A/N:
I never overtly state that this is to be gen. I said that I MIGHT make it gen.
It's not like I WANT to make this a gen fic. This is Highschool DxD after all, so not having pairings is basically criminal. It's just that... I don't see how a pairing would work for Harry. Issei? Sure. Harry... Well...
... If someone has a solution for that little problem, if anybody can give me a logical explanation for how any sort of pairing would work, feel free to tell me. Otherwise... It's gen all the way, at least for Harry. So, gen fic out of necessity, not because I want to make it gen.
And if you tell me to make it a slash-fic... That's not my cup of tea. Go read another story. Sorry, but I'm not that kind of guy...
I could get into a rant on how I'm not on board with pairings as well, but...
Disclaimer now, before one of the throngs of people that I invariably pissed off decide to take my head off. Ah, the woes of a shitty author...
High School DxD is a Japanese light novel series written by Ichiei Ishibumi and illustrated by Miyama-Zero. Harry Potter is a series of seven fantasy novels written by the British author J. K. Rowling. This is a fan-based... Something. Please support the official release.
Warning: OOC, AU (Heavily so), Still-iffy-on-pairings (It's either single, boy-girl pairings, harems, or gen at this point, and I'm leaning heavily towards gen) Master of Death! Harry, possible OC's, blood and guts, swearing, ranting (If loud, pompous monologues aren't your thing, turn back now), poor grammar/syntax at times, strange logic (For the author is a flaming idiot), infrequent updates, overuse of commas, extremely long warnings, as well as...
...Insane, illogical author. Who is a flaming turkey.
Hopefully that warning didn't put anybody off. If you actually read through that warning without flinching, well... Here's an internet cookie.
Enjoy. Viewer discretion is advised.
Chapter Three: Checkmate
"UOOOOH!" Issei shouted, as he pedaled his bicycle at full throttle. The reason?
Because he couldn't travel through the magic circle, he was forced to utilize the old-fashioned method of traveling: By bike.
And that's where we find our protagonist, biking through the streets in order to find the house of his contractee, for this was... The second contract he had!
... It took him an entire night to complete his first contract, and now the bike-ride was a thirty minute drive to his second contract's apartment.
"UOO- Huh? Hey, isn't that Potter-san?"
Indeed, a very disheveled, tired-looking Harry Potter was making his way back to the school, on foot.
"I wonder what happened to him..." Issei wondered. "He seems worn out, and depressed..."
He shrugged. It really wasn't any of his business after all.
Back to pedaling.
"UOOOH!"
The door to the Occult Research slammed open.
Rias blinked.
"Oh, is Harry back?"
Instantaneously, a thumping noise emitted from the entrance as Harry fell over in a dead faint.
"Ah! What happened to you!" Rias shouted, as she ran over to Harry's crumpled form and began checking over his body.
Harry sniffled a little.
"It was so horrible..." He whispered. "I'm... I'm... I'm sorry... Buchou..."
"Shh, shh... It's okay..." Rias said consolingly. "Just... Tell me what happened."
"I... It was terrible... The sailor suits! Oh, God! The Sailor Suits!"
Harry winced.
"Ow. Now I have a migraine."
"Ah, but... Did you complete the contract?"
"Buchou... I just barely... Escaped... Twenty-four... Hours... So tired..."
Rias blinked. Ah, that was correct. This time, she made SURE to look for Harry (How did she overlook him the first time around anyways?), and couldn't find him anywhere. Naturally, she assumed that he was still completing his contract.
It looks like that assumption was correct.
"Buchou... Can... Can you do something... For me...?"
"Yes, Harry? What is it?"
"I... I left the chicken... In the oven... Before coming to the clubroom today... Can... Can you go check on it... For me?"
"Ah! Okay!"
"Thanks..."
Harry fainted.
"Oh come on! It can't have been that bad, right?"
Harry glowered at Issei.
"Right...?"
"Buchou had to send me to the hospital."
"... That bad?"
Harry nodded slowly, before slowly moving his glasses down the bridge of his nose, until he could stare directly into Issei's eyes.
"Do you see it? Do you see the pain that I had to go through?" Harry hissed. "It wasn't fun. It wasn't. Fun. Not at all. Oh god! The Sailor Suits! The anime! The horrors!"
He fell to the floor and began writing about, trying to claw his own eyes out.
"I had thought I had seen it all! Make it stop! Make it stop!"
"... How long has he been like this...?" Issei asked incredulously.
"For quite some time." Rias deadpanned as she walked into the room. "Yes, he was hospitalized, by the way. I'm seriously considering putting that specific contractee off limits."
"And to make matters worse... I didn't even complete the contract." The black-haired boy sighed in a fit of depression.
"Well, he did give you a glowing review. You conducted yourself excellently, up until the last hour... When you... Apparently snapped, and dove out of the window of a two-story building." Rias sighed. "Incidentally... I checked on your house. Harry, I'm sorry to tell you this, but..."
"The chicken got burned to a crisp, didn't it."
"Yes. You're actually quite lucky that your house didn't burn down, although your oven is also ruined."
"... I... Can... I go home now...?"
"Yes, you may."
And so it was that a very beleaguered and exhausted Harry James Potter made his way home. Rias watched him go, before turning to Issei with a brilliant smile on her face.
"So, Issei! How did your contract go?"
The brown-haired boy sweat-dropped.
"Ah...ehehe..."
"No Death, that's not funny." He hissed. "You're obviously a sadist if you think that was funny!"
He paused and sighed, before turning back to the mess of charcoal that used to be his chicken.
"Regardless..." Harry shook his head. "Enough. Are you going to tell me more about this dimension, or not?"
A brief moment of silence in this one-sided conversation.
"Fine. Be evasive then."
Another pau-
"Wha-! Are you... No!"
Harry banged his head against his table, as he continued surveying the blackened mess that used to be his 'dinner' of a day ago in an attempt to see if anything could be salvaged from the mess.
So far, he wasn't having any luck in that attempt.
"No, I do not need to lighten up. That won't help me lighten up! The worst part is, you weren't even trying to be perverted or funny! You genuinely thought that me getting some would put me in a better mood! You were serious about it, because you don't understand humor... No! It wouldn't!"
Another pause.
"How would that work anyways?" Harry asked, this time genuinely curious. "Would that be cradle-robbing, grave-digging, tomb-robbing, or necrophilia?"
"..."
"No, seriously. How would that work? What would the proper term for that be-"
Harry whipped his head around in order to scrutinize the blond-haired boy who coughed politely behind him, in an attempt to get his attention.
"Yuuto-san! How did you get here- Wait, never mind, the answer to that question is obvious. Er... Why are you here? Are you here to rob me?"
Kiba blinked. How did he come to that conclusion...?
"No, that's not it. Er... Does Buchou want something from me? Is that it?"
"Yes..."
"Alright, let's go." The black-haired boy shrugged nonchalantly.
"Er... Potter-san?"
"Hmm?"
Kiba coughed again. "Who... Who were you talking to...?"
"Oh, Death? He's my personal Reaper. Incidentally, he's also a complete pervert, and a pedophile. Don't pay attention to anything he says, he gets under your skin sometimes. Though he can get pretty serious and grim. I guess that's because he's the Grim Reaper, right?"
Kiba blinked. "... Er..."
"Don't worry, Yuuto-san, I also consider you a friend, if that's what you were worried about."
...
Yes, Kiba realized. Harry James Potter was obviously insane.
"Don't ever get close to a Church again."
Harry blinked. It seemed like Issei was being scolded by Rias for helping out a nun.
He idly noted that Rias seemed pretty... Pretty mad.
"To Devils, any Church is the territory of the enemy. Even taking one step into a Church would be an affront. Because what you did was an act of kindness, you weren't harmed, but the Angels are always on the lookout. It wouldn't have been strange for someone to hit you with a spear of Light."
Oh ho? Issei did something crazy like that? Harry glanced at the shocked boy.
... He probably did it for the breasts.
"Don't get involved with people from the Church. Especially the Exorcists. The Exorcists can easily eliminate us because their powers are supported by God's will, and it's worse if the Exorcist has a Sacred Gear."
"Y-Yes."
Harry zoned out a little bit and began whispering under his breath.
"God? So, there's actually a God?"
"..."
"Oh my. So, beings strong enough to kill God exist then?"
"... I see." Harry looked up to see that-
"You all... Want something?"
"Harry... You heard my warning, right?"
"Don't go near a church, yeah. Got it!" The black-haired boy flashed a thumbs-up at Rias.
Rias chuckled. "Good. By the by... We received an order for a hunt from the Arch Duke. There's a Stray Devil in town."
"Wow. That's fugly." Harry muttered. "Er, Buchou? I have a question..."
"Yes?"
"Are all Stray Devils that ugly? Because, that's just... It's not the worst thing ever, but still..."
A topless woman had appeared from the shadows, you see. However, the woman's body was floating.
Issei blinked. "Ugly? What the heck are you talking about! That's very clearly, not ugly at all! Those boobies... Hehe... Boobies..."
It was then that the Stray Devil revealed itself. It was a grotesque... Thing, that had the body of a gigantic beast-thing for the bottom half of its body and a woman's torso and waist for the upper portion of its body.
Issei paled.
"What...?"
"Hm. It looks kind of mangy..."
"Oi, oi! How are you remaining so calm!"
Harry blinked.
"I said that this thing was fugly. I never said it was scary... You want to see scary, I have traumatic experiences from a few nights ago I can share with you." He deadpanned.
Rias cleared her throat.
"Exiled-devil Vaizor. We are here to eliminate you"
"Ha! You sure are cunning for a little girl! I guess, I'll have to rip apart your body, and color it red, just like your hair!"
"I don't know, that seems unhygienic to me." Harry muttered. "Blood can carry all sorts of diseases, not to mention its a pain to get out of certain fabrics. Well, you're a fugly beast anyways, so a little blood here and there might actually help accentuate your more attractive features."
Cue sweatdrop.
"I wonder, would blood work as a lipstick? A nail-polish?"
The stray devil however took no notice of his words. She just began laughing, and her laughter got progressively louder and louder. The Gremory Peerage watched as Vaizor grabbed her breasts and... A magic circle formed on her nipples...
(I feel so damn bad for writing that... Dirty... Dirty...)
And... Acid spewed forth. From her nipples.
... Really...?
Harry deadpanned.
What.
Issei on the other hand... Well, he was kind of lamenting over the fact that-
"No! The breasts! How... How could they do that! No! Ruined, ruined I tell you, ruined!"
... Yeah, ignore him for now.
"Ahem... I think that this is a good time to continue from yesterday's lecture. That is to say, I'll explain more about the Evil Piece system."
Rias nodded to Kiba. "Yuuto."
"Yes!" Yuuto moved towards Vaizor with incredible speed, pulling his sword out of his sheath.
"Yuuto's position is that of the [Knight]. The main strength of a Knight is extreme speed. Those who become a [Knight] will have their speed increased."
Just like Buchou said, Kiba's speed increases, and eventually, his movements were essentially impossible to see with the naked eye.
Vaizor was definitely having a hard time trying to hit the fast blond.
"Not to mention, Yuuto's extremely proficient with a blade."
"Gah!"
Vaizor's arms flopped to the floor, trailing arcs of blood.
"That's his power. Hyper-speed combat, and professional sword skills. Koneko!"
"... Hai, Buchou."
The tiny girl moved forwards to engage the Stray Devil, tagging out with Kiba as she did so.
"O... Oi! Are you sure that's going to be fine?" Issei yelled nervously.
"It's alright. Because, Koneko is a [Rook]. And you see, the trait of a Rook is its-"
"Damn insect! Die! Die!"
The giant monster tried to stomp on the little girl with its foot. Unfortunately...
Issei's jaw dropped.
... The foot never hit the ground.
"-Absolute strength. Not to mention, a [Rook] usually has very high defense. Therefore, it's impossible for a Devil of that calibre to crush Koneko."
The white-haired girl then proceeded to throw the massive monster that was several times larger than her into the air.
"Wha-"
And then jump into the air and punch it into the ground.
Harry blinked.
"... Oh my. That's impressive."
"Akeno."
"Yes, Buchou. Ara ara, what should I do? Ufufufu..."
Harry felt a massive chill of foreboding creep across his being.
"... Something bad... Is about to happen."
"Akeno is a [Queen]. She's the one who is the strongest after me. She is the unbeatable Vice-president of our club who has all the traits of a [Pawn], [Knight], [Bishop], and [Rook].
"Gah! You damn brat!"
Akeno made her way to Vaizor's prone form, before laughing.
"Ara ara... You still have some fight in you? Well then..."
In an instant, a lightning bolt hit the Stray Devil, who got electrified violently. Smoke began to rise from its blackened form.
"Ufufufu... That isn't it, right? You can take more, right? Ufufufufufu..."
Another lightning bolt. And then another. And another.
Harry and Issei shivered as they caught a glimpse of the girl's expression. That is... She's smiling. And it seems like she's enjoying Vaizor's torture.
She's fraggin' LAUGHING for crying out loud.
The black-haired boy shook a little. "... Oh dear. So... Is she..."
"Akeno excels at attacks using demonic powers, so things like fireballs, blizzards and lightning bolts are fairly commonplace for her. But, her most important trait is that, well... she's the ultimate sadist."
Issei paled, while Harry's glasses slipped off of his face.
... Oh dear.
"Usually, she's very kind, but once a battle starts, well..."
Rias gestured to where Vaizor was being electrocuted.
"... That happens."
"... I'm scared of Akeno-san."
"You don't have to be afraid, Issei. Akeno is very kind to her comrades, and she even said that you were cute. I don't think that you're going to have a problem."
"Ufufufufufufufu. How much of my lightning can you take? Oh, hold on, you can't die yet, okay? The one to finish you off has to be my master. I can still have fun though, so... Ufufufufu! Ohohohoho!"
Harry raised his hand timidly.
"Buchou. I'm not cute and cuddly like Issei. Er... What should I do..."
"Harry, it'll be fine. Akeno won't hurt you... She shouldn't hurt you..." Rias frowned. "You haven't angered her, so she shouldn't hurt you, right?"
Issei and Harry exchanged a look of understanding.
Yes, Devils were in fact very, very scary.
"Any last words?"
On the floor, a blackened, twisted charred mess that used to be a monster twitched. It looked like Harry's burned chicken.
"... Please, kill me..."
One blast of demonic energy from Rias later, and Vaizor's final wishes were answered.
Poor beastie.
"Er, hold on Buchou." Harry coughed into his hand. "Aren't there two pieces that you didn't mention? What about the [Pawn] and the [Bishop]?
"Ah yes. Well, those are your roles you see. A [Bishop] Bishops gain enhanced magical abilities which they can use to conjure up a multitude of spells, be it for offensive or defensive use. So essentially, strong magic users. Harry, you're my second [Bishop]."
"Awesome."
"And Issei, well... You're my [Pawn]. The traits of the [Pawn] is the ability to promote into a Queen, Rook, Knight, or Bishop when in enemy territory, or with the permission of the [King]."
Issei's face fell almost instantly.
"So, what you're saying, is that Hyoudou-san is essentially... His role is cannon fodder." Harry deadpanned.
"Well, I wouldn't put it so bluntly, but..."
"Okay." Harry turned to Issei. "So, how do you feel about that? Aren't you excited?"
"Screw you!"
"... Was it something I said...? What did I say..."
A/N:
And here we have a divergence from canon. Whoo! Whoo!
Yes, Harry is a [Bishop]. Well, he is a crazy wizard. A spellcaster-type role would fit him to a t, if you ask me. And really, what else could he be? Rook, lol nope. Knight? Er... Can't really see it. It was either that or a Pawn and Pawns are overdone in my opinion.
The peerage still think that Harry doesn't have any redeemable features. For all intents and purposes, he's appeared as a regular guy, so they all think he's just a slightly insane boy who got dropped into a cruel world with no way of defending himself. That's why even though his piece is worth three Pawns, they all think that right now he's absolutely useless and needs to be trained in order to become useful.
And no, scythes are not overdone. Interpret that however you will.
Of course, this means I'm going to be going about a different route in the next few chapters, because, well... You'll just have to see.
This chapter has not been beta-read yet. Sorry about that, I'll send it in as soon as possible to my beta.
Constructive criticism is appreciated. Flames will be read, laughed at, and discarded. (No, Flames are not constructive criticism. If you actually think that... If it please your highness... Get the fuck off of my story.)
This is where I insert a witty statement to leave my readers with a good last impression. However, apparently I'm a bad author who should kill himself (As one douchebag eloquently pointed out in a PM), I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'll ask a question and see how many people review with an answer to said question in order to see if anybody actually reads these stupid A/N's because if they don't then I can shorten them.
How many people think the Naruto manga is going down the toilet, because I sure as hell do. And Bleach. Is it just me, or is Bleach also going down the crapper?
Now I'm gone.
