AN: Um, sorry for the mishap earlier. I tried to edit a screwed-up division number and somehow deleted the entire chapter… yeah, I'm really new at this. Also, I'm basically brain-dead after a LONG weekend of trying to navigate Manhattan with a sprained ankle, and the only thing I can remotely tolerate about this chapter is the little additions below each rule. So please, review, because I need suggestions.
On to the disclaimer!
Disclaimer: Insert witty denial of ownership here.
Previously, we of the Gotei 13 stated that injuries outside the 11th Division have decreased drastically. This was a clerical error. Please read the above sentence as, "Injuries due to the 11th Division have increased drastically." In light of the skyrocketing injury rates, we hereby issue the following orders to any living being outside the 11th Division.
21: Should you come across any member of the 11th Division while in Soul Society, you have the following options: Remain still and pray that you are unnoticed, flee as quickly as possible, or engage in combat.
Certain officers' ability to "smell fear" later became legend among the other 12 divisions.
22: Should you come across any member of the 11th Division while in a bar, buy them a keg of sake and flee as they are in mid-chug.
It's even more effective for those with access to 4th Division tranquilizers.
23: Should you come across any seated officer of the 11th Division, you may either flee as quickly as possible (not recommended for those who have not trained with Shihoin Yoruichi) or engage in combat (not recommended for those who are not 4th seat of their division and above).
Shortly after the release of this document, a remarkable improvement was seen in Academy students' shunpo grades.
24: Should you come across Zaraki Kenpachi, you may either flee as quickly as possible (not recommended for those who have not trained with Shihoin Yoruichi) or engage in combat (not recommended for those who are not suicidal).
An alternate method- pointing in a random direction and shouting, "Look, is that the orange-haired ryoka?"- is not officially sanctioned, but reported success rates are far higher.
25: Should you come across Kusajishi Yachiru, you may either ply her with sweets (we recommend keeping a lollipop or two constantly on your person) or curl up and pray for a quick demise.
Captain Hitsugaya reportedly keeps a large basket of candy directly outside Tenth Division headquarters for those who forget. Oddly enough, it has never been emptied in all the decades he's continued the practice.
26: Should you come across Ayasegawa Yumichaka, you may compliment his hair (or nose, or skin- anything really) and then flee.
Unfortunately for several quite good officers of the 8th Division, it has only now been discovered that 5th seat Ayasegawa does not take complements on his eyes.
27: Should you come across Medarame Ikkaku, wait until he commences his "lucky dance" and then flee. Do not wait for him to finish the dance. Do not speak whatsoever. Just flee.
If you do not flee while he does the "lucky dance," he considers it an insult. This makes him extremely upset. And in the 11th, "extremely upset" translates to "lemme at 'im so I can tear the bastard's fucking brains out." You have been warned.
28: Should you come across any member of the 11th Division while in a crowded area, shove the nearest bystander at them and flee in the opposite direction
The original feud between the 6th and 11th Divisions began when the "nearest bystander" just happened to be Captain Kuchiki.
29: Should you come across any member of the 11th Division while they are injured and you are tasked to heal them, we recommend using the strongest anesthetic you can obtain to knock them out prior to treatment.
Alternately, for the most serious of situations (in other words, for Captain Zaraki), sic Captain Unohana on them.
30: To the 11th Division: If you absolutely must beat a random bystander up, please select a member of your own division. If you begin to feel an urge to kill something, please seek out the nearest Hollow.
The 11th division is currently petitioning for the opening of a portal into Hueco Mundo on the grounds of being "fuckin' bored! We tore every damn hollow in the human world to bits MONTHS ago!"
