"Are you sure it's a good idea to bring me back here?" the Phantom asked.
"This isn't the same Paris. This is our new home-base," K- explained.
The Phantom peered over her shoulder as they glided above countless rooftops. The dragon banked left, and they soared around the Eiffel Tower.
"It looks exactly like Paris . . ." he muttered.
"But there aren't any people yet," K- pointed out, "Soon, all of these houses will be full of fictional characters. We're going to bring them here ourselves."
"When?"
"We start today."
"Today?!" the Phantom gasped.
"Re-lax! I'm starting you off with something easy. It's a popular franchise with a very devoted fanbase, and it's a family film, so we won't have to worry about a whole lot of danger, unless there are wildebeests around, in which case, we're fucked. But enough run-on sentences, let's get down to brass tacks. I'm setting it up so we intervene just after the first film. I'm not sure if I want to make the sequels canon yet."
The Phantom rocked back and forth.
"I wish you would explain things to me in words I can understand . . ."
K- grinned slyly.
"Alright. Have it your way."
She grabbed his collar with her beak and hoisted him up onto her head. He shrieked and grabbed one of her horns. A shimmering doorway to another world opened in front of them. They flew through.
"From the day we arrived on the planet
And blinking, stepped into the Sun
There is more to see than can ever be seen,
More to do than can ever be done."
They flew over an African savannah.
"This franchise-brand is known by many
And it's made a zillion dollars, worldwide.
But the marketing ploys, all the financial joys
Are one part of a general pride . . ."
A large kopje appeared on the horizon.
"It's the first Lion King!
And it's really awesome,
Though the sequels weren't bad.
But we're here for the first.
It will find its place
In the land of Fiction.
It's the Lion . . . The first Lion King . . ."
She landed on the ground.
"Alright. Go find the protagonist while I chant in Swahili."
The Phantom looked up at the rock. It was very high.
"Is he up there?"
"Kutufanya, kutufanya fedha. Kutufanya, kutufanya fedha . . ."
"Hello? You listening?"
She continued to chant. Seeing that this was going nowhere, the Phantom made his way towards the mountain. When he came to the base, he began to climb up the rocky ledge. He reached the peak and saw a deep, dark cave in the sand-colored stone.
"Am I supposed to go in there?" he shouted down to the dragon.
"Kutufanya, kutufanya fedha."
He sighed with exasperation.
"What if I scare the people inside?"
A mask flew up from below and whacked him in the head.
"Ow!"
He picked it up and placed it over his face. It felt eerily familiar. When it was secure, he inched into the darkness. He felt his way along the wall, praying that the ground was even. It wasn't long before he heard a sound. It was a deep rumbling, like the roar of a very large predator. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw that it was a very large predator.
"LION!"
He sprinted out of the cave, stumbling down the rock formation.
"Lion! Lion! Lion!" he screamed as he ran across the plains. K- pinned his pantleg to the ground with one claw and looked at him neutrally.
"Uh, yeah. It's called 'The Lion King'. What did you expect?"
A large, male lion climbed down the kopje, hopping from rock to rock with phenomenal agility. His mane blew in the breeze, puffing out with each leap.
"What are you doing here? Who are-"
He saw the dragon.
"Yo," she hummed, waving her fingers lightly.
The lion took one look at her and bounded across the savannah, kicking up a cloud of dust. K- flicked her tail and looked down at the Phantom.
"Well?"
The Phantom turned.
"Well, what?"
"Go after him!"
He narrowed his eyes.
"But he's a lion . . ."
"And?"
"He's a lion."
K- tapped her claws on the ground impatiently.
"Let me put it this way: do you want to chase after a lion or get on the bad side of a dragon?"
The Phantom gulped. After a beat, he turned and ran after the frightened feline.
***TSPOTOFEW***
"Okay, so let me get this straight," a small meerkat bleated, "We're all fictional characters living in an animated world where we are seen by millions of children every day?"
"And some adults," the Phantom mumbled.
The meerkat burst out laughing.
"Can you believe this guy?" he howled, nudging a warthog with his elbow, "He's a total crackpot!"
The Phantom narrowed his eyes.
"You're a talking meerkat . . ."
K- sighed, bored out of her mind.
"This is getting us nowhere. Timon, Pumbaa: find Simba. He's supposed to come back with us. Dinglepuss here let him get away . . ."
The Phantom frowned.
"That wasn't my fault. I can't outrun a lion."
K- adopted a high-pitched, mocking tone of voice.
"I can't outrun a lion! I'm just a poor, weak, angsty man who refuses to do his job!
With a furious glower, the Phantom stood up and began marching away.
"Where ya going, Dinglepuss?"
"Anywhere you aren't!"
The meerkat winced as he stormed away.
"Ooh, that's harsh. Ya don't recover from something like that . . ."
K- shrugged.
"Maybe some people don't. I'm thick-skinned. Thick-scaled. And he'll be back. In the mean time, round up the main characters."
The warthog looked around.
"But how will we know when we see one?"
K- giggled.
"If they have a name, they're a main character."
"Well, okay . . ." the warthog said hesitantly.
"Hakuna matata, am I right?" K- beamed.
***TSPOTOFEW***
The Phantom trudged through the long grass miserably. Whenever he came across a stone, he'd kick it away in frustration. He hated this stupid dragon and her bizarre ways. Why couldn't he have been picked up by someone normal?
He passed a large baobab tree and found himself standing before an endless horizon. A flock of birds cawed in the distance, fluttering out of the golden grass. It was a large, empty land. There was no way he could survive in the wilderness, especially in an unfamiliar world. Even so, it was better than staying with the dragon . . .
Suddenly, the Phantom felt something bounce off of his shoulder. He bent over and saw a rock lying on the ground. Before he could register what had happened, another rock collided with his chest.
"Whoever is throwing rocks, I demand that you show yourself!" he snapped.
A maniacal laugh came from the tree.
"Who's there? Who are you?" the Phantom growled.
An apelike creature swung down with a long staff in his hand.
"The real question is: who are you?"
The Phantom rubbed his forehead.
"And now there's a talking monkey. Perfect."
The creature whacked him on the head with his stick.
"Ow!"
"You are not one to talk! You are a hairless ape . . ."
The Phantom frowned.
"I don't have time for this. Goodbye."
The monkey stepped in front of him. The spheres on the end of his staff rattled as he blocked his path.
"You have all the time in the world. If you choose to waste it, you will find that life is not enjoyable."
"Nothing is," the Phantom said bitterly.
"That is where you are wrong!" the monkey cackled, hopping around like a frog.
The Phantom walked away, not wanting to feed into the conversation.
"If you leave now, you will never discover who you are!" the monkey called after him.
"I know who I am!" the Phantom growled, "I'm a stupid, insignificant man who thought that he could be a better person by following a dragon into Fiction."
The monkey perched himself on his staff, balancing on the crest like there was no such thing as gravity.
"If you are searching for redemption, why are you leaving before you've even begun?" he asked.
The Phantom sighed and looked away.
"I don't know. I guess I'm afraid of what's coming next. She told me that this was the easy part, but there are lions . . ."
"Hey, Dinglepuss!"
K- bounded through the yellow grass.
"I've rounded up a bunch of characters, including the hyenas."
She screeched to a halt.
"Oh, good! You found Rafiki."
The Phantom gave a noncommittal hum. K- looked at him innocently and poked his belly.
"You okay?"
"I think I might have to back out of this deal . . ."
Her face fell.
"What? So soon?" she gasped, folding her ears back in distress.
"I'm sorry. I thought I could do this, but I can't."
K- looked down at the ground. Her nostrils twitched. After a second, she lifted her head.
"Wait here."
She skipped away and disappeared over the horizon. A few minutes later, a dragon-shaped cloud drifted through the sky.
"Phantom . . . You have forgotten me."
"You just left!" he snapped.
"You have forgotten yourself, and so, have forgotten me . . ."
"Oh, for the love of god! Leave me alone!"
The cloud frowned.
"First of all, I am a god, and second, you should be happy to have a friend."
He looked up.
"Friend?"
"Yeah. Do you not consider me to be your friend?"
He shuffled his feet.
"I don't know. I never really thought about it."
The cloud swirled around majestically, crackling with bolts of lightning.
"Look inside yourself, Phantom. You are more than what you have become. You must take your rightful place in Fiction."
"I don't understand . . ."
"It makes more sense in the movie."
She leapt out of the cloud and landed in front of him.
"I'm sorry for upsetting you. Can we start over?"
The Phantom sighed.
"Fine. But no more lions."
K- smiled.
"As you wish."
