"Isn't this the most unromantic restaurant you've ever been in?" Lucifer complained.
They were standing in a line at the Teriyaki Grill & Roll. As they shuffled with the other lunch rush patrons, their feet stuck slightly to the tile floor. Lucifer grimaced everytime he stepped, picking up his italian loafers gingerly. A half-height barrier trapped them against the wall. The fake wood paneling extended halfway up the wall and the rest was painted a dingy beige. The paint was covered in faded brown streaks. The overhead track fluorescent lights dimly illuminated the patrons eating out of brown boxes at chipped laminate tables.
"It's a good thing we aren't on a date," Lucifer said pointedly.
Chloe gave Lucifer an annoyed look. "We are not on a date, Lucifer. We are here on a case."
Lucifer sniffed. "I wouldn't be caught dead in such a plebian establishment, on a date or otherwise."
Chloe craned to look at the menu. It was a white slatted plastic board overhead, and some of the individual letters had fallen off. "Lucifer, we're here because this restaurant matched the profile, and they didn't have a menu online. So we're seeing if they sell any sushi with the same fish that Sushi Go Round sells."
"I don't see any sushi on the menu at all," Lucifer sniped. He looked annoyed and peered over the people in line in front of him. Lucifer nudged the detective and pointed to a tall refrigerated case in the corner by the register. "Ah, look, they have sushi rolls for take away."
Lucifer began to shove his way through the line to the refrigerated case. "Excuse me!" he exclaimed.
"Watch it!" a construction worker yelled.
"Hey, you can't cut!" a teenager growled.
"Rude!" a parent called as Lucifer waded through their four young children, hands high in the air so he wouldn't touch them.
Lucifer made it to the refrigerated case, grabbed a plastic box, and then pushed his way back to the detective. Chloe rolled her eyes. "Lucifer-" she started to chide.
"No, Detective, I'm just trying to get us out of this ecoli-ridden place faster. Look." He held up the to-go container in Chloe's face. "They only sell California rolls. And..." Lucifer popped open the box, put it on the half-wall next to them, and unrolled one of the pieces. The crab inside had a bright red coating on it. "...they're using imitation crab. Sushi Go Round only used the best fish, so Sam would have used Dungeness crab. This cockroach infested place is not a match."
"Ok, fine, you're right. Let's go." Chloe turned and walked towards the door.
"Hey! You gotta pay for that!" the worker behind the counter called.
Lucifer continued walking, but Chloe motioned for him to go back. "Fine," he sighed, and started making his way through the line again. "Excuse me, pardon me, yes, it's very important that I exchange monetary compensation for this sad fake crab roll."
Lucifer handed the cashier a hundred dollar bill. "Keep the change. I'm sure you don't make a whole lot of tips here." Lucifer grabbed a handful of wet wipe packets for his fishy fingers, and threw the to-go box in the garbage can on the way out.
[Sushi montage with all kinds of sushi: simple rolls, sashimi with a Japanese basil leaf, fancy thinly sliced fresh fish with roe and microgreens on top of perfectly rounded rice.]
"Those last five restaurants were quite dire, Detective. This is much more suitable, isn't it?" Lucifer said. He smiled at the fresh flowers in the tiny blue vase in the middle of the white table linen. The walls around him were shōji, the traditional paper and wood lattice from Japan. Art was scattered throughout the restaurant, mostly of tidal wave woodblock prints and kanji brush calligraphy.
"More suitable for what, Lucifer," Chloe said absentmindedly as she looked over the menu.
"A better setting for our... non-date," Lucifer quipped.
"Lucifer, will you give it a rest already?" Chloe said, exasperated.
"Give what a rest?"
"Look, I- nevermind. Lucifer, look at this menu. There's a lot of dishes that Sushi Go Round has. Ahi tuna salad with fresh avocados and English cucumbers. Alaskan roll with salmon, real Dungeness crab, and black tobiko."
"Ocean trout. Horse mackerel." Lucifer pointed to the menu. "Those are some fairly uncommon fish."
"This could be the rival's restaurant," Chloe whispered excitedly. "We'll order some raw sushi, and take it back for Ella to do DNA testing."
The waitstaff appeared at Chloe's elbow. "Welcome to Blue Fin Grill. Have you dined with us before?"
"Uh, no, actually, it's our first time here," Chloe said.
"I highly recommend the five course dinner. It comes with miso, edamame, fresh grilled fish of the day, a tuna roll, omakase (chef's choice) of five nigiri sushi-"
"We're actually just interested in sushi," Lucifer interrupted.
"We'll have one," Chloe said. The waitstaff raised their eyebrows. "Of everything."
"Make that two of everything," Lucifer said, smiling in a charming manner. Chloe looked at him. "What? I need to eat too."
"All right, that's 40 pieces of sushi." The waitstaff paused, pen on notepad, letting the number sink in. Neither of the customers reacted. "Oookay. Will this be one check, or separate?"
"One check," Chloe said.
"But this isn't a date," Lucifer hastily added. "Just two business partners who happen to be sharing a meal."
"Why are you making this weird, Lucifer?" Chloe hissed.
"I'll just go... put this order in," the waitstaff said, hurrying off.
"I'm not making this weird, Detective. You requested that this not be a date, so I'm complying with your request."
"Fine, if you keep bringing it up, let's talk about it." Chloe took a deep breath. "Lucifer, I know that before Charlotte died, we were getting... close."
"Our kiss, you mean?" Lucifer said cautiously.
"Yes. Look, Lucifer, lately our partnership has felt like it could be something... more, but... I'm still processing the fact that you're... the devil. Even if I was interested in letting us get... closer... how can I be with someone who tortures people in hell?"
"Tortured, Detective. I don't do that anymore. And besides, I thought you didn't want me to talk about hell."
"I don't want you to joke about other people's suffering! How can you just casually drop the fact that you forced restaurant workers to eat clam chowder that someone peed in?"
Chloe's voice was getting loud. One of the patrons at another table turned towards her with a shocked face. Another spit out the miso soup they were slurping from their bowl.
"I didn't force anyone, Detective! You humans, you pick your own punishment, driven by your own guilt." Chloe was wide-eyed, but Lucifer ranted on. "I was witness to it all. Trapped. Imprisoned by my Father! Forced to oversee the darkest depravities of human souls. So you'll have to excuse me if I try to find humor in the odd ways humans deal with their regrets!" Lucifer shouted.
"Is, uh, everything all right over here?" the waitstaff was back. "Can I get you more water? Some tea?"
"No, thank you, we're fine," Chloe said soothingly. The waitstaff walked away.
They sat in silence for a moment, neither looking at each other. "Look, Lucifer, I'm sorry. I've been so shaken by finding out that hell exists that I didn't stop to think how your time in hell affected you." Lucifer shrugged, still looking hurt. "And I know you've changed since I first met you." Lucifer finally looked at Chloe. "I meant it when I said I didn't see you as the devil. But all this dark humor reminds me that's who you were."
"I can't just erase millennia of my life, Detective."
"Right, because you're immortal." Chloe ran her hand over her face. She tried for humor. "You know, it's going to be really awkward if we're still partners when I'm fifty and grey-haired and you're still... agelessly handsome."
Lucifer looked slightly panicked. "Well, some humans do age better than others..." He forced a laugh. "I'm sure you'll still be blonde at fifty just like your mother Penelope."
"That's hair dye, Lucifer."
"Your sushi," the waitstaff interrupted. They moved the flower pot and placed a giant wooden boat full of sushi on the table. They put two small plates down and soy sauce dishes, and then began to gesture at the sushi pieces. "We have ahi, coho salmon, ebi, hamachi, king crab, aji, unagi, sake, tai, hotate, ikura, umi masu, tamago, dungeness crab, anago, hokigai, amaebi, tako, uni, and fatty tuna." As the waitstaff rattled off the fish types, Lucifer opened his chopsticks and expertly broke them in half.
Chloe looked overwhelmed. "It's so hard to tell them apart! It's too bad these aren't in alphabetical order."
The waitstaff looked confused. "I can request the sushi chef-" they hesitantly said.
"No, no, that's okay."
"Let me know if you need anything else."
Chloe waited until the waitstaff left, and then examined the rows of sushi. "Okay, these look pretty similar to the fish at Sushi Go Round, but we need to take them back to Ella for DNA testing." Chloe reached into her jacket and brought out an evidence bag.
"Isn't that what take away boxes are for?" Lucifer asked as Chloe began to use her chopsticks to transfer a piece into the evidence bag.
"I was going to try to label them." Chloe grumbled. She put the baggie on the table and clicked her pen open. "Do you remember if this white fish was red snapper or halibut?"
"Excuse me, is there an issue with your meal?" The waitstaff looked horrified.
Chloe tried to cover the evidence baggy with her hand. "I, uh, no. There's nothing wrong with the meal. I'm just uh..." Chloe stuttered a bit, and then she sat up straighter. "I'm a food critic. With the L.A. Times."
The waitstaff cocked their head and looked skeptical. Chloe looked to Lucifer to back her up. Lucifer's mouth worked a bit before he said, "Why yes, I am... highly critical of food." Lucifer smiled charmingly. "A connoisseur, one might say."
"We didn't want you to know because we wanted to be treated like any other customer," Chloe added. "I'm just taking this sample back for... photos." The waitstaff looked very confused. Chloe had squished the sushi in the baggie flat in her attempt to hide it. "But now that you know, do you think I can have a chat with the head sushi chef? I heard they're the owner of Blue Fin Sushi, and I would love to include some of their backstory in our review."
"Uh, sure. Let me introduce you." Chloe and Lucifer walked across the room towards the sushi bar. "Hey Micky..." the waitstaff called.
The two sushi chefs were arguing. "What is this?" the shorter chef hissed. "I was just prepping a fresh salmon, and I found this in its belly." The shorter chef held up a large sandwich bag of white powder. The head chef made a grab for it, but the shorter chef held it behind his back.
"Relax, relax," the head chef whispered. "You're new here. I'll fill you in later. Just give it to me."
"L.A.P.D.! Drop the bag!" Chloe shouted, pushing her jacket back to reveal a badge at her hip.
The shorter chef dropped the bag and put their hands up. The head chef panicked. They grabbed the bag and ran back into the kitchen. Chloe bolted around sushi bar. Lucifer vaulted over the top.
The head chef ran through the kitchen. Lucifer was close behind. The chef threw out his hand. Metal bowls clattered down. Lucifer jumped to avoid them.
"L.A.P.D.! Freeze!" Chloe shouted.
The head chef looked behind them. They cried out at how close Lucifer was. They switched directions from running towards the back door. The head chef grabbed a thick knife and turned on Lucifer. "Back off!" They yelled. Lucifer skidded to a halt.
Chloe drew her tazer. "Drop the knife!"
"I said, back off!" the head chef said, rotating towards the back door.
"Stabbing me with that knife isn't what you really want to do, is it chef?" Lucifer's eyes locked on the chef's eyes. Chloe nervously flexed her fingers on the tazer, unwilling to drop it or interrupt Lucifer. "No, you want something different, don't you?"
The chef's mouth opened and closed, and his hand twitched. "I- I-" he stammered. The knife began to drift down.
"Yes, tell me what you desire." Lucifer's eyes were wide, his face intense.
"Lucifer," Chloe whispered, her hands shaking on the tazer. Lucifer didn't notice her plea.
"I- I-"
"Tell me."
"I want to beat Sam."
Lucifer cocked his head. "Sam Kobert?" The chef nodded, panting. "Well, Detective, that certainly sounds like a murder confession to me."
The head chef looked worried. "No, no, I didn't want to beat Sam physically. I wanted to beat Sam at the sushi business." Chloe kept her tazer trained on the chef. "I didn't kill them!"
"Why the running and pointing sharp objects then?" Lucifer asked.
"I didn't want you to see..." The chef paused, and clammed up.
"You didn't want us to see the bag of drugs you're holding?" Chloe quipped. The chef winced. "Drop the knife or you'll be facing attempted assault charges."
The chef breathed hard out through their nose. "Shit." They lowered their hand and tossed the knife away. Chloe approached, gun still drawn, and then forced the chef to turn around while she handcuffed them.
