Chapter 3: Empty Spaces
The drive from the airport only took fifteen minutes and we were down the road from the complex. We started out talking but the closer we got the shorter my responses got, until there wasn't any answer at all. Any direction I looked there was a memory. I haven't been to the apartment since our last leave. For the service I stayed in a hotel I couldn't face being in the apartment alone. Katie pulled into a spot out front and turned the Comet off.
"Katie…"I said looking up at the apartment, I could see the flag in Elijah's window.
"Yea Jaz," she asked.
"Can I do this alone?"
"Of course, key is where it always is. I can run to the store and pick up dinner. I just dusted I didn't move anything. I will be back later."
"Thanks Katie." I said getting out and pulling my backpack out of the back seat. "I will come back for those when you get back later."
"See you in a little bit." I said walking toward the building. The Comet engine was running again and Katie pulled away waving before leaving the lot.
I had to take the stairs to get to the key which is kept taped under the fire extinguisher on the second floor. Our apartment was on the third so who would look there or find the right door. One of Elijah's many ideas after I locked myself out for the upteenth time. I grabbed the key and headed up the last flight of stairs. Walked down the hall and stopped outside the door. #12 that was the number on the door, our door. I slide the key in the knob, turned, and pushed the door open. Now I just had to cross the barrier and walk inside. I just have to walk inside one foot and then the next.
A deep breathe later and I walked inside. It's been ten months since the last time I was here. Everything was exactly the same. I don't know why I thought it would be any different,, no one has been here. I closed and locked the door behind me. The book I didn't get a chance to finish during last leave was open in half on the coffee table next to two PS4 remotes. Being here was like walking into a brand new yet familiar place.
I walked down the hall and set my pack down outside my door and went into the next room, Elijah's. His room was always perfect same for his bunk space in the Quonset hut, everything had a place. I walked over to his bed and picked up his black Delta Force sweatshirt. When we got back to base, he was so mad that he had left in the apartment. I brought the sweatshirt to my nose and took a big whiff. It still had faint traces of him. I curled up on his bed holding his sweatshirt tightly between my arms. Suddenly I was tired and didn't want to go to my room. Elijah's room was safe.
Sleep has been hard for me to come by ever since Tehran, but here sleep came naturally. Memories flooded my dreams, getting ice cream with E after going to the range, running in the Raleigh Half Marathon then waiting for him at the finish line case I edged him out by two miles. Playing PS4 in the living room and the time E put a hole in the wall by throwing his remote when I beat him yet again after playing for six hours. The memories play through my mind like a movie reel one after the next.
The door to the apartment closed and for one moment I was prepared to hear Elijah's voice call out my name, but it was Katie. Coming out of sleep I could have sworn it would be Elijah walking through the door, my mind forgot that can never happen. Katie walked into his room as I was opening my eyes.
"Hey I didn't know you were sleeping." Katie said standing in the doorway.
"It's okay I should get up," I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I pulled E's sweatshirt on and stood up from his bed. "Let's go get the stuff from the car and eat. I'm starving." Katie nodded gazing at the sweatshirt and then I followed her down the hall.
We were able to get everything into the apartment in two trips. Katie got the ingredients to make fajitas. I asked her if I could help but she said she had it under control. It wasn't until Amir started cooking more meals on base, that he started teaching me a few things and allowing me to help. My eggs are no longer runny which is impressive by itself. Katie knows her way around the kitchen, she spent a lot of time in there cooking with Elijah. I watched.
I had been sitting on the couch looking at the black TV screen when my gaze moved to the left to a photo of the team in Amsterdam. Everyone was smiling and laughing, I'm sure McG has just told a really bad joke. I got up and took the frame off the wall, revealing the hole it covered. I brushed the dust off the glass and carried it back to the couch. I stared at it, Amsterdam felt like forever ago. It was during my first tour with Omega 7.
Elijah had been with Top and the team for a couple of months when their previous sniper filed for retirement. Elijah pushed for Top to add me to the team. Little he know Adam already had my file on his short list. Amsterdam was my third mission with Omega 7 but we clicked right away, there wasn't ever any weirdness between us.
I jumped when Katie sat on the couch. She took the frame from my hand and replaced it with a plate of food. She set the frame on the table next to my book. Out of nowhere Katie started laughing, I looked at her with a confused look.
"Why is there a hole in the wall?" Katie asked pointing.
"You don't remember when that happened?"
"Refresh my memory."
"Elijah threw a PS4 remote at the wall when I beat him playing Call of Duty."
"Oh I remember that now," she paused then pointed. "Wait I thought he fixed that?"
"He did, he hung that photo over it." I waved my hands in the air "Magic, hole is gone."
"Leave it to E, out of sight out of mind."
"Pretty much." We ate the rest of our meal quietly. "Katie these were so good."
"Couldn't tell by the way you scarfed them down." Katie still had an entire fajita on her plate.
"It was good, and well I didn't eat before the flight."
"Why am I not surprised."
"Shut up!" I smacked her in the leg, "Kat are you going to be mad if I go to the gym for a while?" I asked hesitantly.
"I'm honestly surprised you didn't already go, keys are on the counter."
"Thanks Kat, seeing Marko and hitting a few things sounds really good right now."
"Go change, go hit things, you do you Jaz."
I got up and put my plate in the sink and went to my room to change. My boxing gear was laid out on my dresser like I did before every tour so it would be here waiting for me when I returned. I picked my gym bag up off the floor and put my gear inside. Pulled open a dresser drawer, took out my work out clothes, then changed. I headed back out into the living room grabbing the keys off the counter on my way by.
"Kat I will see you in a bit."
"Take your time. Tell Marko I say hi. I'm going to go for a run and will be here when you get back."
"Will do, the extra key is…" pausing to think of where I put it. "Shit, hang on." I ran back to my room and pulled it out of my jeans pocket and went back and handed it to Katie. "It's right here."
"Thanks. See you in a bit." Katie replied as I headed out the door. Once down in the parking lot I picked up my pace walking up to the Comet and put my hand on the door and hopped over it, into the driver seat skipping the process of opening the door. Sliding into the drivers seat and wrapping my hands around the oversized steering wheel, I gripped my fingers into the dents of the wheel. Putting the key in the ignition I brought the engine to life. Time to go hit things.
Going to the gym was just what I needed. Marko went one on one with me in the ring so I was able to get some pent up energy I had from the week out. Reliving every piece of each mission was hard and I didn't speak much during the debriefings so everything I was feeling was trapped. Marko doesn't ask how my tours are, he learned early that I wasn't ever going to talk about them. He's learned that it's better for him to put the pads on and let me do what I need to do to get over the hurdle and being back in the states. No matter how hard I hit, he just takes it for as long as I need him to. By the time I leave the gym I'm always spent, this time was no different. Being able to expel that energy is something that I look forward to.
When I get back to the apartment Katie is sitting on the couch watching tv. I plop down next to her letting out a big exhale of air.
"You look spent." Katie stated as I put my feet up on the coffee table.
"I am, probably going to hit the rack pretty soon." I replied.
"You've had a long few days."
"Yup." I said quickly. She'll never ask for all the details of what we do when we return stateside before we come home, she knows it's required, and knows that it gets to us. "Kat."
"Ya Jaz." She paused the tv and looked my way.
"Would it bother you if I slept in Elijah's room tonight? You can sleep in my room." I was afraid to ask not knowing what she would say.
"After finding you asleep in there earlier, I was already planning on you being in there."
"You're the best. I'm going to hit the rack and I will see you in the morning." I said while slowly getting up from the couch.
"Sounds good. Sleep well."
"You too Kat." I said walking down the hall to my room so I could get ready for bed. Once I was dressed for bed, I took Elijah's sweatshirt, picked up my backpack, and carried them into Elijah's room. I set my backpack next to the night stand and then pulled back the covers and set his sweatshirt on the pillow before sitting down. I bent over and unzipped one of the side pockets on my pack and pulled out a metal chain and at the other end were Elijah's dog tags. After the service Tuck had given them to me so Elijah would also be close and to keep me safe. They've never been to far since that day. I set the dog tags on the nightstand and slid into bed. I was exhausted and felt like I would actually sleep through the night. Laying there I realized I hadn't checked my phone since I landed in Raleigh and let the team know I made it safe. I knew it was out in the kitchen but I didn't want to get up and decided that I would check my messages and reply in the morning. For now they would just have to wonder.
