"You mean that Daddy put you on the wood and waited beside you? Why wouldn't they let you on the lifeboat?" Jacque asked, absolute horror on face, as she tried to imagine it.
"That's just the way things were. There were so many people, and only so many places to put them. I should have climbed in the boat and Jack could have gotten on the wood," Rose trailed off as she remembered.
"Why didn't you tell them about me? Did you tell them that I needed both my mommy and my daddy?"
"I didn't know about you yet. And even if I would have, they wouldn't have let Jack on the boat. I saw daddies put their wives and children on boats and have to wait behind."
There was a long silence as Jacqueline tried to take in everything Rose had told her.
Jacqueline finally broke the silence.
"What about my grandma? The one you said was on the ship with you? What happened to her?"
"Your grandmother Ruth wasn't a bad person. She just had different ideas about how the world should have worked."
"But, Mama. Where is she now? What happened to her?"
"It was all too much for her. She didn't even make it to New York. I remember after we had docked, I heard Molly Brown talking about what a shame it was. She didn't see me, at least I don't think that she did. But I saw her talking to Cal, and I knew they were talking about her, and me. After all, I never actually saw any of them again. They all assumed that I had died on the Titanic. The main thing I remember, is hearing Cal blaming me for my mother's death, saying it was all my fault, that I had killed her," Rose said, the last part more to herself than to Jacque.
It was the first mention I had heard of Ruth. Up until now, I had no idea what had happened to her, although I knew she wasn't here. Or if she was, I hadn't seen her. Though in some ways, I was glad of that, knowing that if she would have, she certainly wouldn't have been very happy at seeing me.
"What seems to be troubling you, my boy?" asked John Jacob Astor, coming up beside me.
I laughed inwardly at the irony of it. Ten years ago, I barely met these people. Now, here I was rubbing elbows with the richest of the rich. Though, in this place, I guess it didn't matter. It was like his money was doing him any good.
I had to admit, however. That even when we had both been alive, John had been nice to me, that night at dinner, he seemed to respect me, even if I wasn't one of the "Boston Dawsons".
I didn't really reply to his question, but rather I pointed.
"You miss her, don't you?" he asked wistfully, more of a statement than a question, and I could tell he was thinking of Madeline. I had almost forgotten.
"Do you miss Maddie?" I asked in return.
"I see your point," he said, referring to the short, 7-month marriage between him and his wife. I remember the way that he had reacted as he watched the birth of his son, four months after we ended up here. He, in turn, was there with me to watch the birth of Jacque.
"Did you ever think it was going to be like this?" I asked.
"What are you getting at?" he asked with a frown. I think he thought I meant Rose and Jacque.
"I mean, I had always though Heaven was more than this. A happy place. If it is so happy, why am I, we, all of us, so miserable?"
"This isn't Heaven, Jack. Surely you've realized that by now."
"Then what is it?"
"You have to find that out on your own," he said.
