Xxxx

Elena could still smell the lake in his hair when she dared to inhale him as he handed her a blood bag. They hadn't fed in a while and she knew Damon was itching to feed fresh from the tap. He liked his blood like he liked everything else: optimum. From his designer clothing, to alcohol, to the thread count of his sheets; Damon rarely settled for anything less than the best.

She knew he was being kind and respecting what he thought she expected of his feeding habits. In reality, she was curious as to how he fed. As she sipped on the blood bag she watched him drain his like a frat boy on his first beer. She was getting used to blood bags but understood his analogy of fresh wine compared to the old opened bottle in the back of the fridge; blood just wasn't at its' best from a bag.

She felt her gums pinch slightly but managed to keep her fangs from completely springing out as she downed the blood in bigger gulps. There was that nagging in the place that her vampire instincts had taken up in her body that pleaded with her to find more and from a better source. It was only relatable to that feeling of I need that one more beer as a human but much more enhanced.

She cleared her throat and teased the nagging in her middle, "Can we try something else?"

His eyebrows immediately raised and he cocked his head, "I thought you liked A-positive."

She smiled and nodded at his memory and at the oddness that still surrounded conversations about drinking blood. It was still almost surreal to her that she needed to drink this stuff to survive and even more so that she liked to.

She breathed in deeply, taking in the smells of the Salvatore home that she had never noticed as a human. Mahogany from the intricate woodwork, citrus from the oils of the candelabrum hanging high above them, and the rich smell of the brothers that stuck to everything they touched. She loved their smell because it had come to mean safety to her. It was like walking into her grandparent's house when she was younger and breathing in their home that brought on feelings of love and security.

"What would you be drinking had I gone home?" she asked, crinkling the blood bag in her hands.

He blinked a few times as if bewildered. She was fairly certain he was rolling over the possibilities of what she meant by the question. He was at a fork; was she testing him or was she opening up some doors?

"I…I suppose I would have fed on someone tonight," he admitted slowly, his eyes piercing hers in question.

"Yes but how? How do you pick them?" she pressed on, curiosity licking at her chest.

He folded his arms and leaned back into the couch, keeping his eyes on her as he answered, "Depends on my mood. On a regular night I'd feed on someone in or around the bar. But tonight…I'm beat."

She tilted her head to the side, hair cascading over her shoulder. She stated rather than asked, "you have someone you call."

He nodded slowly and uncrossed his arms so he could take the empty blood bag from her hand. Elena watched him stand and walk to peer straight down at her. She met his gaze and knew he could hear her heart running wildly with the heat of a potential feed. She rarely gave much thought or attention to her vampire instincts. She was good at controlling herself in ways that made moments like these, when she let go, exciting.

"Are you comfortable with me calling her?" he asked, a slow smile picking at the sides of his mouth. He looked stunning in that moment and Elena wanted nothing more than to pull him down to meet her hungry lips. She directed these feelings towards the burning at her throat instead because she was going to respect his little trial period despite the ridiculousness of it all.

"Yes," she replied, wincing a little at the huskiness and the want in that one little word passing across her tongue.

He pursed his lips and stared down at her for what seemed like a long stretch of time before plucking his phone from his back pocket. He kept his eyes on her as he talked to the woman on the other end of the line. Elena felt very warm all over and it reminded her of the eagerness before making love or the excitement before doing something dangerous. She wondered if her skin was as red as the heat crawling under it.

Damon hung up the phone with a click and returned to his spot on the couch next to Elena. She wondered if this was normal and was hesitant to discuss it with him. She just hadn't had much of a chance to talk Vampire with anyone other than Caroline here and there and a little with Stefan.

She had so many questions but for some reason she felt like a child asking her parents where babies came from. She felt like she should have figured this all out by now and by asking him much of anything, she'd reinforce his opinion that she was just a young and confused girl.

He was watching her with those calculating eyes and she was doing a poor job at maintaining eye contact. Her eyes bounced around every angle of his face as he drummed his fingers lightly on his propped knee.

The woman who entered the room after what seemed an eternity, greeted Damon with a small smile. Elena watched Damon stand to take the woman's hand and bring her to stand at her feet.

"This is Elena," Damon said in a soothingly warm voice, sweeping the woman's hair away from her neck.

The woman was stunning just as Elena expected. Dark cocoa skin and the most beautiful heart shaped lips; just exquisite. Of course Damon would pick her. Elena let the instincts take over just a little and her mind pinned down the thick pulsing vein in the woman's neck. She focused on it, the rushing sound of blood encased in flimsy tissue that her fangs begged to pop through.

Damon moved the woman to sit between them on the couch. He settled her against his chest so that his eyes were peering over her shoulder and into Elena's as he darted his tongue out to sample the skin of the woman's neck. She watched his every move, afraid of missing something. She almost jumped when his voice drowned out the pulsing vein under his lips.

"I'm finding the thickest pulse so that she does most the work for me. It's less painful for them this way," he explained, his tongue resting over a spot on her neck.

Elena nodded and suppressed a gasp when his fangs slid out and eyes darkened with veins rimmed in red. She'd caught glimpses of his face, Stefan's too, when they unleashed their vampire side. She'd never taken it in before now. She'd never noticed how the blue of his eyes turned almost violet with the red flecks dotting his iris. His lips looked so full sitting atop his fangs. His fangs were slender and longer than her own. They reminded her of the way the rest of his body was built; long slender fingers sweeping hair away from necks came to mind first.

He bit down slowly, so slow that she could hear the pop of flesh like the pluck of a guitar string as he found the woman's vein. She heard the breath stream out of his nostrils and she could imagine how warm it must feel against the woman's neck. The smell of the blood that gathered at the corners of his mouth caused Elena's eyes to darken and fangs to slip out. It had been a while since she'd had anything other than blood bags and Matt's wrist.

When Damon's mouth pulled away from the woman's neck with a moist crackling sound, Elena had to back away. It took a great deal of willpower to keep herself from reaching out to touch the wetness of his swollen lips. She wanted to remember the way he looked in this moment forever. His hair was disheveled and such a stark contrast to the paleness of his face and such a compliment to the crimson, smeared like paint on a canvas, down his chin.

"Feeding can bring on whatever feelings you want it to. It can bring you great pleasure and happiness or it can simply satisfy your hunger. Done wrongly and it can leave you hungrier," he instructed, his voice rich behind the coat of blood.

"I don't understand," she admitted in a whisper, her eyes unable to tear away from the blood at his mouth.

He took a moment before answering as if pondering the perfect explanation. He was always so calculating with her even when he was being flippant. She could always see the wheels turning in his mind and it always left her wanting more of what he kept hidden. She wanted to see and hear the thoughts that ran through his mind before he chose the words to speak aloud. There was more there and she wanted in.

"When you kiss somebody you pick the mood. You can focus in on their taste and the texture of their tongue. You can take it further and take in the smell of their hair and the feel of their heart pounding against your own. Maybe you let your mind trail over memories of this person…things that bond you emotionally. Then there's the kiss that's just going through the motions. It feels good but it doesn't reach you. You can control the feed in the same way," he replied, his fingers lightly tracing the sharp angles of the woman's collar bones.

"Why would you want to do that with someone you're just using for sustenance?" Elena asked dubiously.

"It's tapping into your instincts. It satisfies the hunt. It's hard to accept for some, but we're predators and what we like the best is the hunt and when we catch our prey, we toy with it a bit. It's no different than a cat and mouse really," Damon said lightly.

Elena bit her lip, forgetting for a moment about the sharpness of her fangs. Blood beaded at her lower lip. She ignored it, darting her tongue out to sweep it into her mouth.

"Doesn't the cat usually kill the mouse?" Elena asked, raising an eyebrow.

Damon chuckled and reached out to tug Elena by the wrists gently towards the woman. He let go when she was almost brushing noses with him, the woman's shoulder resting against her chin. He had led her to the untouched side of the woman's neck even though she wanted to touch her lips against the wound that Damon had inflicted on the other side. She wanted to be everywhere that he had been.

"Find the pulse," he instructed in just a breath against her skin.

Elena's tongue ran across the soft skin that tasted salty with sweat. Her heart picked up pace in time with the woman's racing beat. Her tongue paused and then hovered over the thrumming bump underneath fragile skin.

"There…", he whispered, causing her stomach to jolt in that way he always seemed to induce.

She bit down slowly, almost moaning at the feel of the flesh splitting at her teeth. She let herself take in the smell of the woman and the sound of her breathing as she fed. The blood hit her belly in the most satisfying way and she let her body respond in the most instinctual. She knew she shouldn't give in and she should be stronger, but as she took in the final few gulps that the woman's pulse pushed into her mouth, her hands crept around the woman to rest at Damon's sides. She felt him suck in a breath of air as her nails dug into his skin beneath his shirt.

"Enough," he murmured, moving out of her grasp and letting the woman fall into Elena.

Elena unlatched from the woman's neck and immediately kicked herself for touching him. She had so much she wanted to ask him and it would be harder now. He'd put distance between them because he was just so convinced she didn't love him enough to stay with him. This was going to be an incredibly long month.

Xxxxx

Damon healed and compelled the woman before excusing himself to his bathroom to wash up. He watched the blood swirl cloudily down the drain with the stream of water from his faucet as he rinsed away the last of the blood from his face.

When he looked up Elena was standing behind him, guilt in her eyes even though she held her chin defiantly. He just sighed and stared at her reflection in the mirror without turning around. She was good at feeding, a fast learner. He supposed she was good at anything she put her mind to. It was in her character to try her very best but it was also in her character to not understand when she should give up on something…or somebody.

He saw the need in her eyes and felt it in the way she grasped his sides as she finished the feed with such precision that images of Katherine flooded his mind; unwanted and arousing all at once.

"How do you feel?" he asked, gripping the marble of his sink.

She shifted the weight on her feet and responded softly, "wide awake. "

He nodded slowly, clenching his jaw as he watched her walk tentatively towards him. He dropped his head because he couldn't watch what she might do next. It was getting to be a tired effort batting her off.

"Can I…Can I just touch you? I just need to feel you," she whispered, causing his heart to clench painfully.

He understood what she was asking. He knew the need to be close to someone after a feed. Your body just feels so alive and the vampire hunger is sated for the moment…it leaves a lot of room for humanity and the needs that come with it.

He turned slowly because who was he to say no to such a simple and sweet request. This was something he himself had kept from begging of her before.

It was strange to be touched like this not in the midst of lovemaking. She was so curious and it looked like her eyes were trying to memorize every dip and bump of his skin. Her hands were trembling at first and he so desperately wanted to pull her into a tight hug but he was curious too. He wanted to see what she was looking for in these touches.

Her hands steadied when they grasped his forearms and she took that moment to peer up into his eyes, uncertain and curious. He stood very still and let her trail her palms and fingers along his biceps. This was something new to them both and something equally important. Maybe more important than the rush of a kiss and the tangle of limbs.

This was the exploration of the dips and valleys of a body she had seen one way and now felt in another. This was Damon letting her in and letting go.

He let her trace the lines of his body under trembling finger tips and only moved when her fingers traced the line of hair below his navel. His stomach jerked under her touch and he swore he heard her swear under her breath.

"You are beautiful," Elena whispered, peering up at him under her lashes.

Fuck.

Her hands trailed, palms flat, up his chest and rested on either side of his neck. Her finger tips tickled at the hair on the back of his neck and he let out a frustrated growl, causing her to jump a little.

"I want to know you Elena, and if you keep touching me I won't be able to stop myself. I'll have you in my bed for the entire month before we get back to what we're working so hard towards here. I can't have you only to lose you. We need to do this the right way," Damon said, irritated with the pleading in his voice.

He could tell she wanted to argue, it was on the tip of her tongue. She swallowed her words though and soundlessly let her hands drop from his body and she took two steps back.

Xxxxx

They ended up in his bed that night even though he had set up the room across the hall for her. She'd crept right back out of her room and crawled wordlessly into bed with him. He lifted up the covers for her to slide her bare legs underneath and even let her have the softer pillow.

She propped up on an elbow and stared at his profile before finally stating, "I just wanted to show you that you don't have to change anything to be with me. I know I'm a vampire and that comes with a whole new territory that I admit I'm still learning. I want to learn from you but I'm not sure what it all entails. I didn't know how the feed was going to affect me Damon…I'm sorry."

He suppressed a groan. How was it possible she found yet another way to apologize for nothing and make him feel like an ass? How was it possible for her to look the way she looked in a baggy t shirt, every curve of visible skin glowing alabaster in the moonlight…

He wanted to touch the lines of her body as she had touched his, but he wouldn't stop if asked to. He didn't possess that kind of control which is exactly why he had set up these boundaries. She needed to understand that when he slid inside her for the first time that she would be his. There was no going back after that, he wouldn't be able to give her up. If his previous love for Katherine was any indication…there was something about these women that was entrancing and consuming.

Without sounding completely Freudian, it was like a soul only comparable to the pureness of his mother was implanted in this body that had bewitched him years ago. It was like he had a second chance and he'd wanted to take it from the moment he discovered Katherine was a heartless bitch.

Elena was so Elena and even though he'd memorized every crevice of Katherine's body, he felt like Elena's identical curves were new and unseen because she lived inside of them. He found himself picturing Katherine's legs splayed out in front of him and had to squeeze his eyes shut at the thought of Elena doing the same. He couldn't go there. He couldn't even imagine Elena in that way, she took up spaces in his heart and mind that couldn't fathom the situation coming to life.

Finally the silence started to feel too thick and he responded towards the ceiling, "You did well, there's nothing to be sorry for."

"You make it look like an art form," she admitted, a smile in her voice.

He let his head roll slowly to the side to meet her gaze and couldn't suppress the grin that pulled at his mouth. She smiled back, full toothed and eyes catching the moonlight.

"You're so fucking cute when you smile like that," Damon heard himself say, immediately closing his eyes in regret. He couldn't egg her on, he should be asking her questions about her favorite color and other trivial things that couples generally knew about one another.

She just smiled wider and replied in a playful tone, "Oh don't look like that Damon, I don't take compliments as an invitation to strip off all your clothes. You're safe with me…"

He rolled his eyes and shrugged in mock disagreement.

"Do you want to watch something before we go to sleep?" she asked lightly.

He agreed and as she left to retrieve her iPad from her things, Damon allowed himself a moment to be hopeful. He let his mind push play on a fantasy of holding hands by day and living inside of her by night. He had worries and when he was with her he worried less, but in the moments she wasn't in his line of vision, it was easy to remember her face all the times he'd disappointed her. He would disappoint her again, it was in his nature.

When she returned she took a running leap onto the bed and plopped next to him, disturbing the stillness of the bed. He'd never really seen this playful side of her and it amused him. It excited him. He wanted to pin her down and tickle her until she begged for him to stop but he didn't want to touch the perfection of this moment. He didn't want to change a thing.

She didn't wait for an invitation to do so, which he secretly loved if he was being honest with himself. She just nestled into his side, her head resting on his shoulder and leaving his hand to lay against the curve of her waist. She raised her knees to prop the tablet on the slight rise of her pubic bone and against her bare thighs. He watched her long fingers slide and tap until she opened an app with numerous movies and television shows.

"What do you like, I don't think I've ever seen you watch anything aside from those old westerns with Ric," Elena asked.

They ended up watching a ridiculous amount of Family Guy which Damon had never considered Elena-appropriate. But again, he was wrong about his assumptions of her. It felt damn good to laugh like this, to hear her cackle and scrunch her nose as she looked over to share the laughter with him.

He'd caught glimpses of her like this with Stefan as he passed his room late at night. It was a side of her that was always unattainable to Damon; like it wasn't there for him. He would be jealous of Stefan in those moments and even in the moments that Elena looked sad but was tucked under his arm in bed just like she lay now under his.

"Can I sleep here?" she asked in the middle of a yawn.

"Yeah, you can sleep here," he replied into her hair.

She sat up, leaving his arm cold in her absence. He watched her lean over the side of the bed to set her iPad on the floor, her shirt raising up to reveal a simple pair of baby blue cotton panties. When she settled back onto the bed she had put the appropriate distance back between them and faced the other way.

He stayed on his back with his hands locked behind his head while he listened to her breathe. This was the closest they'd been in a bed together since Denver. How many times had he replayed that memory of her battling her need for him in that bed only to give in on a balcony with terrible fluorescent lighting. He remembered the desperation in her touch, so different from the way she laid her hands on him earlier that night in the bathroom. It seemed like a different time and almost like a different person. He wouldn't let it happen like that again. He didn't want it to be rushed or hard. He wanted her eyes open and her kisses slow. He wanted her to feel what she meant to him and he wouldn't grant her release until she did.

She rolled over suddenly as if she could see the dirty thoughts he was entertaining. She tucked her hands under her cheek and peered at his profile just like that night in Denver. He kept his eyes trained on the ceiling; why was it always so hard to look into her eyes in the stillness of the night…

"Damon?" Elena asked softly, even though she could plainly see he was awake and aware of her.

He hummed a response and tried not to put too much thought into the way she sounded. Sometimes it was heartbreaking the way she said his name.

She rolled onto her back then as if staring at him was making it too hard for the words to leave her mouth. "I've been afraid to ask you this," she swallowed hard, "but I was wondering what it means for a person to die with someone's blood in their system and then remain around them as a vampire. I mean…I guess I mean, does becoming a vampire with your blood mean something?"

And there it was…

"It's rare but there's such a thing as a sire bond. Essentially I could control you with my deepest needs and desires. You'd want to fulfill them at all costs. You'd want to be with me on a whole level of bat shit crazy. Other than that, no. Unless you tap into your human side and look at it as a bonding experience, but you didn't willingly take my blood and you didn't willingly make the decision to become a vampire so I have a hard time looking at it as such," he answered.

He knew why she was asking. Why would she go from loving his brother as a human to leaving him for someone else as a vampire? Must be the blood…

"Sire bond? Like with Klaus and Tyler?" she asked in surprise.

He chuckled a little and answered, "no, definitely different for vampires and werewolves. Their siring is more about loyalty and allegiance and following their pack master if you will. Vampire siring is emotional in a way. It's about pleasing who you're sired to because you love them. Well, crazy love them. Went through it once, it was a mess."

"Someone was sired to you before?" she asked. Was that jealousy he detected? It caused a panic in his chest. She wasn't sired to him, that couldn't be this.

"Yeah, but that's not important. Elena can you do something for me?" he asked, sitting up and facing her.

She pushed herself up slowly with her arms and turned to face him, curiosity all over her face. This could end badly but he needed to know. They sat cross legged staring at one another for what seemed an eternity before he finally forced the words from his mouth, "I want you to tell me why you did what you did in Denver. It's what I want and it's what I need to hear more than anything right now."

She clamped her mouth shut at that and her eyes flashed in pain. He wasn't supposed to talk about Denver. It was their unspoken rule. If there was anything in this world that Elena hated most, it was herself when she hurt someone. She had hurt him bad with her little 'Damon trial' that she and Stefan and concocted together. What hurt the most was when he realized he failed their little test and she ended up right back in his brother's arms. She drove right back to him and left Damon to die alone. He had forgiven her for it, it was hard to be mad at someone who died that night and came back as something she never wanted to be. The girl had some beef with that bridge. It was a kick in the nuts when he learned that it was his blood that saved her life. He should have been grateful but all he felt was sadness at the look on her face as she realized she was in transition.

"I don't want to talk about that right now Damon, I'm sorry," she whispered, her face almost crumpling as she ducked her head and hid behind the thick sheets of hair that fell forward.

"I know…but you would have if you were sired to me. Passed the test Gilbert, well done. Gold star," he mumbled.

"What I feel is real. I'm sorry that Denver makes that hard for you to accept. If I could take it back I…" she bit her lip and shook her head a little.

"I wouldn't take it back either. If my blood hadn't been in your body that night and you left this world without me knowing what it was to feel you…" he trailed off to avoid heightening his emotions any further.

She sighed and nodded slightly, raking a hand through her hair and letting it drop. He snatched it before he could tell himself otherwise. He held it for a long while, examining each finger with his eyes and exploring with the light traces of his middle finger.

"Did you ever take piano lessons?" he asked, peering up at her.

"No, I'm not very musical," she admitted.

Surprising considering Katherine was excellent at the piano but he certainly wasn't going to point that out. Elena probably had several talents she'd never discover because the times were much different. Playing music was no longer a main source of entertainment. Kids these days had their iPads. Perhaps he'd download a piano app for her.

"Your hands were made to play. I could teach you sometime if you want," he pressed on. It was the old buried Damon making an appearance. The one who lived so long ago when girls played the piano at parties instead of table danced.

"There's a piano at the lake house," she replied with a shrug.

"Perfect. Now sleep, I have plans for the morning," he commanded, flopping onto his side away from her.

He heard her rustle a little and settle before the room was washed in only the darkness and her even breaths.