A/N: well, here's the next chap... tell me what you think bout it...

by the way... i don't own FoR... god knows how i wanted to but no can do... hehehe! read and review please!


Chapter 2: Shattered Defences

If you have to leave… I wish that you would just leave…

Coz your presence still lingers here…

And it won't leave me alone…

-my immortal: evanessence

I don't want to go back… I don't want to pretend…

And yet, it was all I could do…


"So guys, what do you think about the weather?" Recca asked as he popped a piece of dumpling into his mouth.

Fuuko glared at him, knowing that the others are also doing the same thing.

"Recca, if you have nothing good to say, just shut up." Fuuko said, voicing out the same things the rest was thinking about.

"Hey, don't look at me like that? I was just merely trying to start a conversation. Everyone is awfully quiet." He said, throwing each and everyone around the table a curious glance.

Fuuko was about to retort something to his face when Yanagi cleared her throat and brought all the attention of the group to her.

"Recca is right. We should be happy that we're now complete." Yanagi's face then turned into a warm smile as she turned to Tokiya, who was now eating his food. "So tell me, Mikagami-sempai, how did the hearing go this morning?"

"Good." He replied without much of a glance to her direction.

"I take it that you won the case."

"What do you expect? He never lost in those kinds of things." Recca commented, taking again another dumpling from the platter.

Tokiya just shot him a glare before returning to his food. "I'm actually planning to take a month leave from work." He said before dipping in.

"Well that's good Mi-chan! At least you could spend more time with us." Fuuko exclaimed, giving him a pat on the back which was a little bit strong and caused him to choke on his food.

Fuuko laughed at his predicament, ignoring the glare she was earning from him. Apparently, some things never change despite the huge time they had away from each other's company due to their work and other business to tend to.

"Was that really necessary?" Tokiya snapped at her while wiping his mouth with a napkin.

Fuuko just shrug her shoulders and resumed to eating her food, while an angered Tokiya resumed to his food too. That was the second time already that he was caught off guard by the girl.

"What about you Fuuko? What are your plans for the week?" Yanagi asked her, ignoring the predicament a while ago.

Fuuko swallowed her food and noticed that everyone's attention was on her. "Well, I was planning on looking for a job and moving to a bigger apartment so I can have Ganko with me again."

"Really neechan! That's great! We can live in the same house again after a long time!" Ganko exclaimed, beaming up with excitement for the plan Fuuko has on her.

"Exactly what I was thinking." Fuuko said, returning the beam on the blonde's face.

"That's great! At least you're back to normal again. Besides, that apartment has too many memories in it that you…" Yanagi's voice trailed down when she realized what she was saying.

Fuuko's face suddenly lost the smile it has a while ago when her mind registered Yanagi's words. She bowed her head to hide the sudden change of mask on her face and found the food on her plate more interesting than her friend's face. She could feel their eyes on her and the silence that suddenly came over the table was defining for her. Knowing that Yanagi might get too emotional about what she did, she forced a smile on her face but she didn't lift her face up. She couldn't. She can't find the strength to as memories flooded her mind… bitter sweet memories…

Yeah, memories… there are too many memories of her and Raiha in that apartment. Everywhere she turns; there are memories that kept hunting her no matter how much she tries to ignore them. At the living room, there was always their memory of being snuggled close to each other on the sofa while watching their favourite movie or just talking to each other about their future. At the kitchen, there was always his memory of whipping breakfast, lunch or dinner for her during special occasions or during those times when he just feels like it. In the bedroom, there was always the memory of him sitting beside her bed and watching over her, taking care of her, when she's sick. Yanagi was right. That place has too many memories that haunt her.

Yanagi noticed the sudden change of emotion in her and she can't help but blame herself for being so careless and insensitive about her friend's welfare. Quickly, she apologized for what she said.

"Fuuko, gomen na sai." Yanagi's voice broke the line of memories flooding her mind.

Slowly, she looked up only to be met by Yanagi's face reflecting a little of the sadness she was feeling inside. Reluctantly, she forced a smile on her face, if not to erase the sudden emotions in her chest, then at least to take the worry off her friends face. "It's okay Yanagi. You don't have to apologize for anything at all."

"But I—"

"No!" she quickly cut her friends protest. "Please… let's just push this incident aside."

The next half an hour after that was spent in complete silence. Not even Recca dared to say anything stupid. Nobody dared to speak and Fuuko thank them for that. She doesn't know if she can participate lively in a conversation with thoughts of the past trying to drift into her consciousness.

After lunch was over and after she helped clean the dishes and put them away, Fuuko decided to wander alone by the lake, telling them that she needed to catch some air as an excuse. The truth was she wants to be alone, forcing her to decline Kurei's offer of escorting her while she take her walk.

Fuuko strolled by the lake in careful steps. From a far, she might look like someone in deep thought while truthfully, she was trying her very best not to think about anything at all. She was trying her very best to stop the memories from flooding her mind again. She was trying her best to stop the pain clenching at her heart and making it ache. She was trying her best to prevent the tears from showing and to suppress the shivers she was feeling. She tried, for five long years, to forget but she can't find the strength to let go of his memories, of him, in particular. It was as if the memories were all that could keep her sane. It was the only thing she could cling to just to have the strength to face every day. Without it, she would have done something to herself and follow Raiha to where he is. Yet, these memories are also the reason why she wanted everything to end for her, silently hoping that Raiha would heed her pain and take her with him.

I can't let go Raiha…

I tried…

But I just can't…

She could feel the pain again, clenching at her very soul, making her want to cry out just to release some of her pain. But instead of succumbing to her pain like she did five years ago, she remained firm, telling herself that no matter how much it hurts, she has to face them and act as if nothing's wrong. She has to be strong for them, or at least pretend to be strong for them, for her friends. For the second time in her life, Fuuko lost again her battle… emotionally.

Raiha…

Please…

I don't want the memories…

I don't want them…

I want you…


Later on that night, from her place around the bonfire, Fuuko watched as Recca and Yanagi snuggled close to each other, discussing their future plans for the wedding and even after that. Things went out fine after the incident during lunch time. She tried to laugh, smile and pretend that nothing was wrong with her and that she was the same girl they picked at the airport who just got over the death of her partner and ready to live life again. They seemed to have baited her act for they never asked her nor apologized again to her. They just went on with their conversation, however, this time; they were choosing their words carefully and avoiding any topic that might remind her of Raiha. For just a span of few hours, Fuuko became the master of masking her feelings and hiding it behind her smile.

Abruptly, she tore her gaze from the two when she felt the tears pricking her eyes and decided to let herself watch the others instead. She saw Ganko and Kaoru at her left toasting marshmallows and hotdog while Tokiya was beside the two drinking some beer. Joker and Kurei were at her left and also drowning themselves with alcohol. Joker seemed to have noticed her watching them for he looked at her way and raised a half-empty bottle of champagne to her.

She politely declined his offer and earned a disbelieving look from Joker. She saw him pat the space beside him, telling her to take the seat beside them and Fuuko threw a glance at Kurei to see if he was against the idea. What she saw, however told her that he might have not noticed the exchange between them for he was at his eight glass of champagne and was a rather tipsy already. Reluctantly, she moved closer to where they were and took the glass of champagne that Joker immediately offered her.

"Kurei seems a little drunk." She said, inclining her head towards Kurei's position.

"He's drunk, alright." He said, pointing at the half-empty bottle of champagne at his feet. "He was the one who drank all this. I'm just on my second glass."

Fuuko just shook her head slowly at the information Joker gave her. As far as she knows, Kurei wasn't the kind who would get drunk. He was always the responsible drinker.

"Look, why don't you move over here a little while I go get something to make him stop getting drunk all the way." Joker offered as she led her to a seat just beside Kurei and then left her there to sort out what to do with a drunken flame caster who has no thoughts of stopping.

Before she could even think of something, Kurei reached for the bottle once again and filled his cup up to the brim. He then emptied the cup straight that earned him a surprised look from Fuuko. When Kurei made an attempt to fill his cup again, Fuuko quickly took the bottle from him and put it far from his reach.

"Stop now Kurei or you'll get drunk." she said softly.

"Why do you care?" came a drunken response from her companion.

"Hey, it's not like you to get drunk like this. Is something bothering you?"

She watched him lift his gaze from the ground and suddenly found herself locked into his intense stare. Fuuko tried to divert her gaze but Kurei's palm found its way to her cheeks and prevented her from doing so. Still, Fuuko avoided eyes contact with him, focusing her eyes on the space beside her companion.

"You're bothering me…" he whispered, his warm breath just inches from her face.

Acting by instinct, she quickly pulled away from him and made an attempt to go back to where she was seated a while ago. She was about to stand up but his firm grip on her hand brought her down to her seat once again and was forced to make the eye contact she was dreading a while ago.

"Why are you avoiding me?" he demanded, his eyes looking almost pleading just for her to answer the question.

Fuuko stared back at his eyes, watching as flickers of emotions flashed before her through those pale blue eyes. One moment there was pain then anger then beseech. Suddenly, she found speech difficult and she can't help but read those emotions like an open book Kurei was forcing her to read.

"You're avoiding me… And I don't know why…" he added when she made no attempt to try to answer his question, his gaze intensifying with every second that passes by.

Her eyebrows furrowed at his next statement as her mind registered what he was trying to say. She wasn't avoiding him nor has she any intentions of doing such. She wasn't even aware that she was doing it. "I'm not avoiding you, Kurei."

She waited for him to say something, instead, his palm relaxed against her skin and moved away, gently moving against her skin as he did so and leaving a prickling sensation behind its trail. She watched him place his elbows on his knees and stare at nothing before him; his face becoming as blank as a slate, yet the gentleness that he always showed to her was still there.

"You know, you changed a lot." He said in a low voice.

"I know… Five years brought a lot of changes in me." She said, imitating his posture and letting her memories drift to those five years she spent in Hiroshima.

She recalled the stretch of the bluish ocean just outside the window of her apartment and the warm breeze that used to soothe her. She recalled the way the city was far more different than Tokyo, reminding her so little about it. After a few months of adjusting to her new place, she immediately enrolled herself at Hiroshima University taking up Architecture. She recalled the way she buried herself in her studies, cramming during exams and passing all the needed requirement to pass her course. She was busy and barely got time to think about anything else other than her studies and because of this, forgetting her past became an easy task for her.

"I wasn't referring to that." Kurei's baritone voice broke the line of thoughts in her head.

All of a sudden, her eyes were on Kurei, watching his features with an astonished look on her face. She dreaded every word that followed his statement a while ago.

"I was referring to the changes that happened to you when Raiha—"

"No." she interjected his speech, not wanting to hear the next word that would follow his name for she already knew it too well. She had months of unbearable pain as she became familiar to it. "Please, stop…"

"Your heart still belongs to him… I know it… you still hasn't forgotten about him…" Kurei's insistence awakened the memories she had hidden from everyone a while ago.

"It's not easy to forget." She whispered curtly back to him, fearing her voice might crack if she expound on her idea further.

"You don't want to forget about him… Admit it."

"Well, so what if I don't want to forget?" her voice increased a few tone higher as her frustration increased together with it.

"You're being selfish." Kurei prodded on, ignoring the growing frustration building up in her and refusing to let go of the conversation.

"So what?" Fuuko's voice was now a few inches higher than normal and it caught the attention of those who are close to them. Noticing this, she immediately lowered her voice once more to avoid letting the others know what they were talking about. "It's him that I want and it's him that I will still want. He's everything that I need and no one can ever replace that."

Fuuko watched as a poignant smile made its way across his face while he slowly turned his head to face her. Slowly, his fingers lifted to gently touch her cheeks and caress it soothingly. "You still love him even though he's gone… Maybe that's why I'll always be jealous of him…" he whispered against her skin, his warm breath coming in contact with her skin and making the hair on her neck stand out.

Fuuko's breath caught in her mouth as his lips came down out of nowhere and gently brushed the side of her forehead. The next second after that, he was up, walking away from her to the car where Joker said he would get something for his tipsiness. The kiss was quick, so quick that one would thought he just imagine it happened. And it wasn't like the ones he gives her when they part. Those were friendly, a polite gesture of saying good-bye to someone close to you. That kiss he just gave her was full of emotions that she could feel yet could not name. It was different and she has this feeling that it wasn't a friendly kiss anymore.

"Fuuko?" Recca's voice came from the other side of where he and Yanagi are seated, breaking the line of thoughts that was running in her mind.

Fuuko slowly turned around to face Recca and Yanagi and found them looking concerned at what happened.

Did they hear what I just said to Kurei?

She looked at their faces intently, watching for signs that they heard everything from the moment her voice raised but there were none, instead, a malicious smile spread over Recca's face and she was earning a 'you-can't-hide-it-anymore-from-me look' from Yanagi.

"What was that intimate kiss, Fuuko?" Recca asked her, slightly leaning to her direction so as not to miss anything that she would be saying.

Upon hearing the question, Fuuko let out the breath she didn't know she was holding. They'll never understand her. They'll never understand how they're making her feel when the keep on matching her with Kurei. They'll never understand how hard it is to accept someone new when you're still caught up with the past.

Maybe they'll never understand…

Because I'll never let them to…

You know I'd fight for you…

But how could I fight someone…

Who isn't even there…

It's so unfair…


Silence surrounded them as both masculine forms leaned back against a car, staring straight ahead at nothing. Only the even breathing from the two could be heard mixing with the natural resonance around them.

"Are you alright?" Kurei heard Joker asked and he couldn't help but smile at his friend's curiosity, sarcastically.

"What do you think?" he hissed.

Really now, when one is silent and drowning himself with alcohol, how could he think that everything was okay? Joker could be so insensitive at times and he hates it.

"I'll take that as a no." Joker presumed then paused for a while before continuing. "So, what happened?"

Does he have to press it further?

"She's still into him." He curtly answered, almost like spitting every word he said.

"After five years?" he shook his head incredulously. "Maybe his memories still hunts her."

Kurei just stayed quiet and so did Joker, letting the silence embrace them once again.

"You know what?" Joker's voice broke the silence once again.

He turned his head to Joker's direction and waited for him to continue.

"Making a move on her is fighting with the memories of a dead person just to win her heart."

Kurei analyzed what Joker had just said and indeed, he was trapped in a fight with someone who's probably decaying six feet under just to win her. And from the things that she just told him earlier, he feels like he's losing the fight. He stifled a chuckle at the thought that came to his mind.

This is the very first time I'll be losing to someone who's already dead…


I know when he's been on your mind…

The distant look is in your eyes…

I thought with time you'd realize…

It's over… Move on…

And let the past be memories…

-all or nothing: o town


It was already midnight. Everything was quiet aside from the hooting of the owl from the forest nearby and the sounds of the crickets not far away. Everyone was already asleep in their own tents surrounding the bonfire they made earlier that night, everyone, except for a certain silver haired guy who was drinking a can of beer and was standing by the lake. Beside his feet was five more can of beers joined by an elastic foil.

Tokiya observed the dark water before him illuminated by the silver light from the full moon. The lake was peaceful, almost stagnant even and it almost matches the velvet colour of the night sky adorned with stars sparkling like tiny diamonds. It was during these kinds of nights that he remembers most about his sister. Mifuyu always loved the full moon. Sometimes, she would ravel to him how magnificent thing it is that it could light up the night in an enchanted way. Then she would draw him close to her and tell him that she would always be there for him to guide him and light his way just like the full moon lights the sky.

How long had it been? He was barely ten years old when his sister died and up to this moment, he still couldn't let go of her memories. Yes, he was over the revenge part of his life but still, he couldn't bring himself to forget. The thick ice barrier that he built around himself just got thicker as time goes by and no one had been successful in penetrating the ice and touching his cold heart. He just couldn't do it himself.

Neechan…

Onegai…

Help me…

"Mi-chan…" a soft feminine voice suddenly broke the silence of the night that was beginning to make him feel like he was deaf already.

Tokiya turned around and was greeted by a pair of cobalt eyes and warm smile. "Monkey."

Fuuko just smiled at the nickname and completely ignored it. They weren't too childish anymore to be punching each other just because of a nickname that he had been used to calling her. "What are you doing here all alone?"

"I thought you were asleep." He answered curtly, returning his gaze back to the water that stretched out before him.

Fuuko walked beside him, looking at the same lake he was looking at opening the can of beer she has in hand. "I can't sleep." She said before drinking from the can.

Tokiya, thinking that he shouldn't talk anymore and since he doesn't have anything to say, let the silence engulf them once again and resumed drinking his beer.

"You're not planning to get drunk, are you?" her voice shattered the silence around them.

He looked at her and watched as her eyes drifted from his face to the ground where the other cans of beer are placed. "No."

"That's good." She said, slightly bowing her head up and down and then went back to observing the lake.

Again, another deafening silence followed. For few more minutes, they just stood there, listening to each other's even breathing and the night creatures rustling in the dark. After a few more minutes, he heard the ruffling of the grass on the spot they were standing at. He turned his head to her direction, thinking that she just left him alone to ponder on his own thoughts and to have his own privacy; instead, he found her taking a seat just beside his feet. When she felt that his eyes were on her, she looked up at him and gave him a warm smile.

"You don't mind if I sit down, do you?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow at him.

"No. Not at all." He said curtly.

Silence found them once again but was cut off when a cold breeze suddenly blew their way, rustling the leaves of a nearby tree and the bushes beside it. From the corner of Tokiya's eyes, he saw her shiver from the cold and wrapped her arms around herself. Being the gentleman that he is, he removed his jacket and handed it down to her without even bothering to glance at her way. He felt her accept the jacket he was offering and observed from the corner of his eyes as she placed the jacket around her shoulders.

"Thanks." He heard her mutter as another breeze blew their way. There was an uncomfortable pause, taking this opportunity to drink from her can of beer, before she continued reluctantly. "What are you thinking, Mi-chan?"

"None of your business." He replied in a frosty voice that almost matched the cold of the night.

He heard a chuckle from her and he looked down to give her one of his coldest stare, although deep inside, he knew that it wouldn't have an effect on her at all. She looked up, meeting his cold glare with a warm smile. "Five long years had passed Mi-chan and you're still giving me that crap."

"Yeah… And surprisingly, you're still as annoying as ever."

"You're thinking about Mifuyu, aren't you?" she asked straightforwardly.

Tokiya's glare on her intensified and if only looks could kill, she would be lying dead by his feet now like a frozen meat.

"Hey, quit glaring at me like that and take a sit. I might hurt my neck if I continue talking to you like this." she said, stretching her neck from side to side.

He debated on whether to leave her there sitting alone or concede to her request and spend more agonizing time with an annoying monkey. If he leaves her there alone under a cold night, something bad might happen to her and if the rest knew that he had the chance to look after her but didn't do anything, two flame casters will definitely burn him to ashes and Yanagi will never forgive him. The two flame casters, he could handle but the thought of Yanagi hating him was just like Mifuyu refusing to talk to him. So he picked the least harmful and decided to take a sit next to her.

"I was right, wasn't I?" she said before emptying her can of beer and reaching for another can of beer from those between us.

He looked at her in astonishment when she opened the can and drank from it. She sure drinks a lot. His was just half-empty but she's now on her second can. She mistook, however, the look on his face therefore she elaborated more on the question she threw him a while ago.

"I mean, I was right when I guessed that you were thinking of your sister." She said while gesturing with her hands.

Damn! Does she need to press it?

"So what if I am?" he said, suddenly having the urge to drown himself with alcohol so that he could have an excuse not to talk to her anymore. "Does that make you so great and mighty already?"

"Nothing…"she replied, ignoring the sarcasm in his voice. "Let's just say I could relate to what you're feeling when that happens…" her voice was dropping to an audible whisper and her face suddenly became masked with emotions that he was refused to show whenever he remembers his sister.

"I thought you forgot about him already. That was the reason why you left, right? To forget?"

"I can't help it. The memories kept on flooding my mind. It's hard to forget when you want all those memories to keep you sane." She whispered as she hugged her knees to her chest and drank the last drop of beer in her can.

He was about to say something else when he saw her grab another can of beer and opened it then drowned it in straight gulps. He never knew that Fuuko could drink this much or was it probably because she was seeking for the oblivion that alcohol could give just so as to block the memories that would surely hurt her. When Fuuko's fingers reached for another can of beer, he gently gripped her hand by the wrist and took the other cans of beer away from her reach.

"Enough. You'll get drunk if you continue consuming alcohol in that pace." He warned her in a low baritone voice.

"Why Mi-chan, you sound like you care…" she whispered as she gently pried her hand from his grip and settled down, looking at the lake before them.

Tokiya couldn't help but mentally scold himself for meddling with her life. Yeah, Mikagami, you almost sound like you care. I must be getting soft…

"Mi-chan…" she called out his name in a barely audible whisper that surprised him. What surprised him even more was when she slowly leaned her head on his shoulders and gently closed her eyes, the alcohol having an effect on her already.

His body suddenly became rigid from the sudden intimate contact that Fuuko elicited. He had never been this close to a girl in his entire life and he made all possible ways to prevent himself from getting this close to a girl. He felt her snuggled closer and he can't help but watch her from under his eyes, his body still rigid.

Alcohol… this is just the effect of too much alcohol…

"I miss him…" she whispered against his shoulders before her body relaxed, the alcohol in her system finally taking effect, then, she fell into the oblivion she had been waiting for.

Tokiya's body was as rigid as a stone but deep inside, his mind was in turmoil. It was already bad enough that he has to stay with an emotionally stable Fuuko but to be stuck with a drunk and sleeping Fuuko was definitely worst. Another cold breeze came, giving him the signal to carry Fuuko back to her tent before she catches cold. Although he gave her his jacket, the moist in the air might affect her and she might catch something.

Trying his best not to awake her, he slowly placed his arms beneath her knees and back and slowly lifted her from the ground. The motion made her stir a little in his arms, snuggling closer to his chest, so close that he could feel the warm breathing she was eliciting on his chest and the material he was wearing was being not much of a hindrance. Slowly and with careful steps so as not to wake her up, he headed back to her tent and gently laid her down inside. Just when he was about to leave her tent, he felt her hands around his and prevented him from leaving.

"No… don't leave me… scared…" she mumbled in her sleep.

Seeing no other way out, he stayed inside her tent and waited for her grip to loosen so he could leave, all the while, wondering what kind of nightmares was hunting her dreams. As much as possible, he tried to keep his eyes away from her face and tried to focus on something else but when he heard her mumble again in her sleep, he wasn't left any choice but to look at her. He regretted it almost immediately for the moment his eyes fixed on her face; he can't seem to find the strength to pull away. His eyes traced every feature of her face and watched as it showed him the same emotion she had when he took care of her when she was sick. It was pained, almost hopeless and in the verge of giving up and he suddenly felt the urge to make them go away. Without thinking what he was doing, he slowly lowered his head and softly brushed his lips against her cheek, letting them feel the warmth emanating from her skin and how silky her skin felt like.

Just when he thought the moment would last, a moan escaped Fuuko's throat and made him aware of what he just did. Abruptly, he pulled back as his hand crept to touch his lips.

What the hell—

Without another thought in mind, he quickly sauntered off to his own tent and forced himself to sleep, burying the feel of her soft skin against his lips and how he had wanted to

make that moment last.


hey, reviewing is just a click a way so please take your time and tell me how to improve this fic even more and what you think of it...

tanks! till the next chap!