Paige sat through Spanish, continuously examining the card Jenna found in her locker, unable to pay attention to her surroundings. She always dreaded these messages; the consequences that came with them were never pleasant.
She read the message on the card over and over again, 'If you're not more careful it won't just be Emily that needs protecting –A'. Since she agreed to this she knew A would attempt to use Emily against her.
Paige never intended to fall in love with Emily; she just needed someone who was close to Alison to get close to. It could have been any one of the girls. Though when Emily came out it made Paige's decision easier, she figured that if she could use either her own or Emily's sexuality to befriend her, she would. The only problem was Paige fell in love with Emily from the beginning of her mission, and Alison was more than aware of her love for Emily.
Since the letters Paige wrote to Emily after Alison was pretending to be Emily, Paige needed to get her revenge. When Alison 'died' Paige felt like she couldn't get her revenge. But a text message from A changed all that, finding out Alison was alive and vulnerable was the best news Paige had heard, she could finally team up with other people Alison destroyed the lives of and repay the favour.
Though it did kill Paige to think that she was hurting Emily by using her and lying to her constantly just so she could get back at Alison. This wasn't Paige's intention but it was too late now, she was already in love with Emily and she would lose too much if she turned back now.
The bell rang, signalling the end of second period and waking Paige from her over-thinking and day dreaming. Paige left her class and walked to her locker, keeping her head down, not in the frame of mind to have a civilised conversation with anyone.
Walking down the hallway around the corner from her locker, Paige heard Emily's voice,
"Han, you've got it wrong again…" Paige stopped on the corner to listen to Emily and Hanna's conversation.
"Yeah, I was wrong once, but this time there was seriously something weird going on. I mean they were both in the bathroom, alone, during a first period…"
"Han…"
"…where they wouldn't be disturbed…"
"Han..."
"…and they stopped talking as soon as I…"
"HANNA!"
Paige didn't know how to feel listening to this conversation. Here Emily was defending her, ignorant to her best friend's allegations whilst Paige was lying and using and manipulating her. It felt wrong, Paige knew it was wrong, but she seemed to be able to provide herself with a rational excuse every time she thought about how horrible a person she was for doing this.
"Look, Em, you know I love you and sure I was wrong before but this time I'm sure something's not right. Just promise me you'll be careful." Hanna really cared about Emily and even if Emily wouldn't listen, she knew that the other girls would.
"Fine. I promise. Can we talk about something else now?" Emily's impatience with the conversation put Paige at ease, it was clear that she was refusing to believe Paige would do anything to betray her. Though she felt guilty for lying, Paige was happy that Emily didn't seem to be on to her.
Paige turned back and walked the opposite way down the hall, she didn't want any confrontation and she knew that if she bumped into Hanna that's exactly what she'd get.
She continued down the hallway until she reached the girls locker room. The swim meet wasn't for another hour but Paige knew she wouldn't bump into Hanna here and it could be a good place to gather her thoughts.
She sat on the bench in front of her locker and just waited. She liked being alone, it was the only time she felt like she could be herself considering she had lie a lot to Emily and with Shana and Jenna she had to act dominant, they wouldn't listen to her otherwise. It was easy for Paige to kill hours of time just sitting alone with her own company, her thoughts always kept her mind at work and caused her to over think and drift off into a world of her own.
She began thinking about Alison and what she made her do. Pretending to be Emily and making Paige write those letters, the name calling and the blackmailing. Paige ran her hand over her thigh remembering what Alison caused her to do. Many of the scars were still there though most of them had faded. It's a shame the memories couldn't fade away like the scars.
Paige thought about what she was doing, trying to get her revenge. She considered whether or not it could be justified or if it made her just as bad as Alison. She thought about this a lot, constantly in fact, and these thoughts always left her feeling guilty.
Footsteps echoed through the empty locker room bringing Paige back to reality. She checked her watch to see if it could have been the coach or anyone of the swim team getting arriving early for the meet. Paige was confident there was at least twenty minutes until the meet; it was unlikely that anyone was going to get there this early.
"Paige? What are you doing here?" Paige didn't even have to look up, Emily's voice always managed to make the hair on Paige's arms stand up and run a chill through her body.
"I just wanted some time to myself…" Paige replied looking at her down at her feet. She didn't want Emily to keep worrying about her, it was nice to know she cared but the guilt was beginning to get too much.
"Why? Are you okay?" Emily sat on the bench beside Paige putting a hand on her thigh where Paige's hand had previously been. Paige finally looked up at Emily.
"Yeah, I'm fine" Paige smiled at Emily in an attempt to reassure her and put her worries at ease.
"Okay, do you want me to leave?" Emily asked, worried that she was bothering Paige.
"No. No, it's fine, honestly." Paige and Emily sat silently holding each other for some minutes. They always believed that their silence spoke more than any conversation. They admired each other's company, particularly in silence listening to each other's heartbeats, each other's breathing.
After a few minutes Emily's phone vibrated, a message from Hanna broke their embrace. She read it out loud, concerned about its implications. 'Why is Shana joining the swim team? xx'
"Why would she think Shana would be joining the team?" Emily looked at Paige curiously. She didn't mean for it to seem as if she were blaming Paige but Paige was quick to defend herself despite no real accusations.
"I just needed to get Hanna off my back…" Emily's reaction made it obvious that she wasn't accusing Paige and that Paige had jumped to these conclusions far too quickly. As soon as the words left her mouth, Paige wanted nothing more than to just wake up from this nightmare.
"What do you mean you needed to get Han off your back?" Emily stood up from the bench where the two of them had been sat and just looked at Paige.
"She saw Shana and I in the toilets earlier, nothing was going on I just… panicked. I didn't know what to say to her." Paige shook her head and looked back down at her feet. Everything seemed to be going wrong, Paige was good at separating her business with Alison and her relationship with Emily but recently she started slipping up.
"How about just telling her the truth, Paige!" Paige hated it when Emily used that tone of voice.
"I can't!" Paige stood up from the bench to face Emily, staring her in the eyes.
"Why not?" Emily questioned, staring back, not allowing herself to ease off Paige.
"You don't get it" Paige slammed her eyes shut at her response. Really? That's the best she could come up with? If Emily didn't think she was guilty before she must by now.
"Then just tell me, Paige, maybe then I'll get it." Emily replied, giving Paige the benefit of the doubt.
"It's just… I mean… Hanna seems so quick to blame me, I didn't think she'd believe the truth…" Paige started, stepping away from Emily and breaking eye contact.
"And what's the truth?" Emily asked.
"Shana and Jenna are together…" Emily's face dropped, she clearly jumped to the assumption that, since she believed Jenna was on the A team, then Shanna must be, and if Shana was then where did that leave Paige?
"I saw them together… last night, on my walk. I was on my way to first period and Shana dragged me into the girl's toilets to ask me not to tell anyone. That's why I couldn't tell Hanna." Paige impressed herself with how convincing she sounded, she practically convinced herself. "But look, you can't tell anyone…" Paige added.
Emily had a rush of guilt hit her, "I'm sorry… for doubting you" Emily hugged Paige in an attempt to confirm her apology. "I'm just… I'm worried about you…" Emily continued, refusing to let go of Paige. She didn't often doubt or accuse Paige but with Toby being on the A team and Spencer being locked up in Radley just a few weeks ago, it seemed Emily had been trusting the wrong people.
"It's fine, Em. After everything you've been through I'm surprised you can trust anyone." Emily finally broke the hug as she heard people walking into the locker room.
"Can we talk about this later?" Paige nodded in response as the rest of the swim team filled the girl's locker room getting ready for the swim meet.
