at the request of ptpeach, i have made chapter 3 'Girlfriend' because we all love that song. this chapter ended up beig very long, and VERY random... ENJOY:D
Chapter Three: Girlfriend
Link was sitting at a table in the cafeteria, devouring another box of Peachalicious Cookies. He was immensely proud, as the Peachalicious company had completely dominated the junk food industry.
However, the world did not revolve around cookies, and Link was having other problems. Problems concerning a certain Head of Advertising. It was apparent that he and Zelda were having some issues...
But being a boy of very little brains, (no E in 'tasty', Link...), he wasn't so swift on the uptake. Soon, Link was not alone at his table, as Peach strode into the cafeteria and sat across from him.
"Hey!" She said. Link apparently didn't hear her. "HEY! YOU!"
"Hm?" Link looked up. "Me?"
"You!"
"What?" Link asked.
"I don't like your girlfriend!" Peach declared loudly.
"What?" Link gasped. "I thought you two were friends!"
"No way!"
"You don't like her?"
"No way!"
"Why?" Link asked, confused.
"Think ya need a new one!"
Link frowned. That was a very hurtful thing of Peach to say. "I don't care what you think."
"Hey!" Peach shouted.
"Yeah, I don't care!"
"HEY! You... You!!" Peach sputtered.
Link folded his arms and pointed his nose up. "Zelda is the only girl for me!" He said proudly.
"I could be your girlfriend..." Peach said timidly. Link eyes widened.
"WHAT?"And then it hit Link like a brick wall. Way back when, at Peach's picnic. She was totally putting the moves on him. He eyed her suspiciously. "I'm so telling Mario." He said menacingly.
"No way!" Peach squealed.
"Yes way!"
"No way!"
"No." Link said firmly. "It's not a secret."
"HEY!" Peach screamed.
Link frowned. "Stop yelling HEY at me!"
"You!" Peach said, pointing a shaking finger. "You!!"
"What?" Link said exasperatedly.
"I want to be your girlfriend!" Peach growled, pounding the table.
Link rolled his eyes. "Not a chance."
"Oh yeah?" Peach asked, with a smirk. "I can see the way, I see the way you look at me."
"The only looking I'm doing is looking in disgust!" Link cried.
"And when you look away, I know you're thinkin' me."
Link snorted. "Thinking of how I'd like to strangle you."
Peach stood up and started dancing around like a twenty-two year old who still thinks she's a sixteen year old punk-pop star. "I know you talk about me all the time again and again!"
Link shook his head.
"Don't pretend, I think you know I'm damn precious! And hell yeah, I'm the mother--"
"CENSORZ!" Cried Pikachu.
"--Princess!"
Link sighed. "Yes you're a princess. But i still don't want to date you."
But Peach thought otherwise. "I can tell you like me too, and you know I'm right!" At that moment, Zelda walked in.
"What's going on in here?" She exclaimed. Peach rolled her eyes. She pointed at Zelda.
"She's like, so whatever! You can do so much better! I think we should get together noooowww! And that's what everyone's talkin' 'bout!"
At another table, Mario and Luigi were talking about whether Yoshi was male or female. Samus and Fox were talking spaceships and laser beams. Captain Falcon was talking to his macaroni and cheese, about... not Link and Peach. Zelda rolled her eyes, something a lot of people chose to do that day. "Hey..."
"Hey!" Peach said. "You!" She pointed to Link. "I don't like you're girlfriend."
"No way!" Zelda said sarcastically. "No way." Peach ignored her.
"Think ya need a new one."
"HEY!" Zelda shrieked. Just then, Marth walked into the room.
"Hey." He greeted.
"YOU!" Peach said, pointing at Marth this time.
"Me?" He asked in a puzzled tone.
"I could be your girlfriend!" Peach said, sidling up to Marth. He backed up slowly, fear etched into his face. Somewhere in the distance, a washed up punk princess air-guitared some simple chords.
"H-hey..." Marth said shakily.
"Hey." Peach said seductively. "How you doin'?" Marth's bladder bailed out on him.
"Um... I know that you like me, but uh..." Marth tried to think of ways to put it nicely.
Zelda made gagging noises in the background. "No way." She murmured to Link.
"No way." He agreed.
Peach giggled. "It's not a secret."
"Hey!" Jigglypuff said for no reason at all.
"Hey!" Mewtwo said, in the form of freaky psychic mental waves that entered everyone's heads and drove them completely insane. Suddenly, twenty smashers stood up and bellowed. "I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
Seemingly unaffected were Zelda, Link, and Peach. Noticing Marth had peed his pants, Peach redirected her attention to Link again. "Any second you'll be wrapped around my finger!" She cried.
Zelda had another idea. "I can do it bettah! There's no otha!" She said.
Peach cut in front of Zelda. "She's so stupid! What the hell we're you thinkin'?"
Link had just about had enough. First Peach insulted Zelda. Then Falcon talked to his macaroni. Then Mewtwo made everyone crazy. And then Peach insulted Link. Link was very insulted. "HEY!" He shouted.
"HEY!" Avril Lavigne shouted, because everyone had already said it, and HylianHero128 was getting tired of making excuses for everyone to randomly yell "hey". To save the Avril and the other smashers the trouble, Mewtwo took the liberty of saying "You you." using his super mind abilities.
"I DON'T like your girlfriend!" Marth screamed at Zelda, still crazy.
"Heey." Link said. "I didn't know you were a lesbian!" He pouted.
"HEY!" Zelda shouted. "I'm not!"
Marth then turned to Link. "You!" Link shook his head in fear.
"No!" He cried. "YOU!" he pointed at Peach. Marth then looked at Peach.
"I want to be YOUR girlfriend!" Marth shrieked.
"No way! No way!" Peach said, disgusted at his wet pants.
Suddenly, a bright light smashed through the cafeteria ceiling, and a bunch of feathers floated to the ground. The sound of a young boy screaming slowly got louder until an unidentified falling object fell without identity into the Pit-shaped hole it made in the floor. Dizzy and confused, he climbed out of the hole, Saturday Morning Cartoon style, and raised his hands to the heavens.
"GODDESS PALUTENA! I BESEECH YOU!" He cried.
Suddenly, the sound of an emergency klaxon filled the air, and suspecting a fire, the smashers evacuated in an un-orderly fashion. A booming voice filled the air.
"WARNING!! NEW CHALLGENGER APPROACHING!"
We now get a zoomed-in view of Pit, who we can now see is wearing a small badge that says Pit: He wants to be your girlfriend!
And then the firemen came to put out the non-existant fire. They were not impressed.
har! random! 4:42AM! har har!
song slightly out of order, yes.
(he dies)
Red Steel is teh awesomeness!
NEXT SONG: LADY MARMALADE!
