A/N: Thank you for all the amazing reviews, to Gabby, Emily, Sarah, Brittany, Average Everyday Sane Psycho, Bella, Kirsteena, elektra30 and Char-chan you all made my week :D
A very special thank you to Average Everyday Sane Psycho - you review everything and it really means a lot 3.
This chapter is for Emily with so much love.
The songs mentioned here are Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar and Art of Love by Jordin Sparks and Guy Sebastian.
Envy
Tina was not usually a jealous person. Of course, she had her ups and downs and wanted things in life, but generally tried to earn things for herself rather than be jealous of the hand that someone else was dealt.
However there were several exceptions to that rule, all with varying degrees of jealousy attached. Her mom's ability to eat whatever she liked and do no exercise and yet not gain any weight was a mere annoyance. Santana's and Brittany's tiny figures caused her to poke her stomach sometimes while looking in the mirror and wonder if she should hit the gym. But it was Rachel that had Tina's green-eyed monster really growling.
It wasn't Rachel's life, or style, or boyfriend, or personality that made Tina so envious. She liked her, of course, but was perfectly content with her own life. It was Rachel's confidence; her absolute positivity that one day she would be on Broadway; her ability to stand in front of a crowd without a doubt in her mind that they would love her; that was what Tina craved. She wanted that confidence so badly that it made her chest ache.
Tina had never had a lot of self-confidence (hence the faked stutter). She'd been deathly shy, and the teasing when she hid behind her mother before school stuck with her. She had hated speaking in front of people; had been terrified of saying something wrong, or of what they would think of her.
Since the beginning of her friendship with Artie, Tina's confidence had slowly but surely increased. Joining Glee had only helped, but when she had been given her first real solo in Tonight, Rachel had protested, saying that she wasn't ready, and then, Tina's steadily building confidence had been shot to the floor.
Before True Colours, she had literally been shaking, and the fact that her relationship with Artie had been in ruins didn't help at all. Her mother had always told her not to let a boy be what her life was about, and Tina had always agreed whole-heartedly, but it was hard when Artie was the source of a lot of her confidence. He was her best friend as well as her boyfriend, and he always made her feel wanted, needed and loved. It had taken both Kurt and Mercedes and a lot of chocolate to give her the courage to go on.
But now, now that she had been given the chance for her own song (singing Colbie Calliat's Bubbly), and she was closer to Artie than ever before, she wanted to be able to seize some kind of Rachel-confidence and use it.
They had been sitting in Glee, watching as Rachel belted out Hit Me With Your Best Shot when Artie noticed the look on Tina's face. It was like she was analysing the performance, biting her lip as she watched Rachel march around the auditorium stage as if she owned the place. When Rachel finished, and everyone applauded and started to leave, Tina remained sitting down in her seat.
"You okay Tee?" Artie turned in his chair to face her.
"I...I want to try something, okay? And I want your honest opinion. No holding back. Promise?"
"What are you -?"
"Please? Just promise?"
"Okay, I promise." Tina grinned widely, pulling sheet music out of her school bag and handing him a copy before running up onto the stage and stopping Brad from leaving.
"I know this song." Artie said, reading the title off the sheet music.
"I know." Tina said, giving Brad the music. "You can sing it with me, right?" Artie grinned.
"Yeah."
"Remember, no holding back on telling me what you think." Artie nodded slowly and Tina nodded at Brad.
Tina hummed the first note quietly as Artie took a breath.
"I'm saying sorry in advance..." He looked at her, tiny on the huge stage, and she nodded at him to continue. "'Coz this won't always go to plan." She'd shut her eyes when he looked up at her again, and he smiled as he continued. "Though we don't mean to take our love for granted, it's in our nature to forget what matters."
"When the going is getting tough, and we're all about giving up," Tina began softly, building volume as she sang. "Things that we'd never thought we'd say, gonna say them, things that we never thought we'd play, gonna play them."
"It ain't perfect, but it's worth it, and it's always getting better." Artie was still confused as to what Tina was doing - he could tell they weren't just singing this song for the sake of singing it - but went along with it anyway.
"It's gonna take some time to get it right." She dragged out the word right, making Artie grin as she hit every note.
"'Coz I'm still learning the art of love, I'm still trying to not mess up..." They both sung the chorus together, Artie watching as Tina started to move around the stage, kind of like Rachel did.
"So whenever I stumble let me know." She spun slightly, grinning as they sung back and forth.
"You need to spell it out."
"You need to spell it out."
"You need to spell it out."
"You need to spell it out for me."
"Cause I'm still trying to learn the art of love." Artie had heard Tina sing like this before, but only in the privacy of either his or her house. She was letting loose, trying to sing like she was a performer; when it was just them she wasn't afraid.
"If I forget to get the door, remind you that you're beautiful." Artie looked back down at his music to check his lyrics. "I know my detail requires more attention, if I ever hurt you it's not my intention."
"'Coz we're gonna make our mistakes, find out how much your heart can take," As Tina did a very Rachel-like foot movement, it clicked in Artie's mind. She was trying to mimic Rachel's performance. This was only confirmed by the way she belted the next two lines. "But I know that you got my back, and baby I got yours."
As they sung the chorus again, Artie thought about this. The performance that Tina was giving, although fantastic, was really not Tina. Rachel was shining through here, and not Tina. While she seemed awkward in her movements, however, her voice was strong and definitely her own. The Rachel-like theatricality seemed to be giving her confidence.
As they finished the song, Tina letting out a beautiful end note, Artie looked up to where she stood on the stage. She was breathing heavily, biting her lip as she waited for his feedback.
"Wow." Artie said, running his hand through his hair.
"You didn't like it." Tina said, wringing her hands together.
"No! No, Tee." She was walking towards him now, chewing on her bottom lip as she sat in the seat next to him. "It was really good. It was great!"
"But..." Tina said, looking at her hands.
"But it wasn't you." She looked at him. "Your voice... that's the best I've ever heard you sing, and it's because you know you can do it. But the movements? That was Rachel." Tina nodded.
"I just... I want to be like her."
"Her annoying personality?" Artie teased, getting a grin for his efforts.
"Her confidence. I want to be able to stand up there and sing like I know I can... without fearing criticism if I hit a bad note, or fall over or..." Tina trailed off.
"Okay." Artie said, putting the sheet music down. "We're going to try something." Tina raised an eyebrow but said nothing. She followed him as she wheeled towards the stage until she was standing in the very middle of it.
"Artie, what are we doing?" Artie grinned.
"Singing." He took her hand. "Be you. Because you are amazing, Tee. And you can do it."
They started again, and Artie watched, singing his part softly, as Tina gave a Rachel-worthy performance - but one that was entirely her own. He was concentrating so hard on his part and watching his girlfriend that he didn't see Mr. Schue enter the back of the auditorium until he was on the stage as well, and felt a hand on his shoulder.
Tina stopped singing at the end of the song with a beaming smile.
"Tina, Artie that was beautiful." Tina noticed Mr. Schue, and her face, instead of becoming worried like Artie expected, only broke into a bigger smile.
"I nailed it." She said, giggling elatedly. Mr. Schue laughed as well.
"Think you can nail it again in front of everybody?" Tina's huge smile was contagious as she nodded.
And during the next Glee meeting, she did.
