previous cases for a possible pattern. "How thorough was the background check on Keagan?" John asked.

"Thorough enough to give us what we got. Why?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know. It's just that…" He found it at last. "That's it!"

"What is?" Olivia said, now standing beside him to look. "John, I'm not seeing-."

He pointed at a name and address. "What do these people have in common?" Olivia shook her head. "Look at the name of the printing company. That whole bit about the stationary Keagan had with McCoy's name on it – you know the guy would have had to sign in at the check-in point if he stole it from McCoy's office, right? There was no sign of that.

"The only other way Keagan could have gotten a hold of that stationary is if he was at the original source. These three women had orders placed there, too. No one thought about that because we're talking about three different print jobs, two of them a one-time only order, different times and different staff."

"You just shot your theory, John," Olivia said. "If the staff changed, then that means-."

John shook his head. "Work with me, here. What if the owner had to hire temporary help from time to time and on occasion paid the temps under the table?"

"Still with you," she said.

"What if Adrian Keagan was never on the books to begin with?"

------

Nathan Wallace finished unpacking the last of the inventory before he left the work room, putting the assistant in charge. "Yeah," he said, closing the office door behind him then gesturing his guests to sit down, "Rian hung around here once in a while. I couldn't exactly kick him out, you see."

"And why was that?" Munch asked while fiddling with a brochure.

"Well, he's my kid brother and all."

Benson wrote that item down. "He didn't list any relatives and you guys have different-."

"Well," Nathan explained, "our stepfather saw fit to adopt all but the youngest. See, it wasn't a secret from the family that Rian was illegitimate, belonging to neither father. But, I had to look out for him just the same."

"I'm sure he had a difficult time dealing with that," Munch said noting there was next to no resemblance between the man before him and the criminal on the loose. "To be disowned by one father, not adopted by the other must have created some serious issues for him. So, who was the real one responsible?"

"I don't know and I never did speculate. What's the point? The kid needed to stay out of trouble and once in a while wandered in here to lend a hand, sorta. I'd a caught heck if I cut him loose. It wasn't like anything went missing or anything when he was around. But, man…"

"What?" Benson asked.

Nathan shook his head. "How to I describe Rian? He's just…weird. One minute, you think he's there, the next, you're sure you imagined it." Nathan shook his head again. "He gave a lot of my staff the heebie-jeebies. Last time I saw him was a couple of years back. He came in one day when I couldn't afford him to be here, left like maybe fifteen minutes later. Then he shows up again a few days later, same thing."

"And you say nothing was stolen?" Benson repeated.

"No. Nothing. Inventory came in and went as it should. Like I said, he's just weird."

Munch nodded. "Hey, if I wanted to put an order in for some personalized stationary to use at work, how does the turnaround time look for that?"

Nathan got up to grab a calendar from off a file cabinet. "You have an order with us already?"

"No."

"About seven business days counting design, setup, etc."

Munch nodded again. "What if I already had an account with you, a previous order to reprint?"

"Four days." He took out an order form. "Are you interested?"

"Give me a couple of days to look over this," Munch said. "Oh, and how is it usually delivered?"

Nathan gave him a 'that-should-be-obvious' look. "If you're here in town, messenger or regular postal service, it depends on what you want."

"Thanks, again," Munch said as he and Benson took their leave.

"Care to explain any of that, John?" Olivia said as they got in the car, her turn to drive.

John smiled, satisfied. "Keagan timed his visit to alter that order and pick up the extras before anyone noticed. I'm sure of it."

------------------

"I'm sure," Elizabeth Olivet said as she took the proffered cup of tea.

Jack sat down in the chair next to the couch. "I mean it, Liz, if everything isn't all right-."

"I said I'm sure, Jack, now drop it." She leaned forward, elbows propped on her knees as Jack leaned back and away from her.

"You're sure, seriously," he said, concern on his face. "We're all right, you and I? What happened-?"

Liz put on her best poker face. "If you ask me that question one more time, I'll have you diagnosed as OCD, do you hear me?" His face went from concern to stricken. "I'm kidding, Jack." She put a hand first up to her mouth then to his knee. "Oh, my goodness, Jack, I'm kidding!"

He looked down, then about the room before forcing himself to look her in the eye. "I- You-…" He took a deep breath and held it a moment. "Do you have plans for this Saturday?"

Liz wasn't going to push it, not now, not tonight. If it took him this long to accept her apology – and she was pretty certain he didn't based on his argument that she didn't owe him one – she wasn't going to drag the evening out into further agony. "Not that I know of, why?"

"How do you feel about going to a carnival with me?"

Officially, they hadn't done anything together, let alone really spoke together since his first month at-. She decided quickly. "Sure, but you'll need to guarantee finding an adorable person to take along for us to justify being there in the first place, don't you think?"

"I'm sure Merle won't mind."

"Mer-?" Liz cracked up laughing. "Mr. Hans? Your neighbor who told me to slap you for being a, let's see if I get this right… A 'two-timing-Benedick-Don Juan DeMarco-Cassanova' of a gentleman.' End quote."

Jack rubbed his eyes with one hand while Liz held the other and patted it. "Oh, I'm sure he'd love to chaperone us, Jack. Want me to go ask him?"

"No. No, that's…" When he moved his hand away from his face, she saw tears streaming down. In all the time she had known him, she couldn't recall ever seeing him…laugh so hard so silently.

"Yeah," she said, playing this card for all it was worth, "I wouldn't be surprised if Mrs. Richter would want to come along, too."

"Even though she called you a Jezebel?" Jack said.

Liz feigned injury. "Even though. So, we'd have a double date to a carnival and I'm sure that certain people in our circle of acquaintances would want in on the fun. I could just see Lennie now, speaking in a variety of different voices and maybe winning a few marionettes here and there. Maybe, knowing our luck, the evening would end with me as Mr. Hans' partner and you as Mrs. Richter's. Yeah, that would be quite a Saturday night."

By the time she had finished, they fell against each other, laughing hysterically.

"Stop it! You're killing me, Liz!"

"Well, we can't have that. " She put her arms around him and he responded by holding on. Liz kissed him on top of the head. "It's good to have you back."

He kissed the back of her arm. "It's good to have friends to hold on to."

"We'll do whatever it takes to remind you that you're sa-."

Jack sat up, patting her arm. "I'm making that a point to remember," he said, "every day."

Unlike Danielle, Liz insisted on going home to sleep in her own bed. Jack walked her out to her car where they exchanged one more, platonic kiss. He waited until her car rounded the corner before turning to go inside.

A shiver went down his spine. Looking over his left shoulder, he saw the same figure that followed Spencer and him earlier. Narrowing his eyes, Jack could barely make out additional features. Walking backwards up the stairs, he kept his eyes focused on the now silhouette only to lose it once a passing bus sped by.

He would hold on to reality this time, he promised himself. Once back inside his apartment, he locked the door then went to sleep on the couch.