Weep Not Too Much

Chapter 3: Explanations

A sharp rapping on the bedroom door startled Mai. She got up from her seat on the couch and opened the large, ornate double doors, expecting to see the royal physician, Mr. Chiko. But it was a young woman she spotted first, probably about twenty two and wearing a nervous smile along with her utilitarian robes.

"Who are you?" Mai asked brusquely, a frown creasing her forehead.

"My name is Kana Todoro, my lady." She bowed then, her long brown hair falling in sheets on either side of her face. "I'm Dr. Chiko's assistant. He'll be along any minute now."

"Since when does he have an assistant?" Mai was curious despite herself. Chiko was a dear man, there for the delivery of each of her three children, efficient and compassionate and unfortunately, growing quite old.

"Well, actually, I want to be a physician myself, and he's a family friend, so he agreed to take me on, with Fire Lord Zuko's permission, of course." The woman was talking quickly now, whether from nervousness or excitement, Mai wasn't certain.

"Am I to assume that the Fire Lord gave his permission, then?"

"Yes, my lady. Oh, here comes Dr. Chiko now."

Mai breathed a sigh of relief and held the door open for one of her favorite people in the entire world.

"Ah, Mai, I hope you don't mind if Kana observes my examination today. If it bothers you, please let me know. I want you to feel comfortable." He peered at Mai closely, taking in the shadows that marred her perfect skin and the darkish circles under her eyes. She definitely looked thinner than the last time he had seen her. Zuko had a tendency to over worry, but perhaps this time, he actually had a good reason to fret.

Mai shrugged in that dismissive way of hers; it didn't matter to her one way or the other.

"Just stretch out on the sofa, dear, and I'll take a look."

Obediently, Mai lay down and waited for Dr. Chiko to do his thing. First, he asked questions, grilling her mercilessly about any symptoms that she had. He was a great believer that the patient knew his or her own body better than anyone else ever could. They inhabited them after all. It only made good sense.

"Zuko mentioned your lack of appetite and the weight that you've lost. I can see that myself. Are you experiencing any nausea?"

Mai hesitated for the briefest of moments.

"If you don't tell me everything, I can't help you, Mai. You should know that by now," the physician chastised softly. "I want every detail, anything that you can think of."

She gazed down at her hands, linking her fingers together and then unlinking them. Making up her mind, the Fire Lady stared directly into the doctor's kind and concerned brown eyes.

"Okay; the thought of food repulses me right now. As soon as I stepped out of bed this morning, I threw up my breakfast. I feel tired and sort of weak and my abdomen aches."

"That's much better; thank you. I'm going to check you now. Kana, move so that you can see properly. Don't worry about Mai. She won't bite."

The young woman laughed a squeaky sort of laugh and then moved to stand just behind and to the right of her mentor. She watched with avid interest as he poked and prodded, felt for fever, checked Mai's pulse rate and looked at the whites of her eyes. It was when he pushed down on a particular spot on her abdomen that Mai sucked in her breath and then let it out in short, noisy huffs.

"I'm sorry, Mai. It hurts badly, does it?" Brown eyes were full of sympathy now and the desire to know more.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Mai snapped sarcastically.

Chika patted her arm in a vague attempt at comfort while gathering his thoughts. He had seen symptoms like this before, too many times, in fact, and often the prognosis was not good.

"Just tell me; don't try to be gentle. I want to know what's happening to me. I want to know just how sick I am."

"I believe that you have a wasting disease, a disease that eats you up from the inside out, sapping your strength and your vitality. For you, it's centered in the stomach, but it might spread. I'm not sure what stage you're at, Mai, but if I had to guess, I would say closer to the beginning."

"Will it kill me?" Her eyes were steel hard now and her face was clenched tight, waiting for Chiko's reply.

"It might. I'm so sorry, Mai." There were tears in his eyes now and he let them fall down wrinkled cheeks. Some of them were caught by especially deep grooves in his skin, hovering for a moment before breaking free and making the rest of the journey down his still handsome face.

"Shouldn't I be the one crying?" Mai took the man's hand in hers and held it. "There is some hope, isn't there? I mean, don't some people survive?"

"Yes, oh, yes; don't you dare give up, Mai. I've seen the disease just up and leave a body, never to come back again. You'll need to follow my every instruction carefully. I'll give you an herbal brew that will settle your stomach and allow you to eat more than you have been. There are herbs that help to strengthen your body and its ability to fight this sickness. You must get lots of rest and above all else, believe that you will get better, believe that you will defeat this invasive thing. I hate to see you suffer, dear, and the days ahead won't be pleasant."

"Are there people who did all that and died anyway?" Mai asked directly.

"Yes; sometimes nothing works."

"Okay, then I need to prepare myself for that, in case it does happen. I want to enjoy my days, spend time with my children and my husband and my brother and my friends. Zuko; oh Agni, he'll go crazy."

Mai began to cry then as she thought about her husband and how devastated he would be and then smiled weakly as she imagined everything he would do to help her get better. The man would move mountains for her, give his own life if she let him. Should the worst happen, and she would fight tooth and nail to prevent that, Mai could at least say that the last seventeen years of her life, her time with Zuko, had been wonderful. And she had three beautiful children to remember her too, children who had brought so much joy into her life. Mai began to laugh.

"Am I missing something?" Doctor Chiko's tone was drier than the Earth Kingdom's largest desert.

"I was just thinking about how there was a time when having children was the furthest thing from my mind; and now, I can't imagine not having my three."

"You're a wonderful mother, Mai. But you'll need to let Zuko take over more of the child rearing for a while. He'll do fine and if it will help you, Zuko will put his all into it. He's the most determined human being I have ever met. I half expect that man to cure you himself."

Mai wiped at her eyes and took a deep cleansing breath, as if gathering her courage. Kana stared at her for a few seconds before finally speaking.

"Is there anything I can get you, my lady? Perhaps some chamomile tea; it's good for the stomach."

"Oh, um, thanks, but no; I need to speak with my husband now."

"I can do that if you like, dear." Chiko raised his bushy grey eyebrows. "The stress probably won't be good for you."

"No! I want to tell him. I need to tell him. Could you give me fifteen minutes and then send him here?"

"Of course; come along, Kana. We have some concoctions to make for Mai. The sooner she begins treatment, the better."

"Yes, sir." Kana bowed to Mai and then walked to the door, waiting there for the physician.

"Have hope, Mai; I've seen some miraculous things in my time as a doctor." Giving her a final pat on the arm, Chiko left. He murmured to Kana as they shut the doors behind them.

Alone again, Mai turned over on her side and buried her face into the soft fabric of the sofa. She let her tears fall freely, hot and stinging, painful even. She cried herself dry, then went to bathroom and splashed handful after handful of cold water over her face. It was no use; Zuko would know that she had been crying like a baby.

She didn't want to die. She didn't want to leave Zuko and the children behind. The thought saddened her more than anything ever had. She wanted to see each of her babies grow to be adults. She wanted to be a grandmother. She wanted to die old and happy in Zuko's arms. As horrible as the thought of dying was, the thought of what Zuko would suffer was worse. Mai would do anything to spare him that. It was with that determination she greeted her husband.

"Sit down, Zuko; I have something important to tell you."

The Fire Lord had walked back and forth, back and forth outside the bedroom, giving Mai her time, before poking his head in and looking for permission to enter.

"You've been crying!" His voice held panic already. "What is it, Mai?"

She gestured to the chair he was standing beside. Zuko sat and waited, his heart beating double time in his chest, frantic and out of control.

"I am sick," Mai began. "Now let me explain things."

"I knew it." A moan escaped Zuko's lips before he had a chance to swallow it down.