A/N: Here's the next update! I just wanted to put a little disclaimer here and say that I know nothing, absolutely nothing, about the school system of either Japan or Italy, nor do I know anything about weapons. Thus, any factual errors you want to point out, I'll happily accept them, but please suspend your belief for a moment on how I've decided to portray Matteo's weapon. There's a reason (but it's rather whimsical, and for my own personal entertainment) that you may discover later.

On with the story!

XxX

School was, in all, uneventful in terms of classes. I knew nearly everything about math and science and merely had to brush up on past concepts. I knew nothing about history (it was always my worst subject), so that was something I had to actually pay attention to. We had gym class, which was really just a euphemism for a 'let's-train-students-with-lethal-weapons' class. After all, we were all mafia kids.

A school for mafia children. I snorted as I sipped a juice box, leaning on an arm and watching as factions formed within a classroom full of eight year olds (really, too young to understand politics), boys and girls growling at each other and learning to manipulate. After all, what better place to learn the harsh realities of betrayal and vigilance than in a school full of children learning to con and kill?

I sighed. Of course, I was expected to get along with the kids related to the Vongola and stay wary of those who didn't support the Vongola's regime, but really. I found that, even if I had a resolve to make friends and allies, it was pitiable to manipulate mere kids, and their mental levels, no matter how high due to their upbringing, were still well below mine. I felt kind of like a despicable human being for twisting children around for my own personal agenda.

Thus, here I was, sitting apart from the rest of the children, watching as mere eight year olds attempted to seize power in a classroom.

It was boring and frustrating. I thought that the obstacle to making friends would be my awkwardness and sheer inability to socialize, not my inability to empathize with them. I was really bad with talking to younger kids back in my past life, but here? Here, it was worse.

Someone sat next to me, and I tilted my head to catch a glimpse of sharp, bored eyes and…gray hair? What?

"They're so naïve, aren't they? Brats who don't understand our world."

I blinked in surprise and fully turned to examine this newcomer.

His smirk was razor sharp and analytical as he carelessly glanced at the children around us. His eyes met mine, and his smirk widened.

"You, though. You get it, don't you?"

And perhaps I did, perhaps I didn't. I understood what the mafia was. However, I was sheltered, somewhat naïve, to be honest, about what exactly happened in the mafia world. I understood betrayal and murder, of secrecy and loyalty, but never before had I witnessed the darkness first hand. The closest had been with Enrico.

But I was more mature than many of my peers. I could grasp the concept of murder, of being killed silently in the night or dying within a hail of bullets. That small box, the thing that I'd nearly forgotten about as I grew older, chained and forgotten in the corner of my mind, rattled at the thought of death, but I brushed it aside. Perhaps I was more familiar with the concept of death than I thought I was.

"I wouldn't say I get it, but I think I understand better than they do," I replied, jerking my head towards the kids. Because indeed, I did understand the implications, the darkness that crept at the edges of our world. Power struggles, underhanded dealings, loyalty to those with money rather than blood…I did understand the dangers.

The other boy hummed before sticking out a hand. "Glad there's someone with a bit of sense around here. Superbi Squalo."

I took his hand and shook it firmly, slightly amused by the serious way this kid held himself with. First impressions were everything, and if I needed connections, well, here was my first one, offered on a silver plate.

"Matteo Fava. Nice to meet you."

XxX

It turned out that with Superbi Squalo came a Dino (again, no last name, what the hell was up with these people). Dino said that he was the heir to the Chiavarone famiglia, though, so I guess if he needed a last name, Chiavarone would be it.

Dino was a cheerful character, clumsy but energetic. He cried easily but bounced up afterwards like nothing happened. The only time he could overcome his klutzy nature was when a subordinate was around, which I thought was incredibly adorable. Superbi, on the other hand, sneered and postured, with death threats always on the tip of his tongue and violence at the edge of his fingertips. But despite whatever burdens these two held on their shoulders, it didn't change the fact that they were children. They could grow up to be scary bastards, but right now, they were just stretching their claws. It was fun, watching them and hanging around with them.

And then there was me. I'd made two connections, one an heir to a relatively influential famiglia and the other a rising swordsman. The more level-headed of the group, I frequently soothed over ruffled feathers when the two idiots accidentally trod on other mafia kids' feet. Well, mostly when Superbi deliberately stomped on their feet, because Dino was more friendly, but Superbi was most definitely not.

"I'm going to become the strongest swordsman in the world," Superbi announced one day as I leaned against a tree, a book on the various famiglias of the mafia world propped on my knees, and Dino munched on his lunch.

"I think you can do it!" Dino chirped cheerfully, mouth full of food, and I rolled my eyes fondly, covering the disgusting display with my hand.

"Dino, cover your mouth. That's disgusting," I chided.

"I don't need your input, idiot," Superbi sneered alongside.

I chuckled as I turned a page. "Well, you've got a long way to go, you know?" I asked lightly.

"Of course I do, but one day I'll stand on top of this world, and you scum will all be bowing to me!" Superbi laughed uproariously, and I sighed.

"Yes we will," I placated. Distantly, I heard the bell ring. Closing my book and packing away my own finished lunch, I tugged on the clumsy Dino's arm. "Come on, we'll be late for PE if we don't go and change now. Get up, Dino."

The blond whined before getting up, stuffing the last of his food into his mouth before throwing out the trash. Superbi rolled his eyes exasperatedly and led the way to the gym.

This class was perhaps one of my favorite classes. Here, I could practice my archery against others. True, we weren't allowed to use any actual weapons, but with padded arrows and wooden swords, we could simulate battle that was so common in this world.

(Which brought up the question, since when were bows and arrows and swords weapons still used in this day and age? What was I in, some fantasy novel? Nonetheless, I'd accepted it, because I'd accepted long ago that this world was weird, and sometimes logic just did not follow the actions in this world. For example, flames. What the hell were they? How did they manifest?)

Today, my partner was Dino, who swung his whip carelessly before accidentally whipping himself in the face. I winced in sympathy.

"Dino, um, instead of practicing against each other, do you just want to do it against some targets?" I asked tentatively. I didn't want one of my new friends injuring himself, after all.

"That'd be great!" he replied before promptly tripping over nothing.

I sighed, hauled him up by his arms, and marched him to the other side of the training field, where several dummies were set up. The clicks of air guns echoed around us as we found a pair of dummies by each other. He coiled his whip in one hand, and his playful demeanor melted to a more serious one. Didn't help though, when he let go of the whip and the whole thing went flying off into the bushes.

He seriously needed another tutor if he wanted to become a respectable boss. I could see the potential, his determination and resolve, but…well, his skills just didn't match it.

I shook all thoughts out of my head, and a calm fell over my mind. I eyed the target before lifting and drawing the bow. Everything narrowed to that one target, and my senses became more aware. I could hear the clicks of guns, the clash of wooden swords, the rustling of the grass. I could see the twitches of some squirrel behind the target, the holes in the target, the contrast between the red and white circles. I could feel the air moving, the string digging into my fingers, the steadiness of my arms.

I let out my breath and released, and the arrow found itself home in the center of the target. I grinned.

"Nice shooting," Dino complimented.

"Thanks."

But the world wouldn't be standing around, waiting for me to shoot my arrow in a real battle. I would have to think on my feet, be quick and accurate. This wouldn't do at all.

At the end of gym, I returned to see several students beaten black and blue and a triumphant, mocking Superbi strutting cockily towards us. My lips quirked in amusement, and I shook my head in exasperation.

"Really, Superbi?"

He laughed loudly in response, and I exchanged a glance with Dino before we headed inside for our next class. Regardless, I swung an arm around the swordsman's shoulders and tugged him towards me, ruffling his shortly spiked hair. He squawked in indignation, and I laughed.

XxX

School life passed leisurely. I'd gotten familiar with many of my classmates, known as 'that guy who keeps Superbi from killing us all'. I could accept that title, I guess.

Dino, ever popular with the girls, was always on the receiving end of my teasing. So was Superbi, for that matter.

"So, no girlfriend yet?" I asked the swordsman once, and the color he turned was quite interesting. A mixture of pink and puce. I cast my eyes around for a girl and nudged him gently in the side and whispered close to his ear, "How about her, hm? She's kind of cute."

He sputtered, and I dodged his elbow jab agilely. The girl eyed us weirdly before sniffing and walking away as I laughed.

"Maybe you're just not interested in girls. What about guys, hm? What about me?" I asked, sidling up to him and sliding my arm around his waist. He shrieked and quickly retreated a safe distance from me as I watched smugly.

"Voi! How about I'm just not interested?" he asked angrily, putting a hand around his sword that hung at his side (why the teachers allowed him to carry a lethal weapon around in the first place, I would never understand).

I shrugged. "But I'm a nice catch, don't you think?"

And indeed, if I had propositioned my past life, boy, would that college girl have been flustered. I thought I was rather good looking, not to be vain. But then again, so were Superbi and Dino, so I guess beauty was more the norm rather than the exception around here.

"I don't care, I never noticed," Superbi waved dismissively, and I pouted at his back before following. However, when I caught sight of Dino, my mouth formed a grin worthy to grace Superbi's face and immediately got within the blond's personal space.

"Hey, Dino, would you be my boyfriend?" I leered. Because Dino was still a guy, and at heart, I was still a girl, and well, someone like Dino could be admired you know? No matter they were twelve, I could see the potential. These two would become hot. Very attractive. And hey, no matter the gender, I could always admire them.

"Nope! I like girls! Sorry," Dino said back cheerfully, and I drooped. "But I'm flattered you'd consider me!" he quickly placated.

Superbi sighed at my antics.

Because despite all the joking, I had been having somewhat of a sexual crisis. I'd liked boys, always liked boys, and would probably forever like boys. I was born with a female mind, and no matter how male my body was, I was still a woman at heart. However, here I was, a guy. Was I supposed to be liking girls now? Was that a thing I was supposed to be doing?

And I glanced at Superbi, who, even though took me as a joke, hadn't mocked me for being a guy when I suggested a relationship, and I glanced at Dino, who had merely paused at my proposition before moving on smoothly. I guess it didn't really matter here. Homosexuality or heterosexuality didn't really determine the person in this world, one's characteristics did. At the end of the day, it wasn't my sexual orientation that would keep me alive but rather my own skills. And if they didn't care, then I probably shouldn't have cared either.

A grin tugged at my lips as I eyed the backs of my friends. I'd like who I liked, and I'd admire whoever the hell I wanted. If that was enough for them, then that was enough for me.

XxX

Where life outside of my home was relaxing, however, life inside…well, was lonely.

Giorgio didn't visit often. In fact, with the year that had passed, I'd seen him twice, and both times only glimpses. I understood that he had responsibilities, that he had a duty not only to me anymore, but also to keeping another human alive. But he'd said…

He'd said that his loyalty would be to me first and the Vongola second.

He'd said, but clearly, this didn't hold true anymore.

I closed my eyes as I finished my math homework and leaned back in my chair. My brother's presence had become as scarce as my father's, and that said something. My father, who'd I'd only seen at large events, had seen my big brother more than I had.

My fingers crept towards my cellphone, and I picked it up, scrolling down the list of contacts.

I could call him, couldn't I? Even though he didn't really bother keeping up with me, I could still try to contact him too. A relationship didn't work on only one end, after all, and if it failed, it was both parties' faults.

I quickly found his number and dialed it, waiting impatiently at the dial tone.

"Matteo? What's wrong?"

I grinned helplessly.

"Hey, brother. I just wanted to check up on you, you know? Haven't seen or talked to you lately. How are you?"

"Busy…hey, this isn't the best time. Can I call you back?"

I paused. I wanted to say, No, you can't call me back, because if you hang up now, you won't contact me again. You've ignored me these past couple of years. How can I trust you to call me back?

"Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. But don't work too hard, okay? Call me sometime."

"I got you, Matteo. I'll be sure to call back."

"And brother…"

There was a click.

"…I miss you," I whispered into the empty room and the dead call.

Giorgio clearly didn't want to involve me in anything anymore. He barely spoke to me. It was such a drastic change, so sudden, but it was his decision. If he didn't want to talk to me, then I wouldn't impose on him.

I closed my eyes as his absence grew. A tear slipped down my cheek. Because no matter how many friends I made, nothing could replace my first anchor of sanity.

He didn't call me back, either.

XxX

Superbi and Dino were my closest friends, no doubt about it, but when even they started drifting from me, it was hard to let go.

Dino, in his ever growing popularity for his looks and endearing clumsiness, was drawn to other people, other mafia kids (but no longer really small kids, all now around thirteen years old and growing older). He was receiving tutoring from someone, a man called Reborn, the strongest hitman in the world. I'd scoffed at first upon hearing the title, but when I'd finally met the little baby, cursed as an Arcobaleno, I'd understood. Underneath all the baby fat, I saw a hit of ruthlessness, a haunting pain and hurt that couldn't be erased. There was a cloak of danger around him.

Superbi, on the other hand, became friends ("We're not friends, dammit!") with an upperclassman named Xanxus (again, no last name). Well, more like Superbi stuck to the irritable fifteen year old like a leech and refused to let go. I'd laughed when I saw the image of Xanxus shouting at the gray haired boy ("Voi, it's silver hair! Silver!"), but later, when left with only books for company, I no longer laughed.

Times change. It was a rule I accepted, but sometimes, as I watched Dino leave school earlier and earlier and Superbi become more involved with Xanxus and his group of misfits, I didn't like change.

Change took Giorgio away. Change would also take Superbi and Dino away.

I laughed self-deprecatingly. Really, what was it with me and people leaving me? I'd never been a particularly self-assured person in my previous life, but in this life, I thought I'd be better. I'd thought I could make those few precious friends, those who knew me inside and out, like I had at college. But this world was clearly different. People had obligations, and getting stronger took precedent over making friends. Friends weren't really friends but allies, and all allies were were connections. Debts were sacred and priceless, and being in one's debt made a person weak.

I couldn't apply the rules of friendship and bonds from my previous life to this one. Everything was too different. No, I'd have to change my mindset. I couldn't become dependent on others, because look at how I'd become dependent on Giorgio, Superbi, and Dino, and look at how easily they left me. I was the only one who got attached, while they drifted away so carelessly and freely. Here, they had obligations other than their friends and their studies. They had obligations to their famiglia and their allies.

I had to make allies, connections to help my brother and the Vongola. I had to become strong in my own right before using it to help others. I couldn't be soft, be weak, be insecure, not here, not in this world. Naive, I berated myself. My previous life had only made me naïve.

I carefully tucked my yearning for friendship, for a close relationship to another person away into a box. I steeled my heart and shook my head to clear away the last vestiges of need from my mind. I wouldn't be merciless, and I wouldn't be cruel, but I'd be pragmatic, clear in mind and heart. I had goals, and I couldn't forget them.

I tucked little corners into a box, a small white one that marked my need for companionship and innocence, and I tucked that box away into the darker, chained and locked one that I hadn't touched in so many years. I carefully placed it inside and quickly locked it under key again.

This, I could do.

XxX

A/N: Please review!

Sincerely yours,

haplessgrapefrut