I've always loved you, all of you…..I've never loved you, none of you.

Lupe Fiasco – Body of Work

Chapter 3

It was strange to be so calm while was surrounded by scorched stone and destruction. He had just finished another session of releasing his pent up anger. He would need to be calm for his meeting with Parkinson. Harry's mood was elevated higher as he found with every session he seemed to be able to feed more power into his spells. He felt he would soon be able to perform some basic spells wordlessly. Still he wasn't comfortable with how much power he got when he fed his anger into his spells.

He put these thoughts away focusing on his coming meeting with Parkinson. A quick tempus told him she would soon be leaving the Slytherin common room. He cursed himself for forgetting the marauders map, but there was no matter, he knew her paths, she would be easy enough to find. He cleaned himself up and left the room as it put itself back together.

He left his sanctuary and headed towards the dungeons. He didn't know when he became so possessive over the room or why it felt so right to call it his sanctuary but it stuck and there was no one to fight him about it. He walked in dampened light in the cover of his invisibility cloak keeping track of where he was. He knew Parkinson and Malfoy always preferred taking side routes when leaving their common room, so Harry strayed from the main corridor leading to the Slytherin commons. He waited by her usual path before ducking into an open room when he heard footfalls ahead. This was too easy, he had to wonder if everyone was such a creature of habit.

It appeared not everything was to go to plan as Draco entered the class room followed by Parkinson. Harry could only mentally groan making sure to keep his distance as they flirted quite awkwardly.

"Whatever shall we do now" Parkinson asked Malfoy

"I can think of a few things" he answered in a whisper

Harry's skin crawled.

Malfoy took her hand and tugged her towards him. She let herself be pulled stopping short with their faces an inch apart. He trailed his hand to her waist and let it rest there.

Harry froze at that knowing something would have to be done, he didn't think he could take watching this happen. Malfoys attempt at being charming was sickening enough, anything more would scar him for life.

"I" Malfoy started and stopped, correcting the squeak in his voice "I know I've never said it before, but I appreciate you Pansy"

"Is that your way of saying you fancy me Draco" Parkinson said in answer

He smiled slightly "Yes I suppose it is"

"Well then, I suppose you better kiss me"

Harry was already on the move while they carried on with their whispers. He made sure to keep his feet silenced as he moved towards the door. He planned to slip out but a look back to watch Malfoy move in for the kiss diverged his actions. A sharp rap against the door was all it took to split them apart. It took a few seconds before Draco found his voice and rushed to the door wand clenched in a tight fist.

"Who's there" he snarled

Harry kept away from the door and watched them pounce out before separating to chase footfalls of someone else out past curfew.

Xxx

Harry caught up with Parkinson as soon as he was sure Draco was well and truly put off of continuing his little meeting with Parkinson. It gave him some pleasure to have interrupted their moment but not much. The incident with Snape's memories still weighed on him. His parents whom he felt he had known to be good people were nothing but strangers to him, and he didn't even want to think about how he had wronged Snape. A man's demons were never meant to be intruded on, and Harry was the prime example as they constantly sank their fangs into him.

He kept his cloak on as he followed Parkinson to the sinkhole. She turned occasionally looking straight at him but always shook off her paranoia. He had to applaud her instincts but she didn't know when to trust them. He watched her his eyes unintentionally taking in her frame and dark hair. He was grateful for the distraction. She was quite small for someone who exuded so much attitude, which he guessed he should have been grateful for since he doubted he could carry anyone larger all the way to the hospital wing. Thoughts of carrying her made him blush, he remembered the amount of times he had to adjust her skirt as it rode up. He shook his of thoughts of her legs and thighs, they were approaching the sinkhole.

They came upon the sinkhole and he watched her huff, probably cursing him or herself for Harry not being there. Harry retreated to remove his cloak before coming up from behind her. He was quiet until she was within a hands distance. It surprised him how easy it was to sneak up on her when he wanted to.

"Ready to go" he whispered into her ear

She screamed and Harry smiled as he watched horror turn to anger.

"What is wrong with you" She came at him before he could react and landed, what Harry could only describe as a karate chop, on his chest. There wasn't much violence in it and Harry was more surprised than hurt.

They both paused looking at the hand striking his chest. Harry couldn't keep the smile off his face as she quickly withdrew it her face burning. It seemed she wasn't proud of losing her cool.

"Well I think we've already established there's plenty wrong with me" Harry said moving past her

He waited at the entrance and she joined him not looking at his amused face. They fell and Pansy barely kept her feet, while Harry was graceful over the whole thing.

"So what is it you need" Harry asked stepping out of the plant life careful not to damage anything.

Pansy stood where she fell and looked around her with a squint

"Some ingredients" she commented impassively

Harry watched her look around some more before pulling out the potions journal he had let her keep. She flipped open a bookmarked page for reference before seeming to find what she needed in a plant which looked like asparagus but for the veins around it which glowed pink.

Harry summoned the book out of her hand careful to keep her current page open. He didn't really care what she hoped to brew, but he would be happy for any distraction from where his own thoughts wanted to go.

Parkinson was displeased

"Potter, give that back right now or I swear I'll curse you to oblivion"

Harry didn't respond quietly skimming the page. He felt more than saw the red light streaming towards him and easily got out the way. He turned to look at her, his expression quite surprised.

"Give it back Potter"

"You have to be joking" he said looking back to at the purpose of the potion

"No, you gave it to me fair and-"

Harry gave a snort tossing the book at her "Contraception potion"

She froze unable to catch the book while her face did the exact opposite by heating up. She watched Potter walk away warily shaking his head. She regained her dignity once left alone with the plants. She cursed him a thousand times, and hated how weak she sounded when she mentally accused him of violating her privacy. Still she took the ingredients, casting a preserving spell on them. She stood there a while watching the exit hesitant to join Potter in the other room. It was unreasonable she reasoned, to be embarrassed over this. She was just taking steps to ensure nothing unexpected happened. Still the thought of Potter's eyes as he connected the dots made her face heat up.

Pansy ignored her embarrassment and walked out. She found Potter by the fire, he was reading something or other about defence. Looking around the room she could tell he had been here more often. She could see parchment and inkwells on the study table. There were also many books about the study table that looked to have been removed from the book cases. Potter was watching her when she turned back to him.

"So contraception potion" he said ambiguously

She could tell from the look on his face he had more to say on the subject, and merlin she didn't want to hear it. This was the main problem with interacting with Potter, they just couldn't communicate without it feeling like walking on glass. That may have been a bit of an exaggeration but it was awkward enough to wince at every word. So far their communication faltered between being neutral or an attack on the other. They just couldn't talk without their defences up.

"It's no concern of yours" She said crossing her arms

"So who's the unlucky bloke"

She glared at him refusing to answer though unsurprised he reverted to an attack

"Malfoy I assume" Harry said flippantly

"I wish to leave now" She hissed at him treading the neutral zone

"I saw the two of you in that classroom" Harry said watching her with a frown

She sputtered at that looking ready to level her wand on him again

"I was already in the classroom" he said hands raise in appeasement.

"Umbridge was right you are a pervert" she attacked

Harry frowned stifling the urge to snap back at her

"So you plan on…having…" Harry trailed off feeling his face heat up before he could get sex out of his mouth.

"I don't see how that's any concern of yours"

Harry was quiet then but still held her eyes. She could see he was building up to something. She could proclaim she didn't want to hear it, but again, as how she ended up here again, she was curious at what he would say.

"You seemed pretty relieved when the interruption came between you and Draco"

"You should mind your own relationships Potter. From what I hear you have your hands full juggling Chang and Granger" She said hoping to deflect his attention.

Pansy had heard of the incident during hogsmeade weekend, of Chang blowing up on Potter over his supposed affections for Granger. She didn't care if it was the truth or not, right now it was deflecting from something she didn't want to talk about.

Harry looked to snap at her but stopped short, he knew she was trying to rile him up. He composed himself, not for the last wondering why he didn't just kick her out and be done with their interactions.

This he thought but knew the real reason he kept bringing her around had nothing to do with her personally. He was using her. This twisted him slightly but ever since he saw the memory of his parents in Snape's pensive he had been taken with thoughts on how his mother, who had seemed to dislike his father so much, had ended up marrying and having a baby with him. It was messing with him. More so in terms of how he was viewing Parkinson. She was decidedly nasty when they met crew for crew but when they were alone it seemed more act than genuine feeling. She exuded more nonchalance than malice every time they met alone, with less spite in her taunts. He was drawing on his situation with her in to relate with his parent's relationship. He hoped he could explain or find understanding in it if he and Pansy could at the very least be civil with each other. That though seemed to be wishful thinking.

"If you believe that, one would have to put stock in the rumour of our spectacular rendezvous" Harry said with a small smile.

Pansy arched an eyebrow at him keeping the spike of amusement off her face. She knew he was trying to be funny but she wasn't ready to be amused by Potter. His smile fell at her stony expression and she allowed herself a small smile. Her smile grew at Potter's uncertain expression. He exuded self-consciousness. Constant overconfidence from certain housemates made it refreshing.

"Spectacular is a gross exaggeration" she said walking to take a seat on the couch next to his.

Harry allowed himself a smile "Will it be enough?"

She gave him a questioning look

He gestured to the package in her hand.

"Good enough for a few potions" she said momentarily flustered

Harry gave a slow nod "Well if you need more let me know"

Pansy gave her own nod unsure where that bit of civility was heading

"You've been in here more frequently" she said gesturing to the mess of ink wells and books behind them.

Harry gave a nod "I like it, it's quiet and private"

"You have all this to yourself but still look like death crawled over you" she said eying his dishevelled state

"it's a rough year" he said bitterly

Pansy hesitated a step "You should rest more"

Harry caught her hesitance and wondered if it was that difficult for her to show concern for another person. Still it was progress that they were talking without snapping at each other.

"Easier said than done" Harry muttered

"Have you found anything interesting on the shelves" Pansy asked turning the conversation away from her thoughts on the plans Draco had conspired were being set up against Potter.

Harry hesitated, he was still uncertain about talking freely with her, some part of him expected all this coming back to give him a good knifing in the back.

"There isn't anything useful yet, most of it is all theory and goes way over my head"

"Most of it?"

Harry paused in thought a moment before standing and gesturing for Parkinson to follow. They walked into the room Harry had been using for venting his frustrations. Harry stood away from her watching her take in the room. No doubt she expected destruction but the room healed itself after every abuse.

"I've been working on a spell I found in an old book called distraction to destruction"

Pansy snorted "I'm surprised you found anything useful in a book with that title"

Harry didn't argue "You'd be surprised, care for a demonstration?"

Pansy stepped back gesturing for him to have at it.

Harry ran through the wand movements in his hand before taking a breath.

"Ego-duplicatam" he said feeding the pull on his magic

"Seems like it needs a more practise" Pansy said with a bemused smile as nothing happened

"I beg to differ" A voice said faintly behind her.

Pansy jumped and whirled to find…nothing. She turned back to Potter who was coming towards her with an amused smile.

"Look" he said turning her around again. She was aware of his proximity but ignored it in favour of what he was pointing at.

She couldn't see anything at first but then she saw what he wanted her to see. The light kept shifting in front of them. She gave a startled squeak as she recognised what she was looking at. It was very faint and barely there but it was a projection of Potter.

Pansy gave a cough coming back to herself "That's impressive Potter"

Harry gave an uncertain chuckle "I still need more practise but it's a start"

"it's very advanced" she said thoughtfully "but I don't see its use outside of being a good parlour trick"

Harry hesitated again thinking it better he should keep his not so thought out plans to himself.

"What's got you thinking Potter?" she asked softly seeing him watch her

"Can I trust you Pansy?" The use of the first name made her flinch

She didn't like the way he looked at her then, it was too earnest and hopeful.

"Don't do that Potter" she said breaking eye contact to look around the room coolly

"Don't do what?"

"Throw the quaffle. Can you trust me? That's not for me to tell you, make up your own mind. People lie. The least you can do is blame yourself for believing the lies"

Harry looked confused "So I shouldn't trust you?"

Pansy sighed "That's not what I said"

"Then I should trust you?"

Pansy groaned while Harry gave a faint smile. She could easily throw out a lie to sweep all this away but she found it wasn't something she wanted to do. Had she ever had a relationship with other people which held any aspect of trust? of course not. She had friends but it was always an assumption that everyone is acting in their own interests. As soon as interests diverged so would the course of the relationship.

"You can't trust me" She said meeting his stare impassively "but I can make you a promise?"

He nodded for her to continue

"I will never talk about anything I see or do while in here, I'll keep your secrets between us" she said

Harry was puzzled, why would she make that promise but insist he shouldn't trust her.

"What I cannot promise, and what you can't trust, is that I won't one day use what I know against you" she elaborated

Harry gave thought to her words mauling over the implications. After a moment he gave a wary smile turning back to her.

"I would sometimes wonder if I didn't belong in Slytherin, but I think you've just settled that debate for me" Harry said coming towards her once more.

"And?"

"I wouldn't have been a good Slytherin. I'll take your promise and trust you not to do me wrong"

Pansy gave him a controlled incredulous look before giving a sniff and looking away "Your funeral Potter, just know you have only yourself to blame in the end"

"There's plenty of blame at my feet, what's a little more" Harry said momentarily going in to a daze

Pansy coughed

"Distraction to destruction" Harry said breaking from his slight depression "ego duplicatam creates a projection of the spell caster"

Pansy nodded for him to continue

"when mastered and given enough power they can act independently for a short time and even send out weak spells. They are made to distract and confuse an enemy, the writer of the book said it was possible to create more than one projection at a time. He himself had managed to create three projections of himself in one casting"

Pansy was looking at him funny when he finished. Harry questioned her look.

"Nothing, it's an amazing spell" she said with a nod before smirking "but not at all Gryffindor"

Harry didn't know what to say to that so he shrugged at her "want to give it a go?"

She was uncertain but she agreed and watched as Potter spelled the words out for her in the air between them. She was impressed but didn't let it show as she listened to him go through what he assumed was the proper pronunciation. The moment of true difficulty came when it was time to go through the proper wand movements. Potter's fluid demonstrations made her admire how he seemed to be made to wield a wand. Step swish flick twirl and flick she watched him move and admired.

"Got it?" he asked turning back to her

She hid her blush well and gave an uncertain nod. She went through the motions but she wasn't perfect.

"Here" Harry said coming behind her to hold her hand and lead her into the motions. Instructing the DA had made him comfortable in these roles.

He was at her back breathing into her ear as he whispered the movements for her to remember. His arm stretched against hers twined her fingers and led the movements.

"ego duplicatam" they whispered together

Light gathered and the room darkened to reveal two whole and all too real figures staring right back at them. They were in the same position as the casters but differences were quick to be recognised. The projected Harry and Pansy stood much closer together without the respectful distance Harry had put between her rear and his lower area. Projected Harry seemed to have buried his face in Pansy's hair and ear. Projected Pansy leaned back into Harry eyes closed in what looked like bliss.

Pansy's wand fell from their grasp and the illusion released with light filtering back into the room. They were quick to be apart both their faces burning at what they had seen.

"That... that was amazing" Harry said finding his voice "I've never been able to cast one that solid"

He crouched to retrieve pansy's wand grateful not to look at her.

"Ah yes clearly superior blood and all that" she said hastily and uncertainly

Harry ignored that and held out her wand for her to take. Static magic sparked where both hand touched the wand and it hit the floor once more. They didn't say a word simply watching the wand on the floor.

Pansy picked up her wand and left the room.

Harry took his time to follow her out, he didn't know what just happened and he wasn't looking to assume anytime soon. He followed her out minutes later.

"ego-duplicatam" she said loudly and clearly as he came into the room

Harrys heart skipped a beat at her levelling her wand at him unexpectedly. They both looked around but nothing had changed, not even a change in light could be seen.

"Superior blood and all that" Harry said with a smile

She half glared at him turning away to hide her own amusement.

"Ready to leave?" He asked after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Are you throwing me out Potter" She teased

"what- no, I just assumed-"

She laughed a little "Relax Potter I'm just having you on. Yes, I think it best I leave"

Potter gave her a look as he turned to go.

"What" she asked suspiciously

Harry gave a chuckle "I don't think I've ever heard you genuinely laugh in my presence"

Harry led the way out missing how she stiffened at his comment.

Xxx

"Harry!"

The shout broke Harry from his daze to catch Hermione's concern. Damn. He had just only managed to get her off his back over the sudden end to his Occlumency lessons, he didn't need to be setting off any more bells.

"Sorry, just thinking about our upcoming OWLs" He lied

Hermione watched him a beat, knowing he was lying,

"You've been distant ever since you stopped your Occlumency lessons with Snape. Did something happen?"

"I'm fine, just tired. I should get to bed" Harry said getting up to go. He knew he was delaying the inevitable but he just wasn't up to be picked apart just yet by Hermione.

Hermione took his hand before he could run from her. She caught his eyes grateful Ron had already gone to bed. Ron always affected Harry's ability to be honest with her.

"I know somethings wrong" She said hesitantly "You've been disappearing for hours and no one knows where you are"

Harry hesitated some, deliberately avoiding direct eye contact with her because he knew she would know he was lying. This in itself was an admission of guilt but it was all he could do to fend her off.

"I've been working on my anger issues. I'm sick of always snapping at you when I know all you want to do is help" Harry said in a half truth

She gave a slow nod knowing he was holding something back but she didn't want to be overbearing or confess how she came to suspect he was hiding something from them.

"If you need to talk I'm always here for you Harry, I'll always understand"

This was what made withholding from Hermione difficult. It didn't matter what he told her, he knew she would be understanding and do whatever was best for him.

"Thanks mione, goodnight" Harry said retreating from her

"Good night Harry" she said

She watched him go all too curious about what he was up to. She had decided she would be patient and let him tell her what he was up to when he was ready. She had already followed him on his late nights to see him spying on Draco and Parkinson. She didn't want to make assumptions so she would wait. Still being on the outside of Harry's actions for once didn't sit right with her.

Xxx

"Do you know why I've summoned you here" Snape asked from behind his desk

The low light of the room shrouded his eyes to nothing but inky blots. This set Pansy on edge never having received the full attention of their head of house.

"No sir" She said

"I know you've been spending some of your time with Harry Potter" He said gravely

Pansy stiffened with a spike of fear at who else might know.

"I don't-" she started

"Don't waste both our time by trying to lie to me" He said dismissively cutting her off.

She grew quiet unsure how to proceed in this. She was saved from having to say anything when Snape continued.

"I find myself in wonder why a smart young woman like yourself wouldn't know the consequences of the company we keep" he said like it was a threat.

"Professor-"

"Quiet" he hissed "I will talk and you will listen"

She nodded

"Potter has an inane ability of drawing others to him. He is a quicksand of sorts, it's not until you start to sink that you realize what you've gotten yourself into. There waits a violent end for Potter but he has a knack for keeping himself alive, which is more than I can say for those around him. Keep away from Potter." He said watching her frozen in her seat.

"You're excused"

Pansy didn't need telling twice, she was up and out of his sight in seconds. Snape watched her go impassively wondering if his words would be enough to dissuade her from being drawn into Potter's affairs. The last thing they needed was Potter being poisoned by someone with ambiguous alliances. Not for the last time he cursed Potter's unmatched stupidity.

TBC

I won't be posting more until next year. Call centre is hell around this time of year so I get home too tired to do anything but watch tv and sleep. Westworld was great. Thanks for the follows, all those unseen eyes are like being naked in public but slowly getting aroused. I'm not into that, I'm just saying.