Author's notes: Ooooh….I am really beginning to love this story—so heart-wrenching for Scully.
So Cold
Chapter 3
Scully sat in her car outside of Mulder's apartment building, waiting for Diana to come out. She needed to talk to Mulder alone, and the only way she knew how to wrench him away from Diana's tight clutches was to conduct this covert surveillance and wait for her to leave. She had to know what exactly he did remember, and where the X-files fit into the whole thing. After all, she had finally uncovered evidence that completely supported his theories of alien interference on this planet, and she needed to know if his head was going to be back in the game anytime soon. And, although she tried to tell herself that her interest was purely in knowing where the future of the X-files was at, she realized that she had more selfish interests as well—was she losing the man she cared about the most, at a time when they had finally begun to admit their feelings towards one another? She sat that way, alone with her grueling thoughts, for two entire hours before she finally saw the tall, willowy woman exit the building.
Number forty-two…how many times had she knocked on this door, in good times and in bad, knowing that he would be glad to see her? What would be his reaction to her now? Where was her place in this new life of his?
He opened the door, and she held her breath as she waited for his reaction to her arrival. He was not cold to her, not at all, but she was still disappointed by his reaction, or lack thereof. "Agent Scully?" She wished he would not call her that. "What can I do for you?"
Curious but detached. She supposed she should not have expected anything different, but she still felt a sadness that went deep through her and ate away at her core. "Agent…Mulder. Can I come in? I know you're still recovering," she said, as an acknowledgement to the bandages covering his head, "but I really need to ask you some questions about your experience…for my report."
"Sure, sure. Come in on."
She stood face to face with him, wanting so badly to put her hands to his face, to tell him how she really felt after practically losing him for good. But she knew it would not be received the way that she hoped it would, so she refrained. "Do you…do you remember what happened leading up to your stay in the hospital?" She fought hard to keep the tears from welling up.
He looked at a spot on the ground, trying to remember. "You know, not really. All my most recent memories are about my new life, since the cigarette-smoking man picked me up."
Scully choked back her sadness. "Picked…you…up?"
"Yeah, he took me to my new home, where I saw my dad, who told me everything was okay. I finally felt like I could let go of my quest to find the truth, that it was right there in front of me. I saw my sister, and she was alive and well. And Diana and I," he smiled now. "We fell in love all over again, and we settled down into our new house." He looked at Scully. "Everything…everything that happened before—the X-files, the UFO's, that all seems so distant. I was finally happy, and then…and then I woke up." He looked as if he was holding back tears himself at the memory of waking up in such a traumatic way.
"I'm…I'm sorry." She looked away, trying to decide how to broach the subject she really wanted to address. She decided to take a direct approach, and looked him straight in the eyes. "And what about me…what do you remember?"
"You?" His surprise at the question was not reassuring. "I know we worked together. I know we were close, and we really trusted one another." He shook his head. "It just…it all seems so long ago, I don't remember a whole lot of the details."
She looked down to avoid him seeing her face—she did not want him to see her about to cry. Composing herself, she finally looked at him again. "Do you know yet, that all those more recent memories—those are false Mulder."
He squinted his eyes, confused. "False? What do you mean?"
"I mean, Mulder, that just a few weeks ago, you and I were working together. We discovered new evidence of alien intervention into our civilization. You never got married, your dad…" Seeing his face falling, she stopped, and decided to try a new approach. "All of that never happened, Mulder. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but someone has to. That was all in your head—none of it was real…"
His brow furrowed in anger. "I don't know what you're talking about, Agent Scully, and I don't know what you're trying to pull. I remember all of it so clearly, now you're trying to tell me that what I experienced is all a fake?" He half-turned away from her. "I don't believe you, Agent Scully, and I want you to leave now."
"Mulder…"
"Get out…now!"
Seeing no other option at the moment, she did what he asked, and left her heart at the door.
