He was dead drunk and still going at it. Makoto could faintly hear the numb voices of men cheering about as he chugged down another drink from the cheap plastic cup. His senses were heightened, but at the same time were dulled. He could hear everything, yet it sounded muffled. His nose caught a whiff of alcohol, testosterone and sweat. The smell was enough to get him high. He had to get out of there.

The drunk young man found himself outside, where everything was no less crazier than inside. Women were madly and erratically jumping into the pool with their tops off. Lusting men followed along, blindly jumping into the pool after them, drinks and everything. It was a sea of alcohol and people in there.

His feet unsteady and his sight failed him by the second, Makoto had to hold himself up with anything he could find. Eventually, he caught sight of Haru sitting there, just across from him next to the pool. Makoto's eyes widened at the sight. Haru was there. Smiling. He wasn't just smiling, he was smiling at someone else. He was talking to a guy and both seemed to be enjoying themselves. A lot.

Makoto felt disheartened. Why didn't he smile at him like that? Why was he so uptight nowadays? Did he hate him? Did he do something to anger him? Why was he acting so friendly toward someone else but not him?

It wasn't fair. Makoto loved him so much. So why was he talking to this man? WHY?!

He wasn't thinking straight, but Makoto staggered toward his direction, nearly stumbling inside the pool a couple of times.

When he had reached the dark haired boy and the other young man, Makoto saw him become quiet and look at him bitterly. Why? Why did he look at him like that?! All he ever wanted to do was love him. So...why?!

"I thought you said you didn't want to be here," Makoto slurred, "You seem to like this guy's company more than mine…" He didn't know what he was saying.

Haru narrowed his eyes.

"Um, Nanase-san…?" The boy looked at Haru questioningly.

"I can talk to whoever I want," Haru remarked, "What's your problem?"

Makoto couldn't stop himself. His voice was a pitch higher and slurred as he spoke, "You know you didn't have to come if you didn't want to! So why is he more fun than I am?"

At that, Haru seemed confused. "Huh?" Haru asked, "What are you going on about?"

Makoto couldn't stop himself. This was the first time he had spoken to Haru this way, "Why can't you be like that around me, huh, Haru?!"

"Like what? I don't understand…."

The other boy looked at them awkwardly.

"You never smile at me like that! Why?! Is my presence so bad that I can't even earn a smile from you?!" Haru was not seeing where he was going with this. In truth, he didn't either. But he kept going. "I have always accepted you as you are and I always try to understand you. But it's enough Haru! I've had enough."

"Makoto," Haru sighed, furrowing his eyebrows, "listen to me, you're drunk. You don't understand what you're saying, much less me. Come on, I'll take you home." He looked at the other boy, who was even more confused. "I'm sorry about this."

Makoto couldn't stand how calm he was being. Irate and furious, he tugged the blue-eyed boy's arm harshly. "Oi! Makoto, what are you…?" Haru cried out.

But Makoto couldn't stop. He was at his limit. He pulled Haru close to his face and spat right at him, "Maybe with this you'll finally get it!" Then he did it. He planted a rough kiss on the other boy's mouth.

It had been unpleasant.

Their teeth knocked against each other, their noses bumped violently. Haru tried to pull away from him, only to be held firmly by the taller man. Makoto couldn't help it anymore. He latched his tongue inside his mouth, and became frustrated when Haru tried to avoid contact with his tongue in every way possible. Makoto knew that once he opened his eyes, the other boy's eyes would be open widely, trembling and confused, maybe even angry. But at this moment in time he didn't care. That is, until the other boy bit down his tongue, stopping him from doing anything more.

Makoto retreated, noticing that some people had stopped to see the commotion. Haru looked at him in disbelief. Before he knew it, Makoto's senses were back. "Haru…" He began to apologize.

But the other boy took off, not wanting to put up with people's stares. Makoto staggered after him, his feet still unsteady. "Haru! Wait!" He cried after the other young man, who did not look back once.

When he had made it outside, he lost sight of him. Haru was nowhere to be found. Makoto staggered and stumbled and looked and regretted and vomited and felt like shit. How ironic that he had believed that partying would be a good thing for them. Now he didn't even want to think about anything. He just wanted Haru. That was all he wanted.

He somehow made it to his car. He pulled on the handle, but disappointed himself when the door wouldn't budge. He looked inside his bag, and was even more shocked when his keys were gone. It was then that he realized Haru probably took them. He probably didn't want him to drive drunk. Realizing this, Makoto began to laugh as he sank down next to his car, savoring the cool spring breeze at dawn.


"Sosuke?" Makoto turned his body as he noticed a tall figure come inside the shop. The man wore a dark olive green jacket. But as he looked at him, Makoto realized that it wasn't him.

The man stared at him quizzically, seeking for some answers as he looked at his face.

"I'm sorry," Makoto said, "I thought you were somebody else." He smiled apologetically and the man continued on, neither fazed nor irritated.

Makoto sighed again and looked up at the clock. It was 11:40. Only twenty minutes until the shop closed. Makoto looked outside and stared at a particular building. It was the apartment they lived in. Could it be that maybe he was in there waiting for him?

No. That wasn't right.

If that were the case, he would've looked for him. Or he would've called him. Makoto flipped the lid of his cellphone for the umpteenth time.

There were no new messages. No missed calls.


It was five in the morning when Makoto somehow managed to get back to his apartment. Luckily he still had the keys to the place so at least he wasn't locked out of the apartment. When he came in, he found an unsurprisingly irritated Haru, who sat alone on a chair, gripping a warm cup of coffee in his hands. Beside him was an empty chair where he should've been sitting on. On the table was a cup of black coffee, fresh and warm.

Makoto thought it was strange that Haru was drinking coffee since he didn't like it very much to begin with. He usually drank it when he was worried about something.

Haru took another sip from his coffee and looked at him from the corner of his eye. The coldness pierced right through Makoto. He slowly pieced together that he had done something regrettable.

"Haru..." He began.

But the other boy interrupted. "Welcome back," he said with no tinge of warmth in his voice, "I made you some coffee for your hangover."

Makoto wasn't going to deny it. His head hurt like hell. Unsure what else to say, he hesitantly took his spot next to Haru and held the coffee in his hands. It was warm. "Thank you," he barely managed to say it.

"It's nothing," Haru replied nonchalantly.

The two drank in silence, the tension between hem apparent. But Makoto Could hardly bring himself to speak.

"Um...Haru," Makoto began awkwardly.

But once again the other boy interrupted him. "Make sure you take a shower," Haru told him, "you reek of cigarettes and alcohol." The blue-eyed boy promptly arose from his seat and headed for the sink in the kitchen.

But Makoto knew what he was doing. He was trying to evade him. He always acted that way when he dealt with stress. But he couldn't let it go. Not anymore.

"Wait, haru!" Makoto cried after the other boy, who had no choice but to stop and look at him. When he finally had his attention, he spoke again, "Haru...did I do something strange?"

Haru gave him a long hard look. "You forced a kiss on me in front of a large crowd," he simply said.

"Eh?"

"You were acting strange," Haru continued calmly, "it's almost like you were...jealous or something."

"Ah," Makoto said, "that was..." He honestly had no idea what to say. His feelings were practically out there now.

Haru sighed and frowned. He didn't seem to be angry more than he seemed to be confused. He then said, "I'm only going to ask this once." He looked firmly at Makoto from that distance. "Are you...in love with me?"

Makoto froze. Unable to break the gaze between him and the other boy, he answered instinctively, "um no! It's not like that at all! I was just drunk and I wasn't exactly at my best."

"But you said you really wanted me to smile at you," Haru remarked, "and the way you talked to that guy...the way you..." He stopped right there and never continued afterward.

"Ah, Haru, don't worry about it. I was just...being an idiot. I had no right to talk to you that way, I'm sorry." Hearing himself deny his own feelings was like stabbing his own heart repeatedly, but he knew he couldn't say anything. He didn't want to lose the little he had of Haru.

"I...I'm also sorry," Haru said, "I wasn't exactly making it easier on you. I know you wanted to help me feel better, but I was too irritated to see that. And I took your keys...I didn't want you to drive drunk."

It was during these times that Makoto reconciled why he loved him so much. But it was also during these times that he had a harder time holding back his feelings. But Maybe it was okay now. Maybe he wouldn't reject him. Maybe he would even accept him. "Haru..." He began to say, but Haru interrupted him.

"I needed to tell you something," Haru said, "I owe you an explanation about last night...why I acted that way."

Makoto decided he could wait. "Sure, go ahead."

Haru was very hesitant to speak, but finally, he spoke up. "It's just that," he said, "I've been seeing someone for a while. And I'm madly in love with her..."

Makoto did not hear the rest of that sentence.

All he got was something about having a fight with her.

And something about not understanding her sometimes.

And something about loving her regardless of the issues they run into.

Her. Her...