Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of Twilight's characters. All characters and themes referenced belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringement. I own nothing except my own plot line and characters you may not recognize.
A/N: This one's got a little bloodiness to it, so be warned ;)
Chapter 3: And So It Begins
Edward's POV
"It's going to be okay." Bella continued to whisper her reassurances as she held me tightly around my neck, twisting her delicate fingers through my hair. I wondered if she would still be as eager to soothe me had she known I had hovered over Ethan's body, tempted to devour what I had unwillingly begun to desperately crave.
I clung to her, thankful for the moment nonetheless, for I had no idea how long it would last once she knew the complete truth. Nuzzling my face deep into the crook of her neck, breathing her scent became enough to distract my racing thoughts. She smelled incredible. As I inhaled her sweet bouquet, I couldn't help but gently press my parted lips against her soft warm flesh, even though I shouldn't have dared to. But the pull toward her was too strong... It was always too strong. I kissed her repeatedly – slowly – testing my control.
My eyelids slid shut over my blackened gaze as I tasted the surface of her skin. The moment between us became more sensual than it should have been considering the situation, but she didn't shy away. Instead, her breath hitched, and she hugged my head closer to herself. Her flesh warmed considerably against my cold lips as her pulse began to quicken. Suddenly, it was all I could hear.
Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom.
It thundered in my ears, blocking out every other noise for miles. I froze my lips at the base of her neck, feeling her heartbeat shaking against them with every pulse. The black I saw behind my eyelids started to change... to a bright bloody red.
Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom.
My eyes snapped open. Retracting my lips from her quickly, I held Bella out to arms length in front of me with more force than I intended, my grip on her sleeves clamping roughly onto her arms. Her breath sucked in sharply and she stared at me, bemused. Silent questions presented themselves in her eyes as she studied my expression, which I'm sure was just as baffled as I felt.
I was at a loss for words. A single thought kept repeating in my mind: She smells so good. So... appetizing.
Edward...
My sister's anxious voice suddenly filled my mind, pulling my gaze over Bella's shoulder. Alice was watching me cautiously from a distance. She began to slowly approach us and I could sense the apprehension that thickly coated her. Jasper remained in his position in the middle of the clearing, poised in a military-like stance. He eyed the blood on my clothing, keeping his distance like he was avoiding catching a disease.
"I'm sorry," I said absently to Bella, keeping my eyes on my sister. I felt a pull at my fist and realized that I still had her in a tight grip by the sleeves of her jacket. Releasing her abruptly, my eyes lowered to meet hers again, but she had no words for me. A mixture of sadness and bewilderment was written all over her face, and my heart fell as I noticed something else. Fear.
I opened my mouth to speak but Alice interrupted by threading her arm through Bella's and came to stand between us. "See, I told you he'd be back," she said to her, gently easing her away from me. Alice looked at me knowingly before continuing. "He's fine. Everything will be just fine," she nodded and began to escort Bella away from me.
Dumbfounded, I could only stare as they retreated, my mouth still agape. Was Alice protecting Bella... from me?! The notion was ludicrous! I was the one that would always protect her. I couldn't ever hurt her.
After a few paces, Bella turned her head back to look at me. Her long waves fluttered around her face as a light breeze brushed across her cheek, and a look of worry displaced her brows into a somber arch. I shook my head, answering her silent question. No, I would never hurt you, my love. Never.
But I couldn't help but second-guess myself. As much as I refused to believe that I could ever hurt the one person I vowed to protect for all of eternity, I couldn't ignore the venom that had begun to pool in my mouth. Despite my lack of need to breathe, it felt as if all the air was being sucked out of my lungs as a startling realization struck me... I must have subconsciously decided to attack Bella or Alice wouldn't have felt the need to intervene.
Appalled with myself, I remained frozen where I stood, unsure whether or not to follow. Alice sensed my hesitation and beckoned me to follow with a small movement of her head.
Everything will be just fine, Edward. Now come home. You just need to get yourself out of those bloody clothes.
A change of clothing and all will be fine... I only wished it was that simple.
Reluctantly taking a step forward, I slowly followed them, attempting to swallow the hunger that continued to pester me.
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*~*~*~*
-
Reaching randomly into my bedroom closet, I enclosed my fist around the first shirt my fingers came into contact with. It happened to be a simple black t-shirt. How morbidly ironic. Tearing it swiftly from the hanger, I tossed it onto the back of my chair, then took a new pair of black jeans from my dresser, adding that to the pile.
Passing in front of the full-length wall mirror, I paused to look into it. The sight of blood on my clothing shouldn't have bothered me. My hunting excursions wouldn't always leave me unsullied after all. But the evidence of my kill that stained me this time would be the only one that would continue to haunt me. I lifted my eyes to my face, but instead of my black depths, a pair of ice-blue eyes peered back instead — the desperate pleading gaze of a boy I could not save. Tears glazed over his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, then the clear drops suddenly thickened and turned red, staining his face with streaks of blood.
I turned away from the mirror, shutting my eyes together tightly. Shaking my head to dispel the disturbing images, I groaned at the waking nightmare that was persistently taking over me. Ethan would remain a secret torment in my life, but he wouldn't remain a secret forever. His body would eventually be found and that alone brought up a whole new set of complications that I refused to deliberate about just yet.
Guilt, shame... hunger... The list of my newfound troubles seemed to be multiplying by the second.
As I slowly reopened my eyes, I noticed that the reflection in the mirror had returned to my own, but it didn't make me feel any better about it. Moving away from the sight of myself, I removed the blood-stained clothing that tainted me and tossed them to the furthest corner of my room. I held my breath, refusing to inhale the scent that continued to tempt my hunger, and slipped into the clothes I had draped over my chair.
Once dressed, I waited a few moments with doubtful curiosity, then sighed at my expected outcome... Alice was wrong about feeling better after changing my clothes. I could throw them away, burn them, forget about them, but the troubles that came with it were not as easy to discard.
The dry ache in my throat was becoming painful, even despite my attempt at blocking the scent. I hated the fact that after just killing a boy and almost attacking my love, this was the forefront of my concerns. What kind of monster was I?
You need to feed.
This wasn't the voice of the demon inside me. It was Jasper's. I turned to see him standing in the doorway, glancing at me stoically with eyes as black as mine. My eyebrows drew tightly together. Of course Jasper would understand my torment the best. But was exactly was he suggesting?
He eyed the pile of bloodied clothes once again as he had in the clearing and took a slight step backward before his eyes met mine again.
"Will you join me on a hunt, Edward?" Jasper inquired directly.
I salivated at the mere mention of it, but ground my teeth together in guilt, for the prey I envisioned was not animal. Forcing the fleeting image from my mind, I nodded morosely. Perhaps Jaspers suggestion was ideal. Maybe if I satisfied my craving with a hunt I could put my demon to rest.
Jasper nodded with understanding, sensing the desperation of my hunger and retreated quickly. I was left staring with uncertainty at the empty space in the doorway which he had briefly occupied.
I waited until he was downstairs again before leaving my room. Standing at the top of the staircase, I clenched the banister in my fist and took a moment to compose myself before proceeding downstairs. The image of Bella's questioning gaze in the clearing looped in my mind. I hadn't spoken a single word to her since we had returned to the house and frankly, I was worried what she was thinking of me.
As my footsteps carried me slowly downward, I could hear a soft rhythmic tapping that I determined was Bella's leg bouncing against the wooden floor. Random keys on the piano were being depressed one by one, but the tuneless song came to an abrupt stop as I became myself visible to everyone in the living room.
Bella looked up from the piano and her beautiful brown eyes locked with mine. She smiled. It was tentative at first — worried — but it held its place as I continued to descend. Relief struck me for a brief moment and I felt the corners of my lips pull back as well. The feeling of it was strangely uncomfortable.
Standing close beside her by the window, Alice's eyes shot up as she saw me, and her dubious expression wiped the hesitant smile from my face. With graceful steps, she walked over to meet me at the bottom of the landing. I looked at her strangely as she peered at me like I was a bomb about to explode.
"Hey... Are you alright?" she questioned, taking a swift glance back at Bella.
I grimaced. "Fine," I replied dismissively, looking past her at Bella who had now stood up between the piano and the bench. She was nervously rubbing at her left arm with her opposite hand and her unblinking stare remained affixed on me. All I wanted in that moment was to assure her that I could never harm her, but my certainty of my own actions was already becoming shady as the flavor of fresh death still clung to my senses.
As I started to approach Bella, Alice took a step in front of me. An irritated growl rose from my throat. "Alice, would you relax? I'm not going to do anything to her. Can't you see that?!" I snapped, walking around her. Whether or not it was the truth I didn't care, and if it wasn't, I didn't want to know. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and not feel like the monster I feared I was becoming.
Thankfully, Alice made no further attempt to stop me. Bella took a step toward me as I closed the distance between us. Not completely trusting myself, I held my breath as a precaution as I slowly extending my arm toward her face, and swept a tendril of her hair behind her ear. I was only too glad that she did not flinch as I touched her. Her bottom lip sucked into her mouth and she chewed on it as she gave me another little smile. The complexities of her reactions baffled me, making me wish for the millionth time that I could peer into her thoughts.
"I'm going on a hunt with Jasper. We'll have a talk when I get back, alright?" I murmured, moving my hand back from her ear to cup the nape of her neck in my palm. Her warm skin electrified me.
She nodded as if she had already anticipated my statement. "Okay," she replied, her voice spilling over her lips like honey.
Everything about her was so appealing to me right now; her voice, her smile, the warmth radiating from her flesh... and I knew I had to leave. Now.
"I'll be back later. I love you," I whispered, and despite my better judgement, I leaned closer and dared to kiss her forehead. But I pulled away quickly. The warmth of her skin lingered on my mouth, sending an ache through me that was almost too painful to bear. My hand tightened into a fist and dropped from her body as I started to back away.
And just then, my sudden tension changed to tranquility.
"Edward?" Jasper spoke quietly.
I looked to him, thankful for his empathic intervention, and motioned toward the front door with my head. "I'll be right there."
He nodded and kissed Alice sweetly before heading out, making me yearn for the strength to kiss Bella without a second thought.
I gave one last glance at my love before I took another step away and again, she smiled reassuringly — a smile I wasn't sure I deserved — and whispered, "I love you, too."
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*~*~*~*
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It hadn't been long since I last hunted, yet it felt as if I were dying of thirst. My craving for blood was intense and painful, and my blackened eyes searched desperately for something to ease it. The quick fluttering hearts of the sparrows perched in the branches above mocked me, and my jaws clenched together in contempt.
The first heartbeat I honed in on belonged to an animal much too small to satisfy the magnitude of my furious appetite, yet I stalked it just the same. The yearning for blood on my tongue only intensified the more I thought about it, and anything within my immediate range became vulnerable. I was too fast for the small grey fox to even realize that I was close before its frail neck snapped between my jaws. Ripping my teeth through fur and muscle, I bled its life source quickly, downing the hot red liquid in large gulps to quench my thirst. Once drained, I dropped the small limp body to the ground, still hungry for more. I tongued the corner of my mouth, licking it clean, making sure nothing went to waste.
Another heartbeat about ten yards away caught my attention. This one was stronger, larger. I could smell the familiar scent of a white-tailed deer. A buck. Perfect. I wanted to drown my unwanted craving with as much animal blood as I could get.
I crouched down low as I prepared to attack, but just as I was about to spring from my position, Jasper was already upon it, sinking his teeth into my prey. It thrashed in his grip, stunned to have been captured, and Jasper crashed his left hand against the front of its neck, crushing its airway as he proceeded to draw its blood into his mouth.
The muscles in my neck grew taut as I cringed with envy at my stolen desire, and a contemptuous snarl reverberated within my throat. Jasper lifted his eyes to meet mine, the buck's throat still clenched between his jaws. Surprised with my reaction, Jasper's eyes narrowed. But as much as this hunt was for my benefit, he was hungry as well, and wasn't keen on relinquishing his prey.
I wasn't normally one to fight over a meal, for there was always plenty of game nearby, but the hollow ache in my stomach was unlike I had ever felt it before. I saw myself through Jasper's eyes, barely recognizing myself. His lips curled back off his teeth and he responded with an identical growl, blood spilling from his mouth. The wasted drops angered me, making the viciousness in my growl more pronounced.
As I took a step closer, Jasper's narrowed glare veered to my right, and I saw a second buck through his eyes. I had been so focused on the one he had captured that I didn't even realize the small herd that surrounded us. The deer stood frozen in hopes of not being spotted, but once my head turned toward it, the animal took off in a sprint following the others that had already scattered. I swallowed my chagrin and took off after it, leaving Jasper to engorge on his rightful kill.
It didn't take me long to catch up with it as my hunger drove me forward. Grabbing hold of its antlers, I heaved it roughly to the ground, its breath rushing out all at once as it collapsed. It proceeded grunting and bucking furiously beneath my grasp. I heard a loud crack and a piece of antler fell away in my hand.
Readjusting my hold around its neck, I slumped myself over the animal and tore violently into its jugular. The deer's complaints reduced to a feeble bleating as I stole the life from its veins. Its body slowly surrendered to me, growing limp in my arms as the hot blood poured down my throat. I drank eagerly, longing for my thirst to finally be satisfied, but when the veins eventually ran dry, my craving remained just as hollow. My stomach was full but it wasn't enough. The flavor had been completely... wrong.
Frustrated with myself, I pulled my mouth from the carcass and sat with knees bent on the ground in front of it, debating whether or not devouring another buck would be worth the effort. Running my tongue around the inside of my mouth, I found myself searching for the flavor that had previously horrified me. It was gone, just as I had hoped it would be... but why did I not feel relieved?
The sound of snapping branches lifted my eyes to see a figure looking down at me. The dead ice-blue eyes cut into mine and he smiled sardonically.
Feel better? Ethan inquired.
I looked away as a mixture of emotions tortured me, unable to determine which was the most painful among them.
No.
As I lifted my head again, I wasn't surprised to see that Jasper had taken the place of Ethan's ghost. He looked at me dubiously as a swirl of questions flooded his mind about what had gotten into me earlier.
Standing up, I avoided his eyes and chose to pretend our brief confrontation had never happened.
"Thank you, Jasper. I do feel better now," I lied.
