A/N: You can call me the dialogue-girl :D
"Are you nuts? I'm not telling Lily about this" James said, put the bottle away and then went to his friend.
"Why? I thought marriage meant you have to tell her everything."
"And I usually do, but this time it would result in her using kedavra on you and our child losing their godfather so I think I'll avoid telling her. And now, you need to get to a shower."
James had a plan. Or a semiplan. Alright, he didn't have a plan, but he had good intensions, and those would have to carry them for some of the way. Phase one would be to get Sirius to look like a humanbeing, it was a task never tried before, but he was an auror, for crying out loud, if this wasn't the kind of darkness he was trained to deal with then what was. After that they would just have to see… (CH 2)
"Hello darling" James said and went to kiss his wife on a cheek.
"Hey Lils" Sirius said but the redhaired witch simply went on washing the dishes, the muggle way.
"Krhm. We came to see Remus" James tried.
"He went out with Peter, something about a girl" Lily said and both she and James startled a little at Sirius' strong reaction.
"Remus has a girl?"
"No, you twat, Peter" Lily said and glanced quickly at Sirius over her shoulder. "Why would Remus have a girl?" she asked.
"Why wouldn't he? Though I don't think I've ever seen him with one" James thought out loud.
"Wait" Lily said, stopped her chore and turned to look at the two darkhaired men. "You do know he's gay, right?" she asked and was stunned at the shocked expressions in front of her. "What kind of friends are you? How do you not know?"
"This is so weird. How have I missed these things? First Sirius, now Remus…" James wondered and ran his hand through his curly mess that sometimes was recognized as hair. "Next Peter comes in and tells me that the girl is really a guy."
"What about Sirius?" Lily asked.
"Oh, um…" James turned red. He hadn't intended to "out" his friend like this, but since it had already slipped… "Sirius is gay too, or bi, or something. Anyways, he's in love with Remus" James explained.
"Wh…" Lily didn't know what to say. She turned to look at Sirius who was sitting and had his face covered with his hands, his whole body shaking.
"Pads? Mate? You alright?" James asked warily and went to rest a hand on his best friend's shoulder.
"He's gay!" Sirius shouted and was laughing hysterically. Or at least it looked like laughing… or maybe it was crying. Either way, it was hysterical. "All these years! All this time, he's been gay. He's been driving me crazy with want, he's been living right next to me, and he's been gay!" The random noise turned into clear sobs and the Potters could see tears on their friend's cheeks.
"You really love him?" Lily asked, still not quite believing. Sirius nodded and sighed.
"But it's too late. He'll never believe me after… Oh Merlin." Sirius covered his face again and shook his head. How had he messed this up so badly?
"What did you do? He's really hurt, but maybe we can work something out so he'll forgive you."
"He won't."
"Sirius" James warned. Lily was kind and understanding, but she would hurt the longhaired man over this.
"I told him that he isn't lovable. That no one will ever love him for what he is" Sirius said, not caring a damn about James. Lily should know. Maybe she would let him from his suffering since Remus obviously wouldn't.
Within seconds Lily had her wand in her hand and she muttered a spell before a yellow light shot at Sirius.
"Lily NO!" James shouted, but he was too late to take the wand. With fear he looked towards what he was sure would be his former best friend's ashes.
"What?" Sirius had stood up and was now wondering a snake around his neck. As he took it in his hand he noticed that it was a simple sand snake, totally harmless.
"What?" James repeated Sirius' earlier statement and they both looked at Lily.
"Remus put a spell on me. I can't inflict physical pain on Sirius" she told them with her arms crossed to her chest and a murderous look in her beautiful eyes. "Why he's protecting you I haven't the faintest."
"That makes two of us."
"Sweetheart. You have to understand that Sirius is…" James tried, relived that Remus was farsighted about Lily, but was quickly cut off.
"I understand fully well what Sirius is, he's a snake! He should've been a slytherin!"
"Lily!" All three of them turned to look at Remus who walked in and scolded Lily with a look. "That wasn't fair. Hello James, Sirius" he greeted them both and went to put a kettle on."
"Fair? What about what he did to you?" Lily asked, enraged.
"Ah. You needn't to tell them" Remus said and glanced at his former friend. Former… the thought of it hurt him.
"They had the right to know just how horrible person I am" Sirius answered nervously.
"If that's how you see it" was all Remus said.
"Lily, dearest, I need you to help me with something" James said, changing the subject.
"Oh?"
"Upstairs."
Lily looked at her husband, knowing perfectly well that he simply wanted her to leave the room with him.
"Fine." The married couple left the kitchen and left the two young men alone.
"Prongs, ever so subtle" Remus chuckled and poured himself a cup of tea. He could pretend that he wasn't nervous, that he didn't need the Sirius to leave before he could breathe, but the other man's presence still gave him goose bumps.
"Remus?" Sirius cautiously said the other man's name and slowly moved closer.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry." It didn't even begin to cover it, but that was all he could think of.
"It's okay" Remus said but didn't turn to look at Sirius.
"No it's not."
"No, it's not" Remus confirmed and looked at Sirius who was ready to crawl by now.
"I'll do anything" he said ans his voice cracked.
"There's no point discussing this Sirius."
Sirius. Not Padfoot.
"Yes, there is. I don't want to lose you. Tell me I didn't lose you" Sirius pleaded.
Remus looked at his old friend with surprise and disbelief. Who was this? Surely not the confident Sirius Black who never begged anyone for anything.
"I'm still here" Remus answered and felt his heart melt a little. It was almost painful to see the other man in a state like this; state that went against his very nature.
"So you'll come home?" Sirius asked with obvious hope in his voice.
"Sirius…"
"Please. I promise I'll be better. I'll clean!"
Remus would've laughed but there really wasn't anything merely humorous about this.
"I can't. I'm sorry, I just… Well, if you think about it I really should've moved out years ago."
"What? Why?"
Because I love you and you keep hurting me. Because I can't move on before I move out. Because you'll never want me like I want you. All these thoughts went through Remus' head, but he didn't voice any of them.
"It would be easier for you. You could bring over who you wanted, when you wanted and I wouldn't be on the way."
"I don't want to bring anyone over, I want you!" Sirius cried out. Why was Remus being so cool-blooded about all this.
"I know it's a bit like Hogwarts with me as your roommate, but it's time to grow up. For both of us."
"I am grown up, and you've never been anything but! But that's not what I'm talking about" Sirius closed most of the distance between them and tried to figure out what it was that he wanted to say. "I don't want you back because you're a good roommate, I want you back because I love you. And not like a brother, not like James. I'm in love with you. I want to make love to you, to wake up next to you, to take a bath and eat breakfast with you. I want to come home to you, into your arms" Sirius ended his rant and dared himself to look right into Remus' eyes. He didn't like what he saw.
"How… Why would you say that?" Remus asked with a quivering voice. He was pale as a ghost and had tears in his eyes.
"Moony…"
"Don't call me that! Why… Why do you want to hurt me like this?"
"I'm not! I really do love you" Sirius said and tried to put his hands on Remus' shoulders but the werewolf fled his touch.
"Stop saying that! You don't love me! No one can love me because of what I am, remember?"
Sirius' heart broke at the words and the sight of the hurt man in front of him. Of course Remus believed it, why wouldn't he when that was all he had been told over the years. And for someone like Sirius to say it…
"That's not true! You have to know it's not. I didn't mean it. Please Moony."
"I told you not to call me that! I hate you Sirius Black! I hate you. I didn't before, I didn't think I ever could, but now… I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I never want to see you again!" Remus ran off and left Sirius to stand there with tears streaming down his cheeks. That was that. Remus hated him, and Remus never hated anyone.
"Pads" it was James.
Sirius wiped the tears away and turned to look at his friends. James looked dreadful and even Lily had pity in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Prongs. I'll go."
"You'll be okay?" Lily asked and caressed Sirius' cheek. Sirius was sure his voice would fail him so he simply shook his head, took a step back and apparated.
The Potters hugged each other and Lily sighed.
"I'm not surprised, but I am sorry" Lily said.
"You and me both precious" James said and kissed his wife, grateful that he had his great love right there in his arms. If only his friends could find the same, even if finding it in each other seemed more unlikely now than it ever had before.
A/N: Next one, next one, next one! I'm anxious about that one, I'm not saying that they'll make up, but it will be putting the M into the rating :) And as always, your love in form of reviews is what keeps me going on ;)
