AN:
I have no excuse for how long I've been gone. Mostly, I blame procrastination and then the rest can go along with school and all that, but I kept avoiding this chapter like the plague.
Anyway, I'm back, so let's just focus on that.
In this chapter, I think I wanted to make it clear as to why Kim never really hangs out with the boys anymore. These past few chapters, past three chapters, have been solely focused on Kim and Jerry and then everybody else. I thought it was really weird why I never explained, or why it was never spoken of, as to why Kim never hangs out with the boys that much. Nonetheless, that's what I chose to explain in this chapter, along with a different story of the boys placed into the chapter as well.
Moreover, I wanted to talk about marriage and why, for me, it is a big deal. Even if I'm still very young and have a lot of time left, the people in this story, who are now twenty-three or twenty-two, aren't. Marriage is evident throughout the story, with Rudy, who has a fiance, Eddie, and Milton. I thought it was time to talk about marriage and establish what I, not everyone, believes. I hope I don't make any of you think that marriage is supposed to be this and that―marriage is a decision that you make for yourself. Though I am highly traditional in most of my beliefs, I would never want to force anyone to thinking a certain way or thinking a certain belief. I cannot do that for anyone; you have free will, you can believe what you want to believe.
As you all can tell, I probably sound highly religious―I am in deep relationship with God―but I will always believe that everyone should be entitled to their opinions. Nobody should ever be forced into thinking certain things―that's not how God would want it.
Anyway, continue onto the story. This isn't about me, and I talk too much.
3.
The Boyfriend Problem
It's Saturday afternoon, on the beginning of November, when Kim shuffles into the living room.
She has her hands wrapped around a boy, one with light brown hair, blue eyes, and an almost irresistible smile that flips her stomach. Fiddling with her hands behind his neck, Kim squeezes her fingers together, rubbing them against his skin.
Tyler, as ever charismatic and dazzling as he is, leans down and watches her slowly unravel before him. He notices that each time it's the same, when she smiles against him her eyes glow, but once he whispers something a little alluring against her ear she's blushing like a strawberry underneath the sun. Sloppily hooking his hands around her waist, he tilts and ducks his head to meet the curve of her lips and kisses her as tenderly as he can. She's extremely quick to bring him closer once he's backed away, even if it's not that far.
"It's been like five weeks since I've seen you," he tells her, grinning against her lips, "I miss you."
Kim clasps her fingers on the back of his gray shirt as tightly as she can. Urging him closer, she curls her heels upward to meet his mouth. She hadn't intended to be busy these past few weeks, but work was strenuous and demanding. And, then there was also Jerry, who she spent last week with. If she wasn't at work then she was with him. Demands always had to be met―especially important ones. "I'm sorry, work was busy," she replies, moving her hands to the back of his neck, "But, I'm here now?"
Tyler tilts her head back with the force of his next kiss, slow and ardent, but still just as tender. "Yeah, and I plan on taking you out tonight."
"Oh really?" Kim raises an eyebrow, before she takes in him again. Brushing her cheek against his, she gently tilts her head up and curls her fingers through his hair. The movement, the way she threads her hands through his hair, is probably not as soft as she thinks, but she can't help but react that way when she's in his arms again. It's been too long; she misses him.
"Hey, Kim, do you have any―" Jerry begins, standing in the front of the hallway, facing the shiny, glowing DVD case in his hand―some video game, she thinks?
Tyler turns his head just as Kim does. However, Kim shuffles out of his hands, almost as if she had been caught by her parents. The boy beside her doesn't really think much of it, even though he already misses the warm feeling of having her hands run through his hair, so he's quiet as he puts his hands in his pants. The guy in front of him might have been the new friend she was moving in with, except she didn't really tell him it was a guy and, much less, a slightly just as attractive as Tyler guy―not that he believes that or anything.
Kim leans on one foot, her arms crossed and eyebrows knitted, but eyes all too anxious. "Yes, Jer, I have plans."
Jerry looks up and sees the knitted eyebrows on her face and the quiet boy standing next to her. It takes him a few seconds to connect the dots and realize that he should probably greet them since it's basic manners, but he doesn't take long to respond―though it's not like he really does. "Oh, uh," he mutters, his shoulders tensing.
"This is Tyler," Kim finally says, planting her hand on his left arm, "he's my boyfriend."
Tyler nods and then sticks his hand out. Jerry flickers his eyes between his hand and his glare, trying to decipher if this guy is capable of twisting his hand twice over if he shakes his hand, but eventually throws his hand out and shakes it anyway. If Tyler did twist his hand then it wouldn't matter anyway; Kim was probably just as strong as him―and boy if Jerry made the situation awkward would she get irritated.
"Nice to meet you..." Tyler trails off, facing Kim as if he was waiting for her to say something.
"Oh." She shakes out of her crossed arms. "This is Jerry, my roommate―"
Jerry gasps, almost exaggeratedly, as if he was offended.
"―and best friend," she adds, taking note of the expression on his face. He quickly relaxes.
Tyler, on the other hand, notices the shiny, glimmering DVD case in his hand and the green frame that it's in. Kim isn't sure if she sees his blue eyes light up or if he's just so excited that it seems like it, but she immediately senses a problem before he does. She can see certain letters from her angle, like F, L, U, T, and a 4―Flut 4? But, she doesn't see the actual name of the game so she ignores the ridiculous thing, until her boyfriend takes the initiative to actually ask about it―to which then she realizes that it's an early premonition and she should have just skipped over Jerry and just left.
"Is that Fallout Four?" Tyler points to the case, eyes glowing.
"Yeah, man, I got it today. I heard it was gonna come out almost weeks ago and I had to get it. It's crazy, did you hear―"
"Yeah, and the graphics are so clean―"
"―explore all over the place, it's―"
"I heard, it's gonna be awesome―"
"It is," Jerry quips, nodding as he passes over the green DVD case.
Tyler holds it in his hand as if it were a baby and gazes at it as if it were the most beautiful thing he's ever seen―as if it were Kim. "Can I play? I mean―"
"Yeah, come on, man―" Jerry quickly replies, moving about almost naturally towards his side. Kim lifts an eyebrow at him momentarily, crossing her arms as if to reprimand him. He takes a small moment to decipher the look on her face, and quickly understands, because as always he was too quick on his feet and not on his mind. "Nah, I can't do that. I mean, you and Kim came to spend some time together; I wouldn't want to ruin that. That's just not cool, man."
"But it's fine―right, Kim?" Tyler turns to her, his eyes as soft as dandelions. Now, what the heck is she supposed to do? She can't say no!
And slowly, but surely, she begins to nod, even against her own wishes. "Oh yeah, it's okay, it's totally fine."
Taking her response in, Tyler, and then, Jerry follow with excitement, cheering all the way down the hallway. Snickers and laughter echo right behind them and Kim begins to feel something familiar swimming up her chest and head―anger probably. Except, this time she doesn't exactly feel like punching something, she feels like moping, like―like sitting in her bed and thinking about how he was supposed to choose her.
No, she is not sad, and no, she is not disappointed. And most of all, she is certainly not jealous. Not at all.
Sunday morning arrives abrupt; Jack can barely feel it coming until it does. As an adult, days aren't always like that―that's something he's recently learned. Days are as slow as they could ever be when you're older. Thus, on days where the sun rises fast, Jack has developed the ability to really seize the day. He gets up earlier than usual, exercises for at least two hours, finishes any coursework, and attends to the dojo. The beginning of the week is always the easiest place to sleep on―literally, it is the easiest place to sleep on, especially for Eddie who's planted on the small wooden bench taking a nap.
Nonetheless, Jack enjoys seizing the day, so he usually prepares for it. His friends, however, never really do.
"Gah!" He hears behind him, like a loud bird sticking its head out of a grandfather clock. Of course, it's Milton, but it's not any less annoying than it is from a clock.
"What?" He turns his head, trudging over to him with exhaustion. He doesn't know how he deals with his friend's tendencies half of the time, but he guesses it's his strong will and the bond, or friendship ties, that stick them all together. After all, they're family, always will be.
Facing him with wide eyes and a shriveled grimace, Milton throws his hands out before him. "I'm so tired of Grace. One day, she's mad at me and the next, she wants a foot massage. I never know what to expect with women. And frankly, I'm tired of her feet, they smell like old fish."
Jack laughs a little, rubbing his left eye. "What happened?"
"She says that all I do is watch medical documentaries and I never want to spend time with her―which isn't true because sometimes I like watching medical series too," Milton replies, slumping his shoulders as he speaks. Jack would have felt a little bad for him, but he didn't really know what it was like to smell fish feet. His girlfriend's feet smelled like...well, feet. He was used to it.
"Well then, why don't you spend some time with her?" Jack simply suggests.
Suddenly, Milton laughs, his hands on his stomach and his eyes shut. Jack doesn't get what's so funny, so he looks around to see if he missed something. It's not until Milton sticks his finger at him until he realizes that he's laughing at him―of course. But, he was being completely serious. It doesn't take that long until Milton notices that―until Milton notices that Jack truly knows nothing about marriage and why "spending time" with his wife was not so simple.
"Oh, you're being serious?" The redheaded boy stares. "You seriously believe in "spending time" together? Could you be any more obtuse?"
"What?" Jack's eyebrows squish together.
"Wow, you―hey, Eddie, come over here! Jack offered marital advice," Milton continues to pester, the edges of his mouth curving upward. Jack didn't really know what was going on, but he did have a major issue with Milton wasting his time and making fun of him. Just because Milton was inching closer to his doctorate didn't mean Jack's advice was any stupider, besides he knew a couple things about marriage―even if he wasn't married. Or at least, he'd like to think so.
Eddie bowls over as he walks toward the two men. His laughter must have been the most obnoxious sound Jack has heard today, along with Milton's. "He what? Seriously?"
"Yeah!" Milton walks over to Eddie's side, both men dressed in white karate gis. "I don't think he understands the amount of organic manipulation women have in their bones. You never take what they say literally; there is always a hidden meaning in their words. When Grace talks about me watching medical documentaries, it's because she wants to potentially stop me from watching documentaries so she can watch TV. Duh, Jack."
Both of Jack's eyebrows rise. "What?"
Eddie chuckles lightly, before placing his hands on Jack's shoulder. His eyes show small sympathy, but his smile says otherwise―they were trying to patronize him. "Candy is always encouraging me to drink coffee in the morning, because she says it helps to wake me up. Do you think she's being helpful, Jack? Do you?"
"Uh, yeah," Jack answers, shrugging his shoulders. He didn't really know what to say about any of this.
Immediately, Eddie and Milton throw their heads back in laughter. The smaller boy, the one with the darker, smoother skin, plants his hands on his friend's shoulder. The solidarity was strong between the two and Jack was a little irritated. "Oh, you are so naive," Milton comments.
"Candy almost always steals all of my coffee. I only have a sip before the rest of it is gone and I'm still tired when I go to work. She's not being helpful, Jack―"
"She's being manipulative," Milton adds again, before both him and Eddie take steps beside Jack to head onto the dock.
For some reason, Jack had never felt so offended, excluded, and disappointed in his life. And, it was the most strangest combination of feelings he's ever had in his life―including when he met Tiffany.
It's still a little close to Sunday morning when Kim finds that she doesn't like Tyler hanging around Jerry anymore.
They had hung out all day yesterday. There wasn't a moment where Tyler spoke to her the whole day. He and Jerry loomed through the hallway most of the day, getting snacks from the kitchen, using the bathroom, or getting some water, though nonetheless, both boys never batted her an eye. Tyler almost forgot she existed and Jerry had found a new best friend in her boyfriend. It was almost incredible how quickly those two bonded too. They're texting each other now, sending little emojis probably to explain how ecstatic they feel over meeting each other―it was annoying. She hated it―she hated them.
Today, the day she was supposed to wake up and find Tyler texting her about how amazing it was to be with her, out and about, last night, was not that day and it just felt like any other day. And, it hurt, because she had fallen asleep from waiting for him the other day and she never does things like that for anyone―waiting. He didn't even tell her when he left and, yeah, she was mad, really mad. She was so mad that when Jerry walked into the kitchen in the morning to make some omelets she couldn't even talk to him...at all.
"Morning Kim," he mumbles, pushing his hands through his wavy hair, all tousled and stuff.
Kim didn't say anything, but most of all, Jerry didn't notice. He was looking at his phone, scrolling through his i-Message, and probably looking at a Tyler text. Then, he laughs, he moves his hair back out of his face and laughs. How dare he? She hated him so much...momentarily, but it was real.
"Tyler's awesome, man," he continues, pressing a whole bunch of letters, before he looks up. "Oh, and he said he's sorry about the other night. He didn't mean to leave so late without talking to you, but he's really happy he came over anyway. Met me and―"
Then, the phone dinged again, and he left her eyes. Kim hated something about that too. As a matter of fact, she hated how it made her feel. But, she couldn't say anything.
She opened her mouth, with all these mean stuff in mind, and then suddenly, nothing came out. Her mind is blank. All she can truly remember is how she feels and how that, in turn, hurts her even more, but Kim can't say anything, because when it came to the true stuff―things about emotions and stuff―it was harder to push out now. She wasn't really the same girl who would talk about how she feels and go on and on about how it hurts. Ever since she started doing real world things like work and paying the bills, emotions became harder to express when she realized that the world does not care about her―nor how she feels. In the real world, you just have to go about your day and hope that it goes away.
Consequently, when Jerry decides to lift his head, Kim is already in her bedroom―hoping that the feeling, whatever stupid thing it is, goes away and that it never comes back.
"Yeah, and then she told me―" Milton has started to say, sticking his pointed finger against his chest.
Eddie looks like he had been listening to him for a good while. He was probably telling him one of his exaggerated stories―some time around twenty minutes ago of this Monday, just when they had arrived. There isn't really a point to make with that statement, Jack notices, it's just the fact that Milton had been talking and now suddenly he's stopped. Both, he and Eddie, have stopped talking and are both turned to face Jack. He expected they would apologize― as they should, they were obnoxious the other day.
"What you guys talking about?" Jack begins, keeping his hands in the pockets of his white gi. Sometimes he preferred the gi on a rougher day, but it never prepared him for this nonsense really.
Milton, also in a white gi and a―finally―black belt, turns to Jack. "Oh nothing. It was something you wouldn't―" he stifles a laughter, coughing to hold it a little, "really get."
Eddie turns to Jack, but his smile doesn't help ease that something is a little off here. He just glances at Milton and then at Jack, before he excitedly says, "yeah."
Jack folds his arms across his chest. He doesn't really get these two. After Saturday, he was expecting a small apology or something. Why were they still trying to patronize him? It's ridiculous, whatever bond or thing they have, about being the only married two. It's obnoxious and, to be honest, it wasn't that different from being in a long-term relationship. "You know what? That's it. I don't understand why you guys have to make me feel stupid just because I'm not married. It's not that different from long-term relationships―"
"That different?" Milton's head leans forward.
"From relationships?" Eddie continues, opening his wide eyes in confusion.
"Yeah," Jack replies, nodding, before he smoothly walks in between them. Both stand there a bit confused, and surprised, even as Jack makes a complete turn to face them. Milton takes a while to settle all his thoughts and try to process if Jack truly said what he said, but he did. He really did.
"Relationships are completely different from marriage. In marriage, there's promise, there's commitment. In marriage, you can't just fight and decide to walk out the door for the night, because you guys own the same bed and have to sleep in it―"
"Yeah, and that's not that different from long-term relationships. We do that too," Jack continues to press. His eyebrows stand at the top of his hand as he tries to ease away his anger.
"Yeah, but marriage is forever, Jack. You can't take a break or give up, because you're married and divorce finalizes everything. In a relationship, you guys can break up and that's it, both of you move on. But, in marriage, you have to grow up a little. Both of you change and the way you guys talk to each other change," Eddie tells him, with a look that almost seems earnest and genuine. But, he still wasn't really moved; Jack could believe a whole other things, but not this.
"Yeah, and that's really the only difference from long-term relationships," Jack adds.
"No, Jack. It's much more than that. Marriage is magical, extremely infuriating, but it's real. You guys, sort of, become one, just this one person, not two, who totally understands themselves. You know everything about your spouse―from the inside out. You know their intentions and their thoughts and what they want―and it's annoying and it makes you mad, but it's magical. I'm not going to lie; long-term relationships share some things with marriage, but they're completely different," Milton replies, with a look almost as earnest as Eddie, except he wasn't really staring at Jack―he was kind of in the moment.
"Yeah, and marriage, kind of, is a lot better. I think I feel more comfortable than I did when I was in a relationship," softly, Eddie remarks.
Jack doesn't really know what to say, but he doesn't know if he was really prepared for a full speech. Some of what they said was a little nice and he definitely had a slight change in perspective, but it didn't mean they were better than, or at least, smarter than him just because they knew a little more. And anyway, this all started because they couldn't stop being extremely obnoxious.
"How could you think that they're one in the same? I mean, I'm sorry we were a little obnoxious on Saturday―"
"A little?" Jack asks, but not really. He's totally confident in the answer.
"Okay, a lot, but marriage and long-term relationships are totally different. There's a lot more work to maintain one and you just don't know that yet―no offense―so don't take it personally when we find it funny," the redhead says, before taking a small turn and heading for the lockers, along with Eddie.
Jack doesn't really have much to say about that, and it bothers him a little.
It's only a little while until Wednesday evening comes around―and Kim still feels extremely bitter.
She's been watching television on the couch for almost an hour. She doesn't even remember the past few shows that have passed and she is beyond bored. Her mind, on the other hand, isn't. She's been thinking so much about what happened with Tyler and Jerry―and how they're still texting now, yet Tyler hasn't sent her text message since Sunday. Normally, she'd call and start a fight just blaming it on being extremely moody and having nothing else to do with her emotions since she could never express herself right. But, recently, she's realized that that's a little petty and ridiculous. There were more ways than just starting a fight to talking about a problem and she was too tired to even do it anyway.
Moreover, she's more mad at Tyler than Jerry. Tyler's her boyfriend, he's the one who is supposed to know about her and talk to her. And yet, she didn't know why she couldn't tell Jerry and just explain everything. She kind of hated not talking to him as much as she hated him right now. During boring afternoons like this, he was always the first person to keep her entertained until the clock struck midnight. She missed her friend already.
Wow, she shakes her head, that's strange. Well, it's strange, but it's true; Kim likes talking to him. As a matter of fact, she loves talking to him.
"What you watching?" Jerry suddenly asks, throwing her out of her thoughts. He's standing in the middle of the living room, hovering over her, until he takes her leg underneath the green blanket and sits under it.
Kim had been laying on the couch, quietly, just watching anything that came her way. Her legs were piled on top of each other, warm underneath the blanket, especially warm now that he was under them. All she was, is, wearing is a thick yellow long sleeved sweater, or hoodie, and leggings. Her head is in a lazy bun. Jerry, on the other hand, was just wearing gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt. His hair was tousled in his face, but it looked pretty shiny and healthier than she had seen in a while. Looks like he's finally taking care of himself, Kim notes―good.
"Nothing," she mutters, but it's really icy when it slips her tongue. Jerry notices.
"Are you sure?" He continues to pester, trying to be as gentle but forward as he can even if it was really hard to do.
"Yes, Jerry," Kim replies, but this time it isn't really icy, it just sounds annoyed. Jerry doesn't know what to do, other than address the situation at hand, but he's kind of scared she'll snap at him if he even asks. She was extremely scary when she wanted to be, so he gets up and just decides it's better to leave.
He really doesn't want to encounter her when she's angry and, even if it bothers him intensely, he'll give her her space. However, at the very least, he had to say something before he went the other way―anything. "Uh," he begins, already once again standing in the middle of the living room, "I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did what I did and I'm sorry I keep messing up. It's―I just don't want you to be mad at me, Kim. You shouldn't be―I shouldn't keep bothering you."
Kim doesn't say anything, but her mind keeps telling her to. Her mouth just won't open.
Jerry looks at her for a few seconds, trying to see if she'll at least yell at him or something, but she doesn't. He figures she's more than just mad at him―she's disappointed, and something stings in his chest and his eyes when he realizes that. And as he turns and walks into the hallway, he feels like a heavy bag has just dropped onto his shoulders again. That's why she left me, he thinks, that's why everyone leaves.
And Kim still can't find it in her to say anything, even as he takes a turn into the hallway and out of her vision. She feels her heart burn a little; it's okay, Jerry, just stop apologizing.
She just doesn't get why she can't tell him.
Jack had been thinking about it all day yesterday―of marriage, long-term relationships, and the differences.
He was so interested that he even talked to Rudy about it, but he had only told him that one cost more money then the other and that it was just better to stay in a long-term relationship. However, his opinion didn't get any more complex than that―it just led back to expenses and how you didn't really need to get married to be happy, which was true. You can be happy without getting married, but Jack didn't want to know about that. He wanted to understand what Milton and Eddie were saying―about marriage and how it feels so magical or something, because he might have wanted a little of that feeling, of that magic.
Therefore, he asked his parents when he went to visit them. It was Wednesday, is Wednesday, and usually he spends this afternoon doing coursework at the dojo, but he really wanted to address this―ew, address this? Man, he is getting old.
Anyway, he tries to talk to them in the evening, right in the middle of lunch, when they're sitting around the dark brown table. While the sun beams from the outside of the window, right across from Jack, there's a certain silence that sits in the room. It's almost as if he decides to think over whether it's worth asking, moving his eyes over to the dark cabinetry in the corner of the room with china plates that he doesn't recognize―he assumes his mom recently added it. Though slowly, but surely, he dips his fork into the white plate and raises his head.
"Hey mom," he starts, fiddling with his food, "what's the difference between marriage and long-term relationships? Is it really that much of a big deal?"
"Well," his mom turns to his father, her short wavy hair glimmering under the sunlight, "I think it is, for me, personally. I'm a little surprised you ask, why?"
"I don't know. I just feel like they're the same thing. You're both living together under the same roof for a long time, you're both dealing with each other for a long time, and you both have nowhere to go after a fight instead of the couch." Jack turns to his dad, who looks too tired to be having this discussion in the evening. He shrugs his shoulders when Jack turns away from him. "What's the difference?"
"Well," his father suddenly speaks, "in a long-term relationship, you're being too stagnant and comfortable with yourself. If you could push yourself to become the best person you could be, you would, most people do―but not all, just like certain relationships. Couples get very comfortable with not evolving, with not pushing at their relationship, and not fulfilling what could be the best part of you both together. Never get comfortable in love, Jack―always push until you find more."
After that, the dining room gets quiet. You could hear just the smallest creak from how silent it was, because mostly Jack was thinking about it. He was thinking about fulfillment―and how it rung true. Something always felt like it was missing with Tiffany, like there had to be more than just living together―and it was real. He had been getting too comfortable with her.
Even if he wasn't ready for marriage, and would take a long time, at least he knew why he felt that he was missing something. And it wasn't with Tiffany, because he was absolutely in love with her―it was because he knew he had to push at something, he just didn't know what.
Swallowing the fish from his fork, Jack turned to his father. "Okay, I think I get it."
"Great," his father replies, before slumping forward to eat.
His mother, on the other hand, just looks at his father with a small, subtle smile. She didn't say anything after, but she did leave a light kiss on his cheek when Jack when to go wash his dish. And for some reason, he thinks he gets the marriage thing a little now.
It's on a late, quiet Thursday night when Kim decides she doesn't want to be bitter anymore.
She sitting in front of a large window sill at the very side of her bed, where she can see all the cars drive by, one by one, all solitary. She assumes it's so late in the night that many are already home, but, nonetheless, it's incredibly comforting to see the streets almost empty. In the dark, cloudless sky, she finds a strange feeling that been sitting in her stomach―loneliness.
Wrapping the orange duvet of the bed around her shoulders, she lies on her side. What's going on with me?
She doesn't get why she can't just tell Jerry what's wrong. She's usually so vocal about everything, but when it came to matters of the heart, she couldn't even speak. She remembers when he went in her room and took her things―that never hit her personally, just physically. She felt disrespected and that was a whole other topic. She could go on and on about something that disrespected her, because it was never something she had to open up about―dig and pick at her emotions about. She could get mad and loud―and that was always so easy―but to get sad or jealous and have to dig at herself to explain was...scary. She couldn't tell Jerry she was jealous and sad, especially since it was so petty and it made her uncomfortable.
She could never be vocal about something she hated. She hated jealousy and she hated being petty. Moreover, she hated that it ate at her and she couldn't do anything to stop it.
But, tonight, those feelings―that feeling―seemed to simmer away. She isn't really bitter and jealous that Tyler is totally ignoring her anymore; she's mad at him―and she's comfortable with that. However, she felt lonely. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this lonely―not ever since Jerry came around.
She can't even remember the last time she visited the dojo, visited the boys. It's been so long. And she guesses that Tyler made it easy to avoid her boys, avoid those feelings―avoid Jack. Ever since they broke up, she couldn't even look at him in the eye, and it's not like she still liked him. It was more like she felt so disappointed in herself that she would avoid all of her friends, even Jack, because it didn't work out―they didn't work out. Now, she didn't know how to go back; she, especially, didn't know how to talk to Jack, like they used to, again. He calls her, on some days, but it's a little awkward and it's not really the same. It's been two years and it really doesn't feel the same.
She can't let that happen with Jerry. Not him.
Lifting her head out of the duvet and toward the small bedside table, she extends her body toward the corner of the bed. Her phone was plugged into the outlet, it's been charging since she arrived from work two hours ago. She thinks she's heard it vibrate about four times, but she doesn't remember since she's been moping about for such a long time.
Taking the large thing in her hands, she types in her pass code and takes a look at the messages she's been left since she's decided to mope. The light that beams from the phone causes her to back away for a few seconds until her eyes adjust to the light; she has five messages in her inbox―one from her dad, two from Tyler that have just arrived, one from her mom, and one from―...Jack?
Sighing a little, Kim clicks the first one. She couldn't stand her dad, especially when she just got out of work, but he was always persistent with his text messages.
Dad
Have something important to talk about. Call tomorrow.
Great, she huffs, like I need that right now.
Tyler
Hey babe. Really want to talk.
Kim couldn't even find an ounce of patience left in her. If he wanted to talk then he could always call, why was he always trying to find the easy way out instead of understanding that he screwed up and that it takes a lot of work to fix some mistakes? She wasn't even going to answer him. If he wants to talk then he should call, otherwise, she wasn't even going to answer.
Tyler
I'm sorry babe. Should've called you a long time ago.
Yeah, okay, whatever, Kim tells herself as she rolls her eyes. Opening up the next few messages, she feels a little better about these ones. Her mom was always checking up on her and Jack was always trying to reach her; he never seemed to give up on her even as she did. For some reason, that made her feel guilty and happy all the same.
Mom
Hey honey! : ) How are you? We're hosting a family get together this weekend. Call me.
She'd make sure to call her mother tomorrow morning―if she even remembered. Her mother was a little annoying if she didn't attend family gatherings, or if she even avoided her text messages at all.
Jack
Hey, how are you? You should come by the dojo. I know you're busy with work, but we miss you. I miss you.
Kim felt her heart tug a bit, because, in all honesty, Jack didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve her and all her avoidance. She didn't understand why she couldn't just visit, for just ten minutes, especially when she didn't feel anything anymore. She's over it, she's been over it for years, and yet it's so hard to talk to him―to look at him. She couldn't imagine keeping that up forever. She couldn't imagine never being able to see him, or Milton, or Eddie, or―or Rudy! She just couldn't, especially Jerry―most importantly Jerry.
The next Sunday morning, Jack entered the dojo with a little bit of clarity.
After that Thursday evening, when he spoke with his parents, Jack really thought about it. He thought about Milton and Eddie and their comments. He thought about why it shouldn't have really offended him; he didn't know anything about marriage. He had been in two long-term relationships―Kim and Tiffany―but he never really thought about marriage...until now.
He could see himself marrying Tiffany, he could see himself having kids with her, and he could see himself living with her until they get old. Not a moment of hesitation or reluctance was on his mind. It didn't mean that they would get married soon, it was more like he could see it happening somewhere in the future―somewhere deep in the future. Moreover, he wasn't anxious or nervous about it, when it would happen it would just happen.
On the other hand, he doesn't know why he never felt that way about Kim. Kim was his first love, and yet, he couldn't see himself marrying her. She was everything he couldn't stand in some people in just one person. And, he loved that about her―still does, but he couldn't see it as clear as he thought he could. Consequently, right after that revelation, he found himself breaking up with her. And, it hurt, but it was necessary, because it―they―were going nowhere.
Kim was broken after that. He broke her. She didn't want to see him, talk to him, even be close to him, and eventually, she just disappeared. Not that Jack never saw her, because sometimes he'd hear that Milton called her and she said hi or that Eddie invited her to a party, but she always left early. It was like she was near, but always fleeting, and it hurt; Kim was a friend first, and a girlfriend second. He thought they would evolve from this and be able to be friends still.
To this day, he only ever talks to her through text. She never wants to see him. It hurts, but he'll live―eventually.
And, as all this passes, he's sitting at the smoothie bar. Taylor isn't here since she's on break, but he typically sits here when he has coursework to do or needs to relax. Right now, he's doing some science-human-body thing. He's withdrawing into his head a lot as he does it, but he notices Milton and Eddie at the door. They seem to be talking about something silly and redundant, he assumes. Those two never had any kind of normal conversation―ever. But, he thinks he might appreciate that. Sometimes, it was nice to talk about aliens and zombies after a long day, or even marriage and womanly manipulation.
He guesses you only get used to it after a while, much like marriage itself.
AN:
And...done!
Did you enjoy it? Did you find some parts difficult to read? Were there grammar mistakes or spelling errors? Is Kim inconsistent or out of character? Does Jack seem out of character? List any complaints that you have and I will always listen―and reply. What do you like the most about this chapter? What did you like the least? Were you uncomfortable with the topic this week? Let me know. I love to be aware about my audience and listen. You can never improve unless you correct and take in other's suggestions.
Never be afraid to leave some constructive criticism in the reviews. Never be afraid to make them lengthy either. I love long reviews and I love little reviews. I love all of them!
As you can see, I'm a little bit too excited. Let me calm down now, haha.
