Disclaimer: I no, I don't own them, the characters, or the actors, or the
story, or anything Tolkien, I don't even own this computer.
Authors note: Right firstly I may be changing my name to Eyeliner Freak, cause Mascara Freak was just off the top of my head, I don't know, what one sounds better? This is chapter 3 where two cutie hobbits will be making their appearance for the first time in this story. I am trying to get the story rolling but it's my first one and I only have a few ideas, I'm not really even sure where I'm taking it.
Chapter 3: All is forgiven, NOT!!!
Gandalf began to climb the stairs slowly, holding his robes up to his knees; he wasn't going to trip again. He reached the top and turned around, he pointed and began to laugh at the stairs, anyone who would have seen him would without a doubt call him mad, and I'm not altogether sure that they would be wrong. He turned away from the stairs to face his next challenge, and there it was walking towards him, Elrond. Elrond stopped and they stood there facing each other, several metres apart, if this were a western (which its not) then music would be heard in the background. Elrond was the first to speak.
"So Gandalf, I don't believe this hallways big enough for the both of us" he said quietly and menacingly.
"Actually I think I could squeeze right past you" Gandalf replied slightly confused.
"Oh really, you mean you think those thighs of yours wouldn't have any trouble.." Elrond said quietly.
"What do you mean, what's wrong with my thighs?" Gandalf asked sharply.
"Oh nothing, nothing, your bums getting quite big" Elrond said. *Ha, I'll get him back, I no Gandalf's weaknesses*
"My bum is in perfect proportion" Gandalf fumed.
"Yeah if it was attached to a cave troll" Elrond sniggered, " and everyone's saying you stole that nose off a dwarf.
Gandalf was speechless, even Saruman didn't insult him this much.
"Elrond stop it at once, I was drunk, I don't want to sleep with Arwen" Gandalf hoped this would make peace but it seemed to make Elrond angry.
"What are you saying my daughters not good enough for you, are you somehow implying that she looks like me, and you think I'm ugly?!!!" Elrond shouted angrily.
Gandalf hoped that no one would come to watch Elrond making a scene. "Look here Elrond, I didn't mean it like that, be reasonable" he looked around nervously.
"To late, I'm insulted, good day to you!" he shouted and stormed off, pushing past Gandalf.
Gandalf was left speechless. *He really does act like a spoilt mortal sometimes*.
Gandalf began to walk down the hall to the library, hoping he wouldn't meet anyone along the way. He was in luck; he reached the library without anymore incidents. The door was shut but he could hear two voices that belonged to Merry and Pippin coming from inside.
CHANGE SCENE
Merry and Pippin had been up all night. Soon after they had stolen it from a very drunk Gandalf they had found the deserted library and had been using the staff all night.
"I can't believe it's this easy, Gandalf always makes this magic stuff look hard" Merry said waving the staff, he said one word. "Cabbages" and pop! several cabbages appeared.
"Euwww, why'd you summon cabbages Merry? We don't like cabbages" Pippin complained.
"Well you no that fortune teller we summoned" Merry paused and Pippin nodded, "she said that we would be needing to be healthy and all that for our questy, adventure thingy she said that we would be going on, so I thought cabbages" Merry explained.
"Yeah but aren't mushrooms and potatoes healthy?" Pippin asked.
"Oh yeah, and apples" Merry beamed.
Pippin's eyes clouded over "No cabbages and definitely no apples".
"Your right" Merry waved the staff, "Cabbages be gone"
"Ooh it's my turn now" Pippin squealed.
"All right, all right, but remember Pip, no strippers, we don't wanna be caught" Merry warned him, un aware that a wizard was on the other side of the door, listening in.
"Fine, fine" Pippin paused stuck for ideas, suddenly a thought struck him, it was a good idea, no one would have thought that Pippin was able to come up with them. "Let's turn ourselves invisible and see what everyone gets up to" Pippin squealed excitedly.
Merry's eyes widened in excitement "Yeah, I really think Gandalf is gay, and I'm not quite sure about Sam either, this could be are only chance to find out, we've got to do it"
CHANGE SCENE
Gandalf had been listening into the whole of their conversation and wasn't entirely happy with the gay comment that Merry had made. He would have to punish these two, and he thought he knew how. His idea would only work if Merry's brain were fully functional today; he had given up on Pippin's brain a long time ago. He kept quiet and kept listening.
CHANGE SCENE
"Ok, we'll have to change each other, it will be easier that way, I'll do you first, hand me the staff." Merry said.
Pippin handed him the staff, and Merry began to wave it.
"Grant him invisibility" he spoke clearly, and a second later Pippin disappeared. "Pippin, are you still" he reached out to where Pippin had been standing and waved his hand about, it knocked something solid.
"Ooww, merrwie, that were mi nowse" Pippin spoke, "am I invisible then?" he asked.
"Yeah do me now" Merry said excitedly holding out the staff, he felt something take hold of it and he let go.
The staff was waved about by an invisible Pippin, and Merry (and Gandalf) heard him speak, "Grant him invisibility", a second later Merry was able to see Pippin again.
"Huh, did it work?" he asked Pippin.
"I don't know, I can see you now, but are we both still invisible?" Pippin asked.
"Let's use that mirror over there" Merry suggested.
They both walked over, neither of them had a reflection; the only thing that did was the staff that Pippin was still holding.
"We'll have to hide the staff in here, it's to risky to carry it about with us" Merry decided, Pippin just nodded his head in agreement, "we can hide it in that cupboard" Merry concluded, not knowing that Gandalf could hear every word they were saying.
They hid the staff and left the room.
Outside Gandalf had already heard them coming and had moved so that it looked like he was walking away down the hall from the library.
"Hey Merry, look there's Gandalf", he heard Pippin exclaim.
"Pippin shut up, we can still be heard" Merry said at about the same volume.
Gandalf was relieved to hear them run off down the hall the other way. He turned around and walked back down the hall to the library. Hobbits weren't the brightest of creatures.
End of chapter 3
Ok it's longer, still not very funny, SORRY!!!, bad me. I will try my best, it should get funnier as Merry and Pippin spy on everyone. I will try my best, please review, it helps my confidence.
Authors note: Right firstly I may be changing my name to Eyeliner Freak, cause Mascara Freak was just off the top of my head, I don't know, what one sounds better? This is chapter 3 where two cutie hobbits will be making their appearance for the first time in this story. I am trying to get the story rolling but it's my first one and I only have a few ideas, I'm not really even sure where I'm taking it.
Chapter 3: All is forgiven, NOT!!!
Gandalf began to climb the stairs slowly, holding his robes up to his knees; he wasn't going to trip again. He reached the top and turned around, he pointed and began to laugh at the stairs, anyone who would have seen him would without a doubt call him mad, and I'm not altogether sure that they would be wrong. He turned away from the stairs to face his next challenge, and there it was walking towards him, Elrond. Elrond stopped and they stood there facing each other, several metres apart, if this were a western (which its not) then music would be heard in the background. Elrond was the first to speak.
"So Gandalf, I don't believe this hallways big enough for the both of us" he said quietly and menacingly.
"Actually I think I could squeeze right past you" Gandalf replied slightly confused.
"Oh really, you mean you think those thighs of yours wouldn't have any trouble.." Elrond said quietly.
"What do you mean, what's wrong with my thighs?" Gandalf asked sharply.
"Oh nothing, nothing, your bums getting quite big" Elrond said. *Ha, I'll get him back, I no Gandalf's weaknesses*
"My bum is in perfect proportion" Gandalf fumed.
"Yeah if it was attached to a cave troll" Elrond sniggered, " and everyone's saying you stole that nose off a dwarf.
Gandalf was speechless, even Saruman didn't insult him this much.
"Elrond stop it at once, I was drunk, I don't want to sleep with Arwen" Gandalf hoped this would make peace but it seemed to make Elrond angry.
"What are you saying my daughters not good enough for you, are you somehow implying that she looks like me, and you think I'm ugly?!!!" Elrond shouted angrily.
Gandalf hoped that no one would come to watch Elrond making a scene. "Look here Elrond, I didn't mean it like that, be reasonable" he looked around nervously.
"To late, I'm insulted, good day to you!" he shouted and stormed off, pushing past Gandalf.
Gandalf was left speechless. *He really does act like a spoilt mortal sometimes*.
Gandalf began to walk down the hall to the library, hoping he wouldn't meet anyone along the way. He was in luck; he reached the library without anymore incidents. The door was shut but he could hear two voices that belonged to Merry and Pippin coming from inside.
CHANGE SCENE
Merry and Pippin had been up all night. Soon after they had stolen it from a very drunk Gandalf they had found the deserted library and had been using the staff all night.
"I can't believe it's this easy, Gandalf always makes this magic stuff look hard" Merry said waving the staff, he said one word. "Cabbages" and pop! several cabbages appeared.
"Euwww, why'd you summon cabbages Merry? We don't like cabbages" Pippin complained.
"Well you no that fortune teller we summoned" Merry paused and Pippin nodded, "she said that we would be needing to be healthy and all that for our questy, adventure thingy she said that we would be going on, so I thought cabbages" Merry explained.
"Yeah but aren't mushrooms and potatoes healthy?" Pippin asked.
"Oh yeah, and apples" Merry beamed.
Pippin's eyes clouded over "No cabbages and definitely no apples".
"Your right" Merry waved the staff, "Cabbages be gone"
"Ooh it's my turn now" Pippin squealed.
"All right, all right, but remember Pip, no strippers, we don't wanna be caught" Merry warned him, un aware that a wizard was on the other side of the door, listening in.
"Fine, fine" Pippin paused stuck for ideas, suddenly a thought struck him, it was a good idea, no one would have thought that Pippin was able to come up with them. "Let's turn ourselves invisible and see what everyone gets up to" Pippin squealed excitedly.
Merry's eyes widened in excitement "Yeah, I really think Gandalf is gay, and I'm not quite sure about Sam either, this could be are only chance to find out, we've got to do it"
CHANGE SCENE
Gandalf had been listening into the whole of their conversation and wasn't entirely happy with the gay comment that Merry had made. He would have to punish these two, and he thought he knew how. His idea would only work if Merry's brain were fully functional today; he had given up on Pippin's brain a long time ago. He kept quiet and kept listening.
CHANGE SCENE
"Ok, we'll have to change each other, it will be easier that way, I'll do you first, hand me the staff." Merry said.
Pippin handed him the staff, and Merry began to wave it.
"Grant him invisibility" he spoke clearly, and a second later Pippin disappeared. "Pippin, are you still" he reached out to where Pippin had been standing and waved his hand about, it knocked something solid.
"Ooww, merrwie, that were mi nowse" Pippin spoke, "am I invisible then?" he asked.
"Yeah do me now" Merry said excitedly holding out the staff, he felt something take hold of it and he let go.
The staff was waved about by an invisible Pippin, and Merry (and Gandalf) heard him speak, "Grant him invisibility", a second later Merry was able to see Pippin again.
"Huh, did it work?" he asked Pippin.
"I don't know, I can see you now, but are we both still invisible?" Pippin asked.
"Let's use that mirror over there" Merry suggested.
They both walked over, neither of them had a reflection; the only thing that did was the staff that Pippin was still holding.
"We'll have to hide the staff in here, it's to risky to carry it about with us" Merry decided, Pippin just nodded his head in agreement, "we can hide it in that cupboard" Merry concluded, not knowing that Gandalf could hear every word they were saying.
They hid the staff and left the room.
Outside Gandalf had already heard them coming and had moved so that it looked like he was walking away down the hall from the library.
"Hey Merry, look there's Gandalf", he heard Pippin exclaim.
"Pippin shut up, we can still be heard" Merry said at about the same volume.
Gandalf was relieved to hear them run off down the hall the other way. He turned around and walked back down the hall to the library. Hobbits weren't the brightest of creatures.
End of chapter 3
Ok it's longer, still not very funny, SORRY!!!, bad me. I will try my best, it should get funnier as Merry and Pippin spy on everyone. I will try my best, please review, it helps my confidence.
