In the Line of Duty

We're not always in the gateroom to see the boys, and Sam off. Its not like we don't want to be there every time, many times we're off running this errand or that. Making sure Rya'c, excuse me, Ryan remained in school after the latest bully 'forgot' not to mess with him. I understand through Cassie, word gets around not to. Yet sometimes someone forgets, or if the other kids are feeling mischievous, which is more often than not, they don't tell the new bully about Ryan, or to leave Cassie alone. Then its time to step in, talk with parents, teachers, staff, so many ruffled feathers to sooth.

But I digress. That day, Drey'auc was feeling rather ceremonial, and complete in full Jaffa regalia, was going to see Teal'c off on this routine recon. I think it had something to do with a special Jaffa day, and likely she told me during our latest cultural exchange. I'll have to look it up in my notes when Daniel will inevitably bug me about periodically.

I'm digressing again. Daniel is quite the charmer, but can be so much the pest when it comes to his studies. Anyway, we were there in the gateroom, I having the excuse of being Drey'auc's cultural liaison, read escort, which let me see Jack off. I wondered where Jack was, as it wasn't like him to be late. Only distracted by the fact Sam seem to be pacing like a caged animal.

I had no idea how true to that analogy I was.

Surprise and shock gripped me when Jack just breezed past me, an airmen appearing at my elbow, saying he had something to ask me 'outside', read leave-the-gateroom. I knew something was up then, Jack wanted me out and fast. Too fast to get Drey'auc out with me, and not make a scene. So I tried to put on my good little wife face I used on too many military wife gathering functions, and follow the airmen out. It took a lot to not look back, as I heard two staff weapons spark to life.

When I meant full regalia, I mean, Drey'auc had her staff weapon along, and when a Goa'uld possessed Sam brought her gun up, the Jaffa's, as one, brought their staves down. Pointing right at Sam. I suppose I should have been in pure shock like Daniel was, but watching Jack roll several feet away from the 'love tap' "Sam" gave her, had me ready to either launch to go after Jack or the Goa'uld.

Looking back, I'm still surprised, and a little disgusted with myself that I was able to make that switch. Sam went from friend, to Goa'uld, to friend again all in the space it took for Jack to be knocked down and get back up, telling everyone not to fire at her. Especially our Jaffa friends. They made quite the sight, and the pair, both warriors ready to fire, both determined. If the snake in Sam didn't give up, it wasn't going to live out the next heartbeat, much less the day.

Poor Cassie, she was taking this the hardest. Not that the rest of us were dealing with it any better. Jack was angry, Janet confused, Drey'auc and Teal'c resigned, Daniel silent. Probably thinking of his wife out there somewhere. Jack distracted me easily enough. He needed to talk, so by listening I didn't have time to think about my own thoughts. Part of him was afraid, okay, allot of him was. Charles Kawalsky, I still couldn't think of him as Charlie. The reminder was something I still shy at, though Jack can say the name. Say it, but still hurt inside. Sam was reminding him of Charles. Not the first human killed by the Goa'uld, but he did have the 'honor' of being the first person on earth to be possessed by one.

Jack didn't want this time to go down like it did with Kawalsky. So operations were out for now. Talks about Cimmeria were in, but no-one knew if this, 'Thor's Hammer' thing was repaired or not. Finally a MALP was sent through and showed clearly it hadn't been. No-one was around the gate, so a team went through to guide the MALP back. I suppose no-one thought the Cimmerians didn't even need to know about the trip if they weren't there to see it.

He went from desperate to bullheaded. Yes, I was not gullible enough to believe this Jolinar actually knew where Sha're was, but would it have hurt to listen to him? See if there was something to negotiate with? I do hate the Goa'uld. What they did to Daniel, what they did to Cassie, what they did to Sam. And yet, maybe this one could be used. Jack won't have it though. The Goa'uld had to bend or break, we certainly wouldn't. I just can't help to think maybe we could trick it. I guess I just want to see Daniel happy again, get something out of this tragedy.

I didn't know how tragic it was going to be. Jolinar was murdered, but Sam came through. I don't know if I believe Jack or Janet. The one claims it was Sam who pulled herself through, Janet seems to think Sam's story of the Goa'uld giving its life for her. I suppose in the end, we should be happy to have Sam back.

If only Sam could be happy she was back.

Drey'auc's Kel no'reem

I thought Samantha Carter had fallen this day. When I saw my husband off with the ritual of Hi'ato-chell'nak, I had not expected to fight beside him. Though the ritual started that way. To walk our husbands on to where they would meet up with the enemy, ready to fight beside them at any point of the journey. Later it became a symbol, to say that we are always with them in spirit as they fight. When the light of the Goa'uld shown through her eyes, I was prepared to fire as was Teal'c. It was not as Sara later asked, that I had 'written off' Samantha Carter. If that had been the case, I would have fired instantly upon the flash of godlight. I waited upon my husband, trusting he would know when it was a lost cause with the mage. I would not take that upon myself. Cassandra Frasier would never forgive me.

Though I learned later, it is Cassandra Frasier that discovered the Goa'uld within Samantha Carter. We did not say much, I just sat with her. Ever since O'Neill's stronghold she has looked to me for protection. Not with words, and not as she did her mother. This was against dangers that gave her night horrors that might become real. She trusted me to not let that happen. It was a trust I intended to never see betrayed.

It had helped to keep her company, while my husband helped the Tau'ri search for any Goa'uld devices. Rya'c was not happy to have been left at school, and I fear he wishes to enter training soon. It is about time, and Master Bra'tac had said he would be honored to have such a promising Chal'tii as his pupil. It is not a comforting thought, but I had promised myself to follow his dream. To let him be the warrior his father is, and he hopes to be. It is a matter that Teal'c and I must discuss and soon.

News my husband brought back is a kind of dream one has to question, yet I see in his eyes the embers of belief burning. He wants to believe, just as our son wants to go be a warrior. Believe that the Tok'ra are real, that this Jolinar is one of them. It makes the loss later hard and bitter truth to drink. The Ash'rak not only murdered Jolinar, but our hope. Yet I hear it took not only ours, but Daniel Jackson's, since Jolinar apparently knew were his wife might be found.

Such thoughts alone make it challenging to enter into the proper state of mind. Our son, the loss of Jolinar, the sadness that grips Samantha Carter and will not let go. To do so, I must push past them. Picture my son as a proud and brave warrior he dreams of being. Of contact with the Tok'ra, and most of all, having Samantha Carter returned to us.