Warnings and disclaimers: First chapter.
Ch.03 _ A grave mistake
With a fickle of his wrist, the newly cut firewood flew to the young man arms, and he returned to the camp. After taking just a few steps, a woman joined him, carrying a large bucket of water with ease, probably having enchanted it to make it weigh less.
"Why didn't you use magic to chop that? It would have been easier and faster."
"It didn't end well last time I tried." He chuckled, a bit sadly.
"Did someone… you know… see you?"
"Um? Oh no! Well… one person did, but it had been his idea to begin with so he shouldn't really count." The raven haired shook his head. "Let's just say that a grumpy old man almost shrunk a few centimeters courtesy of a falling tree, and we got in the black list of the most vocal man in the village. When our mothers found out they were furious."
"When was that?"
"We were… ten I think. Um, Will was already eleven by then. He always used that against me."
"I'm sorry."
Merlin stopped right on his tracks, startled, before resuming his march to the druids. "Why would you say that?"
"You have grieved for your friend, a long time ago. It is clear in your voice. I'm sorry for making you remember something you didn't wish to."
"No… it's fine now. It really has been a long time, I have moved on."
"I'm sure. But sometimes… you can never truly let go." After her words he stopped again, this time facing the druid and making her stop by his side.
"Can I ask you something?" She nodded. "Aren't you… I mean, the druids… aren't you angry at me?"
She seemed surprised, but there seemed to be understanding as well. She looked him in the eye. "Why?"
"For everything that has gone wrong. I lost the Cup of Life your people entrusted to me. I've had to watch innocent people be executed, sorcerers and not. I hardened Arthur's heart when magic was almost free again, and then forced him to push me away with my selfishness. I have caused you so much suffering, and you still speak of me and Arthur so… so well."
"It is not by his mistakes that a man must be judged, Emrys, but by what he does to make amends. Even among the magical people there are those who hate you, what you have done and what you represent. But for many more you are a symbol of hope; don't disappoint the faith placed on you."
"Sometimes I feel like a child. There is still so much I don't know."
"We are still toddlers when compared to the Great Dragon. We aren't even newborns when compared to the Old Religion. People spend their whole lives maturing, even if they don't realize it." She started walking once more, and no one spoke another word until they arrived at the cave. Merlin realized that she had said something very similar to Kilgarrah's words the other day, and smiled, sensing how the pieces began to fall into place once more.
The druid's chief –Iseldir, he had managed to eavesdrop his name– finished his conversation with two of the elders and quickly joined him. "Ah, Emrys. May I have a word with you?" Merlin left the wood in the fireplace and accompanied him, dusting his clothes on the way. A small group of children passed half-running by his side, their eyes flashing gold at what seeming like a leaves' race, floating a couple of meters above ground. He chuckled happily, but couldn't shrug the irrational fear at such an open display of magic.
"This is how it was in the days of my youth. And this how I hope it will be for my son's son." The druid stated, and Merlin had to wonder if he had imagined the melancholy of his voice when his eyes remained as impassive as ever.
"I have decided already that I will trust Arthur." Iseldir didn't answer, and Merlin continued. "But I can't help him with my current knowledge. Magic is what I am, and still there are times when it feels so foreign. Compared to others like Sigan or Nimueh, or your people, I realize that this won't be enough. Arthur has already become King; it is time that I truly become Emrys."
"Those are wise words. Yes, the foundations of magic are so deep than no man has ever come close to understanding it completely. What those who despise it or abuse it fail to realize is that it is a part of the world as is the air, invisible but always present." Iseldir was observing him sternly, and Merlin felt like this was all some kind of test. "This is not something that can be rationalized or that can be taught. But it is something that you must know."
"Then… how?"
"Tomorrow, there will be a full moon. Then, we will show you. Is this what you want?"
"Yes. Of course I do!"
"It won't be easy, Emrys. There is a chance that you won't come back, and it certainly won't be unchanged."
"That… might be. But I need to do this, I can feel it."
The druid chief positively smiled then. "Very well."
~)*(~
All Arthur wanted was some peace and quiet to figure out how to take everything in. The events were spiraling out of control, and the last he needed was another threat on his kingdom when he did not even know how to face his most trusted allies. He had never felt so lost, and his earlier argument with Gwen still weighed down on his mind.
"Arthur. We need to talk." She had said, and she had looked strange, haunted, almost as if she was feeling guilty about something, which was ridiculous. Arthur tried to escape from the conversation, knowing that he was not going to like it.
"What? Look Gwen, I'm busy. Someone is attacking Camelot's knights near the border. I have to go."
"I know you have. But Arthur, this is important."
He sighed. "This is about the dragonlord, isn't it?" He refused to say his name, trying to keep himself distanced and impartial, but the former maid would take none of it. Her frown deepened.
"Yes, this is about Merlin. I know that magic is forbidden, but it is not the same, he is our friend. We should have at least heard his side of the story."
"I and the knights did. Now, I have to-"
"Don't move from there, Arthur Pendragon, we are not done yet. I have been thinking. I know what a dragon can do, I was here. But maybe he was right. He was trying to protect a baby, surely we can't fault him for that!"
"It was not a baby, it was a monster! Why do you refuse to see this? And even so, he can command dragons. Why didn't he stop the bloody Great Dragon before it raided Camelot?"
"Don't you see, he wasn't a dragonlord until his father died! And when he came back, he killed the dragon!"
"He didn't." Arthur looked grim, as realization struck him. "He never said he killed it. It was a lie."
Gwen tried to hide her shock. After a moment of hesitation, she folded her arms across her chest. "So?"
"What do you mean?"
"So, the dragon attacked almost three years ago, and never came back. Maybe we should trust Merlin on this."
"Trust Merlin? Gwen, he can't walk in a straight line without falling. And now he has two powerful beasts that could destroy the kingdom under his command? Maybe I should have killed him before he could do any harm to Camelot."
The King heard the slap before he felt it, and he touched his cheek slightly stunned. He noticed that Gwen's eyes were wet and suddenly he didn't know how to feel; insecurity was slowly replaced by anger. Anger was easier to deal with.
"The law is the law. He should be grateful I let him live." He insisted stubbornly. She shot him an icy glare, and Arthur felt something break between them.
"Merlin always said that you were a better man than your father. Clearly he was wrong." And she left the room, with a finality that scared him more than any magical creature or immortal army had.
They hadn't spoken another word after that, and the ride was unpleasant; no one dared to break the silence around the King and Gwaine had not even tried any of his crazy schemes yet. A few miles before reaching the place where the last sighting had been, the knight approached him. Arthur prepared to avoid an argument, but that wasn't what the other had in mind.
"You know, they won't show themselves if we group like a bunch of sissies."
"Oh, yes? And what do you suggest, Sir Gwaine?"
"Set a trap. Send someone to bait them into an ambush; if it's a knight they want, it's a knight they'll get."
"And you would be the bait." It was a crazy idea, but it might work; they may even avoid casualties. And he knew this was the kind of stunt Gwaine would volunteer to; it just seemed strange that he would suggest such an underhanded method, and he said so. The knight snorted. "Leon's idea. Do you want to finish this or not?"
They analyzed each other for a few seconds, before Arthur nodded slightly; at that, Gwaine dismounted. "I'll lead them to the dead end near the stream, east from here. Don't be late, princess."
The bandits fell straight into their trap. The mission went so smoothly that it seemed difficult to believe, and soon they had the leader on their grasp; Arthur lowered his guard, ready to let the matter rest until they were back to the citadel and the man had spent a night cooling off in the dungeons. So of course it was then when he learned that he had none other than King Caerleon captured, and was forced to take a stand right there and then. Aggravaine was quick to voice his thoughts on the matter.
"I fear it's no coincidence that all of this happened since Uther's death." And again, he was being compared to his father; it seemed as if ever since he became King he stopped being Arthur, and now he only was 'more than Uther', 'less than Uther', 'just like Uther'. He would do anything to be just himself, as before.
But he and not Uther was King now, and that meant that he had to make a choice, right here and now. To force on King Caerleon an impossible treaty that would most likely result in his death –by Arthur's hand– or to let him go free and show weakness to the world when he could least afford it.
"There must be another way."
"There is no other way. Think of it. Decide by tomorrow."
Darkness came and the hours flew by, but Arthur never moved from where he was. His thoughts kept circling endlessly and he never found a way around it. The choice was right there in front of him, but both options were disastrous.
He couldn't do this alone. He just couldn't. His father had been a great king, but how was he supposed to be worthy without a guide? Maybe Aggravaine was right; he had, after all, spent enough time on the Court to know how things worked. As a king, he was required to do sacrifices, and the life of a man, no matter how powerful he was, could not outweigh the lives of hundreds of subjects.
Ah, but you placed a man's life above all others, did you not? An insidious voice kept repeating inside his head. You let the dragonlord go… with a dragon. That was different. He hadn't attacked him or his knights. He hadn't terrorized the villages like Caerleon did. He is just as dangerous. How is it different?
Would his father have executed the dragonlord? Probably. Uther had let Balinor go… but the rogue man didn't have any dragons to command. It wasn't the same. He willed himself to stop thinking about that; it wasn't helping. He needed to decide what to do with the foreign King, nothing more.
The truth is, deep down he knew what choice he would have made, had his father still be King. He would have defended Merlin, maybe not right away, but he hoped that he wouldn't have let the raven haired boy walk away like that, not without trying to understand. He knew, but he didn't want to admit it, even to himself, because then he'd have to admit that he had turned his back on a friend when it really mattered.
So he tried to think about Caerleon's fate. His thoughts kept moving in circles, but every time they strayed too out of control, he managed to remember the decision he had to take that night, and delay facing what he had done the other day. And above all the thoughts, one prevailed time and time again.
What would his father do?
"Trouble sleeping?" A familiar and incredibly annoying voice said. Seconds later, Gwaine sat close to him, passing him a water skin that Arthur took gladly.
"Something like that."
"Care to share your thoughts?"
"Look Gwaine, while I appreciate the effort, I really don't have the time to listen to you." He snapped, but if the knight felt hurt by his harsh note, he didn't show it.
"This is about what Aggravaine said." Arthur nodded, and Gwaine continued on, undeterred. "What are you going to do?"
"My father… look, I need to show my strength to the other kingdoms. We can't afford to be attacked now. There is no other way, but the treaty."
"He won't sign it."
"Caerleon brought this upon himself."
"And you plan to humiliate an enemy that is already defeated and at your mercy. I should've expected it, is what nobility does best after all. You had me fooled for a moment Arthur. I thought you were different."
"You have no idea what it means to take this decisions, decisions that will shape the future of this land!" Gwaine's words had hit a soft spot. "It is my duty to place my people before anyone and anything, included myself."
There was a long pause.
"Is that so?"
"What do you mean by that?"
"Hell, you think we haven't noticed you licking your wounds? You are throwing a temper tantrum Arthur, nothing more. Stop hiding under that duty crap and face your decisions."
"You've come to talk about him too, haven't you?"
Gwaine didn't answer.
"Then why are you still here? You could have gone with him, why didn't you?"
"'Cause I made a vow."
Arthur had not time nor was he in the mood to puzzle about that cryptic sentence. He was too numb to care. The decision had already been taken some time during the night. The King left, ready to write Caerleon's death sentence.
The sun was already high in the sky when Arthur finally met the other king face to face for the first time since the incident. While Leon read the parchment to the incredulity and amusement of the heavily guarded man, Elyan elbowed his fellow knight.
"Gwaine, control yourself! Do you want to get in trouble?" He murmured, while the other kept sending deathly glares to the blond.
"Right. With this Arthur I might have to go through the whole banishment business again."
"Gwaine!" The former blacksmith hushed him, not quite finding a way to refute it. "Look, I know you can't forgive him for what happened… the other day, but he is doing this in the best interests of Camelot."
"He is throwing a temper tantrum. If only Merlin was here to beat some sense into his thick skull…" He had sworn that he would protect the princess in his friend's stead, and he'd be damned if that wasn't what he did. But even if he tried, stupidity was hard to cure. Elyan hissed.
"You should not speak that way about criminals. It won't end well for you."
"What!" His shout resounded through the clearing and everyone turned to him. If looks could kill, he'd be dead several times. Finally, the savage king chuckled, and advanced forward, focusing the attention of everyone back on him. The knight barely managed to hide a scowl, begrudgingly respecting the warrior's integrity.
"Very well. Then make it quick." He got to his knees, but instead of submission, it only showed further defiance. Gwaine ignored Arthur's pleas, deciding not to think any further about either of the royals and turning to the topic at hand.
"You can't be seriously thinking that. You really think that way of Merlin?"
"What I think does not matter. Arthur is king; he decides what is best. You should know where your loyalties are."
"Oh, I know where they are alright." He left before Arthur gave the final order. Much as he didn't want to admit it, for him it was clear who had behaved like a noble, and who like a coward that day.
~)*(~
Many miles away from where the peaceful druids and the conflicted knights were, and still unaware of her involvement in the legends, a woman stood alone in her castle's battlements, waiting. She was not a damsel waiting for his lover while she listened to the idle gossip of the Court; she was strong, intelligent and very experienced in politics and war alike. It had been thirty years since she, the second daughter of a minor noble had climbed to the top of the pyramid, ruling the lands thanks to her marriage alongside the king.
That didn't mean she hadn't come to respect and yes, truly love the man who had stood by her side all this time. He was rash, short-tempered but he was generous to those who earned it and also the noblest person she had ever met. He never once, not even after they married, treated her as nothing short of an equal. A fond smile made its way to her face; she didn't approve of her husband's rides, but she understood; the kingdom was safe now and there was only so much a man of action like him could take.
That evening, the setting sun was crimson. The news arrived the next morning, by a messenger out of breath, who only after a few minutes managed to compose himself enough to speak.
"The King has died."
As her heart skipped a beat, she could not identify whose voice rose behind her, who had first dared to speak or if it had been one or many.
"Long live the Queen."
Next chapter: Moving gears. Gwen thinks, Morgana gloats and Merlin learns a very important lesson.
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