Road weary; it was the only way to explain how Carol was feeling. When she had been alone, there had been more time to explore her surroundings, drift away in a daydream, or just be on fiercely her own. Now, back in the group, someone always needed her help or attention and it wasn't in Carol's nature to ignore them, no matter how much she craved time to herself. Finding suitable vehicles to travel in had taken longer than expected and once they did find running cars and gas, there weren't enough seats to go around. The long hours being cramped in the hot cars together made everyone a little on edge, influencing poor choices and increasing the number of stupid mistakes that happened when they were clearing roads, raiding homes, and searching for fuel.
Late afternoon was everyone's favorite hour. That is when they parked their cars at the first spot they could find that offered shelter for the night. Everyone sprung from the cars as fast as they could, a joint sigh of relief escaping their lips, as they busied themselves with clearing out the house they picked or setting up camp in an elusive outdoor site. The best nights were when they stopped early enough for Daryl and Michonne to hunt, just before dusk, as they could always come up with some form of protein for the group given enough time.
Carol always watched the pair disappear, longing to go with them, but she was not much of a hunter. Instead, she kept to the faint trails through the woods and backyard gardens to search for berries or edible plants. Usually Maggie or Tara joined her but three weeks in to their travels, she began to have a new shadow; Eugene.
"How do you know which ones are safe to eat?"
Carol flinched at the voice, banging the metal bucket she found in their newest shelter against her hip. She glanced over her shoulder knowing she'd find Eugene a step behind her. As usual, he was blatantly staring at her rear. "They won't be shiny and perfectly round," she sighed, kneeling next to a small berry plant off of the trail. "Didn't you study plants?"
Eugene shook his head, knelt by her and began to pick. "No, only the hard sciences. Chemistry, physics, anatomy, biotechnology, you know."
She didn't know. She had gotten pregnant with Sophia and dropped out of college during her sophomore year to work a minimum wage job. Ed would not let her have a baby unless she brought in money of her own.
"I reckon a fine woman such as yourself must be tired after all of the work you do each day," Eugene drawled. "I know you pitch in an awful lot. I'm not much use, not until we reach DC, but I am known to give damn good backrubs."
Carol bit back a smile. "I'm sure you do and thank you, but I'm alright. Sitting in the car bothers me more than the work I do after a day of driving." She was proud that she kept her voice smooth and kind. In no way did she want to insult the possible key to ridding the world of Walkers but she also did not want him to think she was available.
He shrugged coolly but his face fell. "The offer's always open in case ya change your mind." He trailed off then began talking about a video game he used play, rambling on the entire time they picked, blissfully unaware that she was not listening.
"Wow, nice job guys," Glenn called out to them as they stepped from the shadows of the forest towards the faded house the group had cleared out earlier. He came bounding down the back stairs of the porch to greet them, stealing a handful of berries from the overflowing bucket. "Daryl and Michonne are back too," he told them, mouth full. "Got some squirrels and a pair of rabbits. Maggie's already cooking them."
Carol made a beeline for the kitchen, stepping over Judith and Carl who were lying in the hallway, fast asleep. Eugene moved to follow her but was intercepted by a red-faced soldier spewing swears about how he was not to leave his sight, ever, ever again. In the kitchen, surrounded by candlelight, Maggie was working on getting a coal grill hot enough to cook the cleaned animals spread out on a wooden cutting board by her side.
"What can I help with?" Carol asked, placing the bucket on the edge of the counter.
Maggie smiled at her and shook her head. "I got it this time. You go on and get outta here. You've made us meals every single day since you sprung us from Terminus. I can take care of dinner with Tara's help. Besides, I think Daryl is looking for you."
Carol found him in one of the bedrooms on the second floor sitting at a window seat, the very same kind she had longed to have in her boxy, modern home before the Walkers. The diamond patterned glass was missing several panes and she could smell the night air drifting in to the small, dusty room.
"Move over," she said, prodding his legs with her boot. Without looking away from the window, he shuffled over so she could sit by his feet and stretch her own legs the opposite way of his. As she pulled her jacket tighter against her frame, warding off the chill that crept in with the setting sun, he turned towards her, hazel eyes masked by his unkempt hair. He chewed at his thumb without speaking, just watching her settle in and rest the back of her head on the wall behind her. "I always wanted one of these."
"One of what?" he mumbled.
"A built in window seat," she replied with a partial smile, blue eyes focused on the dark sky. "I thought they were so romantic and whimsical." She chuckled, as if a window seat could have made any part of her life with Ed romantic or whimsical.
Daryl grunted, nudged her side with the side of his boot. "Don't let Genie hear that, he'll be waitin' for ya here with roses."
Carol stifled a laugh with one hand as she playfully slapped at Daryl's legs with the other. "Don't you start, too! Rick made me sit squeezed between him and Tyreese all morning in the fuckin' Prius with Judith on my lap."
Daryl smirked. "I know. I watched him put his arm around you from the Jeep."
She groaned. "I was hoping that went unnoticed. You should have rear-ended us and put me out of my misery."
He chuckled. "Could never risk hurtin' ya," he mumbled, eyes flicking back to the window. He sighed and slid further down the wall, bringing his knees closer to his chest. "Carol," he voice was soft, questioning. He paused, waited for her to say something and when she didn't, he continued. "- you think Beth is okay?"
Carol squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to think of the blossoming girl who had practically raised Judith and had been stolen and left behind by those who loved her. "God, Daryl, I hope so."
He swallowed hard, nodded, letting his hair mask his face. She reached for him then, without planning to, scooting up the bench to reach her arms around him. He pulled her in, closing off the space between their bodies and buried his face in the crook of her shoulder. Like before, when she had found them after destroying Terminus, she didn't allow herself to think. She just allowed herself to be held and held on to him the same way she needed him to hold on to her.
"This shit… this just feels like losing Sophia all over again," he murmured against her skin. She tensed at hearing her daughter's name spoken aloud. It had been so long since anyone had spoken of her she had begun to wonder if everyone forgot about her.
"Beth's a fighter. For all we know, she may be just fine on her own, wherever she is…" Carol trailed off, swallowing hard against the fear she felt. He nodded, defeated, and slowly released her from his embrace. As she scooted back, he kept his eyes on the floor, nervously chewing again at the tip of his thumb. "Come on, let's see how dinner's comin'."
TBC
