Chapter 3
Disclaimer : I Don't own Shaman King!
Italic stands for thought / dreams
'Italic with single quote stands telepathic voice'
[Stands for voice from the past]
Underline stands for letter
"Quote stands for dialogue"
Bold stands for emphasis
Bold italic stands for a dangerous tone
'I'm sorry Hao, but this is the only way, I have to make you understand that you are wrong, I'm really sorry.'
Yoh's voice ringing in Hao's head again, in the midst of memories of all the people he had killed in the past and their family, in the middle of all the pain, sorrow, anger, hatred, and fear he caused all this time. Yoh done this to him, he knows from Yoh's voice in his head, but it's from the time before he lost consciousness. It's hurt him so much, it's like he experience all the feeling himself, like he become the people he had killed and experience what they feel.
What hurt him the most is the knowledge that what he had done is no different than what humans done to him, they killed his mother, they treated him like a monster, and their minds are all dirty. He hate them for it, but now what? Yoh had show him, make him feel what he had done. He is not different than them, he had killed people, so much more than humans, he killed many people who was an important for other people, like how humans killed his mother, he killed theirs friends and family. He felt sadness, anger, hatred and pain from humans, but he also make them feel the same, and worse, he had done it in his three life times, he had caused too much misery for other people. Yoh make him understand that, but that understanding is what hurt him the most.
Maybe this is a punishment from Yoh, because he is just too stubborn to see Yoh's way, Yoh make him feel by himself every pain he had cause. Yoh make him become the people he had killed, feeling what they felt when he killed them, Yoh also make him feel what the family and friends of those whom he had killed, their sadness, their anger, their hatred and their fear towards him.
Hao remembered that Yoh always said that he want to stop Hao without killing him, seems like Yoh had got what he always want, Hao had given up his goal to eradicate all human. Thanks to Yoh his eyes finally opened and he can see clearly passed his hatred and anger towards human, but how ironic it is that what Hao wants now is to die.
Hao can't stand it, what Yoh had make him feel, what he had finally understand, all of them hurt him so much, haunt him to no end. He will gone insane for good if this is to continue, so he only want to die now, to die and won't reincarnate anymore, he would search for his mother once he die. But Yoh want him to live through all this, right? If not, he would just simply kill Hao then, never bothered with wanting to stop him without killing him, and certainly Yoh wouldn't cry.
That thought is the only one keeping Hao stay sane for now, he want to meet Yoh and say sorry, he want to apologize to Yoh for all the mistake he had done to Yoh, for hurting him so much and so many times too. He want to say thank you because Yoh opened his eyes, and the biggest wish he had for now is to meet Yoh and if Yoh forgive him, he want Yoh to guide him to start a new life, because Yoh had give him a second chance, he want Yoh to guide him.
When he opened his eyes, he realized something, he was in the hospital room and Tao Ren standing beside the hospital bed, "Finally awake, huh?" the Tao asked with a strange sigh of relief. Hao blinked at the question, then frowned when he couldn't sit up, "Just lie down, the cut Yoh gave you is still not healed yet and you are under sedative, so your body must be very weak now".
Hao sighed quietly and stay still on the bed, he had somewhat disappointed, he had hoped that the first one he would see when he wake up is Yoh. He looked down to the floor, not wanting to looked at the Tao's eyes, he feels like he had become a monster, just like the humans he hate for killed his mother. A dread feeling washed over him, he is afraid that the fact that Yoh wasn't the one he saw first time when he woke up mean that Yoh hates him, then there's no way he can asked for Yoh's forgiveness.
It's hurt his feeling, just as how strange it's sound, Hao feels so lost without Yoh. It's just a short time ago that he had despised Yoh so much, and now he is afraid if Yoh hate him and won't forgive him. If it's true that Yoh hate him, Hao isn't sure what he would do, maybe killing himself to put himself out of the misery Yoh had given him. Oh, and maybe he would become a dramatist and write a dying letter of apology for Yoh and the rest of the world.
"Did Yoh happen to be doing something to you during your fight?" Ren asked after a long silence.
Hao still looked at the floor, "He make me understand my wrong doing through a hard way, maybe because I was just too stubborn." he chuckled humorlessly, but he said nothing more regarding Yoh's punishment for him.
"So, you won't kill anymore?" Ren asked sternly as he grabbed Hao's chin and forced him to look at the Tao, "You will stop killing people?" he looked seriously straight to Hao's eyes.
Hao nodded weakly, "Yes, I won't kill anymore, I gave up my goal." he whispered sadly.
Ren nodded, "Okay, then I will make sure no one kill you, because it would make what Yoh had done become meaningless and you can't protect yourself yet since the Spirit of Fire has been taken back by Great Spirit." he said seriously, "But." he add after a second passed, "If you kill again, then I will be the one to end your life".
Hao looked away, he doesn't understand why the purple haired boy cares about his well-being and he is ashamed about himself. He nodded slowly and looked up when he heard a footsteps, "Oh, he is awake?" a whispery voice rang as Faust entered the room.
Ren released the hand on Hao's chin and stepped back to let Faust checked Hao, Hao on the other hand, feeling completely confused and surprised to know Faust is willing to check his condition without protest, Hao was a really bad person after all, he had killed so many people and he even nearly killed him. Faust noticed this and smiled, "I believed that Yoh must be doing something to you that changed something inside you, I and Ren know it for sure since we stay here in the past week during your deep sleep." Hao gave him a shocked expression, he passed out a whole week? And they stay on his side during the week? That's more than just a shocking news, it's unbelievable. The pale blond man smiled sadly when he stare at him in questioning look, "You were mumbling 'I'm sorry' so many times and trashing around like you are having a nightmare, so both Ren and I thought that you are starting to feel guilty, and that's a sign that you are indeed had changed".
Hao looked down again and staid quiet during the whole health check-up, "Why bother to care?" he muttered quietly when Faust finished, "Weren't I had done too many horrible things? I even nearly kill you all, the last I remember is when you all fight against me and wanted to kill me when I tried to absorb Yoh's soul".
Hao felt the air tense suddenly, he blinked and looked up to see Faust and Ren both froze as they stared at each other with a strange look in their eyes. Ren then sighed, "That's right, you were, so you are not going to do anything bad anymore from now on, so we will make sure you won't kill anyone and won't get killed either." he said slowly, as if hesitate to tell him that, "Silva agreed to keep the fact that you are here a secret, we wouldn't want you to get found and get killed".
"Alright, now, I will go and get something for you to eat." Faust changed the subject calmly, he smiled a small smile and left the room, leaving Hao alone with Ren.
Ren silent for a little while, even in Hao's eyes in his slow state of mind because of the sedative, Ren seemed to be fidgeting, nervous of something unknown to Hao. "Hao." Ren said after an awfully long and awkward silent, "Do you feel something strange on your body?" he looked at Hao with a bit of worry in his eyes and a bit hopeful too, but his face looked the same.
Hao frowned, worry and hope at the same time, what is going on in the Chinese boy's head actually? "What do you mean?" he asked cautiously, he then take a look at his body, already nervous if Yoh didn't just cut him down and making him feel all those crazy stuff he did in the past.
"I mean . . ." Ren pressed his lips into thin line, he looked around as if trying to find something, "I mean, is there something that feel different in your body from when before you fight and now?" He looked at Hao again, again with worry and hope at the same time.
Hao frowned in confusion, "I don't feel any different at all." He said weakly but still filed with confusion.
Ren sighed in disappointment, "I see." He mumbled as he flopped down to the chair, he looked at the wall for a long time before facing Hao, "I don't know what the rest will do to you, but I won't taking any chance. I had talked to Faust and he agreed with me that we should take you away from the others, do you know a place we can stay from now on?".
"Wait, you are saying that you and Faust will be staying with me?" Hao asked in disbelief, he started to think that maybe he is dreaming right now.
"Yes, I and Faust will stay with you, Faust to make sure you get the proper medical attention while I to protect you and guide you to start a new life." Ren answered seriously.
Hao stare at Ren as his frown deepened, why must Ren to be the one guiding him? Normally, Yoh will be the one to do that kind of stuff. "Ren." He called quietly, voice filled with fear, "Where is Yoh? Is he didn't come here because he hate me?" He looked at the Chinese Shaman with fearful eyes, he really scared if Yoh hate him, in the past it didn't bother him at all, but now he really scared if Yoh hate him.
Ren stiffened again, "Yoh . . ." He whispered softly, "He have to go to somewhere else, he want me to give you a second chance and I give it to you, but I don't want you to make Yoh disappoint so I will guiding you in your new life." He looked at the door, "As soon as Faust come back, I will contact my family to send me a plane. Is there some place you want to go?".
Hao looked at the ceilings, he only want to be with Yoh at the moment, but he is glad that at least Yoh didn't hate him. Now, where does he want to go? He would like a place that is quiet for him, and he want to try with the place there's some humans around, not too much and not too few, so that he can try to get to know humans better and learn to interact with them. He raised his eyebrows when he remembered the perfect place to go, "I have a small house in Izumo, far enough from Asakura household and have a ward of protection that prevent people from finding us, it's located in a forest though but the house is definitely cozy." He said after a long time passed in silence, "I want to go there".
To be continued . . .
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