A/N: I hope you can suspend your disbelief on this :P.
What's In a Name
Nottingham was a small quiet town that had potential. After Prince John, known alias PJ, was brought to prison, things just fell into place. Taxes went to bearable levels leading to more savings, more savings led to more consumption, more consumption means more jobs, more jobs mean more people were lifted out of poverty. Nottingham had potential indeed, but it was still at the early stages of its reform. Diss and Hiss stopped by the local coffee shop and ordered… tea. Hiss still seemed to be shaking. People he knew were walking down the bustling street. Diss noticed the table was vibrating.
"Relax Hiss. You've got a good make-up."
"Don't call me that!"
A female dog just stared at them. "Ahem. You're tea is ready."
Diss took the tea and had a sip. "Thank you dear." The female left. Diss just continued sipping his tea. "What should I call you then?"
Hiss thought for a while. It is, after all, just thinking of a new name. It sounds so simple, and yet, there are a lot of names out there. "I was thinking of four letters." Four letters sound simple. Then again, that is four blanks which is 26 raised to fourth power which is about 456,976 names to think of. Wait a minute. On a two vowel-two consonant and one vowel-three consonant configuration, there are possibly 218,295 possible names since of the six possible cases on the first, only three seemed common while of the 4 possible on the latter, all four cases were common. Then again, Hiss felt that a one vowel-three consonant configuration would do. That means one blank would have five possible letters while the other three would have 21. That means 5 x 21 raised to the third power multiplied by four possible configurations, which is about 185,220 names, but it is 185,219 since the name Hiss is no longer on the list. Well that made things simpler, right? Then again, that is still a very daunting number and the thought of it made Hiss unable to think of a name.
Diss just opened his mouth for a suggestion. "What about Miss?"
"You must be joking. I'm not going to use Miss for a name. That's a girly name." So that is about 185,218 more to go. "Uh… Niss?"
"What about Kiss?"
"Stop giving me girly names."
"Piss?"
"Okay, just stop it."
"Well I can't call you 'you know who'. What should I call you then?"
The church bells were ringing from a distance. Hiss looked at Diss with a bit of puzzle. "Is it Sunday today?"
"Why yes it is."
"Good. Some peace and quiet might do me goo…"
"Hold on there. Maybe a little faith in the Lord might just give you inspiration."
"I told you, Diss. I believe in God, but I just think that God shouldn't be the main basis for physical recovery."
"Let's just go. What have you got to lose?"
"My dignity, my self-respect."
With that, they went to the church where Friar Tuck was to make a sermon. Everyone in Nottingham seems to have attended. Otto was there, Skippy and his bunny family were there too, so was Allan-A-Dale. Hiss was nervous for there were four people present that could potentially blow his cover: Robin Hood, Maid Marian, Little John and King Richard. Worse still, Robin preferred to sit with the common man. The place was packed and Robin tried to look for a seat. A few people tried to offer theirs but he refused saying that he can manage. Eventually, he found one at somewhere near the back… beside where Diss and Hiss are sitting.
"Is this seat taken?" Robin asked.
Hiss looked at Diss telling him to say that the seat is taken. "Why not at all." Diss replied. Hiss pulled Diss near him. "What is wrong with you?!" He whispered. "He's my arch-enemy."
"I like to keep my friends close… and my enemies closer."
"What?"
"Nothing."
Robin was then elated to get a nod from both serpents with the other nodding weakly. "Have we met before?"
Hiss was surprised. "Uh… Uh… No, I'm just new here."
"Visitors? Would you like me to show you gentlemen around?"
Hiss was hesitant giving Robin the thumbs down before Diss would say something otherwise. "No No I think we can manage."
It was a close call, but perhaps it was not that close. Robin hinted a sense of relief when he refused. Also, he noticed a sense of tension with his words despite the calmness of their conversation. It may have been his medical intuition and Robin may have tried to hide it, but Hiss somewhat noticed how restless he was. What's he been doing, he thought. The mass seemed to calm him down a bit though.
The mass had been going on for about thirty minutes. Then, it was time for offering some money to the poor box. Everyone seemed inclined to offer as they wanted to make Nottingham a better place. Hiss and Diss just watched at the back and noticed Robin about to leave his seat to line-up for the poor box. He then stopped and looked at the two serpents and made a simple smile. "Would you like to come and offer some at the poor box, if you don't mind of course?"
Hiss did not feel like giving money. He had just gotten it. "I don't know. I'm a little hesitant."
"Oh come on Hi uh… mate. It's not like your gonna give a lot."
Hiss made a face to Diss, but then, he agreed to come with Robin. Coincidentally, they lined up just when Little John came. "Hey Johnny, I'd like you to meet uh… I didn't catch your name."
"Uh… I'm Criss."
"Criss huh? Well anyway, he's not from here."
Hiss then shook Little John's hand. "Do I know you from somewhere?" He asked.
"Yeah, uh… I get that a lot." Hiss then made a smile.
"Oh I like this guy, Rob."
"Me too."
Hiss could not believe his luck but Diss was right. His disguise was so good, not even Robin Hood himself, a master of disguise, was unable to tell it is him. Hiss smiled.
King Richard donated a huge amount of gold to which Friar Tuck smiles. He then goes back to the line to the point where Robin, Little John and Hiss where. Suddenly, King Richard felt a sudden jolt in his chest and falls down in front of the three. "Help." The three were surprised to see the beloved king fall. Everyone was in shock to see this in front of their very eyes. Hiss just stood there not wanting to do anything. He felt that justice, in some twist of events, was served. To Hiss, everything was moving in slow-motion. Almost everyone cried. Robin and John tried to help the king out but their lack of medical expertise could only get them this much. He then looked toward Friar Tuck who appears to be praying. He suddenly remembered about his ordeal in Oxford. "Not this time." Hiss then sprung forward to the downed king and decided to offer his medical assistance.
"Robin, press the center of his chest."
Robin followed it. "Like this?"
"Good, just keep doing that."
"What happened to him?" Little John asked worriedly.
"He's got a heart attack and we need to restart his heart." Hiss used mouth to mouth resuscitation to try to revive King Richard. "Diss, come over here." Diss then came over to them. "Diss,don't lie to me but do you think you can make an amplified dry cell."
"How much you need?"
"About fifty volts. Hurry, we probably got less than a minute to do this."
Diss and Hiss were way ahead of their time. They have experimented in methods of their own field that may seem modern in the present time, but back then, they were very unorthodox as they have been hardly tested on any patient. Making a dry cell battery was definitely way ahead of their time but years of experimentation had caused Diss to perfect a way to do the procedures in less than a minute or so. He always carried dangerous chemicals to prepare for something like this that preparing for a rainy day seems to be an understatement. Hiss then asked the crowd. "Does anyone have copper plates?"
A hound then immediately replied. It was Otto. "I got copper plates here." He then showed it to Hiss. "This will do."
It was a matter of time. Diss then alerted Hiss that the device was completed. "That was fast."
"Here are some wires." Diss added.
Diss and Hiss then attached the two copper plates from the wire and told Robin to stand clear. "Clear!" Hiss and Diss hurriedly attached the plates to King Richard's chest. They may have been ahead of their time, but unfortunately, they left one small detail. Hiss and Diss forgot about insulation and the moment the plates attached to Richard, a sudden jolt came to the three. The force created by the sudden flow of current caused the two serpents to fly upward and sideward in opposite directions. The crowd stood quiet. Hiss and Diss slowly emerged burnt with Hiss' wig radiating outward from the static. "Did it work?" Suddenly, they heard Richard coughing violently and breathing. He then came to. The practice, though daring and somewhat crude, had worked. The crowd rejoiced as Robin and Little John helped their beloved king to get back to his feet.
"What happened?" Richard asked.
"You had a heart attack, my Lord, but you were revived by these two visitors." Robin showed him the two serpents.
Richard noticed the two and approached them. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
"Yeah, I get that a lot." Hiss replied. Their was still some static discharge left from his wig.
Richard gave out a small laugh. Then, his face turned serious. "Gentlemen, I give you my thanks. Is there any way I can repay you sir…"
Diss and Hiss just looked at the king. "Uhhh… Diss." Hiss then raised his voice. "… Criss."
Maid Marian soon came up with an idea. "I know. We can throw a party in your honor."
"Great idea, Marian." With that, Richard, along with Robin, John and Marian, leave the Church. The crowd begins to dissipate.
Diss looked at Criss. "That's five letters."
"How would you even know?"
