A/N: So, another blurb for your reading pleasure. I basically said 'screw you' to my homework today because I needed a break, and badabing-badaboom, another chapter is born! It's not very long, but, you know, better than nothing, right?
Faye entered the darkness of her room with an angry energy that fell as soon as the door closed. Sighing heavily, she leaned back against the door and ran her hand through her hair absently, staring at the grated floor. It was dark in her room. It was always dark. The only light that ever entered was either from the hallway when the door was open, or from the little television set at the foot of her bed. It seemed appropriate, really. Her life had always been dark and uncertain. Her past had been the only bright spot, whenever she watched the tape. The image of her past self on the screen was a forgotten truth, but the fact that it was absolute made it a comfort. There were no lies on the tape. Only sadness, at first because she couldn't remember, but then after, because she could remember. She would never again be that innocent and naïve. She'd been thrust into a world where she didn't belong, and it had changed her on the inside. She wished for it back sometimes.
Slowly, Faye raised her eyes, and heavily tread the short path to her bed. She lay down and stared at the ceiling. So black. So dark. Drifting through nothing. Closing her eyes, she let her senses drift out. She heard the ship, felt the vibrations of the engines, smelled oil and dampness. If she tried hard enough, she could almost feel the warmth of the two men sitting in the common room. The two men with troubles all their own. Too busy to pay her any mind. Not that she needed it. Not that she had ever needed it. She grit her teeth, opened her eyes, and sat up, swinging her legs over the side.
Those men! What a source of frustration! She rubbed the back of her neck. Though she was often frustrated by them, she frequently envied their friendship. The incident a few moments ago had been too much for her to bear. No one had ever been able to do that with her. To connect at such a deep level. They had had a silent conversation, something that could only be done by those sharing a strong bond. She felt the conflict, and felt the resolve, as had the men. She didn't understand, though she wanted to desperately. She wanted someone to look at her like that.
In the darkness of her room, she was alone. The moment in the common room reminded her of just how alone. Although she had come to think of Spike and Jet, and even Ed and Ein, as family, she would always drift, and she would always be lost. The realization overwhelmed her for a moment, and she shivered and felt her eyes water. Silent sobs shook her. She hated when she broke down like this. Whenever it happened, she always managed to hold back her anguish enough to remain silent. After all, a façade was only good as long as it was believable. If anyone knew her sadness, her weakness, she would be forced to run again. She was tired of running.
Faye let out a sigh. Would she ever be accepted by them? Would she ever connect with them, with anyone? She sniffed. So what if they didn't? So what if she was alone, so what if she would always be alone? She didn't need them, or anyone. She would drift, but she would fight anything that came into her path. Tooth and nail. As she had learned to do. As she had learned, was necessary in such a cold universe. A universe so saturated with problems, that any peace to be found was a blessing.
Humph. She supposed that was how Spike saw Julia. Spike's one, solitary bit of peace in a troubled universe. And even that peace was fraught with troubles. Spike had tried to fight against them; a valiant effort, but ultimately futile. No one could have fought such an awesome oppressive force. If the universe dictates sadness, then sadness must be. She hoped Spike knew how lucky he was to have experienced peace, even for such a small moment in time. There were few that had.
Faye regained her composure in the dark room, lifting her chin and taking a deep breath. She fingered the data chip with their next head, which had been sitting idle in her pocket, and started towards the door. Alone, she would always be alone. But she would vainly search for peace and some kind of connection, as all people do. Light flooded the small room, and then it became dark and silent once again, waiting indifferently to comfort with cold arms and a harsh slap of reality.
