Disclaimer: Again, i don't own twilight or any of the characters except Maya and Zoey ;(
(BPOV)
Occasionally Alice, Emmet and even Rosalie would come in and try to cheer me up. It never worked so they ended up leaving after about 5 minutes realizing that it was a wasted effort. My emotions were too much for Jasper. He couldn't handle my crushing grief so he stayed as far away from the cottage a possible. I felt bad when Carlisle or Esme would come and try to comfort me but I just couldn't take it. I tried to talk to Esme, to express my feelings, she of all people would understand considering she has been through a similar tragedy and look what came of that. I barely had the restraint to stop myself doing anything stupid. I think that was what they were most worried about when they saw how depressed I actually was. All the attention that they thought would help was in fact making everything worse.
I barely ever ate and I was getting thinner by the day. I knew everyone was worried about me but nobody truly knew what to do. I was so hopelessly lost in the pain I felt that I didn't think anyone or anything ever could help me. I was lost so in my sorrow I didn't think anybody could do would help me. Or so I thought.
At that moment I heard a faint knock on the cottage door.
"Bella, love, can I come in?" Edwards worried voice came from outside. I could barely make myself answer.
"Mmmhmm" I muttered so quietly a human wouldn't have heard but I knew Edward did.
He carefully opened to door and I heard his hesitant footsteps through the hall. He came into the bedroom and appraised my position on the floor.
I looked up at him. He looked hollow, empty and completely alone. I wanted to run up and wrap my arms tightly around his waist and never let go but I knew I wouldn't. Not anymore.
I tried to avoid his eyes but it seemed inevitable that my eyes would be drawn to his. We locked gazes for a few minutes and we let our emotions flow through to each other silently. He must have seen how heartbroken I really was and I saw how much pain my actions were causing him. He crumpled into heap on the floor and began sobbing tearlessly.
"Edward." I whispered and his head snapped up. I barely ever spoke anymore so it must have been a shock for him to hear my voice again after so much time.
He crawled from his space on the floor to sit next to me, bringing his knees up to his chest, and as much as I thought I wanted to, when it came to it, I couldn't do anything but comfort him and let him comfort me. I loved him and nothing him or anyone else ever does could change that. I leant my head on his shoulder but he didn't move. I was grateful for that. I just couldn't let anyone close to my heart just yet when it had been broken nearly beyond repair.
We sat like that for a long time before either of us spoke again.
"Bella. I'm sorry. I know I can never really make up for what I did. It was the worst mistake of my life and ill regret it for the rest of my existence. Every day of forever I will wish I could change that part of the past. I know that this doesn't change anything but I just want you to know I'm sorry. So sorry and I understand if you can't ever forgive me because I know for a fact I will never forgive myself." He stuttered through his apology not really knowing what to say to even begin to make things better.
"Edward." I paused, considering ways I could continue. "I know you are sorry. I want you to stop hating yourself. What's done is done. We can't change the past so both of us need to try to get over what happened. It will be hard and I'm not sure I will ever truly be able to but we need to try. For our family if not ourselves." As I said this I knew the truth of my words. I thought about Alice and Esme. How much I really missed them and how horrible it was for them to see me like this.
Once I started thinking about things possibly getting better I began thinking about other things along with the hurt that usually took over my mind.
I thought of the day I agreed to marry Edward. How happy he was and how I could see our life together laid out in front of my eyes. Together and in love for eternity.
I thought of our wedding. How flawless it was and how we were surrounded by everyo0ne we loved.
Last I thought about the honeymoon. Edward and I alone. How happy we were and how happy we could still possibly be. The first night. The most wonderful night of my life. I began thinking about what that led to and what it could lead to again.
NO. I couldn't think like that it was wrong; I couldn't use Edward like that.
I tried to think of other things, other happy memories but the same thought kept creeping back into my mind and however hard I tried to push it away it refused to go. It was so tempting. One night, that's all I would need and maybe, maybe everything would be alright.
