For a while they walked in silence. The air was fresh and balmy, thick with pollen and humming with the sound of insects. Their pace was good, and Thor was content. For the moment, walking side by side with his brother in the quiet and the peace, it was as if nothing had ever changed.

For a good hour or so he was able to bask in it.

"I am surprised she let you come. Unless you lied to her, of course."

Thor did not respond to the questing tone.

"And Odin." Loki continued to muse. "With his all-seeing eye. I would have thought he'd have interfered while you waited in the desert. Sent down a guard to apprehend me, or stop you. Unless he has disowned you completely. After all, you did disobey his express command, and then gave up the throne for a mortal." He glanced sideways at Thor. "How's that working out for you, by the way? Everything you expected?"

Thor clenched his teeth, the muscle working in his jaw. He cursed his natural his tendency to talk and to share, because it was so hard to say nothing for any length of time, and Loki was nothing if not persistent. And the more he said nothing, the more interested Loki was going to get.

"With her complete adoration of you it must be nice, having someone at your beck and call every moment of every day. I mean, you knew her for what, two days before you left and she waited for you for two years? And now you've been together for six months. I can just imagine how wrapped around your finger she is by now."

The necklace around his neck, hidden beneath his shirt, felt heavier than it should have, the metal rings cool against his skin. The sensations brought with them memories, unbidden and unwanted, and Thor looked steadfastly ahead, deliberately turning a blind eye to them.

"I suppose you've set up a nice little home by now." Loki continued on, striding forward as though he hadn't a care in the world. "Full of domesticated comforts and pleasures. She probably brings you your coffee and kisses you good morning and tells you how wonderful you are every time you go off and save the world with your 'Avengers.'"

Thor's vision grew unsteady. She had been ill for a few weeks; he wasn't very good whenever she was ill. He didn't know what to do, and hated feeling useless, so he did whatever he could… It would drive her nuts how he never seemed to stop when she was sick. She said it made her dizzy. So he tried to remember what his mother had done when he and Loki were sick. He brought her tea, and he read to her. It never mattered what it was, as she said she just loved listening to his voice… so he started with some classics she had once mentioned loving. A writer by the name of Jane Austen. They read through four of her books before Jane finally went in to the doctor to see what was wrong…

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

Thor blinked and looked at Loki, who lowered his waving hand and stared at him.

"Were you even listening?" Loki snapped. "Or did you tune me out, as always?"

"You've been telling me of your theories as to my life on earth." Thor said.

"Yes, and receiving very little for my trouble. You have become annoyingly secretive recently."

Still feeling the prick of memory, Thor's tone was short. "Perhaps I am learning from my brother's example."

That earned him a sharp look, but he ignored it. His fingers tightened and loosened around Mjolnir's handle in a steady pulse and he breathed in deeply through his nose, inhaling the heavy scent of the pollinating flowers and spicy bark of the trees. It grounded him, helping to pull him away from the mists of the past. He didn't know how long he could go like this, but he would go as long as he could, avoid it as long as possible, because it felt like a great darkness following close upon his back, and if he stopped…

"You know, I don't actually know what I would have done had you insisted on taking the throne at first." Loki mused quietly, switching topics. "It was quite the pleasant surprise that you didn't want it. Of course I couldn't stay when my little ruse was found out… but that hardly matters now. Still, I must say I am very disappointed in the lack of pursuit on Odin's part. I would hate to discover that I'm considered… 'obsolete.'"

"Not to father."

"So it's out of the goodness of his heart that he does not search for me." Loki deadpanned.

Thor's eyes tightened, his brows pulling together as the words grated over the open wound.

The expression, however minute, was not missed by Loki. His glance was bright with sudden curiosity and wariness, and for a while he was silent, though Thor could feel the weight of his gaze.

The time passed. Loki watched the ground as they walked, and his expression was pensive and brooding, the green eyes bright with contemplation. "Why are you here?" He asked slowly, and then continued on without waiting for the answer that wasn't coming. "After our last encounter, I had expected a bit more of a battle to get you to come along, and some struggle, at least, along the way."

Because I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Thor thought in answer. Because if I stop long enough to think it will catch up, and I will be swallowed up by the void and lost.

Loki looked upon Thor, studying him with a critical eye, attempting to read the neutral mask Thor had worked so hard to construct. "And there is no way Jane would have let you come along with me. Not after your discovery of my little Asgardian adventure."

Thor remembered; the call from Heimdall that his true father had been found, hidden and cloaked with magic, in his brother's old cell, wizened and white despite the Odinsleep. Thor had returned to Asgard that same hour, with Jane's plea for him to stay safe.

He had arrived just in time to see his 'father', all in his armor, grin at him from the throne and wink in a manner all too familiar.

And then he had vanished.

"Are you all right?"

He started and looked to the side to find Loki staring at him, a frown marking the dark brows. "What?"

Loki's frown deepened, and he brought himself to Thor's elbow as they walked, suddenly watching Thor keenly. "I said, are you all right?"

Thor's lips pressed together, and he turned his face forward. The automatic answer of 'I'm fine' rose to his tongue, but he knew that Loki would never buy the lie. It would be an insult to his brother's intelligence to even try. So he said nothing.

"Your unnatural silence is getting on my nerves."

"Perhaps I simply have nothing to say."

"Never that. Not you." Loki matched his lengthening stride easily. "So what is it? What's the big secret?"

Thor's face hardened, an unnatural anger starting to simmer deep in his gut.

"You might as well tell me. I'll find out eventually anyway."

The flippant tone added fuel to the low burn, and Thor's fingers tightened around Mjolnir. Words fought within him, battling for dominance. "It's nothing you need to know."

"Ah, see, now you've interested me. Now I do need to know."

He vow of silence was wearing thin, burning away as he bared his teeth.

"You have been acting strange this entire trip."

"I have not."

"Oh no?" Loki glanced sideways at him. "No attempts to rectify our 'relationship'. No declarations of love and faith. No pleas for me to come home, or promises that we can make it right. I have baited you and insulted you and questioned you and you have said nothin…"

"What would you have me do?" Thor shouted, rounding on Loki with such anger that his brother actually took a step back. His pulse thrummed through his limbs, fury making him shake. "Answer you, beg and plead with you, spill my heart to you? Just so you can spit at it and throw it in my face again? You only ever believe me a fool and liar, so what is the point!"

Loki stared at Thor, shock as clear as glass in his green eyes.

Thor turned away and started to walk again, quickly pulling ahead.

It was a few minutes later that his brother's presence was once more at his side.

Loki did not say another word.


By nightfall they had traveled deep into the woods. Beneath the branches of some old fruit trees they made camp for the second night, the fire glowing and spitting as sparks floated lazily up from the flames.

Thor leaned back against a log, resting his head against its high curve, staring into the flames as they danced merrily in the dark. The ache inside had deepened since the afternoon, and he sagged beneath its weight. Loki had snared several small, furry animals and made short work of prepping and roasting them. It had been delicious.

They still hadn't spoken.

He no longer cared if his misery showed or not. As much as he hated and dreaded Loki's mockery and scathing remarks, he hated the silence just as much. Possibly more. He longed to speak, to say something… anything… to share some of what was bottled up inside, to relieve some of the pressure, but every time the words touched his tongue he just as quickly swallowed them back. He wasn't sure if he could bear the sting of Loki's words on this particular wound.

He didn't even know his own mind anymore, he thought with consternation. He sighed, slouching against the log and pulling his cloak around him.

He was so tired.

"Thor," Loki said quietly from across the fire. "Where is Odin?"

Thor closed his eyes, wishing that those simple words didn't hurt as much as they did.

He heard a sharp breath, and he knew that Loki knew.

He opened his eyes and stared into the fire. "It was your name on his lips." He murmured at long last. "Your face he looked for as his sight departed."

There was silence for a few minutes. "And you are not on the throne?" Loki asked, his voice carefully even, but Thor knew better; just as he had known in the prison, after their mother.

"The council and generals do not trust my loyalty to Asgard." He mumbled, wishing his chest didn't ache so. "Perhaps it is just as well. Heimdall is a wise ruler."

"And you are now forever free to live your own life, just as you wanted." Loki commented, his voice a bit rougher than usual. "Your mortal should be pleased."

Thor clenched his teeth and sucked in a harsh breath, banishing the memories even as they rose with a greater vengeance than before. He wished Loki would not mention it. It was becoming harder and harder…

The darkness inside loomed suddenly beneath him, and Thor rose to his feet with a rush of motion and called Mjolnir to his hand, knuckles white as he caught it. "I'm going to get more wood." He said without looking at Loki, and walked away.

There was no trouble finding dry tinder. As he worked his limbs trembled, and he felt flushed and hyper-aware. It took a little while for it to ease, before he felt able to return. He added the last piece of wood to his stack and sighed, lifting it. Loki would be insatiable now. If only he wouldn't push; he didn't know, couldn't know, how his words hurt so right now. Couldn't know that the mere mention of… He just didn't know, and Thor knew he would have to do better at not over-reacting.

After all, Loki was all he had now.