Standing in the Rain

Chapter 3- Inner Turmoil

Juvia was sitting on the same park bench all morning being assailed by the constant droplets of water falling from the stormy sky. The heaven's torrent was mimicking the torment in her heart. For hours she had been feeling conflicted and had been trying to figure out what she should do and her lack of control over the swirling vortex of emotions inside of her was causing the storm that hung over Magnolia.

She had always known that her love towards her beloved Gray-sama was unrequited, but that didn't make her feel any better now. During the Grand Magic Games she had overheard numerous spectators making fun of her public displays of affection. They said that it was obvious the ice mage had no interest in her since he either seemed embarrassed by her actions or outright ignored them. Many people called her a freak and said they heard she was a stalker. Of course, Juvia didn't let their comments go straight to her heart. These people didn't know her, and she had found a place in Fairy Tail where they accepted her. Fairy Tail was her home, and she was sure that they didn't think this way about her. At least that was what she had thought until yesterday evening.

Juvia had been sitting at the bar talking with Levy, Lucy, Erza and Mira, but she was secretly watching her Gray-sama who was sitting at a table across the room with his back turned to her surrounded by various guild members. She heard someone mention her name so she perked her ears up and strained her hearing to catch the conversation, hoping she would hear Gray say something wonderful about her or their future together.

"Oi Gray, how are things going with Juvia?" Macao asked.

"Yeah, the girl's all over you, when are you gonna make a move?" Wakaba added.

Gray groaned. "She is just a friend, nothing more" he said simply and firmly.

"Riiiight, so are you too shy to ask her out? Or is it that you are too dense to notice how much you like her?"

"Look! I don't like Juvia. There is nothing going on between us and there never will be ok?" he said rather loudly causing a few people at nearby tables to look over at him for a second before continuing their previous conversations.

"Well I guess I could see why you may not wanna go out with her since she smothers you all the time."

"Yeah, I mean those over-the-top displays must get a little annoying."

"Yeah", Gray laughed, "she can be pretty weird."

Juvia's heart constricted painfully. A million different thoughts came flooding into her head.

Weird? Gray-sama thinks Juvia is weird? He finds Juvia's love annoying? Gray-sama is angry at the thought of being with Juvia and he will never love her?

It was one thing to know that the one who held her heart did not love her yet, because Juvia always thought if she tried hard enough to prove her affection for him, he would eventually return her feelings. But hearing from his own lips that he never wanted to be with Juvia, that he thought she was too clingy and that her ways of showing him she cared were strange and annoying, she just couldn't handle it. Juvia quickly stood up before any of the girls noticed her predicament and slipped through the guild doors.

Juvia is probably over-thinking Gray-sama's words. She must have heard wrong, or misunderstood, Yes, Juvia will go home, take a bath to clear her head and go to sleep.

After Juvia's bath, that was supposed to give her clarity, she only felt more confused. She kept remembering all of the people who said the same things about her at the Grand Magic Games so she decided to go straight to bed but kept hearing voices in her head, laughing at her in her sleep.

"He probably just tolerates her because he feels bad for her, I pity him having to put up with her all the time".

"Yeah, I mean he practically can't move without her literally attaching herself to his hip or embarrassing him in public".

When she woke up from her restless sleep, she was a total mess. The spectator's taunting her, her guild members poking fun at her, Gray-sama saying he would never love her. That was all that had filled her head the previous night.

She walked to the park bench by the pond on the outskirts of town and tried to figure out her emotions. She was definitely hurt by the ice-mages words, and despite the warnings she felt in her heart about listening to those random people from other guilds, she couldn't help but come to the conclusion that Gray must feel the same way they said he did.

Juvia didn't know that her ways of showing how much she cared for Gray were weird. Growing up, love wasn't something that was very present in her life. She was very lonely and lived a gloomy and solitary childhood. When Gray opened the clouds and showed her clear skies for the first time, she couldn't help but feel a connection with him. Her emotions only grew after she joined Fairy Tail and saw first hand just how strong and kind Gray was. He was determined and caring and he would never let anyone hurt his nakama. She began to admire so many things about him and before she knew it, her crush on him due to his good looks had turned into a deep love stemming from the fact that it was because of him she had finally found a home.

Since she was never really able to interact with others until she met Gray, she didn't know how else to show him she cared for him than what she had been doing. She made him lunches, she encouraged him, she named her attacks after him and always worried about his safety and well being. Yes, she may have followed him a few times in the beginning, but that was only because she wanted to know more about him. She had never thought of the possibility that these acts were embarrassing or frustrating to him, because for her, showing the world that she loved Gray was exhilarating. Now that she thought about it though, she realized that maybe Gray really was only nice to her because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Maybe the man she loved didn't really want her to be around him.

The other side of her fought back against this negativity.

But Juvia is a Fairy Tail mage, she can't just quit, she reasoned. If Juvia gives up showing Gray-sama how much he means to her then she will be betraying her feelings for him and she can never betray him. Not to mention if she just gives up on spending time with Gray-sama, her love rival may try to take the opportunity to snatch him up.

After fighting this inner war with herself for half of the day, she finally reached the conclusion that Gray's happiness was of utmost importance to her, and if her actions made him unhappy, she would have to stop them for the time being. It would take a lot of strength to stay away from her Gray-sama and stop showering him with her attention, but if it meant Gray would be better off, she knew she could do anything.

When she finally made peace with her decision she allowed herself to shed a few silent tears because of Gray's hurtful words and her current situation. Before joining the guild Juvia would not cry; the constant raindrops surrounding her were the tears that Juvia was not brave enough to shed. But after meeting her family at Fairy Tail she realized that crying did not mean she was weak. She knew it would help her feel better and after this one time she resolved to keep her head high and stick to her decision without regret.

The skies mimicked the new-found clarity and determination within Juvia and the torrent of rain decreased gradually. As the last droplets of rain fell they turned warm and salty resembling the few teardrops she allowed to roll down her cheeks. She heard a noise and turned her head suddenly only to find the object of her worry and confusion standing before her. He looked utterly handsome to her as always. He had of course lost his shirt somewhere along the way due to his stripping habit that she didn't really mind and the rain had left droplets all over his body that were now glistening. His jet black hair was plastered to his forehead and neck and his eyes seemed like they were piercing into her very soul. She thought she had never seen something quite so breathtaking but quickly wiped her eyes, not wanting Gray to see that she was upset, and tried to shake those thoughts from her head.

"Gray-sama?" she questioned, sounding slightly surprised.

"Hey Juvia, I just umm noticed you weren't at the g-g-guild this morning so I came to see if you were o-okay, you know, because you're my friend".

Juvia had allowed herself to hope for one second when she realized Gray was stuttering and had been looking for her all day because he was worried about her but then she heard the last part and her hope quickly deflated. That's Right, Juvia thought, Gray-sama only wants to have Juvia as a friend.

"Oh, Gray-sama is always so considerate towards his nakama. He really is a kind person."

"Huh?..oh umm thanks?" He seemed unsure to Juvia who thought maybe he did not like receiving her compliment, causing her to remember what she had just decided.

"Juvia-" Gray started.

"No need to say anything Gray-sama, Juvia knows what it is you want to say". She is sure now that Gray has come to finally tell her himself that he doesn't want her to be around him anymore. That is why he was stuttering before, he was nervous because he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Yes, and Juvia has decided to stop pestering Gray-sam- Gray-san with her declarations of love. She knows that she may be annoying to Gray-san and she has embarrassed him many times and Juvia does not wish for Gray-san to see Juvia as a freak."

She had to stop herself from using her usual Gray-sama because as a nakama she should only address him as Gray-san. The honorific –sama was her way of quietly saying I love You whenever she spoke to him.

"Juvia, I don't think you are a freak" he started "and I don't think of you as an annoy-"

Juvia remembers what everyone said about Gray being nice to her when she embarrassed him because he felt too bad about not returning her feelings. He was too kind of a person to tell her to stop, but now she didn't want him to have to pretend any more for her.

"It's ok Gray-san, you don't have to pretend for Juvia's sake. Don't make this harder for Juvia by lying to her to make her feel better" she said sadly as she stood up from the bench and walked in front of him, effectively cutting him off and shutting him up.

"But" She started as he looked up at her.. She knew that this may be her last chance to actually confess her true feelings to Gray. Not by giving him things or fawning over him, but just by simply telling him, so she allowed herself to use his special honorific one more time as she admits to Gray the depth of her admiration for him. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked into his eyes.

"Juvia will always love Gray-sama, because he took away her rain and showed her the beauty of the sun for the very first time" she said softly, then she turned and walked away.

The pain she felt at that moment was unbearable, but she was proud of herself for staying firm for Gray's happiness. For now, she would head back to her room at Fairy Hills and tomorrow she decided to go to the guild and pick a job to take her mind off of everything.