Enter Darunia and his infamous girls. They called them his "Diamond Dogs"

As the men entered the Gerudo Fortress in a half intoxicated stupor, beautiful women from the farthest reaches of Hyrule gave them their most seductive looks in hopes of luring one of them into their bed that evening. Link began to believe he was in over his head, but there was no turning back now. The rhythm of the night called to him as he and his counterparts took a seat.

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, Ce soir?

Hey sister, go sister

Soul sister, go sister

The sirens began to dance in a most suggestive manner, as a robustly build Goron entered the hall with more beauties. This was Darunia, and these were his diamond dogs. As the music rose again, Darunia began to rhyme with it, as the women danced more provocatively around him.

If life's an awful bore

And living's just a chore

That you do 'cause death's not fun

I've got just the antidote

And though, I mustn't gloat

At the Gerudo Fortress, you'll have fun…

So scratch that little niggle

Give a little wiggle

You know that you can

Because we can, can, can

Don't say you can't, can't, can't,

You know you can cancan

Suddenly, more men entered the dancehall, dancing equally as tantric as the courtesans of the Gerudo Fortress were. They called out in a chorus to the girls.

Here we are now

Entertain us

We feel stupid

And contagious

Darunia continued his rhymes.

Got some dark desire?

Love to play with fire?

Why not let it rip?

Live a little bit!

Don't say you can't, can't, can't

You know you can cancan!

Outside, it may be raining,

But, in here, it's entertaining!

If you love, love, love

To be free, free, free

The Gerudo Fortress is the place to be!

Outside, things may be tragic

But in here, we feel it's magic.

Suddenly, the music ceased and the women stopped their attempted seductions. After what seemed like an eternity, Darunia commanded his girls and announced to the patrons:

"The cancan"

An unnatural, trance beat filled the air. Darunia's girls arranged themselves to begin dancing again.

Because we can, cancan!

Yes, we can cancan!

Releasing whatever inhibitions he may have harbored, Link belted out amid the chorus of voices:

'Cause it's good for your mind!

Mido cut him off to deliver an important message.

"Mission accomplished, we've successfully evaded Darunia!"

Without warning, all the torches in the room were extinguished, save a circle of them upon the ceiling. A woman was being lowered into the hall on a trapeze-like swing. She was the most strikingly beautiful woman Link had ever seen. Her long, lush red hair trailed to her back and her bronzed skin stood out stunningly against her silver dress.

Link was suddenly ripped from his reverie as Mido spoke in awe.

"It's her! The Fiery Ruby…"

The Fiery Ruby, Nabooru, began to sing in a hypnotizing voice to the sea of men below her.

"The Hylians are glad to die for love.

They delight in fighting duels…"

But someone else was to meet Nabooru that night.

"But I prefer a man who lives

Darunia's investor…

And gives expensive…

Jewels."

...Ganondorf.

Once more, the torches rose to light the room and Nabooru was lowered to the shark-like men below her as she swung around in circles. The band struck up a jazz-swing tune, as Nabooru resumed her song once on the floor and surrounded.

"A kiss on the hand

May be quite continental,

But rubies are a girl's best friend.

A kiss may be grand,

But it won't pay the rental

On your humble flat

Or help you feed your pussycat.

Men grow cold

As girls grow old

And we all lose our charms in the end…

But square-cut or pear-shaped

These rocks don't lose their shape

Rubies are a girl's best friend!"

"When am I going to meet the girl?" enquired the man called Ganondorf, who was sitting at a table, drinking with Darunia. Being the ruler of the Gerudo race, his red hair and tan skin, however, had a sallow tone. He bore a commanding presence, standing nearly seven feet tall and weighing at least 300 pounds. The richest man in the expanse of Hyrule, save for the Hylian king, was also the most cunning; If he wanted something, he would surely obtain it. Unbeknownst to him, however, someone else was planning to meet with his escort; Link.

"After her number, I've arranged a special meeting, just you and Mademoiselle Nabooru, totally alone." Darunia, who also was oblivious to the Bohemian's plan, explained. Mere tables away, Mido was telling Link the same thing.

"Alone?" asked both men in their respective conversations.

"Yes, totally alone."

"'Cause we are living in a material world

And I am a material girl."

"Come and get me, boys!" commanded Nabooru as the crowd closed in on her. Suddenly, she was riding the waves of men, who would do anything to even lay a finger on the stunning courtesan.

Darunia excused himself, as Nabooru beckoned "Talk to me, Darunia! Tell me all about it!"

"There may come a time

When a lass needs a lawyer

But rubies are a girl's best friend!

There may come a time

When a hard-boiled employer

Thinks you're awful nice…"

"Don't worry," Mido said cheerfully as he began to leave the table, "I'll sally forth and queue things up!" But shortly after he left, he stumbled into Ganondorf's table, and spilled his glass of Red potion onto his lap.

"Is Ganondorf here?" asked Nabooru.

"Love, would I let you down?" Came Darunia's calm reply, unaware of the chaos happening at the tables, until he turned around and gasped.

"Terribly sorry!" Mido offered, as he took Ganondorf's handkerchief from his clenched fist and began dabbing at the enraged Gerudo's soaked clothing. Despite Mido's profuse apologies, he was not quite sure they were redeeming him any.

"Well, where is he?" began Nabooru, impatiently.

"He's the one Mido is shaking a hankie at." Panicked Darunia, who saw the scene moments before, but had not seen what Nabooru was seeing at the moment.

"Excuse me, Link, may I borrow?" Mido asked in a most desperate tone as the Kokiri took a fresh handkerchief from Link's tunic. Nabooru saw this and became confused.

"Are you sure?" She asked, not quite sure of how a blonde man with pointed ears could possibly be a Gerudo.

"Let me peek." Darunia said in an equally confused tone. The scene of Ganondorf becoming increasingly angrier with Mido was what the Goron had seen.

"I'm ever so sorry! How embarrassing!" Mido profusely said as Ganondorf became more infuriated by the second, not caring that someone was trying to undo a mistake inflicted upon him.

"That's the one, chickpea." confirmed Darunia. "I hope that demonic little loon doesn't frighten him off!"

Finally, Mido had enough with offering his unrequited kindness to Ganondorf. He lost his temper and shouted, "Clean yourself up, you bourgeois pig!" only to be met by a Moblin with a spear in his hands.

"Sorry." Mido trailed off.

Back in the middle of the dancehall, Darunia and Nabooru disappeared behind the dresses of the cancan dancers, so that they could further discuss what deal was struck and Nabooru could change outfits.

"Will he invest?" the Gerudo woman asked.

"Pigeon! After spending the night with you, how could he refuse?"

"What's his type? Wilting flower? Bright and bubbly? Or smoldering temptress?"

"I'd say smoldering temptress! We're all relying on you, gosling. Remember, a real show in a real theater, with a real audience. You'll be…" the Goron reminded the Gerudo.

"A real actress…" finished Nabooru.

They then rose from their makeshift meeting room so Nabooru could finish her number.

"'Cause that's when those louses

Go back to their spouses

Rubies are a girl's best friend!"

The music ended, and Link started as Nabooru appeared in front of him in her shimmering, pale pink crop top and loose-fitting pants. Seductively, she whispered, "I believe you were expecting me."