Frannie Mae
My dear readers,
This is a one shot that I haven't been able to get out of my head for a long time. It's quite sad so... be warned. Thank you.
"Where's your partner, Fin? She's late."
Fin turned the chair by his desk to face his boss coming out of her office, glasses perched on the tip of her nose.
"She didn't tell you?" he frowned, surprised that Amanda hadn't called their Lieutenant to inform her that she wouldn't be coming in today.
"Tell me what?" she asked, instantly getting a gut feeling that something wasn't right. "She okay?"
"Frannie died. It happened last night." he stated, sounding sad and worried at the same time. "She took her for a run around in the park and when they got home Frannie went to sleep and, when Amanda went to check on her, she wouldn't wake up. I asked her if she wanted some company but refused, saying she wanted to be on her own. I thought she would've let you know."
Olivia just stood there, rooted to the floor, frowning in concern, eyes blinking rapidly as if to clear her wild array of thoughts that were swirling inside her brain. Why hadn't she called her to let her know what had happened? Why had she told Fin and not her?
"Um, no... she didn't. Have you spoken to her this morning?" her heart had picked up speed and the genuine concern for her detective and friend was evident.
"No, cause I know what she's like. Thought I'd give her some time to grieve, Frannie ment a lot to her, more than you think."
"I know." Liv responded. She knew. She knew just how much that dog ment to Amanda and how much she loved and cherished her beloved pet. She knew how much of an impact an animal could have on someone's life and she knew that Amanda must be devastated by the loss. "I'm gonna head over there, see how she's doing."
"She wants to be left alone, Liv." he insisted, knowing his partner like the back of his own hand.
"She shouldn't be alone at a time like this. Will you hold down the fort for a few hours until I get back?" she was already on the move, knowing that Fin would gladly be in charge for a while.
"Sure thing, Liv. Give her my love."
She knocked several times on the apartment door without any luck. Placing her ear up against the wooden surface, she listened for any kind of noise or sound that would indicate Amanda's presence but heard nothing but silence. She desperately wanted to know how she was doing and the thought of kicking in the door had passed through her mind many times but decided against it as Amanda would surely give her a kick up the ass if she did.
She fumbled with the phone in her hand, not knowing whether to call Fin or just head back to the station, when she heard footsteps approaching from her left and spotted the small blonde as she ascended the stairs, head hung low and posture slumped. "Amanda!" she softly called out and watched as the younger woman came to a full stop and raised her head.
The sad and miserable mask on her subordinate's face was almost too much for Olivia to bear. The usually clear blue eyes were red rimmed and puffy with dark circles underneath them, her hair looked dull and lifeless as it hung loosely around her shoulders and complexion was ghostly white and drawn, like someone who hadn't seen the sun in weeks on end.
"Liv, I... I'm not coming in today. I thought Fin would've told you." she croaked, her throat dry and tight from crying and holding her emotions in check. She fished around in her coat pocket for her keys as she approached Olivia by the door, allowing the brunette to get a clear view of Amanda's broken and defeated features.
"He did tell me, Amanda, and I'm so very sorry. I know how much Frannie ment to you." Liv stepped to the side as the blonde got the door open and after Amanda disappeared into the hallway, Olivia wasn't sure what to do as there was no welcoming invite that suggested that she could enter.
"You can come in, you know." Amanda stated from inside the livingroom area, her voice surprisingly strong but uneven.
A sigh of relief was evident as Liv entered the apartment, closing the front door behind her. Just as she stepped inside, she could hear the familiar rustling of a plastic bag and she immediately spotted Amanda with a large black waste bag, tossing all of Frannie's stuff into it, her bed, toys, food bowls and various accessories along with a frizbee and several tennis balls.
"Amanda, what are you doing?" Liv demanded, unsure as to what Amanda was up to. As she stepped closer she could easily make out fresh tears brimming in her bloodshot eyes, threatening to fall any second.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" the blonde quickly replied as she maneuvered around the living space and the kitchen, picking up a small selection of things that belonged to her beloved pet, again, tossing it into the bag. "She's gone, I don't need her stuff here anymore. I'll give it to charity."
Olivia carefully moved alongside her, not knowing if she should let her carry on with clearing Frannie's things or if she should put a stop to it right away. "It has only been a day, Amanda. Give yourself some time to process everything. It's still all so fresh, honey. You don't have to do this now."
Amanda stopped in the middle of the living room, bag in hand, rooted to the floor, eyes glossed over and chest and shoulders heaving, straining to get air into her lungs. "I... I need to do this now. I have to do this now."
"Amanda." her name escaped Olivia's lips like a soft whisper floating through the room and settled deep inside the blonde's soul, caressing it warmly, almost motherly.
"I can't..." her words got caught in her throat and she immediately brought her free hand up to cover her mouth to stiffle the gut wrenching sobs that were now starting to tear through Amanda's whole being.
Olivia's deep brown eyes stung with unshed tears as she watched her friend break right in front of her. Out of pure instinct and the need to nurture, the brunette took three long strides, now facing Amanda and ever so gently roped an arm around her quivering shoulders and drew her close to her chest, hoping to provide some comfort. "Shhh, let go of the bag, honey, it's okay."
When Amanda didn't ease her grip of the plastic bag, Liv brought her hand down and began to carefully pry her stiff fingers open. The bag eventually fell onto the wooden floor boards with a soft thud and Olivia guided the now slack arm around her own waist, pulling Amanda closer while rubbing her back in soothing circles and rocked them both slowly from side to side.
"Where were you just now?" Liv quietly questioned, not wanting to break the moment.
Struggling, Amanda tried to speak but it was difficult. "Took her to... to the v-vets, they'll arr-enge for her to be... to be cre-mated." she hiccuped, feeling Olivia's fingers comb through her blonde tresses. "I... I ca-n't... I... I can't..."
"Easy, sweetheart, I've got you." she cooed into a nearby ear. "I'm so so sorry. I wish there was something I could do for you to make it hurt a little less. I know how much you loved her, Amanda."
The young blonde kept shaking inside Olivia's arms, crying, even though she thought she had no more tears left to shed, her body weakened and wobbly from all the sobbing she had done the past several hours. She was drained. "I just wa-nt her b-ack, Liv." It sounded like a plea, a cry for something she would never get, something that was impossible.
The half full bag was left on the floor, temporarily forgotten, as Liv softly ushered her friend towards the bedroom. "Come on, honey, let's get you into bed."
Amanda didn't protest, too tired to argue, too tired to cry but the tears still kept on coming by their own accord, trickling down her pale cheeks in small rivulets of salty moisture. Olivia pulled the covers back on one side, guiding the blonde underneath them and tucked it gently around the petite form, making sure she was fully covered. "Do you want me to stay for a while? I don't mind." she smoothed down blonde strands of hair with her hand and gazed at the woman with concern and care, wanting desperately to take away the pain in Amanda's pale blue eyes.
"Please." she mumbled, her nose stuffy and her whole head felt like a giant mass of led, weighing her down onto the pillow.
"Scoot over a bit, honey." Amanda moved a couple of feet to her left and felt the brunette get in, wrapping them both tightly with the blankets.
Out of pure habit, Amanda slipped an arm underneath her pillow, her favourite way to sleep, and her hand came in contact with something hard and plasticy. Wrapping her fingers around the object, she pulled it out, jumping slightly as it let out a loud squeak. It was Frannie's favourite toy. A colourful plastic shoe that squeaked every time she would bite down on it, the teeth marks on it very noticeable.
"This was her favourite." she quietly stated and simply held it in her hand, stared at it as if she hadn't a clue what to do with it. Then, a few seconds later, she clutched the shoe against her chest and a fresh round of tears and sobs erupted, echoing through the room, probably the whole apartment.
Liv turned in the bed, now facing Amanda, watching the way her friend clung to the squeaky toy as if it was her only lifeline. As gently as she could, she slipped an arm underneath Amanda's neck and used her other to pull the quivering mess close to her front, hushing her softly, murmuring words of comfort.
"Things will be okay, sweetheart, I promise you that. She's still with you and always will be. No one can take that away from you, no one. They are your memories to keep and to treasure, no one else's. Shhhh, just rest now, I'll be right here."
Amanda eventually cried herself into a restless sleep while Olivia continued to hold her.
The End.
