A long way back home

Malibu 2004

Part three


"You know. Oh, my God -"

"What did he do to you?" He tried to reach for her again but stopped when he saw her visibly recoil from him. "Pepper, what happened?"

"Oh, for God's sake," she said, "I can't talk to you about this"

"Why?"

"Why?" she asked as if it were the stupidest thing to say. "Because you're my boss! You're the last person I'd want to discuss this with!"

Her anger took him by surprise. She seemed surprised too. Suddenly, she couldn't even face him anymore. She turned away and retreated to the farthest corner of the room.

To his horror, she covered her face with both hands. The last thing he wanted to do was make her cry.

He took a couple of steps in her direction and when she didn't protest, he took another two. He was standing closer to her now, but not so close that she would feel threatened.

"I didn't mean to intrude," he said lamely. "I was just... worried."

She lowered her hands. She wasn't crying.

"Who told you?"

"JARVIS."

"Of course," she said, smiling bitterly.

"Don't be mad at him," Tony said quietly. Don't be mad at me. He waited for her to say something, but she wouldn't. "Why didn't you want me to know?"

"Because -" She'd started in earnest, and then stopped abruptly.

"Yeah?"

She shook her head. "I can't talk about this, Tony. I just can't."

"Sure, you can," he said gently. "Come on," he coaxed. "Talking's good for the soul."

"You don't believe that," she said; "God knows how many times I've tried to talk to you -"

"It's not my soul I'm worried about," he said quietly.

"I know. You made that clear a long time ago."

And what could he say to that?

Tony started fidgeting. It seemed his presence was only making things worse, but he didn't know what else he could do or say. He didn't know how to deal with people's emotions -he'd never cared enough about them.

But he cared enough about Pepper to stick around a little more.

"All right," he said slowly. "If you don't want to talk, then that's ok. We can stand here and stare at the floor or at the walls. But could you put on the radio or something? I can't take the quiet."

She didn't move.

"Fine," he said. He took a deep breath. "I'll talk, then."

He looked down, then he looked at her. He didn't know where to start. He cleared his throat. "Ok. I, uh, know I've been giving you a lot of trouble lately. Actually, I've been acting like a son of a bitch -"

"Oh, Tony," she sighed, "That's not -"

"Hey, you had your turn," he said good-naturedly. He could tell Pepper was thawing, so he took his chance. "Just let me say this. I know I haven't been exactly dependable lately, but… I can try. I can be a friend." He reached for her hand again, and this time he didn't let go.

She shook her head.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Oh, ok. So, I'm undependable and stupid."

"I didn't say that. Please, Tony," she said tiredy; "I'm trying hard NOT to ask you to leave, but -"

"Good; 'cause I'm not leaving. I mean, I'll leave this room if you want me to," he said good-naturedly. "I'll just stay outside and set up camp till you talk to me."

She scoffed.

"You've never set up camp in your life."

"Actually, I have. Dad used to send me to Summer Camp every year; it was his way of keeping an eye on me without actually having to keep an eye on me. Wanna see me start a fire using a couple of sticks?" He smiled, and was gratified to see her smile. A reluctant little smile, but it was better than nothing. "Hey. You're back."

She scoffed again. "Pleasant Pepper Potts is back."

"Hey, as long you keep talking, I'll take any Pepper Potts you give me. Come on," he said gently. "Let's take a seat; let's talk it out."

She closed her eyes.

"I'm just too tired, Tony -"

"Ok. Let me help, then. I'll get you a lawyer. You need a lawyer, right? These days, victims have to take care of themselves." He waited until she nodded reluctantly. "Ok, then. I'll get you one. End of discussion."

She opened her mouth again.

"That's it, Pepper," he said firmly. "I'm calling the shots this time. Come on," he added, tugging at her hand until she moved. He lead her to the couch while he sat on the coffee table, her hand still clasped in his.

Since she was sitting with her head bowed, he bent down until he was able to look her in the eye.

"You ok?"

She nodded.

"Good," he said. "And don't worry; I can sit like this for hours at the time. The Hunchback look is in this year."

She straightened up (just like he knew she would). She was looking at him with a mixture of exasperation and tenderness.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't mean to be ungrateful, but -"

"It's ok."

"- I just hate this."

"You mean... sitting here?"

"No. Yes. I..." she took a deep breath. "I'm ashamed, Tony."

"What?"

"I'm ashamed. Ok? I didn't want anyone to know any of this. Least of all -" she let the word trail off.

He didn't know what to say. He knew exactly how she was feeling -of all the people in the world, he was probably the one who understood what she was going through, yet he didn't know how to help.

"It's ok," he said awkwardly.

"No. It's not. I feel so stupid -"

"Oh, Pepper. Look. Shit happens to everyone once in a while. And pride is overrated anyway. I mean, look at me," he added. "You've seen me at my very worst." Or almost, he thought, thinking of the shameful way he'd been using his robots. He was never going to tell her about that. "I can tell you this," he said. "Hey," He waited till she look up. "You'll survive this. I swear."

"I'm not used to this."

"What?"

"This," she said. "I'm not used to depending on others."

"And I'm not used to doing things for others." He frowned. "Hard to think this working out, huh?"

She smiled despite herself.

She looked down again.

"You were right about him," she said quietly. "You told me you didn't like him."

"I just don't like anybody, Pepper."

"Still. I wish I'd listened." She was silent for a long moment. "He wanted to sleep with me. I didn't. He must have thought I was playing hard to get," she added wearily; "When he saw I wasn't, he got mad, and he started yelling, and -God, the things he said." She closed her eyes.

Tony didn't say anything but inwardly, he was reeling.

"He grabbed me by the hair, then. I was so shocked I didn't do anything. Then he started dragging me to the bedroom, and -" She took a deep breath.

Oh, God, Tony thought.

"- and I hit him with that ornate umbrella you got me for Christmas." She opened her eyes and smiled a little.

Pleased, he smiled back.

"I got you an umbrella?" He knew she had simply bought herself something on his behalf. It was an arrangement that worked well. "Did you get the motherfucker?"

"I got his arm. His shoulder, too, I think." She held his gaze but only for a moment. She was not proud of what she'd done.

"Good," Tony said tightly "He deserved it." He studied her. "You're not feeling sorry for him, are you?"

"No. But the fact is, I let him in, Tony." She looked up. "He told the cops that I'd let him in and led him on. And I did. I knew he wanted me; I thought I wanted him too, but -" she couldn't finish.

"You had a right to say no."

"I know. I know," she added, as if she needed to hear the words out loud to convince herself.

Tony wanted to know what had made her change her mind about this man. She had seemed smitten enough -

"Is he in jail?" he asked instead.

"He's out on bail," she said wearily. "His lawyer was gloating when he told me, a moment ago."

"That's harassment," Tony said, bristling. "I'll tell Brennan. He'll be handling those guys from now on."

Brennan was Stark Industries' legal ace. Whatever Stark Inc. needed, he made it possible.

She hesitated.

"I don't want this to turn into a personal vendetta, Tony."

"What do you want?"

"Truthfully? I want him rotting in jail for the rest of his life," she said firmly. "Legally, it's another matter. I just don't want to see him, ever again."

"Done," Tony said cryptically.

She looked at him as if for the first time that day.

"What?" He frowned.

She smiled. "You sound like your old self."

He smiled back. He was going to say something, but first he noticed he was still holding her hand. He could easily pull her into his arms right now, he realized. He wanted to. He wanted to show her that not all men used violence. And she would yield -of course, she would. She was feeling vulnerable, and she trusted him. She probably thought he was the safest man in the world right now.

Only, he wasn't. He was a mess.

He rose, and this gave him an excuse to let go of her hand.

"So, what do you say? Are we going to Venice?"

She blinked as if she'd forgotten all about the trip.

"Are you sure this is the right time to go?"

"It's the best time," he replied. "You need a break, and not just from this guy. In fact, if you'd rather go alone, I'll understand."

She smiled. "You know I can't leave you."

"You can. You should. After all the shit I put you through -"

"Oh, Tony, no," she sighed. "Don't say that. Besides, it's my job to take care of you, not the other way around. That's what you pay me for, remember?"

"Of course," Tony said mechanically. Sure, he remembered. But there were times when it felt like Pepper did what she did out of friendship alone.

"In fact," Pepper said, "Some might say I haven't been doing a good job lately."

"Hey, you didn't choose my friends," he said. He met her gaze. They hadn't really talked about any of this –his 'friends', his addiction, his sudden overdose. She had tried –she was right; she had tried so many times- but he couldn't talk to her. He was ashamed. God, he was so ashamed.

"Anyway," he said as casually as he could. "My offer still stands, Peps. Go. Go and have a good time." He paused. "But… If you want company, then I'll tag along. I need a break. I need to go away and pretend I'm a level-headed guy who makes wise decisions all the time."

She sighed. "I haven't been wise, either."

"You're the wisest person I know, Potts. You just used up all your wisdom on me."

She looked at him in surprise.

He pretended not to notice.

"Anyway. I promise this'll be better than Mallorca, Pepper; that was mostly about work. This time we'll do something crazy. Abstemiously, of course." He paused, then smiled. "You know I'll just keep at it till I wear you down, right? Come on, Miss Potts. Just say yes."

"Yes, Mr. Stark."


TBC