How could he really be dead? Her one and only love, he fiancé. She'd been in love since the moment they had met, years ago. And of course her Light-kun had loved her just as much.
But now he was gone. Ripped away from her, tearing her apart. In the pursuit of Kira, his life had ended. She knew he believed he had to help, but couldn't he have just stayed home with her? Gotten a job where his life wouldn't be risked every day, and finally married her? She loved him more than she loved her fans, more than she had loved her family, more than anything she could imagine. Kira was gone, but that didn't make up anything for the loss she was suffering. It was like having her heart squeezed as hot needles were stabbed into it. It was like having a snake wrapped around her chest, every thought of him causing the snake to tighten more and more until she couldn't breathe.
She had begun to drink every night, downing more and more alcohol until she was completely numb. To the point where not even her thoughts made sense. Just to escape the pain she felt every other waking moment. Many times she would get so drunk for so long, spending half the time passed out, not knowing what day or week or even month is was. Her friends used to come by, but they had stopped after about a month. They could never convince her to go out with them or do anything fun. All she could think about was Light.
She knew she would never love another man. She would never get over this loss. It had been so long since he had died, and yet she still felt the pain as sharply as she had when she first found out. Except now it was filled with more longing for her lost love, missing him more every second of every day.
The wind was blowing her hair in her face.
One of the worst parts was the nightmares. She would dream she was with him, sometimes in a dark building, sometimes in a church on their wedding day, sometimes just in their apartment. The would be looking at each other, smiles on their faces, love in their eyes, each knowing there was no place they would rather be. They would lean forward to kiss the other. But right before their lips met, there would be a yell of pain, him sinking to the floor, holding his chest. Or a loud bang, and blood soaking through his shirt as he fell over. All she could do is watch in paralyzed horror the pain in his eyes, the life leaving them as the love of her life took his last breath.
She listened to the sound of the traffic on the street below.
Having to see her love die every time she closed her eyes was too much to bear. But there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. She had just sunk deeper and deeper into depression. The only time she ever left her apartment anymore was to go buy more alcohol. She couldn't even remember the last time she had eaten.
Life like this wasn't worth living.
The worst part about today was that she had looked at a calendar for the first time in who knows how long. It was February 14th. Valentine's Day. The day to celebrate love. She no longer had any friends, family, and most importantly, Light. What did she have to celebrate?
As she stood on the roof of her apartment building, she realized what she did have to celebrate. The fall would break her. She wouldn't survive. It would be a moment of pain, then blackness. Then she could finally be with him. Today, Valentine's Day, Misa Amane would be lost to the world. But she would be with her love. The only one who mattered. Light Yagami.
She looked over the gray city, then closed her eyes. "Light," she whispered into the darkness, tensed, and jumped.
