Chapter 03

- Tobias -

Dinner at the Prior household is accompanied by sharing time. It's when the family sits down together and asks each other about their day.

When I was little, I thought it was stupid. On most days, Caleb, Tris, and I talked about our classes and school while Mom and Dad spoke of some events at their workplaces. The discussions are usually boring and I would rather keep to myself.

But as time went on, I began to like sharing time. Maybe because dinner at my home is a lonely affair; even when Marcus is at home, we eat dinner separately and never talk to each other. It's only at the Prior household can I experience what family is supposed to feel like. I've realized that it's not the content of what they share that matters, but the act of sharing itself and the knowledge that there is always someone willing to listen to your troubles. So as hard as it is, I try my best to share too.

Mom begins by sharing her day with us, speaking about the single mother she helped as a social worker but not giving too many details to ensure her client's privacy. The three of us talk about our school day, which is generally uninteresting, but Caleb spends a good amount of time discussing about our chemistry teacher.

"She has very high standards," he enthuses with a bright expression. "…which is great because it will improve the quality of our education. I like how she expects us to keep up with the material even though we just came back from vacation. It makes sense that we should be retaining the information we learned from previous years despite our break. Her way of teaching is…"

I zone out after a while. Mom is smiling at her son and occasionally nodding, but I wonder if she's really listening to Caleb rambling on about Matthews. I look at Tris and we share a secret smile.

As we finish dinner, I get up to help with the plates but Mom takes them from me.

"Oh, Tobias, you don't have to."

"It's alright," I insist.

"No, no. Just wait in the living room. I'll cut some fruits for dessert."

"I didn't know I was still being treated as a guest."

Mom laughs and gives me kiss on the cheek. "Of course not, but it's Caleb's turn to help with the dishes today. Why don't you and Tris get started on your homework? I'm sure you have a lot from chemistry class."

She tilts her head at Tris, who shrugs and hands her pile of plates to Caleb.

We leave the kitchen together, and I head towards the living room where we left our backpacks.

"Hey." Tris points at the sliding door leading to the backyard.

I raise an eyebrow and watch her step outside. The evening air greets me as I follow Tris through the door; it's cooler now that the sun has set. The sky is painted dark blue with a tiny gradient of light blue near the horizon. Tris once said my eyes remind her of dusk—I wonder if that's what they look like.

I put on a pair of slippers and head towards her. She's already sitting on one of the patio lounge chairs with her legs crossed at the ankles. I sit at the end of the chair, facing the side, and she naturally moves her legs to make room for me.

"What happened to doing homework?" I ask.

"I figured we should wait for Caleb. It'll be quicker if we work with him."

"Okay… except we'll probably get another earful about our wonderful chem teacher," I reply sarcastically.

Tris shifts her gaze to the side, a subtle habit of hers when she also bites the inside of her cheek. "Oh, right…"

I look towards the sky, searching for stars but there doesn't seem to be any in sight yet. When I turn back to Tris, her arms are wrapped around herself and I'm about to ask if she's cold, but she speaks first.

"Can I ask you something?"

Thinking about the conversation we had while walking home, I groan and snap, "If I say no, will you shut up about it?"

Tris looks taken aback at first, her eyes grow wide and her lips parted. But after a few seconds, she seems to understand and she rolls her eyes. "It's not about Lauren. I couldn't care less about your stupid crush," she grumbles.

I rub the back of my neck guiltily and I hear her sigh.

"Do you know what you're gonna do after high school?"

"I'm looking into computer engineering," I answer, leaning forward and resting my arms on my knees.

"Really?"

Her tone of disbelief confuses me.

"Yeah, why?"

"I… just imagined you doing something more active. What happened to being a cop?" Tris asks.

I'm surprised she still remembers my childhood dream of being a cop. We must have been six back then.

"I don't know, it just doesn't feel right anymore. I don't think I have that …sense of justice, and I don't want to work for the government." I give it a bit more thought and then add, "And I genuinely like working with computers."

"Oh…" Tris sits up straighter and pulls her knees close to her body, wrapping her arms around them. She looks small that way—smaller than who she really is.

"I'm not sure what I want to do yet," she sighs. A frown crosses her features and I find myself frowning too.

"I thought you wanted to do medicine. You certainly have the marks for it," I say, in what I hope is an encouraging voice.

"Yeah, but… I don't know. Uriah keeps saying he wants to become a doctor since the pay's awesome but—"

"I don't think so."

"Huh?"

"Uriah does say that a lot but I think he actually wants to be a doctor because he wants to help others. Sure, he's an ass sometimes but… he's kind," I grin at the thought. "It's not easy to become a doctor so I doubt he'd bother to work that hard if it's only for the money. Uriah's not exactly a genius, you know how stupid he is."

"I'm gonna tell him you said that." Tris smirks.

"Go ahead," I retort with a shrug. "You're not considering the job only for the pay, right? I thought you wanted to go into medicine just …because…"

"Well, being a doctor is what Caleb wants to do. And …Mom and Dad are always saying how great it'd be to have two doctors in the family. But I don't know if I want to do medicine or if my parents…" she trails off and shakes her head a little. "I mean, I'm not sure if I really want to do medicine or if I only want to because my parents want it. Or, if I only want to because Caleb's doing it. Does that… make sense?"

I nod, because it does. It's foreign and it makes me feel a little envious, but I understand it. I've never had a sibling to be compared to, but growing up, I've watched Tris and Caleb silently compete against each other in their schoolwork yet love each other all the same. Both of them worked hard to make their parents proud and to meet their expectations.

Marcus never had expectations for me. Other than providing me with basic necessities, I barely exist to him—but that has somehow become a drive for me. I strive to be independent, so I don't have to rely on him. Once I turn eighteen and am legally an adult, I want to leave him for good. He has never needed me in his life, and I don't want to need him either.

I bite my lower lip thinking of something to say—something that might help her figure things out. "Your parents are open-minded; I'm sure they would be just as supportive if you chose to do something else. Is there anything else you want to do? How 'bout writing? Aren't you taking a creative writing course?" I ask.

"Yeah. It's fun, but… well, I kind of just took it to fill up my elective space." Tris scratches her head sheepishly. "And because Christina is taking it. She literally begged me to take an elective course with her."

"Okay, um… is there anything particular that interests you?" I watch her shake her head. "Then, without thinking about what your parents want and what Caleb wants, what do you want? …What do you want to accomplish in life?"

"I… I don't know," she moans, burying her head in her arms.

I sigh and stare straight at the worn-out fence across the yard. My patience is leaving me and I'm out of ideas, but I try to keep it together for my best friend—because she's Tris and it's not often she's so unsure of herself. I remember the way she has always kept composed for my sake whenever I have mental breakdowns.

A thought occurs to me and I wonder if I should voice it out or not. With her parents' expectations and the thing with Caleb, she's already uncertain about doing medicine. What I say will probably add even more pressure to it. But, maybe what she needs right now is honesty.

I draw in a breath and speak confidently. "I think you'd make a good doctor. I can imagine you as a doctor more than I can imagine Caleb as one." Out of the corner of my eyes, I see her look up curiously so I continue, "Caleb is smart but he's book-smart. I think he'd panic under pressure. You're not like that. You keep your head straight even in chaotic situations and that's important for doctors—being able to adapt to situations on the spot and not only rely on information you're taught. I bet you'd be able to think straight even if you were being pecked by a flock of crows.

"And you're not exactly the type to be pushed around. If you didn't actually have an interest in the field, I doubt you'd give it a second thought even with what your parents say."

I see the way her brow is creased, and I know she's thinking over what I said. It takes another minute before she responds.

"Maybe, but I'd still have to work hard to get there and I don't have the motivation to do that. I'm not like Uriah. I'm …not very kind."

I stare at her evenly, wondering why she doesn't see herself the way I see her. And it also makes me think, how does she see me?

"You mean you're not kind at all?" I tease, and am rewarded with a scoff. "I don't know about kindness but selflessness seems to run in your family. You're selfless."

Tris wrinkles her nose at my words.

"You are," I insist. "Even if you don't believe it, I've seen it. And, I don't know… being selfless isn't that far from being kind."

She smiles bashfully. "You know, you make me sound like an amazing person."

"You think I'd be friends with you if you weren't amazing?" I joke, lifting an eyebrow.

Tris rolls her eyes and kicks me softly on the side.

A tapping sound draws our attention to the backyard door and we see Caleb making gestures for us to go back inside. Tris gives him a thumbs-up and he disappears into the house.

I stand up from my spot and stretch my limbs. When I roll my head back, I notice that the sky has darkened and the stars are out now. There aren't many and they aren't bright, but they're there. As we head back inside, I see the goose bumps on Tris' skin. I rub her arms lightly to warm her up and she turns around, giving me a grateful smile.


I hope this heart-to-heart talk wasn't too boring. Let me know what you think. (:

I don't remember if Uriah's aptitudes were stated in canon but in Determinant by Windchimed, he's a Dauntless-Amity divergent and that sounds pretty accurate to me. (Plus, Determinant is as good as canon in my head)