Sirius practically jumped onto Remus's bed,with a quill and parchment in hand, making Remus lose grip of his book and lose his pages. Feeling particularly irritable with the moon coming up the next day, he kicked Sirius's leg. "You're an idiot, you know that?"
"I need you to check my Charms essay. Did I use this quote right or is it obvious that I just used it because it took up more parchment space?" Sirius asked, pointing to a sentence with his quill.
Remus glanced at it. "You used it right. Surprisingly."
"You hurt me, Moony," Sirius said, dramatically splaying a hand over his chest before sitting up straight, cross-legged on the bed as Remus tried to find his pages, finding himself grinning despite the disturbance. Instead of leaving, Sirius dipped into the pot of ink that open on Remus' nightstand and continued writing next to his friend.
It had only been a couple of days since their conversation in the tower, but things had more or less fallen back in step with their friendship. Which is why, Remus suddenly thought, that maybe it was the right time to tell him. If they were being honest with each other, Remus should be able to tell him that he wasn't comfortable having him there during full moons yet.
He didn't realize that he'd been staring until Sirius looked up from his essay. "What?"
Remus quickly tore his eyes away from him and back to his book. "Nothing. Just can't believe you're actually doing homework before the day it's due."
"Yeah, well, I'd rather use my break tomorrow sleeping than rushing this essay."
The door of their dorm opened and Peter peeked in. "Are you two coming? James is is probably already on the way because he just came from a meeting with McGonagall about tryouts."
Remus looked at the clock and saw that Defense Against the Dark Arts was starting in a while. He groaned, feeling knackered despite not having any classes yet today.
"Yeah, yeah," Remus said, getting off the bed and putting on his shoes. "Sirius?"
Sirius was getting off the bed as well, running his hands through his locks. "You two go ahead. I'll catch up."
Remus frowned as he grabbed his bag. "Why?"
"I'll be at the loo. I have to fix my hair," he said, as if it was obvious, before disappearing into their bathroom.
Remus rolled his eyes and looked at Peter, who shrugged.
"You can't be surprised at this point," Peter said, holding the door open for him.
Remus chuckled as he left the room with Peter. "That's true."
As they walked down and out of the Gryffindor Common Room, Peter asked, "Have you told him yet?"
"Told him what?" Remus asked, fixing his eyes on the floor as they walked.
"That you still don't want him to come with us tomorrow?"
"I… Well…"
Peter stopped in his tracks. "You're joking!"
Remus halted as well, turning to where Peter was standing. "I know, I know. Everything's just been so normal the past couple of days that I don't want to ruin it."
Peter shook his head. "You're smarter than this. You know he'll be more upset the longer you wait to tell him, right?" he asked, as they start to walk again.
"I'm aware of that, Peter," Remus mumbled.
Peter sighed. "I'm not trying to attack you."
Remus nodded. "No, I know. You're right. I'll have to tell him later, don't I?"
After Potions class, a subject that he, Sirius, and James were continuing, Remus went up with Sirius to the owlery as James headed to Quidditch tryouts, muttering angrily about how every year, there is a group of first years who sign up just to fall off brooms even after being told that no first year has been allowed into the team in decades.
"Who's it for?" Remus asked, nodding his head towards the letter in Sirius' hand as they walked up the tower where the owlery was located.
"Uncle Alphard," Sirius answered, looking at the letter fondly. "James' parents wrote to me saying that Uncle Alphard managed to smuggle more of my stuff out of Grimmauld Place and dropped it off at the Potters'. Not most of it. Just the rest of my clothes and a few records. Still, I wanted to say thank you and ask him if I could visit him over the break."
"That's nice of him. This is the uncle that you and Andromeda always visited right?" Remus asked, remembering her as the Slytherin Head Girl from when they were first years. He still recalled how she would spend time with Sirius instead of mocking him after the Sorting ceremony like his other cousins and did.
Sirius nodded. "He was livid when they blasted her off that disgusting tapestry. He was always sticking up for the two of us. I don't even know how he managed to keep himself from getting blasted off as well."
They reached the owlery and Sirius attached his letter to the leg of one of the school owls. He and Remus watched the owl fly away.
"Hey, Sirius?"
"Yeah?"
"About the full moon tomorrow…"
Sirius turned to him. "Oh, don't worry. I'll behave, I promise. I'll even take extra measures this time -"
"Sirius, that's not -" Remus tried to explain, before sighing as Sirius cut him off again.
"No, no, I know. Snivellus. I'll avoid him."
"Sirius…"
"Even I do run into him I won't…" he trailed off. "What is it?"
"You know that I'm glad we're friends again but…"
"Oh," Sirius whispered, an expression of realization dawning on his face.
"I'm sorry," is all Remus could manage. Any sort of explanation at this point just felt awkward and he knew that Sirius would understand. Still, it didn't make him feel less terrible.
Sirius nodded, smiling but Remus could see the hurt in his eyes. "Not a big deal, mate. I get it."
"Are you sure? Because I understand if you're-"
"It's fine." His smile still plastered on his face.
They stood there awkwardly, until Sirius cleared his throat. "Anyway, I have to go finish that essay," he said, turning around and starting to walk away.
"See you at dinner!"
"Yeah, see you," Sirius called back, without turning around.
"This is your fault," Remus muttered as he walked across the grass with James and Peter for Herbology the next day. It was another class Remus thought he might as well take for his future desperate attempt to find a job after Hogwarts. James and Peter, on the other hand, were more than happy to continue the subject. They never quite cared about it before, but after a year of running around in their Animagi forms in the forests, they had grown fascinated by the strange plants they found in their adventures.
"I'm sorry I forced you to be a decent person and tell him the truth," Peter said sarcastically.
Remus groaned. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. Just feeling rubbish. And furious. At myself," he clarified, before Peter could counter him again.
"You shouldn't!" James said immediately. "I talked to him. He's fine. Doesn't hate you if that's what you're thinking."
"I know he doesn't. But he's still acting strange again. Didn't talk to me at dinner yesterday or at breakfast. It feels like a step back."
James shook his head and elbowed Remus. "Nah, come on. He'll get over it."
Remus didn't say anything, just shrugging in response.
"Cheer up, Moony," Peter said. "I heard we're dealing with Venomous Tentaculas today!"
James laughed. "Remember that full moon where Padfoot was grabbed by the ankle and thrown by one of those nasty vines? It was brilliant! No wonder Sirius doesn't want to continue the subject, he'd rather -"
James stopped abruptly as he noticed Lily walking just a few steps behind them
"Oh, Evans, how are y-"
"Not today, Potter," she muttered, trying to overtake them on the way to the greenhouses.
However, before she could, in her rush, her foot got caught on a rock and she started to tumble over. James dropped his books and caught her by the arm and waist before she could hit the ground.
She grabbed onto his shoulder as she pulled herself up, hiking the strap of her bag back onto her shoulder. Letting go of him, she rolled her eyes. "Thank you," she said, sounding like the words pained her. "But if that was a jinx just you could swoop in and -" she cut herself off as James, instead of replying, crouched down to pick up the books on the ground, some of which were Lily's, first. He handed her books to her, with a smile so polite and sincere that Peter and Remus glanced at each other as they watched the two carefully, as if scared that Lily was going to whip out her wand to jinx James.
James just shook his head. "It wasn't. I swear. I don't blame you for thinking that, of course. But it wasn't." He pointed his wand at Lily's books, muttering a scouring charm to clean the mud off the covers.
Lily squinted at James. "...Right then." She turned to Remus, glaring at him - a look that Remus read as You better tell me what he's playing at, being all polite and respectful suddenly, soon because it's not working on me anyway - before continuing her way to the greenhouses.
"What was that about?" Remus asked James in a tone that he realized sounded accusing only after he said it.
"I told you I was going to try and stop being a wanker," James said as he cleaned off his books as well.
"So this is part of that? This isn't some new plan?" Peter asked suspiciously
James tilted his head, as if not getting why his friends were confused. "Dunno. We've got more things to worry about at this point, don't we?" James continued walking after putting his books into his bag.
Peter raised his eyebrows at Remus, who just shrugged.
Remus' bones were aching and he could just imagine how pale he looked as he could feel all the blood drain from his face. He already felt out of breath as he walked to the Hospital Wing. He regretted pushing himself to go to his classes today. He usually didn't on the day of the moon, but his schedule was packed and his subjects were more advanced this year. The thought of work he had to catch up on after the full moon made him anxious.
He felt silly still being required by Dumbledore to be escorted by Madam Pomfrey to the Whomping Willow and to the Shrieking Shack every month, especially knowing that when he got there, James and Peter would already be waiting for him in one of the rooms underneath the invisibility cloak. They always went ahead, it was more difficult to sneak out after the dark, they figured, realizing that that was when Snape and his friends would be watching them closely and when more prefects were out patrolling. Besides, Dumbledore had also instructed some of the teachers to patrol the grounds a bit at night this school year. He didn't mention why but Remus figured it was extra security measures now that war was starting to getting worse.
Remus was feeling more nervous than usual. This was his first full moon since the Snape incident. He didn't know what to expect. Throughout the day he'd been picturing scenarios of Snape waiting at him at the Shack when he got there or him encountering Remus and his friends in Animagi form while they ran around Forbidden Forest. Cringing at the latter scenario, he made a mental note to ask his friends if they could stay in the grounds and forests by Hogsmeade instead of running back down the tunnel to roam school grounds like they sometimes did.
It wasn't just that either. While he kept more of himself intact during transformations when his friends were there with him, there were still near misses. Sometimes they'd run into people in the forests by Hogsmeade at night or see students who must have snuck out loitering at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. They never came to face to face with Remus; maybe Wormtail, Prongs, or Padfoot on occasion, but never Remus. Still, he was sure that they must have caught glimpses of him and just dismissed it as their eyes playing on tricks on them so late into the night. He knew that he could've hurt them if his friends weren't quick on their feet during their adventures or if the fraction of his mind he had started to keep during transformations lapsed a few seconds while his friends were too far away. They always just laughed about it afterwards the morning after when they'd have near-encounters with humans. Remus never really felt the magnitude of what he was actually risking until the night James saved Snape from him. He felt stupid. He knew that it wasn't just his friends who had to be more responsible when it came to his condition. He did too.
He had told James to make sure he didn't let the wolf even remotely near the edges of the forests now or the nearby villages. He wished it was enough. Locking the wolf up in the Shack often resulted to him hurting himself more over the night. The lack of new scars and severe bruises on his skin the past year because of his friends has left Madam Pomfrey perplexed, but she eventually attributed it to Remus getting stronger. Remus hoped that she meant it and that she wasn't just hiding her suspicions.
"Remus!"
Remus snapped out of his thoughts just as he was at the doors to the Hospital Wing. Turning around, he saw Sirius jogging up to him.
As Sirius reached him, he found himself smiling. Sirius hadn't talked to him at all the past 24 hours.
"I'm sorry," Sirius managed to say, sounding out of breath. "I'm sorry."
Remus furrowed his brow. "What? For what, mate?"
"For acting strange and bitter because of you not…" Sirius trailed off, looking guilty. "Just wanted to see you before you went. Make sure you don't feel bad about it."
Warmth spread throughout Remus' chest, his anxieties temporarily tamed as he nodded. "I… 'Course… Thanks for that."
Sirius smiled. "Er… have fun?"
Remus laughed. "I'll try."
