Spencer's POV
I woke up the next day to Toby's alarm going off at 6:30am. He got up an hour and a half before me because I don't start school until 9. He quickly turned off his alarm, assuming he didn't want to wake me. But I was awake so I decided to sit up. "Morning" I yawned
"Go back to sleep, you don't have to get up for another hour and a half. I don't want you to be tired on your first day back" he told me. But it didn't matter how much sleep I got, I was going to be tired either way. I always am lately. But I did what he said, but only for the same reason I do anything lately. To please him. I put my head back in the pillow, and just before he got up, Toby leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. I smiled slightly and he smiled back as he got up and walked to the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on and I closed my eyes. Listening to the water.
I didn't wake up again until my alarm went off at 8:00am. I didn't want to go to school. But I had to. I need to graduate, and my friends will just force themselves into my life if I don't let them. So I got up and went into the kitchen to make coffee. I opened the fridge to get the milk out and sitting there on the second shelf was a cheese sandwich with a note on top. It read:
"EAT!" Toby must have made it for me this morning before he went to work. He shouldn't of. I won't eat it. I'll just throw it out at school. I decided to just get a coffee on the way to school.
I walked into the bathroom to shower. I turned the shower on and got undressed. Once it was hot I got in. I just stood there. Staring at the tiled wall. I looked down at the cuts on my arms and fell into what I thought was a trance and just stared at them. A blank look on my face. But I snapped out of it and finished showering. Once I got out of the shower I had 20 minutes until I had to leave for school. I put a clean bandage on my arm and looked in the mirror. I had dark circles under my eyes and my skin was pale. I was disgusted with myself. I walked out into the bedroom and picked out a pair of skinny jeans and a big jumper. I put them on and grabbed my white doc martinis and chucked them on. I went back into the bathroom with a hair brush and tried to brush out the knots that had been there for days. Once they were all gone I grabbed my bag and keys and went out the door. I walked out into the street and felt a rush of cold air. I hadn't been outside in weeks. Instantaneously I became one of them. One of the tired people rushing through the streets. Exhausted of the same routine every morning. I felt sick. But I ignored it. I needed to suck it up if I was going to make it through the day.
I got to school and stood outside. I took a deep breath and walked in, hoping that I wouldn't see aria, Hanna or Emily. They would just smother me. I walked to my locker and grabbed my books for my first class, which was English. I closed my locker and turned around to see about 8 people staring at me. I guess the word spread that I was taking pills not too long ago. I heard the bell and walked quickly to class. the girls were already there and we're smiling at me. Aria was waving like a mad woman. I forced a smile back and sat in my usual seat in front of Caleb. He just said a simple "hey". I nodded my head and opened my book. I can do this.
When the bell went for lunch I quickly walked out to my locker, shoving my books in my locker before getting attacked by the girls. They engulfed me in a group hug which was more of a 'spencer stands in the middle while the other girls squeeze her to death'
"HEY!" Emily greeted
"Hi" I replied
"I thought we'd never see you again" Hanna said sarcastically
"Yeah I just needed some time off" I said
"Well how are you!" Aria said enthusiastically
"I'm great" I lied
"Good!" Aira shouted.
Before they could say anything else Caleb came by and asked if he could talk to me. I nodded and he proceeded to drag me outside to the lunch area.
"I saw the look on your face and thought I might rescue you." He said
"Thanks, what did you want to talk about" I questioned
"It's about yesterday when I came to see you." He answered
"Oh that, I'm so sorry I tried to hit you with a baseball bat honestly I-"
"Not that." He interrupted
"Then what?" I asked
"There's not really an easy way to say this. Um. Well I mean, I know why your wearing that long sleeve jumper on such a warm day." He answered. I was getting panicky. Does he know? I decided to Deny it. "What do you mean? I'm just cold."
"Spence. Stop it. When you reached up to get the coffee mugs I saw the bandage on you arm." He said plainly. By this point I was basically having a panic attack. He knows.
"Why would you do that. Why would you cut yourself!?" He half shouted. I grabbed his arm and pulled him away to a quieter spot. "You can't tell anyone! Please! Please Caleb you can't tell anyone! Especially Toby!" I yelled
"Spencer! You can't do this to yourself! Why would you want to!" He yelled back
"Because it's the only thing that gets me through the day!" I reasoned "please you can't tell Toby! Or the girls!"
"Spence-"
"Please! Can you please just keep this a secret!" I begged
"Fine. But that doesn't mean I agree with it!" He answered
"Thank you." I said relieved. He then hugged me. I didn't really know why, and I don't think he did either. Once he released, I said "I think I'm gonna go home. This is all, too much" I sighed. I quickly walked away before he could stop me.
Caleb's POV
Spencer ran off home before I could stop her. I called Toby to tell him that spence had gone home early, assuming he would want to know. Once I had ended the Call I went back inside to find Hanna, Aria and Emily walking towards me.
"Where's Spencer?" Hanna asked
"She went home early." I replied
"How come?" Aria asked
"Uh she was tired, wasn't feeling well." I lied
"Oh okay." Aria said, slightly upset.
"Come on, let's grab some lunch." Emily said as we walked off to the cafeteria.
Spencer's POV
Once I got home I immediately dropped to the floor and the tears started flowing out of my eyes. Why was this happening. A knows. Caleb knows. I couldn't help it. I stood up and ran into the bathroom, pulling the razor blades out from the cabinet under the sink, and removing one from the packet. I lifted up my sleeves and undid the bandage on my left arm. I started cutting. One after another. Overlapping, and creating new ones on both arms. More. More. More.
By the time I was done my arms were covered in cuts. The blood sealing from my arms like a waterfall. The tears running down my face were never ending and the drips of red liquid falling on the floor were like dark gems. What a mess I had made. I'm a filthy rotten person. At that moment I was filled with so much hate for myself. But it felt so good. It felt so good to be in control. I turned on the hot water and got undressed. Not caring about the blood seeping into my clothes. I stepped into the shower and screamed at the pain of the water hitting my cuts. I sat on the floor of the shower, staring at my arms when I heard someone shout my name from behind me.
Toby's POV
It was 1:45pm and I was walking up the steps to my apartment. I had gotten a call from Caleb 20 minutes ago saying that Spencer had gone home early. I wanted to make sure she was okay. I opened the door of the apartment and heard a painful scream come from the bathroom. I ran into the bathroom and saw Spencer sitting on the floor of the shower with cuts all over arms and blood rushing down the shower drain. "SPENCER!"
To be continued...
Hope you liked this chapter. Sorry if it was a little short. I wanted to give you guys something to read but I am very busy at the moment so I'm sorry it took s while to add this chapter. Please review! Next chapter will be coming soon!
